I hate the back and forth feelings

C

chris' mom

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I left my husband Nov 13th since then we've tried marriage counseling and that seems to go okay. But it was brought up in the last session that he's a perfectionist and gets up set if I leave that toy we picked up off the floor on the bookself for more then a few days. But the thing is that we both do that and we are both capable of picking it up. After 7 years I still don't meet his standards (his words) he would call me fat (I went from 95lbs 3 years ago before our wedding to 125lbs the day I left him) he always asked me if I was going to change my clothes when we would go to the store to make myself more presentable. I love my husband and want to be with him but I can't be emotionally and mentally abused anymore. Why do I go back and forth on my dession about leaving. I know it won't change hasn't yet, but I don't want to be alone. I'm so out of my comfort zone.. sorry to whin:tears:
 
chris' mom said:
I left my husband Nov 13th since then we've tried marriage counseling and that seems to go okay. But it was brought up in the last session that he's a perfectionist and gets up set if I leave that toy we picked up off the floor on the bookself for more then a few days. But the thing is that we both do that and we are both capable of picking it up. After 7 years I still don't meet his standards (his words) he would call me fat (I went from 95lbs 3 years ago before our wedding to 125lbs the day I left him) he always asked me if I was going to change my clothes when we would go to the store to make myself more presentable. I love my husband and want to be with him but I can't be emotionally and mentally abused anymore. Why do I go back and forth on my dession about leaving. I know it won't change hasn't yet, but I don't want to be alone. I'm so out of my comfort zone.. sorry to whin:tears:
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No one wants to be alone but at the same time I rather be alone than to live with a creep like him--especially if he calls me "fat" and that I don't meet his standards.

Yeah--you're out of your comfort zone. That happend. But guess what? Life goes on. Do what President Obama said, "Dust yourself off, pick yourself up off the floor and keep going forward. And meet challenges head-on."

I am going to be a little harsh--don't take it the wrong way--but quit your whining and re-discover yourself. When one is married to another person--you become a unit but since he calls you "fat" and "not meeting my standards"--then throw the SOB out to the curb and re-discover yourself.

This is the perfect opportunity to obtain your goals and dreams. It will be hard but once you find the strength in yourself--you can do it.
 
You do not need someone like that in your life,believe me I put up with the same thing for years and I agree with Byrdie I rather be alone that with a creep.
 
I go long what they say. I would be happy to be alone then putting up with the crap from men.
 
I'm sorry about your marriage, Chris's mom.

Your description tell itself that your husband hurt your good self-esteem.


How about marriage counsellor if you really love him and want to save your marriage with him...?


 
Growing up, I watched my mom get treated like that by her ex boyfriend. For 10 years their relationship was on and off and it hurted to see my mom get treated or controlled like that. They broke it off in 1993 but since then my mom's self-esteem has been damaged beyond repair and she hasnt gone out on a date. If your husband is belittling you like that, is it worth the suffering? Life is too short to waste it to be treated like that.

My husband would never dream of talking like that to me. I am the one who picks on him for not picking up or putting things back and I try to relax about it cuz it is not worth the stress in our relationship. I am a clean and control freak but I recognize that not everyone is like me and I cant expect everyone to meet my standards. Your husband obviously isnt able to recognize that or doesnt want to.

Good luck!
 
About being alone, yes, it is scary. After the split from my first hubby, I was terrified but I took the bull by its horns and after 6 months, I started to enjoy it. Was single and alone for 4 years and I loved it cuz I think I needed that to "find" myself and learn how to stand on my own two feet as I had been with my ex hubby since I was 17 years old.

So, my point is that being alone is probably scary at first but once u get used to it and stand on your own two feet, it is a great feeling!
 
Thanks guys for you advise. We are going through marriage counseling right now. Just not sure how it's going. I'm not sure that I'll get over that if I'm good enough feeling. But thanks for the advise anyways
 
Byrdie714 said:
No one wants to be alone but at the same time I rather be alone than to live with a creep like him--especially if he calls me "fat" and that I don't meet his standards.

Yeah--you're out of your comfort zone. That happend. But guess what? Life goes on. Do what President Obama said, "Dust yourself off, pick yourself up off the floor and keep going forward. And meet challenges head-on."

I am going to be a little harsh--don't take it the wrong way--but quit your whining and re-discover yourself. When one is married to another person--you become a unit but since he calls you "fat" and "not meeting my standards"--then throw the SOB out to the curb and re-discover yourself.

This is the perfect opportunity to obtain your goals and dreams. It will be hard but once you find the strength in yourself--you can do it.
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You know, Byrdie said it all for me.

You need to ask yourself if you are setting a good example for your children. If you allow yourself to be belittled by your husband, your children will think it is okay to be belittled by their spouses in the future or even worse, they will belittle YOU because Daddy did it.

You need to take a good look at yourself and learn to love yourself for who you are.

A good lesson I learned myself.. I learned I had to love myself first before I learned to love another in my life. This meant loving myself and my extra weight.

Try not to be too harsh on yourself.

Eleanor Roosevelt has a wonderful and quite true quote that I follow often..

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Hang in there.
 
Seven years and he suddenly tells you that it's been bothering you cuz he's a perfectionist? He should have told you years ago when you got married. That issue could have been easily resolved from the start.

He called you fat!? Jeez... obviously, he loved you for your looks and not for yourself. A real husband would love you for who you are... even if you gained 50 pounds.

Even at 125 pounds, I think that's a good weight. :)

Change your clothes before you go to the store? It seems he's too obsessed with appearances. I've dated women who wore sweatpants when they go shopping. I can understand looking good when you're going some place formal like a nice restaurant or a banquet, but just to do a little shopping... who cares.

Sorry that you went through all of that and hope that things will be better in the future for you. :)
 
Pepsi said:
You do not need someone like that in your life,believe me I put up with the same thing for years and I agree with Byrdie I rather be alone that with a creep.
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I am agree with what they say!! You will be fine soon ok smile :grouphug:
 
VamPyroX said:
Seven years and he suddenly tells you that it's been bothering you cuz he's a perfectionist? He should have told you years ago when you got married. That issue could have been easily resolved from the start.

He called you fat!? Jeez... obviously, he loved you for your looks and not for yourself. A real husband would love you for who you are... even if you gained 50 pounds.

Even at 125 pounds, I think that's a good weight. :)

Change your clothes before you go to the store? It seems he's too obsessed with appearances. I've dated women who wore sweatpants when they go shopping. I can understand looking good when you're going some place formal like a nice restaurant or a banquet, but just to do a little shopping... who cares.

Sorry that you went through all of that and hope that things will be better in the future for you. :)
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And obviously he hasn't taken in the consideration that you had a child for him.
 
Thanks guys. He came by last night cause I have power and he doesn't. It made me relieze that it's not going to work. I chickened out and sent him a text message and told him it wasn't working he called me back and agreed.

He's been this way the whole time we've been together. I just thought when he asked me to marry him that we've put all the standard shit behind us. I guess not. Oh well here's to me getting my life back together and trying to pick my self esteem up off the ground. I even painted my nails tonight..kinda of feels good.

Thank You again everyone
 
It took me about 2 years to finally divorce my now ex. The way I did it was the police detective told me I'd better do that. So I did. But more so because of the fact that he was violent to me in front of my then 2 yr old.

I post cuz I don't really believe in that 'you gotta love you before you can love another' I think what the secret to being able to live w/ out a man/woman is knowing that the guy upstairs loves you and will always take care of you if you let him. I still haven't met anyone one. I haven't been out in 2 yrs. But I am not lonely because if I know if I need companionship from another person who is not my family, I can always go to my church and hang out there. I don't mean to ramble but I never thought it would be this easy to be 'alone' and I think loving God has something to do w/ it.
 
wow that is horrible voilent really sorry you go to church help you better health you are should go to support to counselor to help you encourage to people i hope be happy
 
Mrs Bucket said:
You need to ask yourself if you are setting a good example for your children. If you allow yourself to be belittled by your husband, your children will think it is okay to be belittled by their spouses in the future or even worse, they will belittle YOU because Daddy did it.


QUOTE]


I agree with Mrs Buckeet. You owe it to your children to set a good example. Let them see you be strong and take control of your life. It will be hard at first, but you can do it. Good luck.
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