How can I say no to my bf?

Wow,
This is a very good subject, I know that being a guy myself I love to have sex with the woman I am in love with. To me it completes the circle of "love" but it isn't something I would do if I knew it caused her pain and discomfort. Sex is something that should be good for both of you. Does he know? If he knows, then he is selfish and self centered. At least he can try and make intercourse comfortable for you when you are willing to try it.

If you have medical issues, seek the help of a doctor-there maybe something that can be done? The one thing you don't want to do is let him continue to cause you pain and discomfort just for a few minutes of pleasure for his self.
 
Lily7 said:
It was never like that for me. Like I said, it was an act of love and I found that even if I didn't want to have sex, I did appreciate the closeness and one on one time if nothing else. Maybe its just about perspective and how one thinks of it... If all you see is the sex and not wanting to do it then I can see it becoming a chore. But if you make the effort to see it another way, like for example it feels good that your man still wants you after all this time, its nice to have all his attention for a while, the skin to skin contact feels nice, its nice to see him happy and know you caused that, etc. Then the way you see it is such that it doesn't become any more of a chore than a hug or cuddling. And if a hug or cuddling is a chore then you've got bigger problems in your relationship than not wanting sex...
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Lily7, you are very selfless and giving and I hope this guy of yours knows how lucky he is. I love a person who can when given a leomon turn turn it into lemonade like that.
 
I used to go to a counselor that knows ASL. If you're in Chicago area, I can recommend one for you.
 
DrPepperx said:
Hey, been a while..my boyfriend seems stop pressure me for sex, he said he gave up and will leave me alone about sex..he said he wants to stay with me no matter what if we dont have sex. So I will see..and I made mistake because I didn't show love, because I am shy and frozen. But I just start warm up 2 days ago because he said if I show more loves, then he wouldn't bother me for sex.
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Out of curiosity, if you don't enjoy sex and physical affection, then why not just be friends with guys?
 
Babyblue said:
He is lusting you, not loving you.

He claims sex is the way you can show love, which is untrue since there are many other ways to show love.

You feel that you have to have sex with him to stay in a relationship. Which is sad that you feel you have to sex every night to keep a man.
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Got that right, Babyblue!...You said it best....
 
Different times!!!

DrPepperx said:
We only been together for almost 5 months now, and he don't have kids but I do, and I am young, not ready to be mother but I am doing my best, try to keep on tracking of keep house clean, help kids, was single for 11 months before met him. I wasn't ready for relationship but then I met him, I couldn't stay away from him, he's so amazing! I was afraid if I wouldn't find anyone who like him. I love him who he is from all day except nights. Sometimes we had fun at night time but very rarely. I can't just leave him because of our nights problems. I am looking for something that can solve our problems without piss him off and arguing with me continue at night times. I don't have time to go find a counselor and visit counselor in person, I am too busy full time mother. I just looking for a simple advices over online, I found yahoo, and it not helpful. They telling me that it's time for him to go. And other said I need to fix my english first than relationship. Oh please, takes long time to fix my english for years.

I don't think he would cheat on me, he told me he never cheated before. He always with me most of times almost 24/7. I am looking for solve our problems, and I want to stay with him. He'd done nothing wrong to me at day times. He hugs me, kiss me, do anything for me, always being there for me. Even kids isn't his but he treat them like they are his kids. How can I leave him like that because of night times problems?
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This is something we have tried. I've been very happily married for 24years. My husband is truly my best friend. We have raised 3 children. Buried our son. Lived with my illness for 20years. Now I'm deaf. So there have been many obstacles to overcome. We have date nights. I plan one and he plans one every month. There are times in betweenof course, but these dates are special. You don't have to spend any money. Just plan a nice evening or daytime that you both can look forward to. It's worked for us. I hope this helps. Of course if you say NO, the answer is NO!!!!,:angel:
 
DrPepperx said:
Hi, just wanted to ask an question, I tried to find somewhere on the internet for how to solve our situation, because we've been having that same problems almost every times whenever I said no I am not in mood for sex. Then end up we arguing for hours. He tried to convinced me, I become feel afraid to say no because I don't like to see him being mad, getting out of bed, went out to the store get a cigar. He knew that I really hate cigars, it made me feel so disgusted, hurts, and unhappy.

We didn't have sex for like few days, he said it's not fair that he gave up and get my way that we don't have to have sex when I am not in mood. But I just too exhausted, no energy, I have thyroid, still haven't get pills for that but will see doctor next month for get some pills to help me to get energy, stop gain weight. I've been tired a lot, gaining weight a lot for no reason. Never have energy for night times. And I have kids to taking care of.

I explained this to him over again again, he still said "no, if we have a long sex just 1 night then ill be satisfy and won't ask you for sex again till whenever you are in mood".. I couldn't go that long, I always stopped him less 30 minutes because I always feel like need going to pee, or it hurts when poked in mine, hitting my bladder or something. Always told him to stop it!

So how can I said no without him getting mad, get out of bed, went out to store to get a cigar? I wanted him to stay in bed with me, sleep together all night! So warm! He said that he give up and let me get what I wanted for no sex, so let him get what he wanted for get a cigar. So it's fair. Ugh, dodo?
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UGH!! your hubby sounds exactly like my ex. Ewwww....if you say no, he gets angry...then he is sick controlling sex freak. He pressures you for sex, he is one inch away from being a rapist. Why don't he go jerk off himself simple? Thank God my SO is not a sex freak and he never pressures me for sex. Whew!!! I hope he stays that way for lifetime with me.
 
You say no. He begs you. You say no again. He still begs you, then he gets pissed at you. what does that show you? disrespect. He keeps that up, you show him the door.
 
DrPepperx said:
Hi, just wanted to ask an question, I tried to find somewhere on the internet for how to solve our situation, because we've been having that same problems almost every times whenever I said no I am not in mood for sex. Then end up we arguing for hours. He tried to convinced me, I become feel afraid to say no because I don't like to see him being mad, getting out of bed, went out to the store get a cigar. He knew that I really hate cigars, it made me feel so disgusted, hurts, and unhappy.

We didn't have sex for like few days, he said it's not fair that he gave up and get my way that we don't have to have sex when I am not in mood. But I just too exhausted, no energy, I have thyroid, still haven't get pills for that but will see doctor next month for get some pills to help me to get energy, stop gain weight. I've been tired a lot, gaining weight a lot for no reason. Never have energy for night times. And I have kids to taking care of.

I explained this to him over again again, he still said "no, if we have a long sex just 1 night then ill be satisfy and won't ask you for sex again till whenever you are in mood".. I couldn't go that long, I always stopped him less 30 minutes because I always feel like need going to pee, or it hurts when poked in mine, hitting my bladder or something. Always told him to stop it!

So how can I said no without him getting mad, get out of bed, went out to store to get a cigar? I wanted him to stay in bed with me, sleep together all night! So warm! He said that he give up and let me get what I wanted for no sex, so let him get what he wanted for get a cigar. So it's fair. Ugh, dodo?
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He is manipulate you and make you try submit his sexually needs. You not stupid and smart....he is try makes you feels guilty like think "oh no I'm not give him enough sex and not satisfys him enough so he go smoke because of me. I'm so worry about him I should gives him sex so he will stop" men are pighead and act sooo WHINES when they is not getting sex. Not your fault you is not feeling comfortable during sexs intercourse....you are sounds like need GO SEE DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY
 
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