I Dont Fit In Anywhere

T

TAMI SAM

New Member
Joined
Apr 2, 2007
Messages
230
Reaction score
0
Hey all I really havent been on as I'm giving my new hearing aid a chance. Also been playing around with loaner FM unit too. So far my hearing at home has been really good. Happy about that.To go out its still terrible, just when I get all cocky and think "hey I can do it by myself" I get in a store and look like a dummy as I have no clue what anyone is saying. Well Now What? First the devastaion of needing a CI. Then came my acceptance and actually looking forward to a whole new life with one. Now denied. So now what do? yes I am so grateful to hear my husband and son but thats it. Is that enough?By the way there hasnt been any recruitment since I got my new HA. I also have been practicing trying to hear on phone with it by calling the movie theater and listening to recording which I can NOW that I was told not to hold phone not to my ear but to hole on top of HA. Which my original Audi didnt tell me. The new one who figured out that my HA wasnt holding a program for 50$ and 1 hour looked at me like I was nuts when I put phone to my ear. She never told you-Nope! I know I should feel grateful but why dont I feel grateful? I am so pissed to find I spent 1 year of hell that Im wondering if I have a lawsuit with this Audi? What do you all think? I guess I also feel bummed as now its a waiting game to get worse and go through this all over again. I dont think I can guys, I really dont! I just dont feel like I belong anywhere anymore.Not even here.:(
 
=p life is rough, alot of us feel alone in our minds wandering around trying to figure out axioms for life and searching for answers. I don't know any advice to give you cept patience... and find a hobby you enjoy, anything :P I dunno.. sometimes I don't understand some people here so well.. I don't mean to make you feel even more isolated. You know, people in general just suck... There's no point in crying about it. Just find things you can be happy for, no matter how little and block out all the crappy stuff.. either that or hit the bottle ;)
 
Tami, first of all YOU BELONG HERE! We can all relate to feeling like a dummy because of our hearing loss. Geez, the worst for me was being in an important meeting and realizing I could understand very little of what was being said.
 
Of course you belong here! It's a shame that the hearing aid discussion gets drowned out sometimes by all the controversy over CIs.

You just need to give the hearing aid more time - at least 6 months. Remember, once you go for a CI, there is no turning back.

BTW I don't think you had recruitment because recruitment cannot be fixed by different hearing aids or different programs - it's associated with damage to the nerve hairs in the ear, which of course cannot be reversed, only bypassed e.g. with a cochlear implant. You were obviously struggling with hearing stuff that wasn't at the right levels.
 
Hey Tami Sam,

sorry to hear that things are going hard for you right now. I can sympathize with the feelings of not belonging. It is rough being able to hear but not always being able to hear right. I've also been there when I don't want to go out and deal with certain situations because I'll have to talk to someone and might not understand what they're saying and end up looking like an idiot. But you know what - most of the people have been nice to me when I explain that I'm deaf. The rare few who aren't nice? The hell with them!

It's okay to feel down about your situation every now and then. Our society seems to be obsessed sometimes with everything always being happy and cheery (unless you hang out with Goths :lol:) So just find an outlet like this where you can share what you're feeling and hopefully find the sympathetic support you deserve. Get it out of your system and then you have a better chance of going back to enjoying your family and the interaction you do have with them.

Hope this helps a little bit.
 
I sympathize with your discouragement, and am sorry that things look so bleak for you now. As others have said, have patience. That's easier said than done sometimes, huh?

You do belong here. This is where you will find people that share your experience, and knowing that someone else has been there and done that can be a great comfort while you are struggling to adapt to your new situation. That's what culture is all about.
 
Dark-Half said:
We all love you! I... think?
Click to expand...

Careful there, she's married!


I don't know, I've had a CI for 13 years, and I don't really ever feel accepted at very public areas. I try to maximize the one on one interaction (I'm getting better at two on one, thank god) but things might be different for you, hopefully.
 
Hey Tami Sam..I am sorry that u are feeling this way. That was how I felt growing up most of the time. There were some times, especially when I am playing sports that I felt I belonged but most of the time I felt that I never really fully belonged. Then I started learning sign language, now I found people like me..deaf who grew up oral feeling like they never belonged and learning ASL later on. Most of my friends have been in your shoes so that's why we connect very well with each other.

Hang in there! U probably will have good and bad days. I know it is tough.
 
SumoPope said:
Careful there, she's married!


I don't know, I've had a CI for 13 years, and I don't really ever feel accepted at very public areas. I try to maximize the one on one interaction (I'm getting better at two on one, thank god) but things might be different for you, hopefully.
Click to expand...

Haha, I had no idea but the intention was to let her know people here care about her ;p
 
Hey Tami,
I read this and it really touched my heart. it is hard to go out and focus on what people are saying. It takes a lot of practice, especially since you haven't had a working hearing aid in a while. We tend to find it easier to just look the other way right away because it gets exhausting trying to keep up with everyone. However, none of us learned lipreading over night. It took a lot of practice and dedication on our end to get this far. I would not give up on your CI journey though. Did you ever get a copy of the audiograms? You are a part of this group just like anything that has mild, a hearing aid, a cochlear or a baha implant. We all share a common link and only us could actually relate with you with what you are feeling. I hope this finds you in better spirits.

-Abbie
 
Tami Sam,

Boy can I relate to how you're feeling! When I lost most of my hearing in 1995, I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. If anything, I felt like I had too much hearing to fit into the Deaf world and too little hearing to fit into the hearing world. As one of my ENTs so eloquently put it, I was in "no man's land" and it was a very frustrating place to be! Back in 2001, I was in the very same place you are now. I was evaluated for a CI and told that I had a "little too much hearing" to qualify, but to return for another evaluation if I experienced any drop in hearing. Needless to say, I was devastated and cried for days.

I don't know what to suggest to you except to find hobbies that you love. Try to keep yourself busy.

Another suggestion -- do you have a Center for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing in your area? They may have activity programs where you can meet others who understand the everyday frustrations of hearing loss. In my case, I'm fortunate enough to have a deafblind center in my area which has a weekly support group and monthly activities.

In regards to the CI, have you thought about being evaluated at another CI center? Some CI centers have more relaxed criteria for candidacy than others.

I hope you'll stay with us here at AD -- many of us really do understand what you are going through. <hugs>
 
I want to thank you all for your kind words they really mean alot.It was hard to take not being able to qualify for a CI.On the upside I have been really doing well with the brand new replaced HA. Just cant believe all that was caused by a malfunctioning one.Also to find out I dont have recruitement is fantastic.All of that was a hard road to go, I guess it just left me shell-shocked. Ive found a way to deal with going out now too. I contacted a button manufacturer and told him my problem and he designed a button with an ear and a line going through it (like no smoking) and added the word deaf on the bottom. Its so great. Ive only been out once as now I have an ear infection and just got back from ent.Cant get a break with these ears of mine. Anyway I was at the store and the cashier was just yaking away with my husband while I bagged saw my button and waved Goodbye to me. It was so great not trying to hear her or have to explain Im deaf - Hoh whatever. I will ask my son if he can get the picture on to show you all. Im not all that hot on the computer as kids are. Now Im trying to pick up the pieces. My husband started new job as we were waiting for him to go back to work after CI surgery I thought I was going to be having. Not sure what to do with myself. Still cant hear worth a damn out in public and being sick with the Menieres disease doesnt help. I guess with time Ill find something or it will find me. Just really wanted to thank you all for your help sharing your stories and sending the love!
 
Tami,

I'm glad you're feeling better about things these days and the replaced HA is working well for you. :)

In regards to the button, I think that's a great idea. I have a button I received from HKNC (Helen Keller National Center) which says, "I am deaf and blind." I wore it during a flight to Arizona several years ago and it worked like a charm. To my surprise, my flight attendant came up to me and started fingerspelling into my hand! :)

I'm glad things are starting to look up for you! :)
 
Tami Sam: Sorry for the late reply - I thought I posted here. But yeah- I am sorry you've been feeling like that. But, I too, can relate to that. It's hard sometimes, being Deaf, but that just makes us stronger!

Psst - You know you belong just fine here! I think you rock, I've always appreciated all your replies & always look forward to reading your posts.

I hope we continue to get to know each other on here & you're welcomed to message me if you want to talk to me outside of AD. :]
 
It's great to hear that you've really improved with the hearing aid Tami Sam. I'm sure the improvements will continue for the next few weeks to come, since you've had a year with the dodgy hearing aid and it takes time to get back up to speed.

Way to go and thanks for staying in touch with us.
 
Glad to read that u are feeling better! :)
 
Back
Top