How did you handle your deafness/hoh while growing up?

rebeccalj said:
Excellent description.

But, do people *really* over hear guy asking girl out? :giggle:
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I think they notice when a 'courtship dance' is commencing. lol

I think both women and men compare notes about what happened, and who said what. I think people pay attention to what worked or not, or how ridiculous someone was, or how awesome someone was in their approach. And there's a lot more to 'asking someone out' than just asking someone out. Usually, there's a lot of flirting and conversation beforehand that leads up to it. *This* is what solitary d/hh won't pick up on, I think. It's the whole elaborate dance before asking a person out. The person has to be impressed first. This is what Hearies verbally compare notes about, I think.

Hearing boss: My client, when I interview, first question is where accent from and I say straight out I'm Deaf but I lipread. I get lost finding office (30 minutes) but interview went great and I am still working with them. Educating is frustrating, as I post sometimes, but well worth it. If you do not make deafness a big deal then neither do they.
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I'm glad it has worked out well for you. When you say 'Educating' do you mean that you educate hearies on how to work with you, or that you are a teacher?
 
DeafBadger said:
I've avoided places or left school buildings immediately after class is over, just to avoid hearies. I try to force myself to go through the social motions so I have *some* kind of social interaction.. but it is so difficult.

At my old job, I really did not like it when, during team meetings, my manager would call on me to say something or ask me, "And what do you think (about the discussion)?" And I have to say, "Well, I really did not hear any of it. What are you guys talking about?" That made me look *brilliant*! :roll:

And thank you for appreciating my rants. hehe Makes me feel like I'm being heard. :)
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We might be deaf, and maybe do not speak, but being 'heard' is the most important thing to us. :hug:

Don't feel bad...I feel 'briliant' lots and lots. :giggle:
 
DeafBadger said:
I think they notice when a 'courtship dance' is commencing. lol

I think both women and men compare notes about what happened, and who said what. I think people pay attention to what worked or not, or how ridiculous someone was, or how awesome someone was in their approach. And there's a lot more to 'asking someone out' than just asking someone out. Usually, there's a lot of flirting and conversation beforehand that leads up to it. *This* is what solitary d/hh won't pick up on, I think. It's the whole elaborate dance before asking a person out. The person has to be impressed first. This is what Hearies verbally compare notes about, I think.



I'm glad it has worked out well for you. When you say 'Educating' do you mean that you educate hearies on how to work with you, or that you are a teacher?
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Educating = communcation needs

I'm number nerd. :giggle:
 
DeafBadger said:
When hearing people are growing up, they overhear each other. They overhear people gossiping. They overhear a guy trying to ask a girl out on a date. They accumulate this huge stream of information into a working knowledge of the social world of humans.

And I figure that's why dating hasn't been so easy for me. It's not for lack of trying to approach. It's that my approaches don't often seem to 'click' with the hearing girl I'm approaching. I don't know what I'm doing right or wrong. If I could hear examples of others doing this, I would probably know from other people's experience, what works and doesn't work.

So also with how to get a job from a hearing boss and other, endless, social interactions.

So I imagine that a d/hh person who grew up solitary would miss out on the social calibration in the hearing world, AND miss out on the social calibration in the d/hh world. Talk about a double whammy.
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I never considered this. :shock: Certainly an eye opener.
 
Yes. I find myself in a similar boat all the time. When I am introduced to someone new, after the first round of name introductions and "hi, how are you, nice to meet you," etc., I then sometimes get quiet. I don't know what to say! I don't hear the casual conversations others have, so I don't know what kind of small talk to make without sounding stupid. Is "Hey, did you hear about the Vikings!" appropriate at a fundraiser? Probably not, but I don't know ..
 
AlleyCat said:
Yes. I find myself in a similar boat all the time. When I am introduced to someone new, after the first round of name introductions and "hi, how are you, nice to meet you," etc., I then sometimes get quiet. I don't know what to say! I don't hear the casual conversations others have, so I don't know what kind of small talk to make without sounding stupid. Is "Hey, did you hear about the Vikings!" appropriate at a fundraiser? Probably not, but I don't know ..
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Awww. When that happens to me, I just casually mention that I am sort of feeling left out. That way, I can determine who would be worth knowing. I also carry around my "mute notes," a small writing pad of paper in my pocket, along with a pen. Good luck!
 
AlleyCat said:
Yes. I find myself in a similar boat all the time. When I am introduced to someone new, after the first round of name introductions and "hi, how are you, nice to meet you," etc., I then sometimes get quiet. I don't know what to say! I don't hear the casual conversations others have, so I don't know what kind of small talk to make without sounding stupid. Is "Hey, did you hear about the Vikings!" appropriate at a fundraiser? Probably not, but I don't know ..
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Exactly!! What the heck do I say?!
 
rebeccalj said:
How is weather? :giggle:

Boyfriend say common hearie or deafie to feel awkward and not know what to say. :hmm:

Maybe there is class to take?:giggle:

Or, keep notes of what work and what do not?
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"What do you suppose the molecular composition of the Doctor's Tardis is?" Will that work? :giggle:
 
DeafBadger said:
Yeah, that makes sense. Just trying so hard to function and get by that there's no time for the social side of things.



Hmm...

I just looked at the NTID page, looks like they have an 2-year IT program. It's what I'm doing here, so yeah, why not go there?

Not sure about the dating though. At 34, I'm older than a lot of the students there.

But it would be fun to go and be immersed into a signing environment. I don't know much ASL right now, though. How long do you think it would take to get up to speed enough for the classes?
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DO IT!!!!! Yeah you're older then lots of the students there.......BUT once you're in college age really is a number. I think I might be returning to NTID so I can become fluent in ASL in an immersive enviroment too. And the thing is......from what I recall NTID is very oral/hoh friendly.....it's not that unusual for oral kids to end up there, and then become ASL whizzes in like no time flat.
 
sunny_signs said:
I wish you could have my mom :hug:
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My mom wasn't abusive or anything.....but she was SO fucking CLUELESS and basicly took out her anger and frustration about the fact that I wasn't suceeding in a mainstream school (with very minimal dhh support) out on ME. Granted she and my dad now say they should have sent me to deaf school, or a dhh regional program. I'm still not that close to them and they simply DO NOT understand that my social emotional issues weren't some unique thing. At least I have an AWESOME second mom who I absolutly LOVE (my almost girl's mom) and she signs too.
 
As a child surprisingly it wasn't that bad. I was well liked and had lots of friends
but as teenager I had a helluva of a hard time.
But I think it had a lot to do with my self esteem - it was very low.

Fuzzy
 
Audiofuzzy said:
As a child surprisingly it wasn't that bad. I was well liked and had lots of friends
but as teenager I had a helluva of a hard time.
But I think it had a lot to do with my self esteem - it was very low.

Fuzzy
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yup, that's the strength in schools where they use asl because the social is great in there for kids. It is verly likely many kids will have a great social life from elementary to HS. Gallaudet, RIT should show strong signs (no pun intended) of it.

Kids in deaf schools would only have low self-esteem if it was something else involved that caused it. Probably extraneous of their peer networks, more likely from their own personalities or traumatic incidents, etc.

I'm gonna take a guess that if it's any group, it's the oral kids who had it the hardest.
 
My low self esteem had a lot to do with the way my family were.

Exactly!! What the heck do I say?!
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What do I do, is I do a quick scan what's in the room, what's the fundraiser about, and try make a small talk based on this.
For example try to spot what ppl are wearing like clothes or jewelery, or have a nice haircut - and comment on that like oh, nice.... from there you can go to 'what store or the beauty salon' etc
if the windows (if any) have something pretty on them, if the decorations are outstanding/average/mediocre, if there is a lot of pple inside or not etc

- just about anything you can think of that will flow naturally from one thing to other.

Fuzzy
 
School was very difficult for me. I remember in 8th grade, me and another deaf student, her name's Stacy. We attended hearing math class together and we liked that b/c we been friends since kindergarten. She has more hearing than me and we both cheated everyday in math class. How? Well, a teacher in deaf program let us look at the math book with answers. We'd copy the answers and then take it with us to math class. :giggle:

Reason I dont use ASL b/c I can barely talk. Get this, it took me over 30 yrs to understand my deafness. I had no idea I could barely talk b/c I have voice. I didnt know Im deaf and mute. Now, I know why I was bullied. Im not sayin I was the only kid that was bullied. I still get bullied today b/c ppl get pleasures when I cant stand up for myself b/c of my muteness. Know what Im saying?

I failed every hearing classes that I attended except gym. You dont need to hear to pass gym class. :lol:

Not one person cared about my education. I had a very rough life b/c of my deafness. I wish it wasnt like that but I so moved on.

EDIT: When I dropped out right before I turned 18, my parents hold it against me. Can you believe that? It was the happiest times of my life when I left school for good. I have my GED,tho.
 
DeafTim said:
School was very difficult for me.
I failed every hearing classes that I attended except gym. You dont need to hear to pass gym class. :lol:

Not one person cared about my education. I had a very rough life b/c of my deafness. I wish it wasnt like that but I so moved on.

EDIT: When I dropped out right before I turned 18, my parents hold it against me. Can you believe that? It was the happiest times of my life when I left school for good. I have my GED,tho.
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Yes. Mainstream schools don't give a shit about how well they educate dhh (or other low incidence disabilty kids) They basicly like using the law to give minimal accomodnations, so they can just use kids with disabilties as cash cows, and then dump them on disabilty.
 
DeafTim said:
School was very difficult for me. I remember in 8th grade, me and another deaf student, her name's Stacy. We attended hearing math class together and we liked that b/c we been friends since kindergarten. She has more hearing than me and we both cheated everyday in math class. How? Well, a teacher in deaf program let us look at the math book with answers. We'd copy the answers and then take it with us to math class. :giggle:

Reason I dont use ASL b/c I can barely talk. Get this, it took me over 30 yrs to understand my deafness. I had no idea I could barely talk b/c I have voice. I didnt know Im deaf and mute. Now, I know why I was bullied. Im not sayin I was the only kid that was bullied. I still get bullied today b/c ppl get pleasures when I cant stand up for myself b/c of my muteness. Know what Im saying?

I failed every hearing classes that I attended except gym. You dont need to hear to pass gym class. :lol:

Not one person cared about my education. I had a very rough life b/c of my deafness. I wish it wasnt like that but I so moved on.

EDIT: When I dropped out right before I turned 18, my parents hold it against me. Can you believe that? It was the happiest times of my life when I left school for good. I have my GED,tho.
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dont let your parents get you down hon. mine did the same thing when i dropped out. i have my GED now too. good job getting yours! :)
 
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