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That's where you are mistaken. Its much much closer to 100:1 than 1000:1. This is where "downplaying the cons" come in.
I know you like to think that the survey you've read of 5 CI recipients in which 1 reported headaches is a good bit of scientific data, but .... you need to read up on the research coming out of more valid sources. Oxford Journal of Deaf Studies and Deaf Education is an excellent source of the latest and most thorough research. Its Editor, Marc Marschark, is at NTID where he runs a fantastic clearinghouse with information about raising deaf children, and links to a great deal of research on long-term outcomes.