Mom Makes Daughter Stand on Street Corner

[Reba]

I would not do what my parents did to me because I know what it alike.

That's the point. Every parent does things differently, depending on what is best for that child. It doesn't mean one way is always better than another. It means certain ways work for certain kids, and other ways work for other kids. No one has THE perfect way for all kids.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

How do you know? There are many children who don't care about their grades, and they are NOT ashamed.

It means is that they are being neglect by their parents. That´s how it expose them like this.

Many teens have too much self-esteem. They think the world should revolve around their "needs" and feelings. They are much too self-focused.

I never heard about this.

I didn't read anything in the article that indicated that the girl felt unsafe or unloved. She knows that she has a mom that is concerned about her, and is willing to sacrifice her time and pride for the sake of her daughter.

Do mother have to tell us everything how she did with her daughter in the past? No, she dont have to but tell us how she did with her daughter is work, that we should take her examples.

If she concerned about her, then talk to teacher, counsellor, etc. or attend parent course/parent conference.

Feeling shame for doing wrong is not the same as allowing parents to belittle children. I didn't say they should tell kids that they are worthless, etc. I said that people (kids and adults) should be ashamed of doing wrong things. There is a big difference between a girl who refuses to do her homework, and a child who tries to do the homework but can't figure it out.

Talk to teacher or counsellor or authorites how to help her daughter if she had the problem do the homework.

Yes, the people should be ashamed of doing wrong things. Like what I said in my previous post that the children ashamed themselves after learn from teacher why they have bad report. It´s enough why should they face other one from their parents´s punishment. It´s too much burden on them. Most parents expect too much from their children and want to see A/B on their report... too much...

Not necessarily. I know of many families that are warm and loving who have rotten children.

Perhaps they spoil them rotten? Perhaps parent´s weak form of displince...

That might be true where the parents are "cold & cruel". The article about the girl did not say the mom was cold or cruel.

But I see different. The way what she did to a girl is cruel and cold. I never see anyone in my life that she embarrassed her own daughter to the public.

I showed link to my American & German co-workers yesterday. They are shock. I talked my friends about this today. It got them goose pumps, too. They all said that it´s no good what she did to her daughter. We all know that she is not bad mother because she want to help her but she didn´t realized what she did not right. (I know myself because I did my eldest son wrong in the past so I change my form of discplinie when my eldest son was a little. I thank counsellor/therapies to give me tips to make my son good person). I would advise mother to go to parent course to get the tips if she really love her daughter and want help her.

We can't judge the mom/daughter relationship because we don't know anything about it.

Yes, that´s right. I only disagree what she did to her daughter as what the link says... Did I say anything to judge the relationship between her and her daughter? No, I havent but disagree.

Personally, my opinion, if the mom really was cold, she wouldn't have become so personally involved with the discipline of her daughter. She would have just ignored her daughter's behavior, or she would have dumped the problem on someone else.

To my opinion, if mom really want to help her daughter then she would invite her to have a drink with her alone in the kitchen or whatever to have a good talk why she do that.... Take time and patience... If she refused to talk open with her then talk to teacher to find out why.... and collect the tips how to help her. I beleive the teacher will be happy to advise her to go parent class or whatever. Tips from them work wonderful and greatly. I know what I am saying because of my experience with my eldest son... It´s work hard with him... He turn into good lad and mature now. Patience is worth.
I know what mother did what she thought the best for her because I do the same myself before. I saw what worst situation my eldest son has... I thought "give him lesson" like "wake up" is work... which it´s not true. The problem comes repeat... That´s we went to counsellor and therapies to get the help.

Like I said before, there is a big difference between children who just refuse to do their homework and skip school, and children who try and struggle with schoolwork but just can't get it. The difference is attitude and aptitude. Kids can be punished for bad attitude but should not be punished for low aptitude.

Like what I say before is check with teacher to find out ...
Sit with her and have good talk with her daughter...
Go parent class...

I know a lot of parents are too pride to go parent class because they would feel they are bad OR stupid parents to receive lescure/tips from parent class, conference, etc. Go to parent class doesn´t mean that they are stupid parents but want to help their children...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

That's the point. Every parent does things differently, depending on what is best for that child. It doesn't mean one way is always better than another. It means certain ways work for certain kids, and other ways work for other kids. No one has THE perfect way for all kids.

Yes, we (parents) try anything what it works on our children. If it doesn´t work then check with teacher, doctor, theparies... etc. then go to parent class and conference etc...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I did show them to look at other kids and asked them if, they want to be like one of them - the other kids who dropped out of high school, no job ( always breakin' the law by stealin', etc., etc. ), do drugs and all. All my kids realized that if, their parents die - who will take care of them ? They have to LEARN how to support themselves if they want to pass school education. They can't depend on parents for $$ if, they don't have job after the age of 18.

Yes I see no problem that every parents have different form of discipline on their children no matter what because they are good parents.

Your country have the same problem as well -- not just America. All countries have the same problem. Look at Russia - there are sooo many abandoned kids on the streets and, no one would take them in. Same thing in South Africa - many kids are starvin' and no food... and the list goes on and on. Keep that in mind......

I would not answer anything here but add this link here because you ask for it.

Here is link

http://www.streetkids.net/info/

(I have to add one more link for Germany because there´re no Germany shown on the list in 1st link).

http://www.dw-world.de/dw/article/0,2144,1617212,00.html

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Part of loving children is teaching them to care about other people. If parents treat their children like the center of the universe, that is how they begin to believe that they "deserve" everything and owe nothing. They need to learn patience, delayed gratification of desires, self-control, and putting the needs of others before their desires. Those attributes are not natural or automatic. Parents have to teach those things to the kids.

Yes that´s right but I don´t believe to expect too much from my children. All important is respect what I expect from my children. I accept what they are and teach them into good path.

That doesn't mean they have to be denied all material gifts or fun activities. It just means that there has to be balance so the kids don't expect to get everything they want, or do what they want.

Yes, that´s why I fix my limit on my children firm. They knows that they get the presents from us is Birthday, Easter and Christmas only. Sometimes I surprised them with gifts to praise them.

That's great if it works for your family. You are blessed with compliant children. Not every parent has compliant children. Many children have rebellious, lazy, and/or selfish natures, and require a firmer hand.

Thank you, but it´s not easy job to bring the children up but it´s worth. I thank therapies to give me tips to help my eldest son when he was a little due ADD issue. I´m glad that I want the help because I want to help my eldest son without physical/Emotion punishment. I am not saying that my children are 100% prefect as angel but they are good children who shows respect on us which important to us. I only answer CyerRed´s question because she think I let my chlidren boss which it´s not.

I know some families that have both compliant and rebellious kids. They have to use different disciplinary methods for each kid in the family. One kid only needs mom's frown to start crying. The other kid laughs at strict punishment. Each kid is different.

Yes, I know. All what I wish for the parents is go to parents class / course... to forget their pride but consider children. They will be surprised that it´s less stress than they thought when they receive the tips from parent class/course. I beleive it´s good for the parents to watch on TV program "Super Nanny". We also have same program like this in Germany, too. I watch them, too every Wednesday.

Outside help is OK up to a point. Too many parents now depend on "experts" to raise their children.

I see nothing wrong... Experts would be happy to help them to raise their children in positive way.

There is nothing wrong with parents trusting their own instincts with the children they give birth too and live with every day. Sometimes the "experts" don't know best.

Only if they have no problem to raise their children is great, if not then do something if not then go to parent class/course...

Depend on different form of discpline how to expose children´s kind of behavior, that´s how every children have different behavior.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Liebling,

Every child is different, some of their behaviors are unacceptable, sometimes a parents got to do whatever they can to get them to listen, to do what they're suppose to be doing, without harming their child....I do understand that you don't agree on how the mother punished her daug by standing with a poster around her....But that the way her mother feels that her daug deserves that type of punishment, as you do for your own children as well, whatever punishment you feel your children should get etc....

I ready answered on Reba´s posts.

But you can't say this mother is wrong for doing this to her daug,

I already answered on Reba´s post. I would say yes, mother is wrong to do that to her.

when it is helping her daug improve her grades by taking her homework seriously

Yes she tried her best to help her daughter but she didn´t know what she did to her daughter is not right.

...It does show that this punishment works ....

but how long? Okay for mother think it´s work on her but she didn´t know it damage her daughter´s emotion... See my previous posts.

Not all child would feel the same as you had stated in a few of your posts.....I know it hard to accept the fact that not all parents will punished their children the same way as you would do for yours...so what I'm saying,
you got to respect those parents out there who feels that they have done their hardest to keep their children in the right path even some may not agree how they do it....but I have highly respect for this mother because she did not ignore the problem, she took care of it by punishing her daug in a way that would get her attention which it did!

I see no problem that you and I have different opinion over that link. I also have no problem with every parents who have different form of discipline on their children because I know their children are different but public????. If their form of discplinie is not work then go to parent class/course/therapy etc... what I said in my previous posts... .

No I have no respect for the parents who embarrassed their children to the public. All what I wish for mother who seek the help is go to teacher, doctor, therapy........ instead of do that to her daughter.

I can understand that you are an American and have different view as me as an European. I find sad that CPS can´t do anything to help chlidren like this because there´re no Emotional and Psychological abuse law in America but Europe. You will be surprised when you visit google and find alot of American websites says the same about Emotional and Psychological as in Europe but they are helpless because there´re no law in America. If they have law in America then it would prevent more crimes, volience, etc. in the future.

You're a very good mother to your childen Liebling, and U know what's best for them and what type of punishment you rather to give each of your child, no one shall tell u otherwise....

Thank you It´s not easy job to bring the children up. I´m sure you know yourself because you are also mother, too. Yes, I know you are also good mother, too no matter what, because we have different form of discplinie... with no abuses...
We need to open our mind to share our views/issues over our children with tips....

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Lieblin' --

I read your post. This is NOT what the mother was doin' in that article I just provided in this thread. She did NOT hit ( physical abuse ) her child. She did NOT yell ( verbal abuse ) at her child. I mean NADA. All the mother ever did was to TEACH her child a lesson for WHAT she have done to HER mother and school by NOT obeyin'/followin' up what is required of her to do.

No, I´m not saying it´s physical abuse but Emotional and Psychological abuse. Please read my answer on Catmandu´s post.

Check my previous post on Reba´s post.

Education is very important for all kids for their future job/career.

Yes, that´s right.

It's the parent's responsibility to TEACH.

Yes, that´s right.

It had nothin' to do with ADD/ or ADHD. The article is NOT talkin' about ADD/ or ADHD. It is talkin' about the child's behavior ( rebellion against school and mother ). That child DON'T have ADD/ or ADHD.

I think you don´t understand what ADD or ADHD mean. It´s the worst behavior than daughter´s behavior. I only give you the example what difference between ADD and not ADD because ADD or ADHD (I know ADHD is worst than ADD) are the mainly worst than daughter´s behavior :roll: ADD or ADHD behavior are not very easy for the parents... It got us good nerve and patience... That´s what I see the point is her mother has no patience with her.

Your situation with your kids are different than what is in the article. I've seen all different kids nowdays. Some are successed -- some are failed. It all depends on their "motivation", if the kids really want to success their education by improvin' their grades. Their brains need "knowledge" by creatin' their skills/talents through learnin'.

Yes, that´s right. Every children have different skills... it doesnt mean that every children MUST have excellent report A/B like what most parents expect... They will mad or punish them if they don´t bring A/B report to them... I still praise my children if they brought C/D and help them to develop their skills no matter what because I know they tried their best.

I don't want to see the kids go to army/ boot camp, if they don't learn a thing or 2, otherwise they will be in jail for breakin' the law. It's up to kids to make that choices. Jail or Army/ Boot Camp.

Yes I´m agree.

 

[Reba]

How do you know? There are many children who don't care about their grades, and they are NOT ashamed.

It means is that they are being neglect by their parents. That´s how it expose them like this.

Huh? That doesn't make sense.

Many teens have too much self-esteem. They think the world should revolve around their "needs" and feelings. They are much too self-focused.

I never heard about this.

Do you know any teens? Do you read newspapers and news magazines? Do you watch TV? They are everywhere.

Are you sure you live in the real world?

If she concerned about her, then talk to teacher, counsellor, etc. or attend parent course/parent conference.

How do you know that she didn't do that?

Talk to teacher or counsellor or authorites how to help her daughter if she had the problem do the homework.

How do you know that she didn't do that?

Sometimes the "experts" don't have the right answers either.

Yes, the people should be ashamed of doing wrong things.

That includes kids.

Like what I said in my previous post that the children ashamed themselves after learn from teacher why they have bad report.

Many children are NOT ashamed--they don't care about their grades.

It´s enough why should they face other one from their parents´s punishment. It´s too much burden on them. Most parents expect too much from their children and want to see A/B on their report... too much...

If the reason they got bad grades was because they were lazy, didn't do the homework, and skipped classes, then they should definitely get punished.

If the reason they got bad grades was because they have learning problems, or the material is beyond their abilities, then they should get help.

Perhaps they spoil them rotten? Perhaps parent´s weak form of displince...

I thought you didn't approve of strict discipline?

But I see different. The way what she did to a girl is cruel and cold.

Where did the article say the mom was cold or cruel?

Did I say anything to judge the relationship between her and her daughter? No, I havent but disagree.

Yes, you did judge. You said that the mom was cold and cruel--that is judgment.

To my opinion, if mom really want to help her daughter then she would invite her to have a drink with her alone in the kitchen or whatever to have a good talk why she do that.... Take time and patience... If she refused to talk open with her then talk to teacher to find out why.... and collect the tips how to help her.

How do you know she didn't try all those ways first? Those methods don't work with every child. Some children are rebellious.

I beleive the teacher will be happy to advise her to go parent class or whatever. Tips from them work wonderful and greatly. I know what I am saying because of my experience with my eldest son... It´s work hard with him... He turn into good lad and mature now. Patience is worth.
I know what mother did what she thought the best for her because I do the same myself before. I saw what worst situation my eldest son has... I thought "give him lesson" like "wake up" is work... which it´s not true. The problem comes repeat... That´s we went to counsellor and therapies to get the help.

Not everyone needs "professional" help. I think it's kind of scary that parents depend on "professionals" and "experts" so much when it comes to their own kids.

 

[MsGiglz]

STOP STOP

I have preteen but soon teenager next week... She is 12 years old.. next week she will be 13..

I went through HELL with her.... *sigh*

Believe it or not.. Liebling))... you are in Germany.. Your opinions and OUR opinions are different.. Now days the teenagers are horrific, but lucky parents who have good teenagers.. Happen to be me.. one of my kids who is teenager.. Amy..

She is pain the a&&... I tried many things, I could find the best for her and us.. She just tried to find many things that she wants get in trouble with me.. labeled as unfit mother... abusive mother...

why? She didnt have many things as her friends have... well.. its my rules..
cell phones.. no kids cant own one till they are 15 years old.. why? 15 years old can have a job... go get a job & pay the bill.. of course I will help with account.. wants to get on computer, wants to get on phone..
She wants go out with her friends almost everyday.. but most of times, I said no.. because.. rules are rules.. during the school weekdays.. have to finish homework, clean room, do little chores & stuff.. before go with friends but be home by 7:30pm because bed time at 8pm.. Since she didnt do those rules, and she isnt responsible.. so I had to take away her privledges.. She ticked off and runs to school counselor that I abused her.. so she can get away what she wants..

She failed two classes out of 6 classes again this year, I made her stay in room for whole weeks till she pulls her grades up..

Since she didnt do chores at all, didnt do her own laundry even I asked her to bring down her dirty clothes so i can wash & she folds.. she dont care... she doesnt take shower for days.. bad mouthing to everyone in this family, causing our other kids more problems, or made them mad or name callings..

I tried .. family thearpy.. counselors.. nothing helped.. she went to displince camp for felony charges with her friend last year.. it worked for short time.. but now, she hates me.. because i am deaf.. and refused to know about deaf cultures or ways.. wanted to live different family..

So I agreed with Cyber Red's Thread...the mother did to her daughter... I would have done to Amy.. but I dont want to risk with Child Protective Service again..

It's Tough Love.. that I sent her displince camp.. and didnt work out..

so.. Liebling)) see that prespretive I went through.. it didnt means my fault raising her wrong.. no.. I raised her wonderful till she turned 12.. and hang out wrong crowd and school... I packed up and moved across different town and different school last spring.. after landlord kicked us out because want to sell the house.. so its right time and good timing for all us to start over.. with new neighborhood and school.. that school is wonderful.. it showed that Mack changed alot.. which he have EBD... and Mallory's IEP went passed fly high!! Amy improved by their strict rules but she kept ditching.. I was hoping that they have school patrol when the kids ditch.. I am suffering and exhausted with her behaviours.. and affect my little ones.. (Allen -3 and Marshalee-1).. but thanks to Mack and Mallory with alot of patiences and helped me go through with good spirits..
Even the doctor warned her that mommy have weak heart.. she doesnt care.. yes, I have weak heart.. but I am moving on..

other thing.. Liebling)) punishment in public, I believe in that.. and its must.. because if the kids do something wrong or bad.. in public.. right away.. punishment at the moment.. also, cant wait till get home and punishment.. it confuse the child..

sigh.. alot more to say this thread.. but all i have to say.. we have to boost up our strict and punishments and STAND with what you said to the teenagers.. but teenagers dont like interprut while they talking to you, they want you listen.. thats hardest part...

that all i say for now.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Huh? That doesn't make sense.

That´s what you don´t beleive is okay. What I beleive what I learn from counsellor, parent conference, therapies, etc. We see the different.

Do you know any teens? Do you read newspapers and news magazines? Do you watch TV? They are everywhere.

Are you sure you live in the real world?

Low self-esteem yes but too much self-esteem Can you give me the example what exactly you mean "too much self-esteem"?

How do you know that she didn't do that?

How do you know that she didn't do that?

It look like she didn´t seek the help but tried herself. No even word that she seek counsellor, parent class, etc.

Tasha Henderson got tired of her 14-year-old daughter's poor grades, her chronic lateness to class and her talking back to her teachers, so she decided to teach the girl a lesson.

She made Coretha stand at a busy Oklahoma City intersection Nov. 4 with a cardboard sign that read: "I don't do my homework and I act up in school, so my parents are preparing me for my future. Will work for food."

"This may not work. I'm not a professional," said Henderson, a 34- year-old mother of three. "But I felt I owed it to my child to at least try."

Sometimes the "experts" don't have the right answers either.

How do you know? For me, they are good. I have read American websites to compare with German websites. Their answers are excatly SAME. Their answers are the same what I learn from therapies, counsellor, etc.

That includes kids.

Yes, but you said that many children are not ashamed

Many children are NOT ashamed--they don't care about their grades
If the reason they got bad grades was because they were lazy, didn't do the homework, and skipped classes, then they should definitely get punished.

If the reason they got bad grades was because they have learning problems, or the material is beyond their abilities, then they should get help.
.

I already answer in my previous post.

I thought you didn't approve of strict discipline?

I thought you know that fix yourself with limit firm? What I doing with my children with gentle form of discipline is sit and talk with them and explain them why we can`t do or why we can´t go etc. It belongs patience.

weak disicpline is different as strict or gentle discipline. Something like that the parents say no you can´t have it, children play on their parents until the parents give up and say yes then... Example like what I created my thread over kids and christmas.
http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=21198

Where did the article say the mom was cold or cruel?

"The parents of that girl need more education than she does if they can't see that the worst scenario in this case is to kill their daughter psychologically," Suzanne Ball said in a letter to The Oklahoman.

Yes, you did judge. You said that the mom was cold and cruel--that is judgment.

Yes I judge what mother did to her daughter to PUBLIC because she don´t like her daughter have C and D report. If her daughter is really lazy then they would give her E and F or whatever.

You also judge her daughter as lazy, too because she brought C and D. To me C and D are okay, not E and F. I´m worried if my children brought E and F reports then I will find out why.... and what wrong.... not punish them.

Coretha has been getting C's and D's as a freshman at Edmond Memorial High in this well-to-do Oklahoma City suburb. Edmond Memorial is considered one of the top high schools in the state in academics.

Do you want say that her daughter is lazy to do her homework? It look like that mother expect her daughter to have A/B not C/D.

Not everyone needs "professional" help. I think it's kind of scary that parents depend on "professionals" and "experts" so much when it comes to their own kids.

It´s sad that the parents don´t want the help. I beleive it´s worth to go parent class or conference or parent evening with subject over children´s future/lesucre with tips over children and volience, crimes, rebel, etc. how prevent them etc. if we parents really want to help our children´s development.

We parents don´t have to be prefect parents but help them what we can. I do not expect to be prefect parent but want my children to show their respect and can trust to talk anything with us.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

STOP STOP

I have preteen but soon teenager next week... She is 12 years old.. next week she will be 13..

I went through HELL with her.... *sigh*

Yes, I remember you has hard time with teenagers... We support you because we know you are a good mother and seek our help in other forum. I know how you feel because my eldest son is also 12 years old, too. Yes I already said in previous posts that our children are no prefect as angel but we tried alot to help them. I know it´s not easy accord their puberty time.

Believe it or not.. Liebling))... you are in Germany.. Your opinions and OUR opinions are different.. Now days the teenagers are horrific, but lucky parents who have good teenagers.. Happen to be me.. one of my kids who is teenager.. Amy..

Yes, you were right. Like what I said in my previous posts that we have different opinion because you are an American and I´m an European.

She is pain the a&&... I tried many things, I could find the best for her and us.. She just tried to find many things that she wants get in trouble with me.. labeled as unfit mother... abusive mother... why? She didnt have many things as her friends have... well.. its my rules..
cell phones.. no kids cant own one till they are 15 years old.. why? 15 years old can have a job... go get a job & pay the bill.. of course I will help with account.. wants to get on computer, wants to get on phone..
She wants go out with her friends almost everyday.. but most of times, I said no.. because.. rules are rules.. during the school weekdays

I know you are not abusive mother because we share our posts at other forum about our children issues, that we agree each other alot. I find sad that your daughter show no understand that you have different rule as every parent. Stick with your rule firm, not change it that´s what you want then your daughter has to learn to respect that you have different rule as everyone. Don´t give up but stick your rule and limit firm.

.. have to finish homework, clean room, do little chores & stuff.. before go with friends but be home by 7:30pm because bed time at 8pm.. Since she didnt do those rules, and she isnt responsible.. so I had to take away her privledges..

You doing right because I would do the same as you. I already said in my previous post that I ground my children with no TV, computer and video games, no go out with their mates, etc.

She ticked off and runs to school counselor that I abused her.. so she can get away what she wants..

You got me curious. What school counselor says about this? Because you ground your daughter is not abuse.

She failed two classes out of 6 classes again this year, I made her stay in room for whole weeks till she pulls her grades up..

Since she didnt do chores at all, didnt do her own laundry even I asked her to bring down her dirty clothes so i can wash & she folds.. she dont care... she doesnt take shower for days.. bad mouthing to everyone in this family, causing our other kids more problems, or made them mad or name callings..

I tried .. family thearpy.. counselors.. nothing helped.. she went to displince camp for felony charges with her friend last year.. it worked for short time.. but now, she hates me.. because i am deaf.. and refused to know about deaf cultures or ways.. wanted to live different family..

Yes I didn´t forget about this... I thought about you when we debated this forum here. I feel want to hug you. Yes, I agree one point what you said " it worked for short time".

So I agreed with Cyber Red's Thread...the mother did to her daughter... I would have done to Amy.. but I dont want to risk with Child Protective Service again..

I can understand where you come from but you said "it worked for short time". Do you think punish children to public work great? I don´t because it may work for short time then began worst and worst in the future.

It's Tough Love.. that I sent her displince camp.. and didnt work out..

displince camp? Do you mean "secure home"? what´s the different between "boot camp" and "displince camp". Can you care to explain? Is it what you mean that the children have to be train to respect their parents etc and improve their behavior etc.? If yes, then I see nothing wrong. But PUBLIC... noooo it´s too worst.

I respect your opinion over mother and her daughter but I has to disagree to this because it make worst.

so.. Liebling)) see that prespretive I went through.. it didnt means my fault raising her wrong.. no.. I raised her wonderful till she turned 12.. and hang out wrong crowd and school... I packed up and moved across different town and different school last spring.. after landlord kicked us out because want to sell the house.. so its right time and good timing for all us to start over.. with new neighborhood and school.. that school is wonderful.. it showed that Mack changed alot.. which he have EBD... and Mallory's IEP went passed fly high!! Amy improved by their strict rules but she kept ditching.. I was hoping that they have school patrol when the kids ditch.. I am suffering and exhausted with her behaviours.. and affect my little ones.. (Allen -3 and Marshalee-1).. but thanks to Mack and Mallory with alot of patiences and helped me go through with good spirits..
Even the doctor warned her that mommy have weak heart.. she doesnt care.. yes, I have weak heart.. but I am moving on..

Yes, I know. This situation what you did too much ... Yes, I´m agree that the children hang with wrong crowd that´s how they learn from them.

other thing.. Liebling)) punishment in public, I believe in that.. and its must.. because if the kids do something wrong or bad.. in public.. right away.. punishment at the moment.. also, cant wait till get home and punishment.. it confuse the child..

I disagree but respect your opinion.

 

[Maria]

STOP STOP

I have preteen but soon teenager next week... She is 12 years old.. next week she will be 13..

I went through HELL with her.... *sigh*

Believe it or not.. Liebling))... you are in Germany.. Your opinions and OUR opinions are different.. Now days the teenagers are horrific, but lucky parents who have good teenagers.. Happen to be me.. one of my kids who is teenager.. Amy..

She is pain the a&&... I tried many things, I could find the best for her and us.. She just tried to find many things that she wants get in trouble with me.. labeled as unfit mother... abusive mother...

why? She didnt have many things as her friends have... well.. its my rules..
cell phones.. no kids cant own one till they are 15 years old.. why? 15 years old can have a job... go get a job & pay the bill.. of course I will help with account.. wants to get on computer, wants to get on phone..
She wants go out with her friends almost everyday.. but most of times, I said no.. because.. rules are rules.. during the school weekdays.. have to finish homework, clean room, do little chores & stuff.. before go with friends but be home by 7:30pm because bed time at 8pm.. Since she didnt do those rules, and she isnt responsible.. so I had to take away her privledges.. She ticked off and runs to school counselor that I abused her.. so she can get away what she wants..

She failed two classes out of 6 classes again this year, I made her stay in room for whole weeks till she pulls her grades up..

Since she didnt do chores at all, didnt do her own laundry even I asked her to bring down her dirty clothes so i can wash & she folds.. she dont care... she doesnt take shower for days.. bad mouthing to everyone in this family, causing our other kids more problems, or made them mad or name callings..

I tried .. family thearpy.. counselors.. nothing helped.. she went to displince camp for felony charges with her friend last year.. it worked for short time.. but now, she hates me.. because i am deaf.. and refused to know about deaf cultures or ways.. wanted to live different family..

So I agreed with Cyber Red's Thread...the mother did to her daughter... I would have done to Amy.. but I dont want to risk with Child Protective Service again..

It's Tough Love.. that I sent her displince camp.. and didnt work out..

so.. Liebling)) see that prespretive I went through.. it didnt means my fault raising her wrong.. no.. I raised her wonderful till she turned 12.. and hang out wrong crowd and school... I packed up and moved across different town and different school last spring.. after landlord kicked us out because want to sell the house.. so its right time and good timing for all us to start over.. with new neighborhood and school.. that school is wonderful.. it showed that Mack changed alot.. which he have EBD... and Mallory's IEP went passed fly high!! Amy improved by their strict rules but she kept ditching.. I was hoping that they have school patrol when the kids ditch.. I am suffering and exhausted with her behaviours.. and affect my little ones.. (Allen -3 and Marshalee-1).. but thanks to Mack and Mallory with alot of patiences and helped me go through with good spirits..
Even the doctor warned her that mommy have weak heart.. she doesnt care.. yes, I have weak heart.. but I am moving on..

other thing.. Liebling)) punishment in public, I believe in that.. and its must.. because if the kids do something wrong or bad.. in public.. right away.. punishment at the moment.. also, cant wait till get home and punishment.. it confuse the child..

sigh.. alot more to say this thread.. but all i have to say.. we have to boost up our strict and punishments and STAND with what you said to the teenagers.. but teenagers dont like interprut while they talking to you, they want you listen.. thats hardest part...

that all i say for now.

I know how you feel about "teen", DoofusMama. Yes, I know it's pretty tough.
DoofusMama, have you ever tried "allowance" for Amy to do the housechores and see, if it helps ? I did that to my 4 kids and, it worked. My kids want money so, I had to make the rules for them to clean up their bedrooms, do their laundry ( their own clothes ), help cleanin' up around the house where they left off their plates, cups, pops and papers. They started all this at the age of 12. I made them to cook on the weekends, if they want to go out on the weekends after they recieved their allowance on every friday. I cooked durin' weekdays for them, because of school they had to attend and come home to do their homework. I even took them to church on every Sunday, too. Church helped when they were little kids.

I even attended their school once or 2 times in every week... to check on my kids to be sure that they were doin' their job ( paperwork in classes ). They hate it. *chuckles* That's TOUGH LOVE.

And, now they got their job after they graduated. *whew*

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Yes CyberRed´s advise is good. I did the same with my children. Praise them with reward for their help with household chores. It make children movition more and more. It works mostly.

 

[MsGiglz]

Liebling))... and all .. thanks for comfort and understanding..


"She ticked off and runs to school counselor that I abused her.. so she can get away what she wants.. "
"You got me curious. What school counselor says about this? Because you ground your daughter is not abuse."

I am grateful that 'new' school from last spring.. same counselors at this present.. knew Amy's actions.. and records from CPS (Child Protection Service)... they are trying to get down on grounds with her and they called me from school to come in, and discuss with Amy. They are trying so hard to get her understand with her actions. They are not giving up and me too!... Even she gets in trouble with friends in school too. They have wonderful displinces on the kids. like.. they have 10 feildtrips and events for whole school year. They took one event away if the kids are in trouble.. and made them stay in class like dentions.. and they have afterschool dentions too.. I just suggested to one of counselors that dentions are big deal to the kids... find them something to do like workout in Gym and help with janitor to clean up.. they loved the idea..


"It's Tough Love.. that I sent her displince camp.. and didnt work out.. "

"displince camp? Do you mean "secure home"? what´s the different between "boot camp" and "displince camp". Can you care to explain? Is it what you mean that the children have to be train to respect their parents etc and improve their behavior etc.? If yes, then I see nothing wrong. But PUBLIC... noooo it´s too worst.
I respect your opinion over mother and her daughter but I has to disagree to this because it make worst."

well from what i learned.. displince camp.. and boot camp are different...

boot camp is very strict and hard core displinces, its more for the kids who are into trouble with law like theft, drugs, & abuse to their parents or people. its like military camp..

displince camp is lesser than boot camp, its like counselor camp, there are many different displince camps but the one Amy went is that taught her respect and her self esteem and mentally psychologistic to understand her own mistakes.. but that camp is christain as i thought it will help but its not really.. only helped her not to get into trouble with law..

Cyber Red... "allowances"

Yes, our kids do get allowances every week... that they do chores or help anytime when i ask to... Amy doesnt care about allowances and think i give out too cheap.. I taught our kids that we are not rich, we are below average income.. Love and sharing are the most main in the family.. we should appreciated or please whatever we have... Amy is only one most selfish kid in the family.. she earns 10-15 dollars every week.. Mack and Mallory earns 5-10, they respected alot. they saved or spend little.. Mack loves to rent games or movies.. he found one place cheap to rent movie than block buster but he rent game at block buster because we have reward card that he can rent a game for 7 days.. Mallory likes to spend little on candies & gums but she shared for everyone, she likes to save money till good movie out at theatre to go out, or spend on her silly cute makeups... but Mack and Mallory tend to buy something for me like pop or my favorite ice cream..

So far, Amy didnt get her allowances because she didnt do anything for long time.. I tried other way.. that if she wants the money, she do chores on that day and she earns it.. then she went off with her friends.. it didnt work out because she kept asking for more... for example.. $5 on that day.. she wanted do again tomorrow.. other $5.. then next day again.. means she made more than 10-15 a week.. its not fair.. I stood up and told her, its not fair and its over limited per week.. she blew up and threatened she runs away or namecalling.. stuff like that.. so i took away the privledge cuz she showed no appreciations..

Right now, what i gonna to do.. I moved on and just like I always do with all kids.. if she keeps butt in or make sence to cause problems.. I sent her room or I sent her to my man to deal with.. that what i hate about that its like I nelgect her but its not... I just avoid to have problems become huge brust!!

 

[Reba]

Low self-esteem yes but too much self-esteem Can you give me the example what exactly you mean "too much self-esteem"?

Too much self-esteem is the same as too much self-pride or too much self-concern. A person believes that he/she deserves whatever he/she wants. A person believes that he/she doesn't need to work for things, doesn't need to study, doesn't need to sacrifice because other people (usually the parents) MUST support him/her no matter how lazy and awful that person is. A person with too much self-esteem whines that other people pick on him/her, that the world is not fair, that he/she should do whatever pleases (drink alcohol, have sex, use drugs, get tatoos, skip school, stay out all night) because "I'm important to myself--I don't care about what other people think or feel." They are proud of rebellion, proud to insult other people, proud to behave badly. They think, "I am creative and beautiful--I don't need good school grades." "I hurt my parents' feelings--so WHAT?! Only MY feelings are important; no one else is important."

Bottom line: Too much self-esteem is too much self-pride without accomplishment, and not caring about other people's feelings.

It look like she didn´t seek the help but tried herself. No even word that she seek counsellor, parent class, etc.

Just because the article didn't include that doesn't mean she didn't seek prior professional help. You can't read things into the story that aren't included. That is just one brief sensational story; it is not the WHOLE story. None of us know what she did BEFORE this final action.

How do you know? For me, they are good. I have read American websites to compare with German websites. Their answers are excatly SAME. Their answers are the same what I learn from therapies, counsellor, etc.

Just because several people agree about something doesn't mean they are right. Most parents know their own children better than counselors do. How many hours per day do the kids live with the counselors? How many hours per day do the kids live the their parents? How many years? Many counselors and "experts" don't have real life experience raising kids but they proudly believe that they always know more than parents. It is NOT true.

Yes, but you said that many children are not ashamed

That's true. They say, "So what, I got bad grades--I don't care, ha, ha!" They are not ashamed. Some are even proud of bad grades. You never see them or read about them?

Yes I judge what mother did to her daughter to PUBLIC because she don´t like her daughter have C and D report. If her daughter is really lazy then they would give her E and F or whatever.

Not true. It is easy to get a C or D grade without doing homework, and skipping class. (BTW, in the USA, normally there is no "E" grade.)

Do you want say that her daughter is lazy to do her homework? It look like that mother expect her daughter to have A/B not C/D.

If the girl has the aptitude, then why not?

It´s sad that the parents don´t want the help. I beleive it´s worth to go parent class or conference or parent evening with subject over children´s future/lesucre with tips over children and volience, crimes, rebel, etc. how prevent them etc. if we parents really want to help our children´s development.

Why do parents need so much "professional help?" Have they forgotten how to be parents? Do they depend on the government for every thing?

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Too much self-esteem is the same as too much self-pride or too much self-concern. A person believes that he/she deserves whatever he/she wants.

I see nothing wrong that anyone feel proud themselves what they have done. It's great to see them to motive themselves to do something to fulfilling their wishes themselves without depend their parents for the help...

A person believes that he/she doesn't need to work for things, doesn't need to study, doesn't need to sacrifice because other people (usually the parents) MUST support him/her no matter how lazy and awful that person is.

This description sounds that the children come from wealthy homes who could be arrogance, boasting, bragging etc. :roll: They are spoilt brats and get EVERYTHING what they wants which it's different to self-esteem.

A person with too much self-esteem whines that other people pick on him/her, that the world is not fair, that he/she should do whatever pleases (drink alcohol, have sex, use drugs, get tatoos, skip school, stay out all night) because "I'm important to myself--I don't care about what other people think or feel." They are proud of rebellion, proud to insult other people, proud to behave badly. They think, "I am creative and beautiful--I don't need good school grades." "I hurt my parents' feelings--so WHAT?! Only MY feelings are important; no one else is important."

Bottom line: Too much self-esteem is too much self-pride without accomplishment, and not caring about other people's feelings.

Depend on form of parents's displicne how to turn their children into like this. I see alot of rich children like this... :roll: I would say the parents spoilt their children like rotton.. Everything what they have got them boring... They didn't know their limit which it's different to self esteem.

Just because the article didn't include that doesn't mean she didn't seek prior professional help. You can't read things into the story that aren't included. That is just one brief sensational story; it is not the WHOLE story. None of us know what she did BEFORE this final action.

Good, why you and give a mother for right to punish her daughter to public like this if you didn't know a mother's background is? All what I disagreed what she did her daughter to public. Don't we know where her daughter's behavior come from?

Just because several people agree about something doesn't mean they are right. Most parents know their own children better than counselors do. How many hours per day do the kids live with the counselors? How many hours per day do the kids live the their parents? How many years? Many counselors and "experts" don't have real life experience raising kids but they proudly believe that they always know more than parents. It is NOT true.

wow, a lot of parents thought they know their own children better which it's not true. Look at children's behavior at everywhere. :roll:

No, it has nothing do with "proudly beleive that they always know more than parents" but interesting to know about children. I know it myself... No... They questioned us about the behavior of my eldest son... They work out and give me a lot of tips how to deal with my deal son... They have expert skills... I never thought about thier wonderful tips how to reduce my stress etc. It's sad if parent think they knows their children better than counselors then they will face their children's worst behavior in the future.

That's true. They say, "So what, I got bad grades--I don't care, ha, ha!" They are not ashamed. Some are even proud of bad grades. You never see them or read about them?

Sorry, I never see anyone like this in my life that they are proud of their bad grades... Sorry... Beleive me, please... I visit German websites to find out either Germans feel the same what you described... Nope. I asked teacher at parent evenings about this last week. It surprised all of parents because we haven't heard about this... All what we know is the children are lazy to learn anything and don't want to learn anything. They are upset to have bad school reports. CPS will take the children away from their parents if they found out from teacher that the children are happy and proud about their bad grades etc.

As what you describe sound that they hate themselves. It do something with physical emotional abuse/parental's negection.

Not true. It is easy to get a C or D grade without doing homework, and skipping class. (BTW, in the USA, normally there is no "E" grade.)

But link says.
A (excellent)
B (great)
C (good)
D (poor)
F (failing)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grade_...ales.2C_Hong_Kong.2C_Australia.2C_New_Zealand

You will see the different school grades in the world at link.

If the girl has the aptitude, then why not?

*goose pump* C = good and D = poor is not bad... She will improve their grade next time. I would be worry if my children have all of D+ and F+... What her daughter did is not bad... I feel sorry for her and pray that everything will be okay for her future.

Why do parents need so much "professional help?" Have they forgotten how to be parents? Do they depend on the government for every thing?

"Forgetten how to be parents"? They think they know their children well which it's not true... Look at children's behavior at everywhere. :roll:
We thank government to take care of their people safety and give us more freedom. We pay the tax to government and expect them to take care of our social.
If the parents really want to help their children. I DoofusMama for try to do everything to help her daughter. She seeking professional help because she care about her daughter's future and because she KNOW she can't deal with her daughter's behavior and need tips how to help her.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Oh yes, I forget to add my post about my children.

Of course I told my children about this during meal conversation last weekends. They are shock and said that they do not accept it. Danny, my eldest son hope that America will improve child protection law etc. then the teenagers will demand their parents to wear a sign saying "I am a bad mother" to public to get them realize how they feeling after what they did to them to public in the past. I add his word "I am an Emotional abuser".

I told him it's really very sad because of that C and D, not D+ and F+...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Liebling))... and all .. thanks for comfort and understanding..

"She ticked off and runs to school counselor that I abused her.. so she can get away what she wants.. "
"You got me curious. What school counselor says about this? Because you ground your daughter is not abuse."

I am grateful that 'new' school from last spring.. same counselors at this present.. knew Amy's actions.. and records from CPS (Child Protection Service)... they are trying to get down on grounds with her and they called me from school to come in, and discuss with Amy. They are trying so hard to get her understand with her actions. They are not giving up and me too!... Even she gets in trouble with friends in school too. They have wonderful displinces on the kids. like.. they have 10 feildtrips and events for whole school year. They took one event away if the kids are in trouble.. and made them stay in class like dentions.. and they have afterschool dentions too.. I just suggested to one of counselors that dentions are big deal to the kids... find them something to do like workout in Gym and help with janitor to clean up.. they loved the idea..

I am really glad that you and counselors work together to help your daughter. What about sport? Have your daughter any hobbies? which it's good for her to do something with her hobbies.

"It's Tough Love.. that I sent her displince camp.. and didnt work out.. "

"displince camp? Do you mean "secure home"? what´s the different between "boot camp" and "displince camp". Can you care to explain? Is it what you mean that the children have to be train to respect their parents etc and improve their behavior etc.? If yes, then I see nothing wrong. But PUBLIC... noooo it´s too worst.
I respect your opinion over mother and her daughter but I has to disagree to this because it make worst."

well from what i learned.. displince camp.. and boot camp are different...

boot camp is very strict and hard core displinces, its more for the kids who are into trouble with law like theft, drugs, & abuse to their parents or people. its like military camp..

displince camp is lesser than boot camp, its like counselor camp, there are many different displince camps but the one Amy went is that taught her respect and her self esteem and mentally psychologistic to understand her own mistakes.. but that camp is christain as i thought it will help but its not really.. only helped her not to get into trouble with law..

I understand now what difference between boot camp and counselor camp. I find okay to send children to there to improve their behavior. It's better than punish children to public.

Yes, our kids do get allowances every week... that they do chores or help anytime when i ask to... Amy doesnt care about allowances and think i give out too cheap.. I taught our kids that we are not rich, we are below average income.. Love and sharing are the most main in the family.. we should appreciated or please whatever we have... Amy is only one most selfish kid in the family.. she earns 10-15 dollars every week.. Mack and Mallory earns 5-10, they respected alot. they saved or spend little.. Mack loves to rent games or movies.. he found one place cheap to rent movie than block buster but he rent game at block buster because we have reward card that he can rent a game for 7 days.. Mallory likes to spend little on candies & gums but she shared for everyone, she likes to save money till good movie out at theatre to go out, or spend on her silly cute makeups... but Mack and Mallory tend to buy something for me like pop or my favorite ice cream..

So far, Amy didnt get her allowances because she didnt do anything for long time.. I tried other way.. that if she wants the money, she do chores on that day and she earns it.. then she went off with her friends.. it didnt work out because she kept asking for more... for example.. $5 on that day.. she wanted do again tomorrow.. other $5.. then next day again.. means she made more than 10-15 a week.. its not fair.. I stood up and told her, its not fair and its over limited per week.. she blew up and threatened she runs away or namecalling.. stuff like that.. so i took away the privledge cuz she showed no appreciations..

wow $10 to $15 every week is too much... What you treat your children about allowance is right. Amy should be glad to have $10 to $15 because they are volunalilty... My children got EUR 12 and EUR 9 each month to follow their ages and know that it's only volunatliry. I can see that Amy is a diffuiclt child and hate about herself. Is Amy eldest child of 6 children? I pray that everything will goes smooth for you and Amy. Stick your limit firm then she will know you didn't give up.

Right now, what i gonna to do.. I moved on and just like I always do with all kids.. if she keeps butt in or make sence to cause problems.. I sent her room or I sent her to my man to deal with.. that what i hate about that its like I nelgect her but its not... I just avoid to have problems become huge brust!!

Show Amy that you are a strong and boss is the best. I can understand about your healthy issue... I feel want to you.

 

[Tousi]

Leibling: "I see nothing wrong that anyone feel proud themselves what they have done. It's great to see them to motive themselves to do something to fulfilling their wishes themselves without depend their parents for the help..."

Leibling, I know English is a very difficult language, even for us Americans. Please look up in the dictionary the word "pride" that Reba used; it is not the same word that you responded to. Reba's usage of that word is a negative, it is not the "good" pride you are thinking of. After you look up the word and understand what it means in this context, I am sure you will agree with what Reba said.
I wish I could help by offering the Germanic equivalent of this word.....

 

[Reba]

I see nothing wrong that anyone feel proud themselves what they have done.

Part of the problem with excessive self-esteem is that some kids feel "proud" even when they don't accomplish anything.

This description sounds that the children come from wealthy homes who could be arrogance, boasting, bragging etc. They are spoilt brats and get EVERYTHING what they wants which it's different to self-esteem.

Not just wealthy kids. Many poorer kids depend on government support the same way. They believe they should get passing grades, job promotions, raises, etc., just because they exist. They don't think hard work is necessary.

Depend on form of parents's displicne how to turn their children into like this. I see alot of rich children like this... I would say the parents spoilt their children like rotton.. Everything what they have got them boring... They didn't know their limit which it's different to self esteem.

I have seen many children (not rich) with this bad attitude. I see them all the time in the schools where I work. That includes college students. Whine, whine. "Text books cost too much. Financial aid should pay for them. If I use my own money to buy my books I can't go to Myrtle Beach this weekend!"

Student rolls eyes and says, "The teacher expects us to actually read that whole book?! No way!"

Good, why you and give a mother for right to punish her daughter to public like this if you didn't know a mother's background is? All what I disagreed what she did her daughter to public. Don't we know where her daughter's behavior come from?

It wasn't traumatic for the daughter, and she improved her behavior. It's not the way I would do something but if it works for them, I can't object.

Sorry, I never see anyone like this in my life that they are proud of their bad grades... Sorry... Beleive me, please... I visit German websites to find out either Germans feel the same what you described... Nope. I asked teacher at parent evenings about this last week. It surprised all of parents because we haven't heard about this...

I guess that shows that some American students are different from German students.

CPS will take the children away from their parents if they found out from teacher that the children are happy and proud about their bad grades etc.

They would have their hands full here.

As what you describe sound that they hate themselves. It do something with physical emotional abuse/parental's negection.

I think it is a cultural attitude.

But link says.
A (excellent)
B (great)
C (good)
D (poor)
F (failing)

Those are very general descriptions. Also, notice, no "E" grade.

For me, "C" is NOT "good"; that is barely acceptable. "D" is almost failing. Most schools do not permit students to participate in sports and other extra-curricula activities if they less than a "C" average.

We thank government to take care of their people safety and give us more freedom. We pay the tax to government and expect them to take care of our social.

Whoa! I am speechless.