My little sister is being bullied! How can i help her?

[deafdyke]

Thanks guys, for all your ideas!
I especially like the bible one!!(;
We are about 3 hrs away from the nearest deaf/hoh boarding school and mom so would not send her away for 5 days at a time (she'd miss her too much)- not a hope in hell!
And my mom and dad know about the bullying, and the teachers.
The teachers said that could not do anything about the bullying.
It goes without saying that this is very bad teaching (where i live, it is extremely difficult to get a teacher sacked. Even if a million ppl protested against that techer, s/he still wouldn't be fired.), but we don't want to move her to a different school cause that would cause her extra trauma and bullying would probaly start up in the other school aswell.
Also, she is not keen on taking up any extra-ciracular activities.

Oh I figured the Deaf School placement would be a bit too far away. It's too bad thou that students can't trial at Deaf Schools. Maybe when she's a bit older, like a teen. Aren't there any Deaf Units? A Deaf Unit is a Dhh day program housed at a regular school. It's a lot better then the mainstream...What about summer camps/schools or the like? And yes I hear you..........bullying is so swept under the rug Especially when it's more like an oscratization thing rather then full on bullying.....I dunno, if the new school had a dhh program the bullying might not be as bad....b/c trust me...bullying is BAD!

 

[mjorr]

my first thaughts were what is the schooling doing about it, since it is such a young age. if the school refused to do anything or says they cant you need to take it to the school board, maybe go to them with your friends and their parents at their next meeting to really stand out as a group against whats happening. and if they dont agree or do anything about it from there it could become a legal issue actually. becasue the school would be descriminating against her. or just poorly opperating an education facility making an unsafe enviroment for their students. if it were to go that far you could sue the school district

my cousin almost did when she was in middle school. my uncle ran the local tv station and she had her own show interview public figures, musicians and things like that. kids in the public school made fun of her and the teachers joined in. luckily my cousin didnt sue them for all they had. instead they made an agreement to pay for her to attend a private school in town for the rest of the year ( the top midle and high school in the state) after that year her parents kept her there and paid out of pocket to keep her there becasue of the amazing education she was getting.

but other than that make sure to keep her attitude in a good place. let her know that the childred who pick on her are only missing out and when she truely feels that way it will show and the other kids will notice and bejealous of her happyness.

 

[mjorr]

but if it wasnt illeagal i would teach her to whoop the $h*t3 out of them. but thats bad morals. it would be sweet justice, but still wrong.

 

[Jiro]

whoop it!

 

[deafdyke]

Hannah.....I've got an AWESOME idea! How about starting a Dhh social group for your area? You know.....meet other dhh kids and teens and learn ISL and things like that? That would really help a lot!

 

[deafdyke]

and Hannah, are there summer camps or summer school sessions where you can send your sister? Trust me, as I've said repeatly, you do not want her to grow up with stunted social-emotional abilty....and that's an area that is SO negelected in mainstreamed dhh (and other mainstreamd kids with disabilties)
I really wonder if your parents might have really thought this out.....if it's this bad socially NOW...imagine how bad it's gonna be when she's a teen? Do they want her to never have had a real friend, (not to mention never having a real girlfriend/boyfriend) to spend her entire social life talking on the computer rather then in real life, to do all kinds of things? Social issues are very important...maybe you can get a social group started up...and that could help a LOT...and maybe when she's older she could go off to school or something.

 

[Berry]

What is the school doing about this?? Your parents should be going to school and talking to the teachers and principle . The bullies parents need to be told their brats are and if they do not stop charges will be press against them . It time to turn the tables on these bullies and give them a taste of their own medicine! You need to tell an adult that you trust if your parents do not step in.


This is a link to help deaf people in Ireland , it may help you help some help for your sister.


Irish Deaf.com » Kerry Deaf Resource Centre Update 17.10.11

Unfortunately my experience has been that the teachers choose the victim the bullies pick on. They are an extension of the school system to enforce conformity where the teacher can not easily do so.

When I was a kid I would go to school. No one would notice I was left handed until some teacher would make a big thing of it. From then on I became a target.

When I was about 8 my best friend was CODA. He had no other friends. Why? Because the teacher singled him out in class as having "Deaf and Dumb" parents. But of course when she did so she told them "Not to" harass him about it.

As for the police they can only act on evidence and proof.

Bullying leaves little evidence or proof. But if YOUR parents seek out their parents for discussion -- The evidence is very strong that your parents attempted to intimidate them.

The days are gone when it is considered okay for a 14 yo to stick up for a 9 yo.

Unfortunately I could not and would not suggest to you what was suggested to my grand children, which would be bundling up like an Eskimo, putting your arms up boxer style and letting her plummet the daylights out of you until she has what it takes to do it to one of them. That might be misconstrued as condoning the idea there is a time and place for one to defend oneself, and I'm sure there is not.

Besides she would get into trouble, but likely not nearly the trouble you would get into for attempting to defend her.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

My mum said to me that the penny finally dropped with me and i finally realise that I am as good as everyone else, so would i try and help my little sister.

Was your mom trying to fix the problem somehow actively herself?
Like going to school and demand from the teachers that your sister be protected?
Talk to the kids, talk to their parents?
What about your father?

What exactly are the kids doing to your sister? are they teasing her about the way she talk, or misses hearing words etc or something else?
perhaps talking to the homeroom teacher about doing a presentation about the CI and Deaf culture - how cool it is- would help?

Or they are teasing her about her appearance in general - the way she dresses, does her hair etc.
In that case I am sure some teen fashion mags would do wonders.
A makeover doesn't have to be expensive, just creative


Fuzzy

 

[Berry]

Was your mom trying to fix the problem somehow actively herself?
Like going to school and demand from the teachers that your sister be protected?
Talk to the kids, talk to their parents?
What about your father?

What exactly are the kids doing to your sister? are they teasing her about the way she talk, or misses hearing words etc or something else?
perhaps talking to the homeroom teacher about doing a presentation about the CI and Deaf culture - how cool it is- would help?

Or they are teasing her about her appearance in general - the way she dresses, does her hair etc.
In that case I am sure some teen fashion mags would do wonders.
A makeover doesn't have to be expensive, just creative


Fuzzy

In my culture a good mom does not go out and "actively fix the problem herself" nor does she teach her children to "run tattling to the authorities to save the day" every time they turn around.

A good mom teaches her children to solve their own problems their own way so they can grow up to be capable, competent, adults.

Unfortunately capable, competent, adults are becoming increasingly rare as we more and more become the children of Nanny Governments.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

In my culture a good mom does not go out and "actively fix the problem herself" nor does she teach her children to "run tattling to the authorities to save the day" every time they turn around.

In this case, the situation looks like is going for quite a while, though.

There is a reason why the young poster is reaching out for help to AD.
Besides, there is another horrific and heartbreaking thread about deaf kids being bullied at schools, and if my memory serves me well,
it was exactly the parents who told the first thread's child to "deal with it", hmm.


Fuzzy

 

[Berry]

In this case, the situation looks like is going for quite a while, though.

There is a reason why the young poster is reaching out for help to AD.
Besides, there is another horrific and heartbreaking thread about deaf kids being bullied at schools, and if my memory serves me well,
it was exactly the parents who told the first thread's child to "deal with it", hmm.


Fuzzy

Sorry you can't see the difference between telling a child, "deal with it" and teaching the child HOW to deal with it.

Although I have to say when I was a little kid I complained to my mother that a certain kid was picking on me. Her reply was, "When you're ready you'll do something about it."

One day I did.

Then the kid's father forced his way into our front room screaming at my mother about what her little half breed bastard did to his innocent little white bread son. My mother promptly broke a gallon jug over his head and called the cops.

Of course in those days you did not have a fiduciary duty to protect the lives and limbs of home invaders. Nowadays she would have gone to jail for failure to exercise due willingness to be a victim.

Fact is our society protects the bully and punishes those who would stand up against them.

 

[deafdyke]

In this case, the situation looks like is going for quite a while, though.

There is a reason why the young poster is reaching out for help to AD.
Besides, there is another horrific and heartbreaking thread about deaf kids being bullied at schools, and if my memory serves me well,
it was exactly the parents who told the first thread's child to "deal with it", hmm.


Fuzzy

Exactly!!!!!! The ostracization and bullying that dhh or blind/low vision or other kids with low incidence disabilties is NOT "normal" childhood bullying. Hannah Lousie, maybe a good idea might be to start an Irish Deaf Children's Assocition/social group, and send your sister to deaf summer school or camps.....just dealing with it, NEVER works!

 

[Berry]

Exactly!!!!!! The ostracization and bullying that dhh or blind/low vision or other kids with low incidence disabilties is NOT "normal" childhood bullying. Hannah Lousie, maybe a good idea might be to start an Irish Deaf Children's Assocition/social group, and send your sister to deaf summer school or camps.....just dealing with it, NEVER works!

Okay. I have a problem here.

What is "normal" bullying?

Bullying, both adult and child, is ALWAYS directed from some members (but not necessarily ALL members) of an in-group toward an individual or smaller group of outsiders (people with less ability to fight back). Especially if those people are already in a position where the authority figures are not sympathetic toward the individual or small group.

There is a simple and effective solution to bullying. I stated it as a child and I stand by it today.

Kick the bullies out of school.

The argument against this solution is the same today as it was 60 years ago.

"We can't. We would lose our funding."

 

[deafdyke]

Okay. I have a problem here.

What is "normal" bullying?

Bullying, both adult and child, is ALWAYS directed from some members (but not necessarily ALL members) of an in-group toward an individual or smaller group of outsiders (people with less ability to fight back). Especially if those people are already in a position where the authority figures are not sympathetic toward the individual or small group.

There is a simple and effective solution to bullying. I stated it as a child and I stand by it today.

Kick the bullies out of school.

The argument against this solution is the same today as it was 60 years ago.

"We can't. We would lose our funding."

Normal childhood bullying is more like the stuff everyone and anyone gets from a typical bully type. The difference between that and being totally picked on and ostracized is totally and completely different. Like a hearing kid may be bullied by a bully, but they still generally have the resources of their friends and community. They aren't totally and completely ostracized/isolated.

 

[Berry]

Normal childhood bullying is more like the stuff everyone and anyone gets from a typical bully type. The difference between that and being totally picked on and ostracized is totally and completely different. Like a hearing kid may be bullied by a bully, but they still generally have the resources of their friends and community. They aren't totally and completely ostracized/isolated.

Hmmmm.

Frankly I have never experienced "normal" bullying.

When I faced the problem it was because I was left handed or because I was a halfbreed.

Friends disappear. They don't want to be lined up with you as targets.

Community support protects the bully.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

Berry, I am very sorry you were bullied in the school. I am sure threads like this bring back unpleasant memories.

I agree with you that in certain circumstances eventually it is the victim responsibility to stand up to the bully.
But what if the victim try, and it doesn't help?


We don't know the whole story from Hannah Louise, but we know this much:

~ My little sister has being through a lot (with the CI and stuff),
~ She is getting badly bullied by the girls in her class,
~ My mum said to me that the penny finally dropped with me
~ We are about 3 hrs away from the nearest deaf/hoh boarding school and mom so would not send her away for 5 days at a time (she'd miss her too much)- not a hope in hell!
~ And my mom and dad know about the bullying, and the teachers.
~ The teachers said that could not do anything about the bullying.


from this, we know this much for sure- this is an ongoing situation.
the bullying is pretty bad so far.
mom and dad either can not anymore or won't do anything anymore, or never did in the first place - it's up to Hannah.
her sister is too shy and too intimidated to stand up for herself- at least right now.
We need to keep in mind we have this information from 14 y.o, but if the mum won't send a suffering, bullied child to a deaf/hoh boarding school because SHE will miss her too much, even if it would be better for the child -
well I am not sure how I like that.


So, Berry, how do you propose Hannah should help her sister?

Fuzzy

 

[Audiofuzzy]

or because I was a halfbreed.

They must have been insanely jealous of you,
because the most beautiful people I know are of mixed race.

Fuzzy

 

[Bon]

If the teachers are aware of it and saying they can't act on it, then it's time to take matters into your own hands however you see fit to do so.

Good luck!

 

[Hannah louise]

Oh, there has many, many complaints about the lack of cop-on from the principal lodged to the bishop (the catholic church and the minister for education handles the schooling system), but he isn't doing anything about it.
So, instead they(the parents) took it the parent/school board.
And well, lets just say alot of injustice and lying went on there.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

So, instead they(the parents) took it the parent/school board.

Oh, good news. So you girls do have your parents back, that is so important.

However this is so not good the one who should act on isn't doing anything - the principal.

Well I hope the complaints will help.
Or perhaps have your parents tried to talk to the parents of bullying children?

Or, is it possible to invite some of the bullies to your house and try to make them the friends?
By play, educate them a bit about deaf and deafness?
Sometimes it works..

Fuzzy