Mistaken for deaf

[CuriouslyMute]

I can hear, but I can't speak. Just about everyone I encounter in public assumes I'm deaf. Usually, not much comes from that aside from many people mouthing words at me instead of using their voice. (I still don't understand why people do that. ) Quite a few act rediculous about the entire situation, but usually not mean.

However, I occasionally run in to people who will say rude or offensive things about me based on that assumption, or about deaf people in general. They most often say it out of my field of view, or with their mouths blocked, thinking that I don't hear them.
I'd like to know, how do you think I should handle that?
I, of course, want to stick up for deaf people when this situation comes up, but I want to be sure I handle it in the best way possible. If I am with my deaf friends, they are perfectly capable of speaking up for themselves. My question refers to when I am in public by myself or with only hearing friends.

 

[MangaReader]

Letting them know that you can hear or that you heard that = Priceless.

I've never known anyone that can hear but cannot speak.

I would just simply let them know that it is rude/offensive and just because you can't speak, it doesn't mean you are deaf. That should be enough.

 

[Frisky Feline]

if you have a phone, then type on the note on the phone and show them. it depends how the situation goes and you decide to tell them whatever you feel they need to know.

 

[tuatara]

Letting them know that you can hear or that you heard that = Priceless.

I would let them know this *right* before you leave the place/interaction/situation. People like that don't deserve a heads up that you can hear them - I'd just let them know after they've made fools of themselves to the fullest extent.

I had an experience like this during a voice-off ASL practice. I found that I feel pretty strongly about it. If someone thinks we're deaf and they're demonstrating that they think it's ok to be rude or insulting to deaf peole, I don't want to give them the message "we can hear you [and that's why you need to stop]". They need to stop because it's wrong and offensive behavior. If someone thinks it's ok to take advantage of people who can't hear, they don't deserve to know who can hear. IMO

Letting them know on your way out hopefully gives them a chance to realize what jerks they're being. I think some people are wired to not even acknowledge to themselves that they're doing something wrong until/unless they get caught.

 

[Frisky Feline]

my friend who is an interpreter. She heard everything then we left right before she informed the group, and let them know what we ve already knew what they were talking about us. SHe didn't tell them that she's hearing but signed and speak at the same time to them, then we left. they look so embarrassed because they were talking about us. we didn't fight but let them know that we know and its their consequences. lol

 

[tuatara]

my friend who is an interpreter. She heard everything then we left right before she informed the group, and let them know what we ve already knew what they were talking about. SHe didn't tell them that she's hearing but signed and speak at the same time, then we left. they look so embarrassed lol

Did something get cut off at the beginning of this message?

 

[BecLak]

Did something get cut off at the beginning of this message?

No. What....have you become a 'grammar nazi' now just because FF didn't start her sentence with a capital letter? You're either 'too much' or too dense.

 

[tuatara]

No. What....have you become a 'grammar nazi' now just because FF didn't start her sentence with a capital letter? You're either 'too much' or too dense.

Not at all. I asked because it seemed like there was something else in her story, before where she started typing. I have done that, maybe typed something up in a text file, then copied and pasted it but missed part at the beginning.

And it seemed like that might have happened here, and I didn't want to miss anything, so I asked. Asked. that's all. I could be wrong, but if not, I'd like to see the rest.

You have been rude to me for no good reason too many times. I do not deserve your insults and I'm done reading them. You're now on my ignore list, or will be about 10 seconds after I post this.

 

[BecLak]

Not at all. I asked because it seemed like there was something else in her story, before where she started typing. I have done that, maybe typed something up in a text file, then copied and pasted it but missed part at the beginning.

And it seemed like that might have happened here, and I didn't want to miss anything, so I asked. Asked. that's all. I could be wrong, but if not, I'd like to see the rest.

You have been rude to me for no good reason too many times. I do not deserve your insults and I'm done reading them. You're now on my ignore list, or will be about 10 seconds after I post this.

I'm not being rude, a little blunt maybe. Your manner is considered rude.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

if you have a phone, then type on the note on the phone and show them. it depends how the situation goes and you decide to tell them whatever you feel they need to know.

I think this a good idea or if the OP does not want to walk up a person she could mouth that she can hear them . I had people talk about Finlay and think I had no idea I knew what was being said. I would let the person or people know I can read their lips and that will get them to shut up.


I think since the OP has no voice she should have a very loud safety whistle
when she is out along.

 

[LadyAbigail]

I'm not being rude, a little blunt maybe. Your manner is considered rude.

In amylynne's defense, I took her post as simply asking a question for clarification, did not sense anything rude in her manner. I was kinda surprised at your reaction...seemed rude or at best over-sensitive to me. You can't go around assuming that everyone is out to offend you all the time.

 

[LadyAbigail]

I find it amazing that people can be so rude to anyone who is different than they are. My parents taught me to treat everyone with respect and love. Thinking badly of someone simply because they can't hear, can't speak, wear this shirt instead of that one, paint their nails, dye their hair, have dark skin or light or in the middle, red hair instead of blond, and so on...I just don't get it. We're all people, God made us all different. How boring would the world be if we were all the same?

I am not deaf, but my dad is hard of hearing and it drives me nuts when people who should know better get so annoyed with him because they have to repeat something and it really bugs me if I go somewhere with my dad and he can't hear something a stranger has said to him so they treat him like he's stupid or at best just annoyed. "He's not stupid, you just don't know how to breathe deeply and use both your vocal chords and your lips like normal people!"

Sorry...rant over now.

 

[LoveBlue]

I agree that FF's post seemed[\b] to be missing the start of her story.

 

[ohmylight]

In amylynne's defense, I took her post as simply asking a question for clarification, did not sense anything rude in her manner. I was kinda surprised at your reaction...seemed rude or at best over-sensitive to me. You can't go around assuming that everyone is out to offend you all the time.

I find it very ironic that this grammer/over-sensitive comment was found under this post... I think "you can't go around assuming that everyone is out to offend you all the time" is the same kind of approach I take to those comments against us as being deaf. I love to live with rose colored glasses on and assume everyone has the best intentions..... but also I think it's TOTALLY about attitude and how you present yourself either as deaf, hearing, female, male, professional, or any other stereotype as a human. If you're a woman who acts and dresses like a stereotypical "whore" (stereotype being the key word.... i don't mean this as an offensive stereotype) you have to assume that once you leave the room there's going to be some rude words said about you. If you don't take care of your hygiene, you have to assume that someone's going to say something about it. If you represent yourself as as something NEGATIVELY people are going to talk about you - either near you assuming you can't hear them or once they leave the room. If you're smiling, happy, nice to people around you as you are having a signed conversation, I seriously hope that people are nice enough back to not talk about you.

When I was a kid I was living in Germany, where I hadn't yet learned the language. Some guy boarded the train, straight up RACIST, homeless person who was talking in German (my parents understood it) about "stupid foreigners"... stereotyping us because we couldn't understand them. I sat down on the train as a 3rd grader and gave him the biggest sweetest child-like smile - the guy felt so awkward he left the seat.

My opinion is that if someone can hear an anti-deaf comment and they respond by using a snarky comment or act negatively it's only going to continue a nasty cycle of anti-deaf bashing. Nice responses beget nicer stereotyping down the road.

 

[Tousi]

I agree that FF's post seemed[\b] to be missing the start of her story.

I thought you've been here long enough and seen/know that ASL is her primary language?

 

[whatdidyousay!]

I find it very ironic that this grammer/over-sensitive comment was found under this post... I think "you can't go around assuming that everyone is out to offend you all the time" is the same kind of approach I take to those comments against us as being deaf. I love to live with rose colored glasses on and assume everyone has the best intentions..... but also I think it's TOTALLY about attitude and how you present yourself either as deaf, hearing, female, male, professional, or any other stereotype as a human. If you're a woman who acts and dresses like a stereotypical "whore" (stereotype being the key word.... i don't mean this as an offensive stereotype) you have to assume that once you leave the room there's going to be some rude words said about you. If you don't take care of your hygiene, you have to assume that someone's going to say something about it. If you represent yourself as as something NEGATIVELY people are going to talk about you - either near you assuming you can't hear them or once they leave the room. If you're smiling, happy, nice to people around you as you are having a signed conversation, I seriously hope that people are nice enough back to not talk about you.
I knew a woman that had a biracial
When I was a kid I was living in Germany, where I hadn't yet learned the language. Some guy boarded the train, straight up RACIST, homeless person who was talking in German (my parents understood it) about "stupid foreigners"... stereotyping us because we couldn't understand them. I sat down on the train as a 3rd grader and gave him the biggest sweetest child-like smile - the guy felt so awkward he left the seat.

My opinion is that if someone can hear an anti-deaf comment and they respond by using a snarky comment or act negatively it's only going to continue a nasty cycle of anti-deaf bashing. Nice responses beget nicer stereotyping down the road.

I knew a woman who daughter is biracial. her mother is White and dad Black.
The girl has beautiful long black hair and dark skin , she and her mother got on the bus one day. As soon as the two sat down people started talking about the little girl and trying to guess what race she was ,her mother was getting very upset that her child had to hear all the comments . Finally a little girl on the bus said " I know what she is , she a little girl!" Only if adults could be think more like kids sometime . I was just on a walk with my dog and a couple walked passed me the woman said "Hi" and I did too, the guy saw my HA and just nodded his head to me. I was wondering he did that thinking I could not hear when I just said "hi' to woman . I have no idea but I did not take it as being rude . I just nodded my head back to the guy.

 

[ohmylight]

Finally a little girl on the bus said " I know what she is , she a little girl!" Only if adults could be think more like kids sometime

Or if there were more parents like this little girls.

I have a massive idea or theory to introduce to classrooms whenever I have a kid in the future. I think they should start a cultural differences class. i had a special week about it when I was living in Europe in international schools.... May 1st was always May Day and the end of that cultural week where we learned about all the other student's cultures. I think they need a class to tell children from an early age how to say thank you in all different languages, how to assist a person who is blind or handicapped without insulting them, education about mixed families and gay relationships, how to sign the ABC's and basic words in ASL... how to treat a service dog (I had people running after her and scaring her when I worked with one - VERY frustrating) and just how to be a civil person in general. People can be jerks. I think people need to have more sensitivity from a young age.

Most people tease either as children or as adults because they don't understand something. If they had a situation, condition, or stigma working against them I'd love to see how their views changed.

 

[LoveBlue]

I thought you've been here long enough and seen/know that ASL is her primary language?

Yes, I know. But it still seems like something is missing as if she was continuing a conversation but we did not "hear"/read the beginning of that conversation. Perhaps it's because my brain is wired for the hearing world.

I apologize if I misinterpreted it.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

I'm not being rude, a little blunt maybe. Your manner is considered rude.

I really do not see any difference from being blunt or rude, you can be blunt and rude at the same time . So get off your high horses.

 

[Bottesini]

Did something get cut off at the beginning of this message?

I thought you've been here long enough and seen/know that ASL is her primary language?

My friend who is an interpreter, she heard everything. Then we left right before she informed the group, and let them know what we ve already knew what they were talking about us. SHe didn't tell them that she's hearing but signed and speak at the same time to them, then we left. they look so embarrassed because they were talking about us. we didn't fight but let them know that we know and its their consequences. lol

Two small punctuation changes are all that is needed, and it is a perfect English sentence.

First language be damned, people!