Is It Appropriate To .....

[FeistyChick]

Just because lots of people do something doesn't make it right.



I never said that. I think it's rude to expect a gift in exchange for reception food. (i have seen and/or heard that this has happened to people... it is a major turn off!) Why not just sell tickets to the event? :roll:


You are correct to ask the couple what they want. That's fine. That's not the same as listing a request on the invitation. >>> RIGHT ON!!!


Well, hopefully they won't have another wedding again anyway; hopefully they will stay married to each other.

Seriously, what kind of friend would decide to invite or not invite someone to an event based upon what kind of gift they will get? Do you really want that kind of a person for a friend? Do you really want to bribe your way into their celebrations?

>>> EXACTLY!!! that is what happened... i lose or lost respect for those who do do things like you mentioned in the above!

 

[Alex]

my bf's grandfather had a big 90th birthday bash a few months ago... and he DIDN'T WANT GIFTS AT ALL... people didn't respect his wishes... they gave him lots of gifts (unwanted/or unnecessary ones).. he wasnt pleased about it because he didn't need them and also he lives in a very tiny 1 bedroom apt... where could he put all of his gifts???

LOL I thought that was funny. Maybe your bf's grandfather was trying a bit of reverse psychology.

 

[Angel]

Best way is informal spreading the word since people will see that the invitations did not have "official" wedding gift registery from your favorite department store. People will then notice no registery then that is when they will ask you and you will be pleased to tell them you only need the money to cover the expenses of the wedding, honeymoon, moving, etc. They cost quite a bit these days!

So true, I'll do it that way, Thank you so much,

 

[FeistyChick]

Hi Angel, Please don't let Reba tell you what do. I don't agree with Reba. I think that you follow your heart and it is your wedding or whatever. I know many people don't like buy gifts because they don't know what buy gifts. They rather give money or gift cards.

I got lot of cash and gifts at my wedding. I didn't complain because I rather get cash.

My husband and I have very hard time to what buy gift for ourselves, or family or friends because we don't know what buy or what they like. We already have everything in our house. We don't want my family get upset if they don't like something that we buy. We always send gift cards. They said gift cards are very excellent because they can pick anything that they really want. for me, I don't like what my family give me sometimes because they are not my type.[/B I don't want hurt their feeling. >>> but that is also SHOWING THEM RESPECT TOO! they don't need to know that... ever hear of this saying--- "WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW, WON'T HURT THEM".... We don't use them and left them sitting for long time in storage. That was not good. That why we use gift card most time.

we do that too!!! it is a great gift because they can get whatever they want in any store (whereever you get the GC from) but not only that!! that's why there are GIFT RECEIPTS!!! you should always ask for them at the time of purchases so you can put it/them in the box so the person can exchange or whatsoever too!! --- we always get gift receipts and put them in the boxes or give it to the person after he/she has opened up her gift... it is much easier that way too... besides getting gift cards...

we didn't always like our gifts... but we "kept" it to ourselves because it is all about being respectful! period...

i would BE VERY OFFENDED if someone told me that he/she didn't like my gift/s... because i took THE TIME TO THINK OF THEM, by GOING SHOPPING AND FIGURING OUT WHAT TO GET HIM/HER!!! as i don't have much time for shopping these days... or money too...

 

[FeistyChick]

While I agree with many of you. And many good points. For us, we are not rich at all and since we are middle aged and already have beens. That means my wife was married prior marrying me. Her husband died in the year 2000 and already have everything. For me, same deal. I was never married pretty much of half of my life living all by myself.

It is rude to ask for money on the invitation cards, period. " >>> EXACTLY!!!

Best way is informal spreading the word since people will see that the invitations did not have "official" wedding gift registery from your favorite department store. People will then notice no registery then that is when they will ask you and you will be pleased to tell them you only need the money to cover the expenses of the wedding, honeymoon, moving, etc. They cost quite a bit these days! >>> VERY TRUE!! that is what my sister did!! she didn't have a lot of wedding expenses because my parents covered some of it and most of the money were from the guests which helped a great deal that they were able to afford a TWO WEEK EXOTIC HONEYMOON TO TAHITI/NEW ZEALAND!!! (one of the most expensive honeymoons!)

Since we are middle aged, >>> YOU ARE??? we asked for money by telling our guests in person, over the phone, or at work, etc. What we got MORE than needed! Wow! Rest are now invested for retirement that is another 30 years from now (for me), 25 for my wife.

What we did have for a 50 guests wedding was a very low budget but honeymoon a modest expenses for us. Here is the secret, we ordered our thank you gifts, I designed invitations and thank you cards and printed myself, bought 2 15 dollars (each) Mexican Wedding shirts for myself and my brother. I had black slacks. 15 dollars on sale for casual black shoes, cook our meals, etc. It was right on my sister's 44 acres farm by the pond, beautiful forest, dollar tiki torches, borrowed a party canopy tent, etc. It ran up to 500 dollars compared to my brother's 4,000 dollars wedding in 1996 and my sister's 4,000 dollars wedding in 1983!

Of course! Marriage license and the Justice of the Peace! Not bad!

Honeymoon, on another hand, a resort by the mountain 3 hours away (Catskill, NY) cost us 500 dollars for 4 nights/5 days! Not bad!

Remember this, must report for taxes since it is considered as gifts or income, depending on your state or country.

GREAT POINTERS YOU GAVE ANGEL... it helps a lot!!!

my sister keeps telling us... HONEYMOON is the most important part of the wedding... i have had my close friends tell me the same thing too... gifts are not really necessary these days unless you need house stuff from crate & barrel, pottery barn, etc... because she said HONEYMOONS ARE THE MOST EXPENSIVE OF ALL and MOST PEOPLE CAN NEVER AFFORD THEM BECAUSE THEIR EXPENSES GO TOWARDS THE WEDDING! wish is very sad

 

[FeistyChick]

LOL I thought that was funny. Maybe your bf's grandfather was trying a bit of reverse psychology.

i highly doubt it even though he is a one of the biggest "clown" in the family, and still is!!!

 

[Kalista]

Believe it or not, 15 people were not giving the wedding gifts at all. They just showed up at the receiption with their children or friends. We invitied them but not expect more people were coming. They did not give us any wedding gifts or money at all. I know, it is very rude. There is nothing else, we can do about it.

The food was huge and expensive buffet. The receiption has view the lake with beautiful colorful autum trees. The wedding was such beautiful and successful. We were not worried about other people whom did not give us any gifts.

 

[GalaxyAngel]

Isn't belong like a past and used to be proprite gift!

Today, Huge changed and what their want preference gifts or money.. as long asking them to make sure before "Giving them nicely" Which it not RUDE..

Just as same my family or relatives are tend to ask us before buy it.. Mostly high percentage want money. Reason what their want wish list and buy it themselves.. and send "Thank you card" out to guest peoples. Guest peoples feel better.. what they did bought it..

Isn't harmful..

If people feel bad and doesn't want this kind gift.. tell person, I do not like this gift.. YES IT CONSIDER RUDE! How other person feel about this.. ? May end up upset!

Really doesn't need rest of you guys are debate turned into heating!
Just feedback opinion are always welcomed but debate?

 

[FeistyChick]

Believe it or not, 15 people were not giving the wedding gifts at all. They just showed up at the receiption with their children or friends. We invitied them but not expect more people were coming. They did not give us any wedding gifts or money at all. I know, it is very rude. There is nothing else, we can do about it.

The food was huge and expensive buffet. The receiption has view the lake with beautiful colorful autum trees. The wedding was such beautiful and successful. We were not worried about other people whom did not give us any gifts.

because it is a proper thing to "keep" it to yourself ... and you guys did the right thing... and your wedding was still a success with great and beautiful memories!!! some people just don't have "class" or are inconsiderate of others... if they tell you that they had no money, but would make it up to you... that is acceptable right? as long as they care about you, are thinking of you and being honest with you too!!!

 

[DreamDeaf]

Some of you seem to be assuming that she has already asked for monetary gifts on her invitations - she hasn't even selected her invitations yet! All she wanted was an opinion about the proprietary of putting that on her invitations or if it was a no-no.

So far, I've seen ONE good suggestion... do not put down anything, such as a gift registry. Just have the invitation as is - such as the bride and grooms names, date, location, time and so on...

As for assuming that people should bring gifts to a wedding, is not what Angel is saying - she wants her friends and family to come to her wedding and celebrate the union of Angel and RoadRunner. Period.

She just wanted to know if she should have that statement or not on her invitations and was asking for suggestions, opinions and thoughts on this matter.

Please do not assume anything beyond that.

 

[FeistyChick]

Isn't belong like a past and used to be proprite gift!

Today, Huge changed and what their want preference gifts or money.. as long asking them to make sure before "Giving them nicely" Which it not RUDE..

Just as same my family or relatives are tend to ask us before buy it.. Mostly high percentage want money. Reason what their want wish list and buy it themselves.. and send "Thank you card" out to guest peoples. Guest peoples feel better.. what they did bought it..

Isn't harmful..

If people feel bad and doesn't want this kind gift.. tell person, I do not like this gift.. YES IT CONSIDER RUDE! How other person feel about this.. ? May end up upset!

Really doesn't need rest of you guys are debate turned into heating!
Just feedback opinion are always welcomed but debate?

that is the point that some of us tried to make!

some of us are trying to say is that it is RUDE TO WRITE "MONEY" DOWN ON ANY FORMS OF INVITATION... but TO ASK what the reciever wants VERBALLY is a totally different story... am i making sense?

some people are just very forward about their gifts and will let you know if they like it OR not!! and yes, it is considered very rude and poor manners... ---

how do they deal with the gifts that they dislike? they (Like many of you said, sits in storage and collects dust, OR THEY REGIFT THEM--- i have seen it happen all the time!!! :-o )... AGAIN, LIKE I SAID IN ONE OF MY POSTS, what they don't know won't hurt them!

 

[BearBeauty]

Angel..

I say do what you feel is best for you. And remember that some people might give you gifts instead of money.. Even if you request they don't. All you can do if you get those is say thank you and if it's something you need, use it, if not, either sell it or donate it.

That's what I did for my wedding way back in 2001. we didn't ask our families or friends for anything.. and we got gifts and money. Some gifts were things we didn't need, so we sold them and nobody was offended. Others we kept and used. So if i was you, I'd do what I felt was best.

That's My two cents on this issue

 

[Angel]

Some of you seem to be assuming that she has already asked for monetary gifts on her invitations - she hasn't even selected her invitations yet! All she wanted was an opinion about the proprietary of putting that on her invitations or if it was a no-no.

So far, I've seen ONE good suggestion... do not put down anything, such as a gift registry. Just have the invitation as is - such as the bride and grooms names, date, location, time and so on...

As for assuming that people should bring gifts to a wedding, is not what Angel is saying - she wants her friends and family to come to her wedding and celebrate the union of Angel and RoadRunner. Period.

She just wanted to know if she should have that statement or not on her invitations and was asking for suggestions, opinions and thoughts on this matter.

Please do not assume anything beyond that.

Exactly Thank you my dearest DreamDeaf !

 

[Cheri]

Some of you seem to be assuming that she has already asked for monetary gifts on her invitations - she hasn't even selected her invitations yet! All she wanted was an opinion about the proprietary of putting that on her invitations or if it was a no-no.

So far, I've seen ONE good suggestion... do not put down anything, such as a gift registry. Just have the invitation as is - such as the bride and grooms names, date, location, time and so on...

As for assuming that people should bring gifts to a wedding, is not what Angel is saying - she wants her friends and family to come to her wedding and celebrate the union of Angel and RoadRunner. Period.

She just wanted to know if she should have that statement or not on her invitations and was asking for suggestions, opinions and thoughts on this matter.

Please do not assume anything beyond that.

That's correct, I saw how this topic is coming off as one hot topic, I decide to back away. Sometimes one question can turn into a nuclear explosion. Lol! :Ohno:

 

[spainmale]

Its your wedding. you can do anything you want..

 

[FeistyChick]

Exactly Thank you my dearest DreamDeaf !

Some of you seem to be assuming that she has already asked for monetary gifts on her invitations - she hasn't even selected her invitations yet! All she wanted was an opinion about the proprietary of putting that on her invitations or if it was a no-no.

So far, I've seen ONE good suggestion... do not put down anything, such as a gift registry. >>> FROM UPSTNYDESIGNER -- i liked his advice too... Just have the invitation as is - such as the bride and grooms names, date, location, time and so on...

As for assuming that people should bring gifts to a wedding, is not what Angel is saying - she wants her friends and family to come to her wedding and celebrate the union of Angel and RoadRunner. Period. >>>at the same time, trying to do the proper thing too! RIGHT, ANGEL?

She just wanted to know if she should have that statement or not on her invitations and was asking for suggestions, opinions and thoughts on this matter.

Please do not assume anything beyond that. >>> THAT IS RIGHT... if you see the TITLE OF THIS THREAD.... angel is asking-- IS IT APPROPRIATE... MEANING she wants to know what is the proper thing to do!!! it doesn't mean that she is expecting people to bring gifts or money or let alone, putting anything on the invitations... IS IT A CRIME for her to ask for your input/feedback??? NOT!

we are just here to give her OUR INPUT, OPINIONS BASED ON OUR EXPERIENCES AND FEEDBACK AS WELL... so she can decide what is the best for her and her husband to be! PURE AND SIMPLE!!!

 

[Reba]

Yes, because it's truth... I'm sorry if you think it's harsh of me... It's normally if I recieve an invitation then I would ask them what they wish because their wish should be fulfilling then they will enjoy their wish because their wish is fulfilled!

That's fine. You, the guest, ask what they want. No problem.

Yes, we do not need those gifts because we already have everything... Why should we keep them when we never ask for this? All what we do is send "thank you" to anyone... I really hate to "lie" to anyone to pretend that I like their gifts.

Why would you lie? There's no need to lie. You can truthfully tell them you appreciate the thought and effort. That's not a lie, is it?

What we do with those gifts? Nothing, we returned some gifts to Dad and his wife and keep some in attic for years... Perhaps my boys need it some day...What a sad because we want to use gifts to remember our wedding... Really sad... sad... sad... I strongly beleive that a couple's wish should be fulfilling then they can use forever...

Why is it sad? Do you really depend on "things" for happy wedding memories?

What truly is "a couple's wish" for their wedding? Isn't it a long and happy marriage? Isn't that the true wedding wish?

I want to put "no gift" on invitation card and happy to have guests around... but I listen my Dad & his wife's advice for not add "no gift" etc... and said that the people will ask for our wedding list automatic... My mother-in-law said that I should add "no gift" or something to get people attention that we don't want gift then it will get them automaic to add money in the card.

Putting "no gift" on an invitation is considered inappropriate because it implies that otherwise a gift would be expected. That's the reason nothing about money or gifts is ever printed on invitations.

I don't lie if I don't need those gift... Should I lie you that I appreicate your gift very much which I didn't ask for those gift? Yes, those gift is unwant gift...

Just because you feel that you don't "need" a gift is no reason not to show appreciation for the person who used their time, effort and resources to get you a gift. You don't need to "lie" about that. Unless you feel that you are lying by saying you appreciate the thoughtfulness of your friends. If you really don't appreciate them as friends, maybe you shouldn't invite them in the first place. It almost seems like the only reason they were invited was to get gifts or money from them.

... Oh yes, my mother-in-law asked me to not give her gifts for birthdays, Xmas etc anymore because they really do not need it... Do I consider her as greedy and rude?

That's not the same as a formal invitation to an event.

At my birthdays, my co-workers asked me what I wish for gifts...

Again, that's them asking you; that's NOT the same as a printed invitation.


Sorry, but I'm getting very frustrated because there seems to be a big misunderstanding about the difference between a printed invitation, and friends personally asking friends what they would like.

Let me try one more time.

Mentioning money or gifts on a printed invitation is not appropriate according to modern American etiquette.

Friends and family asking the bride and groom what they would like for wedding gifts or where they are registered is perfectly fine, also according to modern American etiquette.

 

[Mistyrose]

Where did I say anything about Hawaii?...
If i remember right, it was Roadrunner' quote that it was his
dream that you both go to Hawaii for your honeymoon and
i thought "wow, that is so sweet!" so it was something that
i just remembered but maybe it was just a pipe dream of his.



No thanks...I'm just asking for opinions here, and everyone is entitled to their opinions, it not about who's right or who's wrong ....

Ok, Im sorry, im just trying to be nice and helpful to you and if you
dont want to look up Emily Post, thats fine but really she is very good
on etiquette and rules on wedding stuff.
Yes, i realize very much on that everybody is entitled to their opinions as
much as i am and also i realize also its not about who is right or wrong too.
Since you wanted everybody's opinions, thats fine but what if you dont
like their opinions/answers to your questions?

 

[Mistyrose]

Almost everyone here know about you wantin' to go to Hawaii for honeymoon. I remember you posted about it in a thread somewhere.

Yaay! I knew i read that somewhere! i think Roadrunner said
that somewhere that he wanted to take Angel to Hawaii
for their honeymoon too!

 

[DreamDeaf]

Defee - check post #54.