I'm starting to hate deaf people....I am hard of hearing

[drphil]

To be blunt-is there any "difference" between persons born Deaf to say late deafen- in how one "deals with the fact of the condition"?

Whether one is "able to utilize a Cochlear Implant or not" does suggests vastly coping/dealing with the fact of DEAFness.

Also, where one resides-eg the "local group" if populated by 'deaf Militants" or not would suggest a different milieu in how one interacts in the real world.

Whether and how one learns/uses ASL et al with how all persons one interacts with them in their actual social interactions might have a bearing on actual "adjustments to the DEAF condition.

Reading multiple comments in AllDeaf.com doesn't suggest" simplistic ideological nostrums" of say 100 years are pertinent today!

aside: today there is a meeting at Sunnybrook/Toronto of Cochlear Implant patients. Starts at 1.00pm. The Implant programme has been there since 1984.

More discussions in Sociology-culture

 

[Jane B.]

We are just being blunt and that is what we are because we know what it is like to be deaf.

I think those intending to be blunt need to watch for the line between blunt and inconsiderate. It will probably be received better and have the message contained in the statement more likely to be followed if some consideration is given to the feelings of the person or persons being addressed with the "blunt" statement.

 

[ambrosia]

I think those intending to be blunt need to watch for the line between blunt and inconsiderate. It will probably be received better and have the message contained in the statement more likely to be followed if some consideration is given to the feelings of the person or persons being addressed with the "blunt" statement.

I'm not just blunt I'm tactless, so I should probably take that advice, but I know me and I probably won't. But I'm not Deaf, and I will forever be confused why the Deaf think they have the corner market on bluntness. it puzzles me to no end why they don't think hearies are blunt. Not that I'm a hearie anymore but I was just as blunt when I was hearing as I am now that I'm deaf/hoh.

 

[AlleyCat]

Much of it is about personality. You're blunt because you are (I'm just going by your words, here, not that I'm accusing you of being blunt! ) and not because of your hearing or lack thereof. I don't consider myself a very blunt person, but that's just because that's how I am. I was raised to be polite. So that goes everywhere with me, and try to follow that upbringing, regardless of my hearing or lack of hearing.

 

[ambrosia]

I absolutely agree with that!

 

[Shara]

We are just being blunt and that is what we are because we know what it is like to be deaf. And why the hearing people perceived that we don't know anything about being hearing like them. They looked down on us and put us down. They expect us to hear like them. They think that hearing aids and CIs would make the deaf be able to hear with it but it is not so. Hearing aids and CIs are just tools. We only hear environment sounds, not be able to pick up the words. That is why we need ASL to communicate with each other. HOH people can be mean too as they think they are superior over us. There are times we are having battles between us when it come to having the CI devices or wanting to have stem cells. HOH people, maybe not all of them just some, want to hear so badly. The reason for that is they don't accept their deafness. You have to accept your deafness for rest of your life. That is something you have to go on your journey to just be hard of hearing or deaf. We will try to be there for you if you want to accept us. That is all I have to say.

Well said, however I think HoH people can be mean or rude because in some instances the hearing world tells them they are. For example, once I was "diagnosed" as HoH, my mom began to prepare herself to to teach me ASL at 1 years old. i have mod-severe hearing loss in my right, and mod-severe to profound in my left. When my mom told the doctor about learning ASL and teaching me, he said to her no it'll just make her speech lazy, she can hear enough that with speech therapy she will be fine.

 

[Shara]

I don't think you have to apologize for anything. No one comes here with all the answers, but plenty of people probably imagine they do. You don't have to conform to anyone's standards to post here, just be yourself and speak up for yourself too. No one has the right to treat anyone like a door mat because they can still hear...

Laura

Thanks for encouraging me to just stand strong and brush off the need to label or be labeled. However alot of people on this site have dealt with alot of BS from the hearing world and HoH. I can understand their frustration and annoyance at some people. I appeared to condescending and a kiss-up to deaf people on here. I'm thinking its all the way you come across and I'm just trying to make sure I respect that.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

It's funny the way you said this in bold and I happen to mentioned the same way to one deaf guy who is really big D thing.
When I was in deaf bowling league and one guy asked me if I'm deaf, and I kinda shrugged myself and saying..."Yeeeahhh" and he look at me with signing "ahh". Few second later I got paged (remember the old day with pager?) and it was from work. So, I walk up to the pay phone and get ready to call at work, and all of sudden that same guy who asked me earlier slapped at the back of my head, I mean it was a strong jolt and said myself WTF!! and I turn around and he signed with a revolt reaction "YOU ARE NOT DEAF!!". Holy mackerel!!! Then I signed back to him.."without my HA I'm deaf!!! My HA just assist to hear just like you wearing glasses!!! If you take it off..you blind!!! SO YOU ARE NOT BLIND!!! He just walk away... Then I lost my frigg'in 25 cents...jeesh...

I tell people that too, that I am deaf without my HA ,when people say to me "you hear good" I answer back " No, my HA helps me hear , I am just about deaf without it." I can't hear on the phone if I have no HA on.

 

[Erikinho]

In Italy there are groups of deaf people: LIS deaf, oralist deaf, I.C. Deaf and now a new group that has confused a lot of deaf boys....

But the same thing of all the group is only ONE THING! All are deaf, simply DEAF! So we must love each other and to be togheter... and help without do problems or critics!

Hola by Italy!

 

[Lau2046]

i have mod-severe hearing loss in my right, and mod-severe to profound in my left. When my mom told the doctor about learning ASL and teaching me, he said to her no it'll just make her speech lazy, she can hear enough that with speech therapy she will be fine.

I have the same range of loss and I speak fine and never learned ASL. But you don't need your mother's permission to take courses, so if it's something that interests you, you should pursue it.

 

[caz12]

even deaf people in 40'50 are entitled to gossip from time to time....when i first went deaf i taken to deaf clubs etc and i was surprised people appeared to be snippy it would looked like that if coming to it from hearing world as i was...as time went by i realised that not case.
take on board not all deaf are nice some gossip so whats the problem it being called part of human condition

 

[chelseautie82]

I have had varying responses at some of these social events. I'm HoH and prefer ASL and not speaking (though my ASL skills aren't fluent and I didn't grow up with it). I am taking ASL classes as my choice. I have had some who have been nice to me and welcoming. I have had others who have not. There are some that are suspicious of me only because I grew up in hearing world. Some think I'm trying to "become Deaf" and they don't like that. These days I really am "functionally" deaf although I am not profoundly deaf. I can't understand most speech sounds and I rely on lipreading and body language a lot. There are a lot of people who haven't welcomed me at their events. There are also a lot of people who have. IT just depends. What I have noticed, is being HoH you really can't ever do anything right. You are not hearing enough for hearing people and you aren't Deaf enough for Deaf folk no matter what you do. In a lot of ways it feels like being HoH you just have to accept that you will never really belong anywhere. It is an extremely isolating experience. And to be honest, I often do wish I could be either hearing or Deaf but not stuck in this purgatory. The way I deal with it: I try to stay away from groups as a whole. I try to form individual relationships with people I like. I do this with hearing folk who sign and with Deaf folk too and even with anyone willing to write back and forth to me. (I don't talk) That seems to be the best way to deal with it. I try to ignore the people who are hurtful but sometimes it's hard to ignore them.

 

[DeafBadger]

I have had varying responses at some of these social events. I'm HoH and prefer ASL and not speaking (though my ASL skills aren't fluent and I didn't grow up with it). I am taking ASL classes as my choice. I have had some who have been nice to me and welcoming. I have had others who have not. There are some that are suspicious of me only because I grew up in hearing world. Some think I'm trying to "become Deaf" and they don't like that. These days I really am "functionally" deaf although I am not profoundly deaf. I can't understand most speech sounds and I rely on lipreading and body language a lot. There are a lot of people who haven't welcomed me at their events. There are also a lot of people who have. IT just depends. What I have noticed, is being HoH you really can't ever do anything right. You are not hearing enough for hearing people and you aren't Deaf enough for Deaf folk no matter what you do. In a lot of ways it feels like being HoH you just have to accept that you will never really belong anywhere. It is an extremely isolating experience. And to be honest, I often do wish I could be either hearing or Deaf but not stuck in this purgatory. The way I deal with it: I try to stay away from groups as a whole. I try to form individual relationships with people I like. I do this with hearing folk who sign and with Deaf folk too and even with anyone willing to write back and forth to me. (I don't talk) That seems to be the best way to deal with it. I try to ignore the people who are hurtful but sometimes it's hard to ignore them.

That's a good approach for any group of people, hearing or deaf.

I've noticed that in some groups, hearing or deaf, there seems to be a few people who think they own the group. They think they are the arbiters of who belongs and who does not.

The way around this is, like you said, to form friendships with individuals. I, personally, do not want to limit my friendships to any one group, or to conform the definition of my friendships to the group's definition.

It's my road in life, not theirs. We share some common experiences and ground, yes, but I am still an individual traveling my own road, as they are too. That's why it really annoys me when some people try to get everyone in a "group" to conform to the same thinking.

"There's only one fashionable clothing."
"There's only one fashionable car, or set of product brands."
"There's only one way to live the American Dream."
"There's only one way to retire."
"There's only one correct solution to a political issue."
"There's only one kind of religion or spirituality."
"There's only one way to be deaf."
"There's only one way.... (fill in the blank)."

All nonsense.

The key is realizing you can go your own way, make your own friends.

 

[jonnyghost]

Some people just want to be part of the exclusive club because it makes them feel special.

 

[Tousi]

On AllDeaf...not much and in real life you'll find the same is true. I often find within forums people in those closed off or tightly woven cultures tend to show their true colors by saying - or rather posting they think of you but would never dare to say in real life meeting. Whenever I mixed with deaf community, I felt like there was a barrier between me and them...and I don't mean a language barrier or deafness. I felt like they already decided who I was, and what I was about, and whether I was worthy of their time right from the first meeting. My response was to blow them off and direct my time and efforts to activies I enjoyed meeting people who were more open and accepting. I've met people from vastly different cultures: Cambodian, Russian, Korean, Chinese -that were far nicer and more interested in getting to know who I am as a person.

There's too much militancy among the deaf in social situations for me to feel comfortable. You meet them and they want to know how you label yourself, "Big D", "little D", "hearing impaired", "deaf".....it's never ending, you have to come with a label. You're not allowed to be you. They need to put everyone in a box and categorize them. Honestly when I go out at the end of the week, I want to unwind and have a nice time. I don't want to have to impress people every time to prove my worth as a person. I'm not saying everyone that's deaf acts this way, many are nice and laid back, but most aren't.

So, most aren't, huh? News to me.....

 

[Chris87]

What I have noticed, is being HoH you really can't ever do anything right. You are not hearing enough for hearing people and you aren't Deaf enough for Deaf folk no matter what you do. In a lot of ways it feels like being HoH you just have to accept that you will never really belong anywhere. It is an extremely isolating experience. And to be honest, I often do wish I could be either hearing or Deaf but not stuck in this purgatory.

I know the feeling . . . I’ve never thought it out until reading your post, thank-you for sharing.

The way I deal with it: I try to stay away from groups as a whole.

Definitely!

I try to form individual relationships with people I like.

Yep!

I do this with hearing folk who sign and with Deaf folk too and even with anyone willing to write back and forth to me.

I've recently found the Deaf community over here so my signing is slowly getting better. Writing and lip reading for the ones I can understand and they are tolerant of me. (okay, I know you've said it 3-4 times now . . . but can you repeat it one more time please?) I have a couple of guys that I’ll spend a little time with that seem to be understanding but some days when I’m around others, just shoot me and put me out of my misery.

Just for today, I'm trying to live one day at a time and doing the best I can with what I have.

 

[Bebonang]

It's funny the way you said this in bold and I happen to mentioned the same way to one deaf guy who is really big D thing.
When I was in deaf bowling league and one guy asked me if I'm deaf, and I kinda shrugged myself and saying..."Yeeeahhh" and he look at me with signing "ahh". Few second later I got paged (remember the old day with pager?) and it was from work. So, I walk up to the pay phone and get ready to call at work, and all of sudden that same guy who asked me earlier slapped at the back of my head, I mean it was a strong jolt and said myself WTF!! and I turn around and he signed with a revolt reaction "YOU ARE NOT DEAF!!". Holy mackerel!!! Then I signed back to him.."without my HA I'm deaf!!! My HA just assist to hear just like you wearing glasses!!! If you take it off..you blind!!! SO YOU ARE NOT BLIND!!! He just walk away... Then I lost my frigg'in 25 cents...jeesh...

The first bold is that you had answer his question when he asked you if you are deaf, sort of matter of fact manner. You could have told him that you are hard of hearing, not deaf, as you can answer the phone for a mild or moderate hearing loss. He believed you what you said that you are deaf.

The second bold is what happen is that you were not honest with him with the word "deaf" which mean you can not answer the phone, even with hearing aids or CIs. He felt that you had lied to him about that word "deaf" when you have hearing aids to support your ability to call or answer the phone in the phone booth. You lost him as an acquaintance with him. He may become your friend if you are honest enough with him about your label. It all depend on your attitude of how you respond to the Deaf man that talk with you in ASL.

I am militant, even in my old age. I go along with the guy who jolt him across his head because you, SneakerNet could not defined between the word "deaf" and "hard of hearing". I hope you understand what I am getting at.

The second bold is that I find that it is really funny when you had to walk up to the phone booth to use the phone without a TTY. That is comical. It can happen.

 

[SneakerNet]

The first bold is that you had answer his question when he asked you if you are deaf, sort of matter of fact manner. You could have told him that you are hard of hearing, not deaf, as you can answer the phone for a mild or moderate hearing loss. He believed you what you said that you are deaf.

The second bold is what happen is that you were not honest with him with the word "deaf" which mean you can not answer the phone, even with hearing aids or CIs. He felt that you had lied to him about that word "deaf" when you have hearing aids to support your ability to call or answer the phone in the phone booth. You lost him as an acquaintance with him. He may become your friend if you are honest enough with him about your label. It all depend on your attitude of how you respond to the Deaf man that talk with you in ASL.

I am militant, even in my old age. I go along with the guy who jolt him across his head because you, SneakerNet could not defined between the word "deaf" and "hard of hearing". I hope you understand what I am getting at.

The second bold is that I find that it is really funny when you had to walk up to the phone booth to use the phone without a TTY. That is comical. It can happen.

Yes I understand your view, as the matter of fact, it was during my younger year. In my view, during that time, was that once the baby born and found that this baby is deaf, it become a life time deaf, for those baby who are born deaf is deaf. After the birth, human being changed, intelligent changed and how it influence the changed? Parenting, school and cultural influence.
So, the question is, if I'm 45 years old and suddenly decided to become hard core deaf, taking out my HA and mouth shut, I mean completely changed to become big "D" for years. So, if that deaf person asked me if I'm deaf.... and the answer is? You decided. I can't answer the phone anymore, you know? So, telling the truth or not is undefinable..I mean it's not related whether if I'm telling the truth or not.
So, looking back, soon I came out of the womb and found that I'm deaf, I'm proudly born deaf. Deaf for the rest of my life.

ADDED:
One additional note, if he asking me what "member" I'm in? Then I'm would say, "I'm in HOH group, culturally" , you know what I mean?
You born deaf, right? I'm born deaf too!! Meaning we are equal, no matter what the outcome of the future changed. I hate to see like what happen in Egypt, do we want to treated that way?

 

[Chris87]

I am militant, even in my old age. . . . could not defined between the word "deaf" and "hard of hearing". I hope you understand what I am getting at.

Having a better understanding of how the word "militant" is being used within the Deaf Community, I feel it's safe for me to say I use the phrase "brutally honest" at times. I'm not saying it's the same but both of us expect honesty.

 

[karenbartle]

You just explained my condition exactly.