I try and try and try and try..when do I stop?

Wow and nodding!! Poor shel90!

Guess what... I thought that I was the only one that they ignored my story and continued their stories. I looked around to see whether someone was talking behind me, and no one was in my back. I took my time to figure out what was going on. I assume that it has to do with our karma energy. What do you think about that?

Excuse me, what MIL stands for?


My audiologist gave me a thin guide book for my mother. The booklet is called, "Communication IS A TWO WAY STREET" by oticon. (Better communication habits - A guide for family and friends. Here is the link: Oticon ) ... I didn't give the book to my mother yet unless it is a very bad manner or communication. I really hate when she turned around awhile talking to me at the beginning. GRRR!
 
webexplorer said:
Wow and nodding!! Poor shel90!

Guess what... I thought that I was the only one that they ignored my story and continued their stories. I looked around to see whether someone was talking behind me, and no one was in my back. I took my time to figure out what was going on. I assume that it has to do with our karma energy. What do you think about that?

Excuse me, what MIL stands for?

My audiologist gave me a thin guide book for my mother. The booklet is called, "Communication IS A TWO WAY STREET" by oticon. (Better communication habits - A guide for family and friends. Here is the link: Oticon ) ... I didn't give the book to my mother yet unless it is a very bad manner or communication. I really hate when she turned around awhile talking to me at the beginning. GRRR!
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MIL stands for Mother-in-law. :)
 
Your post left me speechless. I'm so sorry. :(

Well, my way of handling is probably not the best way, but I would have the "fuck her" attitude and just cut her off completely. That's just me.
 
I agree with DBG, I wouldnt stoop down to be a meeky mouse to keep begging for affection, obviously your MIL is a bitch, she wont give it to you, and it seems just maybe she'd trying to break you off with your husband by deliberately straining your relationship. Just tell her to fuck off, its better to say nothing, but you allowed to think and you have right to believe that you can think "fuck her" and get with it. Don't let her get at you, she will win only if you allow her. I have difficult steps, frankly im over it, and i can honesty say 'fuck them' and dont feel an inch of guilt because its not my problem, its theirs. You need to decide whos the problems, ask yourself do you own it, or is it theirs? then thats the answer.

on the side note, i reckon all this 'family problems' resolving shit you get at school (you're a teacher right?) these methods, procedures are not entirely 'designed to fix everything' but to ensure the purpose of education is received well, in other words, how they 'ought' to feel about each other isnt really schooll concerns, but keeping family disruptions out of school is their (school's) main concern.
 
Grummer said:
I agree with DBG, I wouldnt stoop down to be a meeky mouse to keep begging for affection, obviously your MIL is a bitch, she wont give it to you, and it seems just maybe she'd trying to break you off with your husband by deliberately straining your relationship. Just tell her to fuck off, its better to say nothing, but you allowed to think and you have right to believe that you can think "fuck her" and get with it. Don't let her get at you, she will win only if you allow her. I have difficult steps, frankly im over it, and i can honesty say 'fuck them' and dont feel an inch of guilt because its not my problem, its theirs. You need to decide whos the problems, ask yourself do you own it, or is it theirs? then thats the answer.

on the side note, i reckon all this 'family problems' resolving shit you get at school (you're a teacher right?) these methods, procedures are not entirely 'designed to fix everything' but to ensure the purpose of education is received well, in other words, how they 'ought' to feel about each other isnt really schooll concerns, but keeping family disruptions out of school is their (school's) main concern.
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Please let me make this clear. My MIL doesnt want my hubby and I to break up. She wants a better relationship with me but seems to put all the burden on me to make that happen. That is my complaint.
 
I guess this kind of thing becomes worse around the holidays because looking back, it seems to be ok throughout the year but come the holidays, she starts complaining about me not making an effort. :hmm:
 
Thanks everyone for the support. I just needed to vent. Hugs!
 
yes that's a good place to vent here than making things worse outside of this ad. Let's try to keep going on.

I had a long way to build my relationship with my mil. It isn't easy that is for sure.
 
shel90 said:
I guess this kind of thing becomes worse around the holidays because looking back, it seems to be ok throughout the year but come the holidays, she starts complaining about me not making an effort. :hmm:
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lol I hate going to family gathers for the holidays, I often get left out of the family, not one family member (beside my twin sister) would communicate with their hands to include me in the conversations, even when one of them saying a grace. And when they see that I'm not being talkative they start complaining, it's like I don't see you making an effort in trying to communicate with me either. "Hello?!"
 
Cheri said:
lol I hate going to family gathers for the holidays, I often get left out of the family, not one family member (beside my twin sister) would communicate with their hands to include me in the conversations, even when one of them saying a grace. And when they see that I'm not being talkative they start complaining, it's like I don't see you making an effort in trying to communicate with me either. "Hello?!"
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I am sorry to hear that you and Shel90 had to go thru. I have same problem, too, I don't like to be left out for the holidays but I often ask my family that I'd like to have one or two deaf friends over. They always said yes. They knew that I often left out. I think they still don't understand about Deaf culture. *shrugs*

My mother constantly complains to me about her two daughter-in-laws. This person does this or that person does that. I suggested her to talk to them about how she feels but she refused. Oh, well...
 
I had the most wonderful mother in law in the world, then she went and died of melanoma.

Most mothers in law I've seen, being deaf and not talking to them would be a blessing.
 
turn it around, say thats not true, YOU (your MIL) are not making any effort all you do is mumble, and say she is totally unsensitive and saying you are not going to put up with this bullshit. if you blame me then thats Your problem.
Not so sure about 'not deliberately straining' anyway while you at it, you may need to say it loud that she doesnt think, and not conscious of being unfair or insensitive (maybe best word is untactful or tactless) in so saying, maintain your arguement that a lack of tactful puts an impression that Im (you) not doing anything which is untrue, and that you would like to receive some conversational 'signposts' to keep me (you) included , but say it does 'seems' a strain but in the long run and with practice (not a lot of practice at all really, just willingness to open a conversationall space for you) and finally say this is not asking much but it will make a huge difference, all you need to do is try...


if all else fails, then what else to say, avoid them , this means avoiding going there for family gathering - they'd figure out why, but thats the part where it have dangers of straining the relationship of your marriage.

i really dont know what its like unless im there, but yeah it seem you need to be more vocal (at least take initative to bring this into attention) about what is the barrier.

good luck
 
I had a talk with my MIL today and mentioned that since I am learning ASL I was going to start signing as I speak around the house as I learned the signs. This way my hubby, mother and kids could learn. (MIL has no interest and that's fine by me). She thought I was nuts and wanted to know why. I mentioned that it would be a good way for me to reinforce what I learn and would also teach the family as well. Her comment? "It's a waste of time! They don't need to learn that, you just need to ask for healing and get healed by God" I was so ticked!! Most days things go well. I reiterated why I was doing it and remnded her that son was losing his hearing as well, and that there have been prayers for "healing" over my hearing for the last 46 years.

She now agrees that I need to do this, but she has said that with her memory problems, she can't handle it. I told her I understood. Hubby has memory problems, but he can sign "Start coffee please" each morning. :giggle:
 
I had to chuckle at the word "normal" where families are concerned.

The media sure has done a number on all of us haven't they. There are no Ozzie and Harriet Nelsons households in the world.

I am as guilty as anyone of striving and wanting the perfectly well behaved family and the perfect holidays. I am always disappointed.
 
Grummer said:
turn it around, say thats not true, YOU (your MIL) are not making any effort all you do is mumble, and say she is totally unsensitive and saying you are not going to put up with this bullshit. if you blame me then thats Your problem.
Not so sure about 'not deliberately straining' anyway while you at it, you may need to say it loud that she doesnt think, and not conscious of being unfair or insensitive (maybe best word is untactful or tactless) in so saying, maintain your arguement that a lack of tactful puts an impression that Im (you) not doing anything which is untrue, and that you would like to receive some conversational 'signposts' to keep me (you) included , but say it does 'seems' a strain but in the long run and with practice (not a lot of practice at all really, just willingness to open a conversationall space for you) and finally say this is not asking much but it will make a huge difference, all you need to do is try...


if all else fails, then what else to say, avoid them , this means avoiding going there for family gathering - they'd figure out why, but thats the part where it have dangers of straining the relationship of your marriage.

i really dont know what its like unless im there, but yeah it seem you need to be more vocal (at least take initative to bring this into attention) about what is the barrier.

good luck
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Thanks and I agree with you but my problem is that I am not good at confrontations especially with people I dont feel comfortable with. If I have a good relatioship with someone whether it is lovers, friends, or family, I can confront them but if not, it is hard for me. Just my one aspect of my personality that I need to work on.
 
I am curious, have your MIL thought about volunteering to work with deaf people, or in deaf community? Maybe that will make her being aware more of how much deaf people actually have to work to communicate with hearing people sometimes.

Anyhow, man...I do think it sucks what you have to go through. Yeah, you did all you could, sometimes people don't see it. Stress isn't worth it, each life is too precious so you just should enjoy what you do have, ie your family and lover.

If she whines, just turn deaf ear to it...ha! XD
 
Silentwolfdog said:
I am curious, have your MIL thought about volunteering to work with deaf people, or in deaf community? Maybe that will make her being aware more of how much deaf people actually have to work to communicate with hearing people sometimes.

Anyhow, man...I do think it sucks what you have to go through. Yeah, you did all you could, sometimes people don't see it. Stress isn't worth it, each life is too precious so you just should enjoy what you do have, ie your family and lover.

If she whines, just turn deaf ear to it...ha! XD
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My MIL volunteer? That would be a shocker! She doesnt get out of the house for anything.

She really has a lot of issues within herself so I shouldnt keep on trying. Just give it up and let her complain all she wants. I am closer to my father in law so at least I have that.
 
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