Making small talk with hearing strangers

[naisho]

I thought you are hearing?

goes both ways in my case. I'm still not sure what I get classified as..
For the record, I have had deafness with me since earliest known age of 2 years.

 

[shel90]

goes both ways in my case. I'm still not sure what I get classified as..
For the record, I have had deafness with me since earliest known age of 2 years.

Then you are like me...grew up orally despite our profound deafness and learned ASL later on.

 

[faire_jour]

I know all of us, regardless of the myth of deaf people being completely isolated in the Deaf community, interact with hearing people constantly.

This is something I was thinking about...today, I went to the food store and there was a guy working on the renovations that my neighborhood food store was going through and I gotta say that they are doing a GREAT job. Well, he was smoking outside when I arrived and he saw me as I am a regular customer and said hi. I said hi back and then he started chatting with me. I couldnt understand him well so I just nodded my head like I understood him. I kept thinking, "Tell him you are deaf and really try to engage in a conversation with him." but I didnt.

Sometimes, I get so annoyed at hearing people who are chatterboxes and try to chat with me like they do with random strangers. Most of the time, I dont like it because it means I have to "work" at communciating with them as spoken language is not fully accessible to me. I usually just smile and nod my head and hope they shut up.

Does this happen to you? If so, do you really try to engage in the conversations or pretend to understand and hope they lose interest?

Why are you mad at the hearing people? How are they supposed to know? Why is it their fault that you don't tell them that you are Deaf and tell them how to better communicate with you?

 

[shel90]

Why are you mad at the hearing people? How are they supposed to know? Why is it their fault that you don't tell them that you are Deaf and tell them how to better communicate with you?

Read the rest of the thread. ok?

 

[faire_jour]

Read the rest of the thread. ok?

I did. I get that it is work to communicate, so either tell them that you don't understand, or sign to them and they will get the picture. Why live your life unhappy and get mad at people who have done nothing wrong but be friendly.

 

[shel90]

I did. I get that it is work to communicate, so either tell them that you don't understand, or sign to them and they will get the picture. Why live your life unhappy and get mad at people who have done nothing wrong but be friendly.

Pls read post #16 and #12

 

[KristinaB]

We don't get mad at the people, we just get tired of always having to explain that we can't hear. And then when we do tell them, they either don't believe us, or they just continue on like we didn't say anything.

 

[KarissaMann05]

Why are you mad at the hearing people? How are they supposed to know? Why is it their fault that you don't tell them that you are Deaf and tell them how to better communicate with you?

Well... when I started to learn how to listen and talk. For first month, I had no problem with conservations through I felt lost a bit or misunderstood that I need to ask a stranger something he/she could clarity it. Later, for a few months, I felt annoying when familiar faced strangers kept expecting me to know what they said. But it is not work on me. I would prefer to nod and pretend to understand what they say. It's getting old and irritating...

But I won't give up anyways.

 

[shel90]

We don't get mad at the people, we just get tired of always having to explain that we can't hear. And then when we do tell them, they either don't believe us, or they just continue on like we didn't say anything.

Exactly...


Yes, I know there are wonderful hearing people out there and I have a feeling that the construction worker at the food store was one of them which was why I really felt bad afterwards for not making an effort to make communication easier. It just seems like an automatic reaction whenever hearing strangers try to make small talk with me and I have been trying to work on it. The whole point of this thread was to ask if anyone else has ever felt the same as well?

It is NOT a rant against hearing people.

 

[KarissaMann05]

We don't get mad at the people, we just get tired of always having to explain that we can't hear. And then when we do tell them, they either don't believe us, or they just continue on like we didn't say anything.

My thought exactly...

 

[KristinaB]

It is NOT a rant against hearing people.

Gee, if it was a rant against hearing people, then who do we live with? Your hubby and son are hearing, my whole family is hearing. Geez!!

 

[faire_jour]

I guess the part where I get lost is when someone allows the conversation to progress when they don't understand. I have never been deaf, but I can't imagine just pretending I understand when I don't. (When I go to Deaf community stuff, I don't just nod, I ask for help when I don't understand. I'm an equal in the communication, I deserve to know.) My daughter is the same way, if she doesn't understand, she asks and we explain.

 

[shel90]

Gee, if it was a rant against hearing people, then who do we live with? Your hubby and son are hearing, my whole family is hearing. Geez!!

Right..I am talking about my feelings of guilt for blowing innocent hearing people off....and wondering if others have felt the same too.

 

[KristinaB]

I guess the part where I get lost is when someone allows the conversation to progress when they don't understand. I have never been deaf, but I can't imagine just pretending I understand when I don't. (When I go to Deaf community stuff, I don't just nod, I ask for help when I don't understand. I'm an equal in the communication, I deserve to know.) My daughter is the same way, if she doesn't understand, she asks and we explain.

A lot of times people will talk continuously and not give you the time to interrupt to let them know. Also, if it's someone we know, why should we have to tell them every time we see them that we are deaf and can't hear? They should learn at some point.

 

[KristinaB]

Right..I am talking about my feelings of guilt for blowing innocent hearing people off....and wondering if others have felt the same too.

Right - I did know that and yes, I have felt very guilty for it as well.

 

[CJB]

Even though I'm "only" HOH I I can't understand speech in noisy areas. I can definitely relate to the frustration of having to explain yourself over and over again. In my case it's explaining that I can hear them but not understand them, that yelling doesn't help, and explaining print on palm, but in the end it's the same thing: having to explain your situation to have a successful conversation. And yet when the conversations are short or just out of niceties, explaining doesn't seem worth it. I fake it in those situations too. Nod and smile, hope they didn't ask a question, and hope the BS answer I came up with made sense to them.

faire_jour: it's a frustration at the situation, not hearing people. Don't worry, we're not attacking you.

 

[CJB]

I guess the part where I get lost is when someone allows the conversation to progress when they don't understand. I have never been deaf, but I can't imagine just pretending I understand when I don't. (When I go to Deaf community stuff, I don't just nod, I ask for help when I don't understand. I'm an equal in the communication, I deserve to know.) My daughter is the same way, if she doesn't understand, she asks and we explain.

And most of us probably do this, but is it worth it for every minor exchange?

 

[ncff07]

I guess the part where I get lost is when someone allows the conversation to progress when they don't understand. I have never been deaf, but I can't imagine just pretending I understand when I don't. (When I go to Deaf community stuff, I don't just nod, I ask for help when I don't understand. I'm an equal in the communication, I deserve to know.) My daughter is the same way, if she doesn't understand, she asks and we explain.

maybe its one of the things you have to experience. maybe its just us trying not to be rude and say ok i dont want to talk i gotta go or something. maybe its the years of being looked down on by people who think your dumb because you cant hear and have learned just to go with it instead of explaining it and like some have said people tend to ignore it sometimes or look down on you. or maybe its the years of sitting in places/classrooms praying you dont get called on to answer something. maybe its EVERYTHING weve had to put up with over the years.

you dont understand it. its something you have to go through yourself to understand.

 

[Beowulf]

I guess the part where I get lost is when someone allows the conversation to progress when they don't understand. I have never been deaf, but I can't imagine just pretending I understand when I don't. (When I go to Deaf community stuff, I don't just nod, I ask for help when I don't understand. I'm an equal in the communication, I deserve to know.) My daughter is the same way, if she doesn't understand, she asks and we explain.

An equal in communication? Deafness is not considered a social handicap rather than a physical one for nothing. It is VERY draining both physically and emotionally to make constant conscious effort to keep up with conversations you feel lost in. You must be Supermom.

 

[Deaffy]

maybe its one of the things you have to experience. maybe its just us trying not to be rude and say ok i dont want to talk i gotta go or something. maybe its the years of being looked down on by people who think your dumb because you cant hear and have learned just to go with it instead of explaining it and like some have said people tend to ignore it sometimes or look down on you. or maybe its the years of sitting in places/classrooms praying you dont get called on to answer something. maybe its EVERYTHING weve had to put up with over the years.

you dont understand it. its something you have to go through yourself to understand.

my favorite thing hearies do to us.. is when we ask what did you say? and then after a couple times of not understanding them they say nevermind and go onto talk to someone else..