Newlywed fight over Holiday time :(

[VamPyroX]

i understand your situation entirely. my husband and i live in md and his dads family lives in upper pa and mums family is in upper ny.

we agreed to do the big holidays flip-flopped. if thanksgiving is with my family, we spend christmas with his family (either his mums side or fathers side not both.) and vice versa.

i know, from personal experience, that your husband probably doesn't see his family a lot. my husband sees his family maybe once or twice a year at most and we see my family like every week.

what i would do is maybe work on a new plan.

maybe if you only flip-flop christmas, maybe flip-flop thanksgiving and christmas. that way you both see family during the holidays.

maybe try to always make a trip to see his family sometime during the year besides the holidays and still flip flop christmas and/or thanksgiving, that way he will always get to see his family at least once.

i hope this helps!!

That's what my brother does. He visits his whole family one year for Thanksgiving and her family for Christmas. Then the next year, he visits her whole family for Thanksgiving and his family for Christmas.

 

[Abby Nicole]

Or Did your husband agree to be with your family for Christmas but now wants to go to his family's place a week later, but you're against any sort of traveling this holiday season?

If the latter, then I kinda have to change my stance. Seems like a pretty fair compromise to me to spend the actual holiday at home and with your family and then go to his family's place a week later, especially if you have the time. What's the problem with that?

It's your first sentence above - DH wants to drive to his parents the day after Christmas. He's not breaking the "which family are we celebrating Christmas Day with" agreement, but he's adding in the 26 hours of driving again this year. I was looking forward to staying home.

I am relieved that some of you empathize with how dangerous the roads can be in the winter, in addition to DH's habit in driving like a Formula 1 racer.

After posting with everyone yesterday, DH and I had a calm talk. We agreed to let this argument slide. I was operating under the belief that I'd only have to travel during Christmas time every other year. He believed he was honoring our agreement that we'd spend the actual holiday at home with my side of the family, and didn't see why he couldn't slip in a trip to his parents also immediately after. We'll discuss at a later time what exactly we agree to do for the holidays from here on out.

Our mutual solution:

I'll travel to DH's parents this year, the day after Christmas, if he drives more carefully, no more 90 mph driving in the winter. He's offered to cancel the trip to his parents if the weather turns bad.

Whew, we made it through. Marriage is not for sissies.

 

[Jiro]

It's your first sentence above - DH wants to drive to his parents the day after Christmas. He's not breaking the "which family are we celebrating Christmas Day with" agreement, but he's adding in the 26 hours of driving again this year. I was looking forward to staying home.

I am relieved that some of you empathize with how dangerous the roads can be in the winter, in addition to DH's habit in driving like a Formula 1 racer.

After posting with everyone yesterday, DH and I had a calm talk. We agreed to let this argument slide. I was operating under the belief that I'd only have to travel during Christmas time every other year. He believed he was honoring our agreement that we'd spend the actual holiday at home with my side of the family, and didn't see why he couldn't slip in a trip to his parents also immediately after. We'll discuss at a later time what exactly we agree to do for the holidays from here on out.

Our mutual solution:

I'll travel to DH's parents this year, the day after Christmas, if he drives more carefully, no more 90 mph driving in the winter. He's offered to cancel the trip to his parents if the weather turns bad.

Whew, we made it through. Marriage is not for sissies.

I'm glad both of you were able to work it out

 

[Abby Nicole]

I should add, since many have mentioned Thanksgiving. DH doesn't want to travel to his parents for Thanksgiving because it's a short holiday that would require taking vacation time to cushion the 26 hours of driving.

And as far as family time spent - we see my parents once a month for a few hours. With his parents, we live/eat/sleep with them 24/7 for five days, 4-5 times a year.

 

[Abby Nicole]

I'm glad both of you were able to work it out

Thanks to everyone for letting me vent and for offering different POVs.

 

[Reba]

It's your first sentence above - DH wants to drive to his parents the day after Christmas. He's not breaking the "which family are we celebrating Christmas Day with" agreement, but he's adding in the 26 hours of driving again this year. I was looking forward to staying home.

Whatever your agreements are, now and in the future, it might be a good idea to write them down together so there is no confusion.

I am relieved that some of you empathize with how dangerous the roads can be in the winter, in addition to DH's habit in driving like a Formula 1 racer.

Absolutely. During the few winter visits we made to our parents' homes, the drives were not relaxing. One year we drove up from Pensacola, FL, to MI to visit his family. From MI, we drove the northern route to CT. From CT, we drove back down to Pensacola. This was in December, packed into a two-week period.

We learned to make our alternate family trips in the summer. It's more of a break from SC's summer to MI and CT summers. Even then, it's a two-day drive up, and two-day drive back. If we have a week off, that only leaves three full days to visit everyone. Not relaxing. (Not to mention the expense.)

...I'll travel to DH's parents this year, the day after Christmas, if he drives more carefully, no more 90 mph driving in the winter....

:jaw: What is the speed limit on your route?

 

[Abby Nicole]

70 mph, Detroit to Minneapolis. Around here, you can be arrested for going 20 over the speed limit. I used to be a speed freak, but as I grow older, I'm becoming more aware of mortality.

And I concur, Reba - driving is not relaxing during the holidays. At some point, relatives are just going to have to understand that we, too, deserve a relaxing drive-free holiday.

 

[Cheetah]

Whew, we made it through. Marriage is not for sissies.

That's true! Whew! Glad this has a positive outcome. I've learned to communicate better though out my marriage and I still failed. I'm applying those lessons to my current relationship. We will see how that turns out.

 

[Abby Nicole]

We're still learning how to communicate with each other.

It doesn't help that I have the stereotypical Ital-American temper; been working on that and definitely slipped up this time.

 

[Cheetah]

We're still learning how to communicate with each other.

It doesn't help that I have the stereotypical Ital-American temper; been working on that and definitely slipped up this time.

LOL! I suspect my gf has that too and she does not have any Italian in her at all! I just wait till it passes then we talk and maybe have a good laugh afterward.

 

[TWA]

Lol. Italian temper? I don't know nuttin' bout that.

 

[TWA]

It's your first sentence above - DH wants to drive to his parents the day after Christmas. He's not breaking the "which family are we celebrating Christmas Day with" agreement, but he's adding in the 26 hours of driving again this year. I was looking forward to staying home.

Ah, so he did find a loophole. Leaving the day after Christmas is pretty much the same as leaving the same day, since you'll have to pack all your stuff, go to sleep early, etc. etc. How can you have a relaxing holiday if you're getting ready for a 13hr car drive the next morning? I'd say leaving on the 27th would be fair, but not before that.

Our mutual solution:

I'll travel to DH's parents this year, the day after Christmas, if he drives more carefully, no more 90 mph driving in the winter. He's offered to cancel the trip to his parents if the weather turns bad.

Whew, we made it through. Marriage is not for sissies.

Sounds like a good compromise. I'm glad it has worked out.