I try and try and try and try..when do I stop?

Just go over to her house, you and her, and just have a quiet face-to-face conversation and if she interrupts what you have to say, just tell her, shhh, I need you to listen for a bit, and calmly but bluntly vent your frustrations and how you feel. Then when you finish, she can vent her side. Basically this is a woman-to-woman conversation that needs to take place.

Tell her if her behavior does not improve you will no longer be going over to her house for family functions b/c the environment is difficult for you to communicate in.

You've done all you can do, put that ball back in her court and make her do something about it!
 
shel90 said:
My hubby told me not to worry about it but he has expressed that he wishes we were closer as he is very close to his mom. I respect his relationship with her but LEAVE me alone!!! I am fine without the bitching and complaining so if she can just stop then all is good because I dont bitch and complain about not being able to understand her. GRRR!

Thanks everyone. Just needed to vent. :)
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Good! :)

Lucky my hubby's parent know signs! But not my parent! :|
 
I do know that my MIL and I never ever got along. I was the usurper that dared to marry her one and only child. I am worse than dirt. But then, when the time came that she needed help, hubby asked me if I wanted to try. (It was MIL's mother who gave us money to move 3 states away in 1996) Now, we are like best buds for the most part and she really tries to remember that I can't hear her. She has learned to tell her family that they need to get my attention and speak directly to me. If someone forgets, she really lets them know.

You may never get her over to your corner, but know that in her own warped sense, she does accept you, since she's not constantly trying to get your hubby to leave you.

We knew we had a problem when MIL hired an attorney to take my kids away because I had a black Jamacian lady as the babysitter.

I will keep you and her as well as the family in my prayers. :grouphug:
 
No, my MIL doesnt want to get rid of me. She wants a relationship with me and is upset that we dont have one. In her mind, she thinks I am not trying at all but in my mind, I feel that I have tried with no avail.


It is really frustrating and I just hate that she complains to my hubby. My hubby told me to ignore her or that too bad for her cuz he has seen that I do really try and he understands that there is only so much I can do.

Thanks...
 
Here is a thought, Shel90. Would you and your hubby take her out to eat (as a thank you for all that babysitting) soften her up a bit? (And you get a break from cooking dinner) How about baking her one of her favorite desserts?
 
Buffalo said:
Here is a thought, Shel90. Would you and your hubby take her out to eat (as a thank you for all that babysitting) soften her up a bit? (And you get a break from cooking dinner) How about baking her one of her favorite desserts?
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We took her to a cooking festival (she loves to cook) and still we didnt converse at all because she was too distracted by everything to really pay attention to my comments. Thanks for the suggestion.
 
Since everybody is making suggestions......ummmm....Get ur hubby to watch the kids, go out to the Liquor store and get some really good stuff (over 100 proof)...couple of bottles in case she can hold her liquor.....go over and have a party with her!....Cook up (you and her) a mean Italian dish....then take her out to an all male revue!.....(don't forget ur ATM card)!.....
 
rockin'robin said:
Since everybody is making suggestions......ummmm....Get ur hubby to watch the kids, go out to the Liquor store and get some really good stuff (over 100 proof)...couple of bottles in case she can hold her liquor.....go over and have a party with her!....Cook up (you and her) a mean Italian dish....then take her out to an all male revue!.....(don't forget ur ATM card)!.....
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That would be great!!! Wouldn't work for me since my MIL is too religious!! Her eyes would pop right out.:shock:
 
Why do we must always have to make the first move?

Reminds me so much of my mother, she gets upset when I don't even call her or email her. I was thinking, doesn't it go both ways? She doesn't call me or email me either. :hmm:
 
Cheri said:
Why do we must always have to make the first move?

Reminds me so much of my mother, she gets upset when I don't even call her or email her. I was thinking, doesn't it go both ways? She doesn't call me or email me either. :hmm:
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no kidding! My family does the same thing. When I signed up for FB, I added a few of my family, but all my other family on FB are fully aware that I exist, and yet, they don't make their first move to add me as their friend.

And at the same time, My hearing sister, who doesn't really pay much attention to our family (She is too busy with friends and plus she feel she doesn't get along with them)... well they sure did add her as their friend. I know my sister isn't doing the adding because that's how she is.

oh well, one of the many reason I don't really care for FB.

btw, it is common for mothers (or any parents) to believe you should do all the checking, calling, mailing. My dad never visit me, ever. I have to visit him.
 
Shel, sorry if i do not have some advices. I hope you would find a way in your heart to work it out with her. My MIL isn't perfect either but not too bad. I know some MILS are so impossible to deal with. :( I had to post it here to let you know that I dont have advice but do your best to keep things under control. you know?
 
Cheri said:
Why do we must always have to make the first move?

Reminds me so much of my mother, she gets upset when I don't even call her or email her. I was thinking, doesn't it go both ways? She doesn't call me or email me either. :hmm:
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They do that to my hubby too. He always has to call them, go over to their house and etc.

I guess we should do that to our kids! LOL!
 
rockin'robin said:
Since everybody is making suggestions......ummmm....Get ur hubby to watch the kids, go out to the Liquor store and get some really good stuff (over 100 proof)...couple of bottles in case she can hold her liquor.....go over and have a party with her!....Cook up (you and her) a mean Italian dish....then take her out to an all male revue!.....(don't forget ur ATM card)!.....
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Yea...I will try that and see what she says. LOL! :lol:
 
My hubby just told me that they decided not to celebrate Christmas this year so we wont see them for Christmas. I feel that is wrong because families should be together for Christmas, right? I am willing to put up with all that because my children love seeing them and all that. Strange.

I guess I should remember that my husband and my kids still like me and nothing else matters! :lol:
 
That's what they all say, and in the end they end up celebrating. I'm guess she doesn't like the Christmas stress.
 
Lighthouse77 said:
That's what they all say, and in the end they end up celebrating. I'm guess she doesn't like the Christmas stress.
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That was what my hubby said...he said they will change their minds as the holidays get near.

Why cant families be normal? lol
 
Tell her exactly what you said here about how you tried but she just cuts you off with her own stories. That one upsmanship does happen with some people. They always have to one up any story that they are told with one of their own. As much as it aggravates you keep trying and then at least she can't say that you don't try. Who knows, maybe she might get the message if you sit down and have a heart to heart with her and explain what you have said here to us.
 
shel90 said:
That was what my hubby said...he said they will change their minds as the holidays get near.

Why cant families be normal? lol
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As soon as someone can come up with a definition for normal that applies to all, I'll let you know!:giggle:
 
rockdrummer said:
Tell her exactly what you said here about how you tried but she just cuts you off with her own stories. That one upsmanship does happen with some people. They always have to one up any story that they are told with one of their own. As much as it aggravates you keep trying and then at least she can't say that you don't try. Who knows, maybe she might get the message if you sit down and have a heart to heart with her and explain what you have said here to us.
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I dont mind if she does that but what bothers me is that she blames it on me for us not having the relationship she wants. I could care less because I am so used to not having strong relationships with every family member.
 
Home is where the heart is.

Your Husband and Children LOVE you!

Stick with them they are all that matters.

:D

Just let all the complaints and the whining slide off your back, do what you want to do. Tell Hubby to tell his mother that what she is doing is hurting him too. If she cant understand that you are part of his life and what hurts you, hurts him to, then all I can say is that she is being selfish.

Eventually she will come around, it may take years, but you got your family.
 
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