Berry
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I think you did a great analysis here.
I'm afraid my solution would not be approved of by everyone.
It is also a fact that solutions I might propose could incur some risks.
Therefore I cannot tell her how to handle it.
All I can do is tell here how I would tell my grandchildren to handle it. And advise that there may be repercussions for following what I would tell them. I can describe the possible repercussions to the best of my ability and hope anyone reading makes the best choice for themselves. I refuse any liability for anyone practicing or attempting to practice any of the following.
It is for informational purposes only.
It is for Self Defense only. Never to be used offensively.
First off is to understand the mentality of the bully. They are very seldom stupid, and contrary to popular notions, they are not always cowards. This doesn't mean they want to spend their lives picking themselves up off the ground either.
Second they tend to put themselves into "no lose" positions. This starts with target selection:
1) A person who is an outcast, loner, with the least social position, family or friends to side with them.
2) A person some authority, often a teacher, has expressed some form of disapproval toward -- Letting the bully know the victim will not get the support they need from above. For this I give two examples, one myself, one my CODA friend.
a) I would go to a new school, make friends, and be doing good until some teacher would notice, and start chastising me for using my left hand. One commented directly in class, "You only use your left hand because you want to be different than everybody else." The bullies would start to appear and my friends would start disappearing. When I complained to this one teacher in particular that I was tired of it she informed me, "Well you brought it on yourself, didn't you? If you quit separating yourself and quit trying to be different than they are you wouldn't have this problem, would you?"
b) The day my CODA friend arrived in class the teacher announced, "There is a new kid joining our class. I don't want anyone making fun of him just because his parents are deaf and dumb." She might as well have said "Sic Em."
After target selection the successful bully continues their "no lose" position by an increasing process of intimidation. At first they may even appear to be friendly, or teasing. They are testing the waters to see how the victim is going to react. However mildly it may start it quickly escalates, starting with verbal, proceeding to physical -- gradually working its way up to pushing and shoving -- Only reaching true violence when complete subjugation and humiliation is achieved.
NOTE: One of the main reasons it is seldom successful to go to the parents is that this behavior is often learned at home. It is often how the parents treat each other and how they treat their children. You may discover they see nothing wrong with this behavior. In fact you may find yourself being bullied by them.
The sooner bullying is stopped the better and the easier.
This is where the HOH person, Deaf person is at a severe disadvantage. Someone who is verbally skilled, using tone of voice, quick repertoire, can obtain and maintain control of the situation at the early stages. Few parents of hearing children teach this skill to their children, though some do learn it from the examples of others. However if you are having trouble mastering the language out of the gate, if you can't hear, and then repeat, tones of voice etc. and quickly -- Then your disadvantage is huge.
The reason for this is simple. The bullies weakest knee is his ego. Hit the bully in the ego and they can't stand up. They can dish it out but very few can take it. Any method you can use to make the bully a laughing stock suddenly puts the bully in the position of accepting defeat or beating you up and getting into trouble with the authorities.
To sum up: The bully has picked on the most defenseless person they can find.
The bully can be verbally abusive and act in a physically threatening manner without ever doing anything that is "provably wrong" against a victim no one is actively seeking to assist.
The victim has few choices.
The best is developing verbal skills, and the confidence to use them, but this is seldom an option for deaf, Deaf, or HOH people. For some reason bullies have "good" verbal skills, but seldom "excellent" verbal skills. They have those verbal skills that victimize most people. It is a skill worth developing if you can because it is so much fun to tie bullies into knots they don't know how to get out of.
The next best is the discovery that being an outsider is one fantastic place to be. It is a mental position which allows you to laugh at the bully, disdain the bully, and tell them to "Put up or shut up." It is a wonderful position but I can't conceive of a nine year old being able to attain it.
Third best is not so good but does work. Defiance. Refusal to recognize or engage the bully. No matter what the bully does, steal your lunch or beat you up you maintain a "go to hell" stance. Eventually the bully tires of the game and moves on to someone more responsive.
Normally the only two positions the victim and the bully can see are surrender or attack.
Surrender is of course complete loss for the victim. Complete win for the bully.
Fighting back.
Win lose or draw this is going to be a win for the bully and a loss for the victim.
Resorting to violence -- You have crossed the line. You are the criminal. The bully is now the poor innocent victim and you have wantonly assaulted the poor sweet person.
Your cries of, "They called me names. They called my mother names. Etc" will be met with, "Words cannot hurt you. That is never an excuse for violence."
Your pointing out, "This person stood next to me and loomed over me and called me a coward," will be met with, "You should have walked away." (The worst advice I ever followed in my life. You know what you find when you do that? The fence at the edge of the school yard where you are trapped and the bully and his friends can beat the hell out of you without a single witness.) Note: Nowdays I would plan it so I had a video recording of the entire incident -- and I would make sure it was broadcast so the original could not "accidently" get lost.
If you attempt to fight back and fail to hurt the bully you have made things worse. The bullying will increase and the teachers will punish you every time you blink your eyes.
If you get beat up then you initiated the fight and are at least as guilty.
If you trounce the bully you will get into trouble. But if you do a good job of it they won't bother you any more. Getting trounced is bad for the image. Bullies need a good image. But doing it to a bully does a lot for the ego of the intended victim.
The first step is to be practiced, but if the second and third steps are mastered it probably will not be needed.
Fortunately at nine years old the level of fighting skill needed is not that great. The willingness to swing hard is the most valuable asset. To teach this just bundle up like an Eskimo and allow her to thump you till her arms are tired. When it gets to the point it hurts she is probably ready. Don't just use fists. Use knees and elbows.
The second step is an actual step. I learned it from my mother before I ever went to school. I watched her use it on a thug twice her size. It is so simple it requires almost no practice. When that man towered over my mother with a knife in his hand I knew we were done for.
What did she do?
Stepped on his instep and pushed. Then grabbed me and we left.
Practice this until you can do it without so much as a casual glance at where the other person's foot is at. It is hard to be an imposing bully when you are lying on the ground. Ask "What is the matter? Can't you stand on your own two feet?"
The third one is fun to practice and is hilarious to use. And it works against people much larger than yourself. The chances are a little nine year old girl could toss her 14 year old sister around like a rag doll using it. You can practice this on any post, pole, or door jamb.
I learned this technique as a kid watching horror flicks. I call it "The Monster Throw" because Hollywood would have guys in monster suits throw people around like match sticks using it.
Have the student grab your upper arm. Between your shoulder and elbow. Teach them to grab it quickly with both hands. Have them do it first on one side then on the other so they are comfortable working from either side.
While working with each other be fairly gentle. Push, pull, swing, up, down, left, right, in circles, learn to change angles and directions quickly and effectively. Learn to stop when the person you have control of is in an awkward position, not planted solidly on the ground. When practicing with a post or pole learn to use your entire strength and your entire weight. Used correctly with full weight and surprise an 90 pound person can send a 250 pound person a good twenty feet before they can catch their balance.
Believe me it does not matter what a person knows, once you have control of their upper arm you can make them look like a laughingstock. You can stop it by tripping the person at your feet or having them trying to keep from falling while they travel twenty feet or more away from you.
But you have to have practiced until you are good enough to keep them from landing both of you on the ground with them on top. So don't do it once or twice and think you have mastered it. Keep at it until it is second nature to you.
Do BE CAREFUL where you guide the person you are controlling. Do NOT run them into trees, benches, walls, out windows, or off rooftops.
The object is to make them look helpless and stupid -- NOT to damage them physically for the rest of their life
I know this is a long post but I am trying to deal with a subject that is not easily disposed of.
If any of this is of help to any innocent victim I am glad.
