Making small talk with hearing strangers

[shel90]

Actually, I am one of the few people who believe that deaf children can communicate in many different ways, NOT only ASL. I am saying that if a parent does not know ASL, it does not mean that they can not communicate with their deaf child.

Oh brother...come to my family gatherings and see how much my family can communcate with my brother. You do not understand at all how destructive that is, dont you?

 

[shel90]

anyways, FJ..this thread was created for the purpose for us, deaf people, to share their experiences. Why do you keep coming in here and questioning our views and why we feel the way we do?

 

[faire_jour]

Wirelessly posted

Do you comprehend that I have also spoken to MANY deaf people? Perhaps, I have encountered people who have different opinions and life experience than those you have encountered. I make the decisions that work for MY child, and I give her the tools that she needs. Why you must take issue with EVERY SINGLE thing I do or say shows your insecurity with your decisions, not mine.

See, your word choice shows the perspective you are coming from. You have spoken to many deaf people. What you need to do is stop speaking and start listening and paying attention to what they are saying. You only hear enough to decide to get defensive and start trying to justify your point. Stop telling them they are wrong. They are not wrong. They are telling you what their experience is and has been, and it is a valuable lesson that you could use to educate yourself.

where do i say that any deaf person is wrong? People constantly say that parents are wrong or lazy who choose ci's but i have never said a deaf person was wrong.

 

[faire_jour]

Wirelessly posted

Actually, I am one of the few people who believe that deaf children can communicate in many different ways, NOT only ASL. I am saying that if a parent does not know ASL, it does not mean that they can not communicate with their deaf child.

Oh brother...come to my family gatherings and see how much my family can communcate with my brother. You do not understand at all how destructive that is, dont you?

yes, if your child signs and you don't, you will struggle to communicate and it will be a negative situation, but that is not the majority of families. Most children who are deaf are oral and so they and their families do not use asl.

 

[faire_jour]

Wirelessly posted

anyways, FJ..this thread was created for the purpose for us, deaf people, to share their experiences. Why do you keep coming in here and questioning our views and why we feel the way we do?

i am not welcome in this thread?

i have not once said that your perspective or experience wasn't valid. In fact, i have asked several questions to better understand.

 

[shel90]

Wirelessly posted



yes, if your child signs and you don't, you will struggle to communicate and it will be a negative situation, but that is not the majority of families. Most children who are deaf are oral and so they and their families do not use asl.

And many oral deaf come in here on AD saying they wish they knew sign language and always felt left out constantly.

 

[shel90]

Wirelessly posted



i am not welcome in this thread?

i have not once said that your perspective or experience wasn't valid. In fact, i have asked several questions to better understand.

Did I say you were not welcome? I am stating the purpose of this thread and it turned out to be a thread with us justifying our way of living which is NOT what I wanted. I wanted this thread for many of us to share our experiences about a particular issue. Sometimes we, deaf people, need that. Need to connect by sharing our experiences because out there many of us dont have others to relate to.

 

[KarissaMann05]

Wirelessly posted

:roll: Why am I not surprise?

ADers, let be warn - if you wants to share your experience story of something, then to be sure you expect you'll be critiqued by people who never have any experience like yours. Even they don't like or don't want to read yours.

My advices are:
1. Ignore them and find an another thread.
2. Keep your personal stories to yourself may be good idea.

With no doubt, seeing this thread, some AD'ers now just back off already. It is good thing for me cos I don't tell a lot of my experience story as a talking deaf rookie.....

 

[shel90]

Wirelessly posted

:roll: Why am I not surprise?

ADers, let be warn - if you wants to share your experience story of something, then to be sure you expect you'll be critiqued by people who never have any experience like yours. Even they don't like or don't want to read yours.

My advices are:
1. Ignore them and find an another thread.
2. Keep your personal stories to yourself may be good idea.

With no doubt, seeing this thread, some AD'ers now just back off already. It is good thing for me cos I don't tell a lot of my experience story as a talking deaf rookie.....

Can you clarify? Are u saying your don't want to share your experiences for fear of those who have no experience of being deaf criticizing you? Just wanted to make sure I was reading your correctly. Thanks

 

[KarissaMann05]

Wirelessly posted

Wirelessly posted

:roll: Why am I not surprise?

ADers, let be warn - if you wants to share your experience story of something, then to be sure you expect you'll be critiqued by people who never have any experience like yours. Even they don't like or don't want to read yours.

My advices are:
1. Ignore them and find an another thread.
2. Keep your personal stories to yourself may be good idea.

With no doubt, seeing this thread, some AD'ers now just back off already. It is good thing for me cos I don't tell a lot of my experience story as a talking deaf rookie.....

Can you clarify? Are u saying your don't want to share your experiences for fear of those who have no experience of being deaf criticizing you? Just wanted to make sure I was reading your correctly. Thanks

Yes.

 

[shel90]

Wirelessly posted



Yes.

Iam sorry that you feel this way. My thread was created for the purpose of sharing this particular experience. Looks like it was an epic fail.

 

[Speedy Hawk]

Last time a stranger talked to me was at bus station. It was raining and I was waiting for bus, old lady came next to me and sat down, starts talking. I don't have clue what she was saying. I just nodded then suddenly she looked angry and stood up and walked away. I must have nodded at something she was offended off at. No idea what it was. I was bit shocked see her sudden change in reaction.

 

[KristinaB]

Iam sorry that you feel this way. My thread was created for the purpose of sharing this particular experience. Looks like it was an epic fail.

I don't think it was an epic fail. Just that some people took it over for their own purpose and others just don't feel comfortable sharing their life experiences. I still learned some things that I did not know, so that tells me that it was not an epic fail. Thank you for starting this thread and I am sorry that it got derailed by people for their own purposes.

 

[KarissaMann05]

Wirelessly posted

Iam sorry that you feel this way. My thread was created for the purpose of sharing this particular experience. Looks like it was an epic fail.

I don't think it was an epic fail. Just that some people took it over for their own purpose and others just don't feel comfortable sharing their life experiences. I still learned some things that I did not know, so that tells me that it was not an epic fail. Thank you for starting this thread and I am sorry that it got derailed by people for their own purposes.

Good to know. I know this thread is suppose to share their personal experiences, not something vs something debates...

So I tried to speak up for others, and I did try my best to keep my personals stay non-offsenive as much as I can...

 

[shel90]

Last time a stranger talked to me was at bus station. It was raining and I was waiting for bus, old lady came next to me and sat down, starts talking. I don't have clue what she was saying. I just nodded then suddenly she looked angry and stood up and walked away. I must have nodded at something she was offended off at. No idea what it was. I was bit shocked see her sudden change in reaction.

OOOOPS!!!

 

[shel90]

I don't think it was an epic fail. Just that some people took it over for their own purpose and others just don't feel comfortable sharing their life experiences. I still learned some things that I did not know, so that tells me that it was not an epic fail. Thank you for starting this thread and I am sorry that it got derailed by people for their own purposes.

 

[naisho]

I noticed wikipedia has an entry on the term that associates the hearing with it. Pretty neat.

Awkward silence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Awkward silence


An awkward silence is an uncomfortable pause in a conversation.[1] The unpleasant nature of such silences is associated with feelings of anxiety as the participants feel pressure to speak but are unsure what to say next.[2] It is commonly preceded by an ill-considered remark or an imbalance in which one of the participants makes minimal responses.[3] When Europeans communicate with Japanese, a period of meaningful silence is sometimes misinterpreted as an awkward silence.[4]
[edit] Remediation

Awkward silences may result from a faltering conversation in which the participants have completed what they wanted to say. To avoid such a conclusion, the participants should actively close the conversation by summarising what was said and thanking the others for their contributions.[5]

When prolonged conversation is expected, people may be put at ease and conversation facilitated by contriving topics. In a social setting where people are meeting for the first time, the organiser of the gathering may propose an icebreaker or conversation opener such as a round of introductions. Conversation pieces, such as novel trinkets or artworks, may be used to stimulate continued conversation. In an online setting or virtual reality, an automated agent may be used to monitor and stimulate flagging conversation by suggesting topics.[6]

In art and literature

In Pulp Fiction, Mia and Vincent discuss awkward silences after a pause in their conversation at Jackrabbit Slim's:[7]
“ Don't you hate that?
Hate what?
Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit? In order to be comfortable?
I don't know. That's a good question.
That's when you know you found somebody really special, when you can just shut the fuck up for a minute. Comfortably share silence.

 

[Bebonang]

And many oral deaf come in here on AD saying they wish they knew sign language and always felt left out constantly.

Bingo, that is what happen to me if I was force to speak in the hearing world like my family and the mainstream school settings which is both elementary and high school. I was so tense up and have a hard time trying to lipread in the classrooms. I felt left out by the teachers and other hearing students that I was not getting good grades. I was jealous of my hearing sister who had straight A in all of her courses in both schools because she can understand what is being said in the classroom while I can not understand except to read the books. That is the exactly why I tried to tell my high school principal to have a sign language program in our classroom and to have ASL interpreters for all the other classes. That is what make me get angry that we are still in the oral only program. Sorry that I rant and waste my energy on this. But that is how I felt or feel with my past experience.

 

[Frisky Feline]

Iam sorry that you feel this way. My thread was created for the purpose of sharing this particular experience. Looks like it was an epic fail.

No, it isn't an epic fail. Most of you shares the experience what I have been through the same situation. i do not recall of finding funny stories to share with here.

 

[Adamsmomma]

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Yes.

I hate that you (and I'm sure many others) feel that way Karissa... I hope I don't come off like that as a hearing mom with a deaf child... I value the input and personal experiences I read here... I've learned so much that's helped me with Adam. I come here for advice from those who understand first hand what he's going thru.