Making small talk with hearing strangers

BecLak said:
Yes, there are Deaf who agree with you on your suggestions of approach. But it is clear that you are still not 'getting it'. Therefore, ignorance is becoming your "handicap". You are displaying the typical ignorance of the mainstream hearing. (Others of you who are hearing and do get it, are not in the 'typical ignorant' category - this does not apply to you). Read my post #318 and then perhaps then you can begin to understand where we are coming from.
Click to expand...

I promise that I am not ignorant. Did you consider that I simply disagree? I choose not to just walk on eggshells because I am hearing. If I think something is stupid, I'm going to say it. And who says I "don't get it"? I asked my questions, they were answered, now I have an opinion.
 
faire_jour said:
I promise that I am not ignorant. Did you consider that I simply disagree? I choose not to just walk on eggshells because I am hearing. If I think something is stupid, I'm going to say it. And who says I "don't get it"? I asked my questions, they were answered, now I have an opinion.
Click to expand...

As its been said many times you DO NOT get it. You CANT get it until youve been deaf/HoH many years like we have. You can ask whatever to try to understand better but its just not possible for you to understand first hand what its like/what weve been through unless you experience it yourself first hand.
 
faire_jour said:
I promise that I am not ignorant. Did you consider that I simply disagree? I choose not to just walk on eggshells because I am hearing. If I think something is stupid, I'm going to say it. And who says I "don't get it"?
Click to expand...

Perhaps I can rephrase this for you....you are not 'reading' the majority on this thread.

There are the few who agree with your approach who are comfortable with being reclusive, or just plain keeping to themselves, but many here who are not and didn't you also say that being reclusive is just 'hiding' and not confronting the issue. On the other hand, you say we need to outright explain - by saying that it is clear you have not bothered to actually read many of the posts here. This is where you are consistantly displaying an typically ignorant or audist view which defeats the whole purpose of why we are here.

Perhaps then, this thread is not for you.
 
Wowieeee :shock:
I think I'm getting dizzy here. :dizzy:

Yes, I'm aware of what's going on between hearie and deaf/hoh world.
I'm not the only one...I related to some of them too.

It was just "frustration".
 
faire_jour said:
I promise that I am not ignorant. Did you consider that I simply disagree? I choose not to just walk on eggshells because I am hearing. If I think something is stupid, I'm going to say it. And who says I "don't get it"? I asked my questions, they were answered, now I have an opinion.
Click to expand...

Ok, so have you experienced being deaf all of your life?
 
"Walking on eggshells"? No one is walking on eggshells here. It's more like an anti-gun liberal showing up to a NRA meeting, and asking the members to convince them why guns are necessary. Of course, you're not going to get the reactions you want.

When you walked a mile in our moccasins when old age comes to claim your hearing, then maybe, perhaps, you can understand why we do the things we do.
 
faire_jour said:
All I said was that if you are unhappy with your interactions, change something about them. For each person, that something would be different (some people would ignore, others sign, others ask for accomidations). I just thought that doing nothing, and not understanding, and being unhappy about it wasn't good.
Click to expand...

why does this bold sentence bother you so much? this thread is part of our talking experience to share with. This thread is not the same discussion as "bipolar or commit suicide people talking to the counselor". We all know that we are capable of changing something but sometimes we chose to do something either that or that whatever it would be easier for us based on our experiences in the past.
 
ah.... "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes."
 
faire_jour said:
I promise that I am not ignorant. Did you consider that I simply disagree? I choose not to just walk on eggshells because I am hearing. If I think something is stupid, I'm going to say it. And who says I "don't get it"? I asked my questions, they were answered, now I have an opinion.
Click to expand...

Great. Now we have been judged by a hearing person. We await with bated breath the verdict.
 
Last edited:
faire_jour said:
All I said was that if you are unhappy with your interactions, change something about them. For each person, that something would be different (some people would ignore, others sign, others ask for accomidations). I just thought that doing nothing, and not understanding, and being unhappy about it wasn't good.
Click to expand...

I don't think the topic is about being melancholy and drowning ourselves in sorrow to the point that we're seeking alternative benevolence or something like that. It is more like, "Don't you hate it when _______" kind of talk..? just an everyday discussion at the office. I personally tend to align straight in the middle between oral and sign conversations, sometimes I feel like I see the shades of both realms, to which I replied earlier that I notice it happens in the deaf world too, not just the hearing.

Lemme give you an example I think you may be familiar with.

You're going to the car dealership to get minor business done. The enthusiastic dealers standing around catch you rolling in and proceed towards you the moment you exit out of your vehicle. Say you had a very pessimistic guy, he's trying all his best to convince you to go for that shiny red corvette sitting in the showroom and is tailing right next to you while you're walking to customer service.

Here's the personality catch. You probably are the type to tell him to "fuck off". While for me, I know I would have exchanged a few lines with him already like "Oh, really!" and "How much is it?" without actually being interested at all.

See this perspective of describing the interaction? Since when should the personalities, and choices a person makes be the wrong thing to do? All irrelevant tangents aside.
 
naisho said:
I don't think the topic is about being melancholy and drowning ourselves in sorrow to the point that we're seeking alternative benevolence or something like that. It is more like, "Don't you hate it when _______" kind of talk..? just an everyday discussion at the office. I personally tend to align straight in the middle between oral and sign conversations, sometimes I feel like I see the shades of both realms, to which I replied earlier that I notice it happens in the deaf world too, not just the hearing.

Lemme give you an example I think you may be familiar with.

You're going to the car dealership to get minor business done. The enthusiastic dealers standing around catch you rolling in and proceed towards you the moment you exit out of your vehicle. Say you had a very pessimistic guy, he's trying all his best to convince you to go for that shiny red corvette sitting in the showroom and is tailing right next to you while you're walking to customer service.

Here's the personality catch. You probably are the type to tell him to "fuck off". While for me, I know I would have exchanged a few lines with him already like "Oh, really!" and "How much is it?" without actually being interested at all.

See this perspective of describing the interaction? Since when should the personalities, and choices a person makes be the wrong thing to do? All irrelevant tangents aside.
Click to expand...


well said.
 
Recently I've noticed myself signing to hearing strangers whilst talking at same time (FYI my voice is terrible!!!), and it made people realise that I was deaf, but being nice to them and talking anyway. Most of the time it made the conversations short (to my delight), but a few times I would get these people who would ask more questions, especially if they are interested about deaf people, etc... It's weird sometimes how I response to people on a subconscious level with sign language, even though I knew they couldn't understand signs.

At my work, I turn my voice off, but speak with mouth moving and signing at same time. Hearing coworkers seem to understand me better that way... which I find odd.
 
Kuifje75 said:
Recently I've noticed myself signing to hearing strangers whilst talking at same time (FYI my voice is terrible!!!), and it made people realise that I was deaf, but being nice to them and talking anyway. Most of the time it made the conversations short (to my delight), but a few times I would get these people who would ask more questions, especially if they are interested about deaf people, etc... It's weird sometimes how I response to people on a subconscious level with sign language, even though I knew they couldn't understand signs.

At my work, I turn my voice off, but speak with mouth moving and signing at same time. Hearing coworkers seem to understand me better that way... which I find odd.
Click to expand...

More or less the same thing here. When a hearing stranger engages me in conversation, I find my subconscious making the main actions. Depending on how I instantly size the stranger up, I sometimes point to my ear, smile and shake my head. Sometimes I start talking, but throw in a few signs. That is my way of letting them know I am deaf, without the "rude" option of cutting them off entirely. I do not have a set plan for reacting to each person I meet in this world.
 
Very well said....one thing I do hate to do is car or furniture shopping. The salespeople will hound and hound you, following ur every step!....For awhile, I put up with it....But realized I was just making myself "miserable"!...and why should I have to feel that way??

So I got my pen and paper and wrote:..."I'm just looking...and when I find something that I like....I'll get back to you." Give me ur card!...It's worked for me....I don't feel anybody should have to feel like they are "cornored" or have to be "polite" to people that are being rude themselves....

Same thing with "hearing strangers"....Most...at least with me, once I say "I'm deaf"....they more than likely find someone else to talk to, (another hearie) that is willing to listen to them jabber and jabber about nothing.

Some hearies will accommodate me by talking slowly and if I want to make a conversation with them, fine. If not, I'm not gonna be pressured to do so. Some people will just keep on talking and talking...perhaps just to "hear" themselves talk or to rant about what's bothering them and hope you will agree with them.....a lot of older people do that...because they are just lonely.....But the majority of "hearing strangers" that stop me...all they want is money...or want me to buy them something in the store which they can't buy themselves for some reason.....underage (can't buy beer or alcohol), or cigarettes or cigars.....Then that's a good reason to keep on walking and not even attempt to talk with them.
 
rockin'robin said:
Very well said....one thing I do hate to do is car or furniture shopping. The salespeople will hound and hound you, following ur every step!....For awhile, I put up with it....But realized I was just making myself "miserable"!...and why should I have to feel that way??

So I got my pen and paper and wrote:..."I'm just looking...and when I find something that I like....I'll get back to you." Give me ur card!...It's worked for me....I don't feel anybody should have to feel like they are "cornored" or have to be "polite" to people that are being rude themselves....

Same thing with "hearing strangers"....Most...at least with me, once I say "I'm deaf"....they more than likely find someone else to talk to, (another hearie) that is willing to listen to them jabber and jabber about nothing.

Some hearies will accommodate me by talking slowly and if I want to make a conversation with them, fine. If not, I'm not gonna be pressured to do so. Some people will just keep on talking and talking...perhaps just to "hear" themselves talk or to rant about what's bothering them and hope you will agree with them.....a lot of older people do that...because they are just lonely.....But the majority of "hearing strangers" that stop me...all they want is money...or want me to buy them something in the store which they can't buy themselves for some reason.....underage (can't buy beer or alcohol), or cigarettes or cigars.....Then that's a good reason to keep on walking and not even attempt to talk with them.
Click to expand...

Oh yeah, I hear you, sistah! A couple times I couldn't make hide nor hair of what a hearing stranger was saying, so I tried to give them money. They were speechless, since that was not their intent at all. Whoops!
 
Its so weird when I travel, people always come up to me asking me something. When I was in Italy, people often asked me stuff like directions and so on, and they would speak in their own language. Once, I was on a train, and a woman was wondering what the station we stopped at was. I tried to say the city name clearly and she thanked me and got off the train. Also, on a train in Naples for Rome, people kept asking me if it was the train for Rome. I kept saying Si... Si... Si... Si... because Roma was so easy to lipread.

When I was in Australia recently, people kept on wanting to talk with me in Sydney. I don't understand why!!! A woman was asking me about the ferry, and I explained that I was not from here so I wouldn't know and apologised, then suggested her to look at the schedule on the wall.

I agree about the businessmen, who keep looking at you. I simply acknowledge them with a "hello, I'm looking around, thanks." and that usually makes them leave me alone. I dont think my speech is very good, but maybe my "accent" makes them avoid me, hee hee.
 
naisho said:
I don't think the topic is about being melancholy and drowning ourselves in sorrow to the point that we're seeking alternative benevolence or something like that. It is more like, "Don't you hate it when _______" kind of talk..? just an everyday discussion at the office. I personally tend to align straight in the middle between oral and sign conversations, sometimes I feel like I see the shades of both realms, to which I replied earlier that I notice it happens in the deaf world too, not just the hearing.

[/I]
Click to expand...

As a hearing person this is exactly how I understood the thread... and it makes sense to me since there are MANY times I just don't want to be 'bothered' with listening to strangers small talk, or hearing their life story... (like in the ER waiting room, or in line at Walmart) I also don't want to be perceived as a total bitch... so I'll nod, 'uh huh' a time or two and be polite but I'm NOT listening instead I'm balancing my checkbook or planning the dinner menu in my head... later when my mood improves or the situation is different I may think back and feel 'guilty' for not listening to the little old lady in the ER who maybe just needed a friendly person to tell her story to, --surely EVERYONE hearing, deaf, etc has experienced that???

I never once read the thread as "woes me, this is so hard, etc..." just as Nashio said more of a "Don't ya hate it when..... " sort of thing, it's just been TOTALLY blown out of proportion!!

Oh and WHAT Gym do y'all go to where people want to talk?? LOL I've NEVER had anyone speak to me (when I did go to the gym) they were all focused on their own stuff... which suits me just fine!! LOL
 
As for a gym....my guess is that some people actually go to a gym to "socialize"....while others are serious about their workout....Same as for cornor stores...some people have nothing else to do except to stand outside and try to make conversation with people....No law against that, but some people just don't have the time, are serious about their workout, and should not feel or be pressured to make small talk. Most store owners don't want people loitering outside their stores, and they get run off the premises....and again, people who do bother the customers, asking for $$ or trying to get you to buy them something...all it takes is a complaint to the owner of the store!

It all, at least to me, depends upon the person's feelings if they want to talk to strangers. If not, then that's not being rude in my book!....There is a deafie who hangs out at the Dollar Store near my home and bothers people for $$$. He doesn't hand out cards...just make signs about "food"..."hungry"...etc. And after talking to him one time, I found out he does get SSI...and I told him where he could get some free food....but that's really not what he wanted! He wanted $$$....I've never talked to him again, altho' I do still see him sitting outside that store stopping customers asking for $$....
 
faire_jour said:
No, I'm saying that if you are happy with it there is nothing to complain about.

How are hearing people supposed to "change their ignorant attitudes" when every single person in this thread has said that they don't even tell the hearing people that they are Deaf, let alone what they need!
Click to expand...

We have not all said that we don't tell people, we have said that we are tired of constantly people the same thing over and over. I never once said that I refused to let someone know, just that I was tired of telling the same people over and over.
 
Back
Top