Mistaken for deaf

[Bottesini]

So, she has issues above and beyond muteness and being mistaken for a deaf person. That complicates the situation.

How many of these headmates are registered at AD?

And do they talk? If the school thought it was just stubborn not speaking, that means she was evaluated and there is no physical problem.

And there are very effective therapies for selective mutism.

 

[GammaRae]

Dissociative Identity Disorder is "Multiple personalities" the disorder you're referring to. It's normally caused by extreme childhood trauma. Being mute can also be psychologically but still very real caused by extreme trauma. Most therapists have the goal of integrating all of the alters into one person/personality. Many people with the disorder do not want treatment or consider it a disorder. They sometimes see their alters as friends. In most cases though, one with D.I.D does not know of the alters actions or things that they might say and cannot communicate with the alters. Most people with D.I.D are only aware of lapses in time and do not see a therapist or psychiatrist until their doctor refers them to one or a friend or family member notice their odd different styles of behaviors.
Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder): Signs, Symptoms, Treatment

 

[GammaRae]

And do they talk? If the school thought it was just stubborn not speaking, that means she was evaluated and there is no physical problem.

And there are very effective therapies for selective mutism.

Selective mutism is still very real, people effcted by it desperately want to speak but because of trauma and/or anxiety they become physically unable to. We do not know her life story or what she has or has not been through. She may feel safer not speaking, she might not be able to afford a therapist to work with her on it.. I find it funny that everyone is typically against forcing deaf people to learn to orally talk but all for pushing speach on a hearing person with a disability, physical or psychological to use oral speach. That doesn't seem like equality or fairness to me..

 

[Bottesini]

Selective mutism is still very real, people effcted by it desperately want to speak but because of trauma and/or anxiety they become physically unable to. We do not know her life story or what she has or has not been through. She may feel safer not speaking, she might not be able to afford a therapist to work with her on it.. I find it funny that everyone is typically against forcing deaf people to learn to orally talk but all for pushing speach on a hearing person with a disability, physical or psychological to use oral speach. That doesn't seem like equality or fairness to me..

I know all this.

 

[GammaRae]

And do they talk? If the school thought it was just stubborn not speaking, that means she was evaluated and there is no physical problem.

And there are very effective therapies for selective mutism.

It becomes physical when because of the disorder one's anxiety makes it impossible for one to speak. Mental disorders are just as real and physically effecting as many others. She said she could only make one small squeak, she's obviously tried to speak and is unable to, thus it has come to be physically effecting her. As I said we don't know her history or current situation at all. She shouldn't be pushed to learn to orally speak anymore than a deaf person, unless she or a deaf person want to try and learn oral speach and feel ready for it.

 

[Bottesini]

It becomes physical when because of the disorder one's anxiety makes it impossible for one to speak. Mental disorders are just as real and physically effecting as many others. She said she could only make one small squeak, she's obviously tried to speak and is unable to, thus it has come to be physically effecting her. As I said we don't know her history or current situation at all. She shouldn't be pushed to learn to orally speak anymore than a deaf person, unless she or a deaf person want to try and learn oral speach and feel ready for it.

I didn't advocate anything for her.

And my stepmother had a career as a psychiatric social worker. (She's old and retired now.)

I spent my quiet childhood life reading psychology texts and I have quite a bit of knowledge.

I have only a clinical interest in what is going on there, and you are right we know nothing about the OP, not even if she is a real person..

It doesn't pay to get too emotional over what you read on the internet.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

I didn't advocate anything for her.

And my stepmother had a career as a psychiatric social worker. (She's old and retired now.)

I spent my quiet childhood life reading psychology texts and I have quite a bit of knowledge.

I have only a clinical interest in what is going on there, and you are right we know nothing about the OP, not even if she is a real person..

It doesn't pay to get too emotional over what you read on the internet.

I know it does sound rather far fetch that the OP has no voice and has 'headmates'. We have no idea if this is true or a joke.

 

[ecp]

I can hear, but I can't speak.

If I may ask, why can't you speak?
If there is a medical reason for why you can't speak, there are hundreds of solutions that can help you have a voice whether it is whispered through a passy muir valve or synthesized through a computer, a sound board or an electro larynx.

Basically, there should be no reason for you to not be able to express yourself.

 

[ecp]

Selective mutism is still very real, people effcted by it desperately want to speak but because of trauma and/or anxiety they become physically unable to. We do not know her life story or what she has or has not been through. She may feel safer not speaking, she might not be able to afford a therapist to work with her on it.. I find it funny that everyone is typically against forcing deaf people to learn to orally talk but all for pushing speach on a hearing person with a disability, physical or psychological to use oral speach. That doesn't seem like equality or fairness to me..

People with selective mutism are not deaf or hard of hearing.
They may choose not to speak or may be too afraid to speak but they are perfectly physically capable of speaking and hearing.
With treatment, people with selective mutism can be treated.
Elective/selective mutism is a psychiatric disorder that should be treated by a medical doctor, not people on the Internet.

Maybe I'm just angry because I grew up with useable hearing but began to loose it when I was 12ish. By high school I couldn't engage in conversations with my peers, I got hearing aids after that but my hearing quickly declined. When I don't speak it is because I didn't hear what the **** is happening. If I had the chance to weigh in on things I would but I can't because I can't freaking hear.

 

[Moelza]

I can hear, but I can't speak. Just about everyone I encounter in public assumes I'm deaf. Usually, not much comes from that aside from many people mouthing words at me instead of using their voice. (I still don't understand why people do that. ) Quite a few act rediculous about the entire situation, but usually not mean.

However, I occasionally run in to people who will say rude or offensive things about me based on that assumption, or about deaf people in general. They most often say it out of my field of view, or with their mouths blocked, thinking that I don't hear them.
I'd like to know, how do you think I should handle that?
I, of course, want to stick up for deaf people when this situation comes up, but I want to be sure I handle it in the best way possible. If I am with my deaf friends, they are perfectly capable of speaking up for themselves. My question refers to when I am in public by myself or with only hearing friends.

that's amazing.. i've never met a person who can hear but cannot speak.
it's funny b/c... when i meet people and tell them that i cannot hear.. for some reason, they thought that i'm just.. "mute"... so they woudl be like "oh.. you cannot talk! oh wow.. ok.. " (continues to talk)... ugh..

 

[Saavik]

I feel it's worse to be mistaken for hearing when one is HoH, I walked into the school bookstore the other day and it was busy, but was startled by some worker trying to talk to me or in classes, professors decline or forget to use the listening device thing.

So I think I'd rather be mistaken for deaf sometimes, but in reality, just people leaving me alone would be nice too and having my hearing aids finally, so I can try ditching the mic thing I have right now.

I know I'm not alone when someone approaches you trying to get your attention I guess and you turn around and someone is right there, I hate that. When I could still hear well, that kind of thing never happened, I would have heard them, but over the past few years, this seems to happen more and more frequently.

I feel like people think I'm rude or an A-hole because I didn't hear them and I have no idea how many times people say things to me and I don't respond because I didn't hear them. I think about stuff like that a lot. I was almost marked as absent because the professor didn't have the mic thing on, luckily I looked up from my notebook while he was calling roll, otherwise I might have an absence that I didn't earn.

 

[ohmylight]

I feel it's worse to be mistaken for hearing when one is HoH, I walked into the school bookstore the other day and it was busy, but was startled by some worker trying to talk to me or in classes, professors decline or forget to use the listening device thing.

So I think I'd rather be mistaken for deaf sometimes, but in reality, just people leaving me alone would be nice too and having my hearing aids finally, so I can try ditching the mic thing I have right now.

I know I'm not alone when someone approaches you trying to get your attention I guess and you turn around and someone is right there, I hate that. When I could still hear well, that kind of thing never happened, I would have heard them, but over the past few years, this seems to happen more and more frequently.

I feel like people think I'm rude or an A-hole because I didn't hear them and I have no idea how many times people say things to me and I don't respond because I didn't hear them. I think about stuff like that a lot. I was almost marked as absent because the professor didn't have the mic thing on, luckily I looked up from my notebook while he was calling roll, otherwise I might have an absence that I didn't earn.

It takes getting used to. I always feel awkward when I run into an old HS connection because I currently live in my old hometown (i moved away for college when the worst of my hearing loss occurred). A few people I've encountered say something then by the time I look around they're staring at me waiting to reply with a grin on their face... When i didnt even notice the question. Everyone, including your friends and teachers, all take adjusting. Some people have never worked with the deaf/hoh and as is apparent, all of us on this site have a different level of loss or different ability in a classroom. Soon it becomes 2nd nature - be persistent with your teachers... All of us have to be our own advocate.

 

[CuriouslyMute]

She's saying she has multiple personality disorder and that instead of this being a mental illness, she truly is several people in one body. They share her head = headmate.

Exactly. I don't see multiplicity as a disorder, it's just a state of being.
The only time multiplicity has been a difficulty is when people MAKE it a difficulty for me, such as by harassing, or deliberately trying to confuse my headmates and I (our boss does this. He will give one version of a policy to one of us, and when he notices we switched, give another of us another version of the same policy. His goal being to get us to follow the wrong one. He forgets we can communicate inside very easily and quickly), or by treating us as stupid or crazy just because we're plural.
Under normal circumstances, it's not an issue as long as all of us in this body work together and communicate.

It's also worth noting that my headmates and I are what is known as a natural system. Natural multiples are multiple prior or without any abuse. A natural system is quite different from a MPD/DID (Multiple Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder) system. We don't switch by "triggers", there aren't things like "the one who's always angry" and "the one who is front in public". We switch as we please and keep each other's schedules in mind (for example, my headmates know when I plan to see my friends, and thus know that I want to be front on that day), and all of us have the full range of emotions. We also all have different reactions to things, different religious beliefs, and even different morals, just like any group of singlets.
It's very different, and friends of ours who are DID/MPD have agreed very strongly with us on that.

 

[CuriouslyMute]

So, she has issues above and beyond muteness and being mistaken for a deaf person. That complicates the situation.

How many of these headmates are registered at AD?

Only myself, Julie. In fact, I haven't even told the others I am here. They don't really have reason to know where I am online.

I'm not sure I see multiplicity as "issues above and beyond". When I'm front, and somebody mistakes me for deaf, that's the issue at hand. There's nothing about me that screams "I HAVE HEADMATES" to random people out in public. If they're giving me flak cause they think I'm deaf, I'm not exactly going to tell them about the multiplicity.

 

[CuriouslyMute]

And do they talk? If the school thought it was just stubborn not speaking, that means she was evaluated and there is no physical problem.

And there are very effective therapies for selective mutism.

It's different than selective mutism though. Selective would mean there are places I can speak. However, no matter when or where I am front, I can't speak. The experience of speaking is so foreign to me that I only recently learned that people can feel their own voices in their throats. It just never occurred to me that they would.
I've even been stabbed in the foot by somebody who wanted to prove I can scream. No, no sound, even by surprise and pain.

Besides that... If I write "No... I CAN'T speak.", you think somebody would have looked in to it, but they didn't. They just insisted I didn't want to. I don't make sound when I scream or cry, and nobody thought "Hey, there might be something to this".
More than one of us told parents and even the school counselor that we are more than one... and they just ignored it. If they hadn't ignored it, maybe we wouldn't have been removed from the talented and gifted program.

Even if they had just slapped the label of "selective mute" on me, a lot of the trouble I've been through could've been avoided.

 

[CuriouslyMute]

Dissociative Identity Disorder is "Multiple personalities" the disorder you're referring to. It's normally caused by extreme childhood trauma. Being mute can also be psychologically but still very real caused by extreme trauma. Most therapists have the goal of integrating all of the alters into one person/personality. Many people with the disorder do not want treatment or consider it a disorder. They sometimes see their alters as friends. In most cases though, one with D.I.D does not know of the alters actions or things that they might say and cannot communicate with the alters. Most people with D.I.D are only aware of lapses in time and do not see a therapist or psychiatrist until their doctor refers them to one or a friend or family member notice their odd different styles of behaviors.
Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder): Signs, Symptoms, Treatment

This is not us.
All of us communicate. I don't always know what my headmates are up to, but that is only because I don't stick my nose in their bussiness. I don't need to see one of my headmates being intimate with their partner. (We are also very honest with that. If any of us is dating, their partner is always told about the rest of us and that the rest are not part of that relationship. We date separately, and all involved are told exactly what they are getting in to.)
There are also plenty of times we will share with each other what we have been up to. When I'm not looking at what my headmates are up to, I don't experience a lapse in time. I still experience the passage of time, I'm simply inside instead of out front. Inside, I am usually chatting with one or more of my headmates.
My headmates are family. Attempting to integrate them would be murder. They have as much right to live as I do.
I firmly believe psychologists do not have an accurate understanding of natural multiples. Natural multiples, such as my system, are completely different from D.I.D.
We are also governed by a self imposed set of rules put in place to keep the outside life running smoothly and avoiding things like dying. Rules such as all of us are to wear seatbelts in the car, not deliberately harming outsiders except in self defense (not that any of us would want to), and not spending money beyond what has been agreed on.
The second D in DID stands for Disorder. If all those in my system are cooparating, are honest and up front with people, not disrupting other people, and are living a relatively happy life in regards to being multiple... that is not a disorder. Thus, we are not D.I.D. There is also the fact that we were not created by abuse.

 

[ecp]

It's different than selective mutism though. Selective would mean there are places I can speak. However, no matter when or where I am front, I can't speak. The experience of speaking is so foreign to me that I only recently learned that people can feel their own voices in their throats. It just never occurred to me that they would.
I've even been stabbed in the foot by somebody who wanted to prove I can scream. No, no sound, even by surprise and pain.

I am very skeptical of this.
Eliciting a reflexive response (by poking or pinching a patient) is a wonderful way to tell if the patient is comatose, or if something else (such as a psychogenic disorder is happening). It can, however, be faked. I highly doubt that the OP truly didn't utter a sound. Profoundly deaf people yell. People with expressive aphasia and even global aphasia still make a noise.
Even people without a freaking larynx make a noise (it is a guttural grunt) but they still make a noise. And they are actually incapable of speaking (physiologically speaking).

Someone who is pretending would be just about the only person who wouldn't make a noise.

I'm not saying the OP is trolling us but I don't think we are being told the truth.
Multiple personality disorder or not, it is a human reflex to vocalize in response to pain.
AND as to the claim that she just learned that a voice makes a vibration in one's throat...bullshit.

 

[tuatara]

This is not us.
All of us communicate. I don't always know what my headmates are up to, but that is only because I don't stick my nose in their bussiness. I don't need to see one of my headmates being intimate with their partner. (We are also very honest with that. If any of us is dating, their partner is always told about the rest of us and that the rest are not part of that relationship. We date separately, and all involved are told exactly what they are getting in to.)
There are also plenty of times we will share with each other what we have been up to. When I'm not looking at what my headmates are up to, I don't experience a lapse in time. I still experience the passage of time, I'm simply inside instead of out front. Inside, I am usually chatting with one or more of my headmates.
My headmates are family. Attempting to integrate them would be murder. They have as much right to live as I do.
I firmly believe psychologists do not have an accurate understanding of natural multiples. Natural multiples, such as my system, are completely different from D.I.D.
We are also governed by a self imposed set of rules put in place to keep the outside life running smoothly and avoiding things like dying. Rules such as all of us are to wear seatbelts in the car, not deliberately harming outsiders except in self defense (not that any of us would want to), and not spending money beyond what has been agreed on.
The second D in DID stands for Disorder. If all those in my system are cooparating, are honest and up front with people, not disrupting other people, and are living a relatively happy life in regards to being multiple... that is not a disorder. Thus, we are not D.I.D. There is also the fact that we were not created by abuse.

Good for you. I feel strongly that you have the right to describe your own life, your own experience, in and on your own terms. We all do. I think most people are acutely aware of this, on some level, as it applies to their own existence, but don't always extend that same respect, that they need and appreciate when they get it, to others. I think I hate that more than just about anything I've seen of humanity.

As far as some of the other comments, suggesting that maybe this stuff isn't true, I have to look at it this way: what if it turns out not to be? What's the worst that can happen? I believed something someone said and some people think I'm stupid? I can totally live with that. But if it goes the other way, if it's genuine, that's very important to me, not to be insulting or dismissive, so I'd by far rather err in that direction if I were ever to have any concern. I've had too many experiences of someone telling me that my own experience wasn't valid, telling me in a disrespectful way, when I was trying very hard to be clear about something genuine and very important to me.

So, yeah, good for you.

(It also occurs to me that, in preparation for becoming a doctor, one might want to purge the word "bullshit" from one's diagnostic vocabulary.)

 

[Bottesini]

Good for you. I feel strongly that you have the right to describe your own life, your own experience, in and on your own terms. We all do. I think most people are acutely aware of this, on some level, as it applies to their own existence, but don't always extend that same respect, that they need and appreciate when they get it, to others. I think I hate that more than just about anything I've seen of humanity.

As far as some of the other comments, suggesting that maybe this stuff isn't true, I have to look at it this way: what if it turns out not to be? What's the worst that can happen? I believed something someone said and some people think I'm stupid? I can totally live with that. But if it goes the other way, if it's genuine, that's very important to me, not to be insulting or dismissive, so I'd by far rather err in that direction if I were ever to have any concern. I've had too many experiences of someone telling me that my own experience wasn't valid, telling me in a disrespectful way, when I was trying very hard to be clear about something genuine and very important to me.

So, yeah, good for you.

(It also occurs to me that, in preparation for becoming a doctor, one might want to purge the word "bullshit" from one's diagnostic vocabulary.)

Balderdash!!! ?

 

[CuriouslyMute]

I am very skeptical of this.
Eliciting a reflexive response (by poking or pinching a patient) is a wonderful way to tell if the patient is comatose, or if something else (such as a psychogenic disorder is happening). It can, however, be faked. I highly doubt that the OP truly didn't utter a sound. Profoundly deaf people yell. People with expressive aphasia and even global aphasia still make a noise.
Even people without a freaking larynx make a noise (it is a guttural grunt) but they still make a noise. And they are actually incapable of speaking (physiologically speaking).

Someone who is pretending would be just about the only person who wouldn't make a noise.

I'm not saying the OP is trolling us but I don't think we are being told the truth.
Multiple personality disorder or not, it is a human reflex to vocalize in response to pain.
AND as to the claim that she just learned that a voice makes a vibration in one's throat...bullshit.

Firstly.. Allow me to clarify. Not truly no sound, but no vocal sound. I gasp, I can make non vocal mouth sounds. My apologies for not being specific. In fact, I have quite an arsonal of non-vocal sounds that I do use to get someone's attention, and even communicate a few basic things with people who hear.
I'll even admit to occasionally forgetting for a moment that the "CHHT CHHT" sound I use to grab attention doesn't work on my Deaf friends, and I feel extremely dumb for a moment when that happens.

I knew that voice is vibrations. I knew that if I were to put my hand on somebody's throat, I would feel their voice. What I didn't know is that the person could feel that INSIDE their own throat. It was more of not realizing how sensitive the inside of a person's throat is. It's just something I never gave any real thought to. Unless something has gone wrong, I don't feel my blood moving, or my kidneys working. I just assumed that unless something has gone wrong, you wouldn't feel your larynx and vocal cords working.

I am telling you my reality. If you don't believe it, I won't hold that against you.
I'll be the first to agree that I can't actually prove any of it, multiplicity is a subjective experience, and yes, mutism can be faked.
The question is... What would be my motive? I'm not seeking anything from anyone here aside from perhaps some casual friendships. If I was going to lie to make friends, I could certainly think of lies that would be far more effective, far more relevant, and far more believable.

Of course deaf people make sound. You don't need your ears to make sound.
Likewise, I don't need a voice to hear. I'm not sure where that part of your response was going, I might have missed something there.

I am telling you the truth. I can't prove the subjective experience of multiplicity. If you choose to believe me, great. If you choose to remain skeptical, my life doesn't change. I have no motive to lie to you, and nothing to gain. I'm simply honest for the sake of being honest.
If I was a fake, why would I bother worrying about correctly handing the situation of being mistaken for deaf? For that matter, if I had reason to lie to you, why wouldn't I just claim to be late deaf? How would you know from way over there across the web?
I have interest in being friends with the Deaf community. I know plenty of hearing-speaking people who are also friends with the deaf people I have become friends with. Why would I bother faking muteness, particularly with people who wouldn't hear me if I did speak?
I'm just saying, if somebody would want to be deceptive, the combination of muteness and multiplicity sure is a tall order to choose as the deception.

If you don't believe me, that is ok. I don't gain or loose anything in either case.
I will still always be honest with you to the best of my ability, and if I keep something from you for privacy reasons, I would say so instead of making something up.

I'm also not here to convince people multiplicity is real. Questions were asked, I answered them honestly.