How can I say no to my bf?

Beach girl said:
Also get yourself a physical exam, including a complete gynecological exam. Bladder infections, yeast infections, other issues "down there" can cause pain. Repeated pain during intercourse of course is going to make you not want sex.

Make sure your body is healthy, while you also address the emotional/psychological issues that might be preventing you from enjoying sex.

Incidentally, doctors are supposed to provide ASL interpreters for you if you request one. And that is at THEIR expense, not yours.
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Also GP's can receommend a counsellor to see etc.

I dunno how it works in U.S but when I was suffering from depression, I saw my GP 1st (who took bloods etc to see if it was my body 1st - I did have low Vitamin B12) and she "prescribed" a counsellor for me to see... In Aus we have medicare and my medicare covered 6 sessions at a time (I paid $100 initally then got $60 back from medicare) - so is there something like that in US to help?
 
sallylou said:
You're husband sounds like a jerk. When you have kids, sometimes adult needs have to take a back seat. If you're tired from chasing after the kids, don't have sex! Let him deal with it.
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Yeah I agree with Sallylou. He need to grow up.

I dont want to throw out harsh word, but.... to me, if people are trying to pressure other people into having sex. I'd call it passive rape.

Whenever my perfect half says no, then I just go and play with rosy palm and her five friends. Problem solved, unless you're against him replacing sex with masturbation.
 
Hey, been a while..my boyfriend seems stop pressure me for sex, he said he gave up and will leave me alone about sex..he said he wants to stay with me no matter what if we dont have sex. So I will see..and I made mistake because I didn't show love, because I am shy and frozen. But I just start warm up 2 days ago because he said if I show more loves, then he wouldn't bother me for sex.
 
Eighty said:
Yeah I agree with Sallylou. He need to grow up.

I dont want to throw out harsh word, but.... to me, if people are trying to pressure other people into having sex. I'd call it passive rape.

Whenever my perfect half says no, then I just go and play with rosy palm and her five friends. Problem solved, unless you're against him replacing sex with masturbation.
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I told him go ahead masturbate or get blow up doll, he said no. He don't want it. He rather me. You play with her five friends? what do you means?
 
It was a joke, meaning to use "Rosy Palm" (palm of the hand) and her "five friends" (five fingers), to masturbate.

That's nice that he said he wants you rather than anything else.

When you see him, are there things about him that turn you on? Do you like the way he looks, or touches you, or smells? There are some things about our sexual responses that are pretty much fixed, so, for instance, if you just plain don't like his natural smell, that is something not likely to change. But if you do like his physical smell and touch and feel, just have problems with sex itself, then you can probably work it out, with time and patience.
 
Kalima01 said:
Also GP's can receommend a counsellor to see etc.

I dunno how it works in U.S but when I was suffering from depression, I saw my GP 1st (who took bloods etc to see if it was my body 1st - I did have low Vitamin B12) and she "prescribed" a counsellor for me to see... In Aus we have medicare and my medicare covered 6 sessions at a time (I paid $100 initally then got $60 back from medicare) - so is there something like that in US to help?
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Yes, there is. Ask your doctor to refer you to an agency that takes uninsured clients. They will work with you on a medicare spenddown, if you qualifiy, and if not, will see you for at least 3 sessions (more if deemed medically necessary) for no charge.

Even if this is a medically based issue for you, there are psychological consequences and reactions that would be best for you to deal with now before they become more complicated.
 
jillio said:
Yes, there is. Ask your doctor to refer you to an agency that takes uninsured clients. They will work with you on a medicare spenddown, if you qualifiy, and if not, will see you for at least 3 sessions (more if deemed medically necessary) for no charge.

Even if this is a medically based issue for you, there are psychological consequences and reactions that would be best for you to deal with now before they become more complicated.
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Not easy because because complicate because recommand because professional otherwise psychological

request to more doctor
I am experinece doctor ask to question answer simply Jillo is answer good point exactly
 
DrPepperx said:
Hey, been a while..my boyfriend seems stop pressure me for sex, he said he gave up and will leave me alone about sex..he said he wants to stay with me no matter what if we dont have sex. So I will see..and I made mistake because I didn't show love, because I am shy and frozen. But I just start warm up 2 days ago because he said if I show more loves, then he wouldn't bother me for sex.
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Woman have different language of love than man. Man tend to think sex = love. Not *all* but many. Woman have different language. He take out garbage. Clean up kitchen. Start laundry. Fix things around house. Watch children while you have bubble bath. *THAT* is romance and love. For me anyhow. :giggle: Woman language of love more 'task' or 'action' oriented. Men language of love more visual and physical.

Is *okay* be shy. *I* am shy at times but only because past rejection for be, how say, aggressive with man. Too dominatrix. :giggle: Afraid, sometimes, to be *true* physical woman with man. Do not want reject. Like you boyfriend do not want your reject.

Agree with Beach that maybe his body scent need be enticing to you as well. *VERY* important especially for Deaf that body scent enticing.

Very important that you seek answer to issues. Glad you come here as I know we all want to help if we can. :hug:

Suppose you need learn trust in show love to him that he not take as mean you want sex just because show affection. But, if hurt you then you need see gynecologist to find out reason. My boyfriend, how say, uhm, *VERY* blessed but he always, always careful and slow with me. Worships body first, to get ready, before even thinking about going anywhere else. ;)

Try find balance between the two of you. Seem like you both care so much for one another so answer somewhere in middle.
 
By the way, if you have physical pain "there"...go to the doctor. Find a way, even without insurance.

I did. Planned Parenthood helped me because my new job had no insurance for 90 days. And it SAVED MY LIFE. I had cervical cancer.
 
By the way, if you have physical pain "there"...go to the doctor. Find a way, even without insurance.

I did. Planned Parenthood helped me because my new job had no insurance for 90 days. And it SAVED MY LIFE. I had cervical cancer.
 
deafbajagal said:
By the way, if you have physical pain "there"...go to the doctor. Find a way, even without insurance.

I did. Planned Parenthood helped me because my new job had no insurance for 90 days. And it SAVED MY LIFE. I had cervical cancer.
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Wow, how are you since? I hope you're cancer-free! My wishes for your health!
 
For a while, I was kind of in the same boat with my ex. But I gave him sex whenever he wanted anyway, provided he was OK with me not being "into it". I considered it an act of love to do that for him and didn't really mind, due to not having any energy all I did was lay there but that was enough, and he appreciated it even if it wasn't what he would rather have (me putting more effort into it.) I think a lot of women tend to forget that we have it easy when it comes to being able to provide for our men sexually - there isn't anything to have to try to get hard, we just have to open our legs, and maybe use some lube, and viola. Maybe this sounds crude, but I just don't see why that is so hard, I don't mind doing it as long as my emotional needs are being met and I am being respected.
 
Lily7 said:
For a while, I was kind of in the same boat with my ex. But I gave him sex whenever he wanted anyway, provided he was OK with me not being "into it". I considered it an act of love to do that for him and didn't really mind, due to not having any energy all I did was lay there but that was enough, and he appreciated it even if it wasn't what he would rather have (me putting more effort into it.) I think a lot of women tend to forget that we have it easy when it comes to being able to provide for our men sexually - there isn't anything to have to try to get hard, we just have to open our legs, and maybe use some lube, and viola. Maybe this sounds crude, but I just don't see why that is so hard, I don't mind doing it as long as my emotional needs are being met and I am being respected.
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I see what you're saying but if you really don't want to have sex yet do so anyway, surely then sex will just be another "chore" - add to the laundry you need to wash and fit it in after doing the dishes before mopping the floor?
 
Kalima01 said:
I see what you're saying but if you really don't want to have sex yet do so anyway, surely then sex will just be another "chore" - add to the laundry you need to wash and fit it in after doing the dishes before mopping the floor?
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It was never like that for me. Like I said, it was an act of love and I found that even if I didn't want to have sex, I did appreciate the closeness and one on one time if nothing else. Maybe its just about perspective and how one thinks of it... If all you see is the sex and not wanting to do it then I can see it becoming a chore. But if you make the effort to see it another way, like for example it feels good that your man still wants you after all this time, its nice to have all his attention for a while, the skin to skin contact feels nice, its nice to see him happy and know you caused that, etc. Then the way you see it is such that it doesn't become any more of a chore than a hug or cuddling. And if a hug or cuddling is a chore then you've got bigger problems in your relationship than not wanting sex...
 
Lily7 said:
It was never like that for me. Like I said, it was an act of love and I found that even if I didn't want to have sex, I did appreciate the closeness and one on one time if nothing else. Maybe its just about perspective and how one thinks of it... If all you see is the sex and not wanting to do it then I can see it becoming a chore. But if you make the effort to see it another way, like for example it feels good that your man still wants you after all this time, its nice to have all his attention for a while, the skin to skin contact feels nice, its nice to see him happy and know you caused that, etc. Then the way you see it is such that it doesn't become any more of a chore than a hug or cuddling. And if a hug or cuddling is a chore then you've got bigger problems in your relationship than not wanting sex...
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Ah I see... I guess whatever works varies for each person :)
 
Lily7 said:
It was never like that for me. Like I said, it was an act of love and I found that even if I didn't want to have sex, I did appreciate the closeness and one on one time if nothing else. Maybe its just about perspective and how one thinks of it... If all you see is the sex and not wanting to do it then I can see it becoming a chore. But if you make the effort to see it another way, like for example it feels good that your man still wants you after all this time, its nice to have all his attention for a while, the skin to skin contact feels nice, its nice to see him happy and know you caused that, etc. Then the way you see it is such that it doesn't become any more of a chore than a hug or cuddling. And if a hug or cuddling is a chore then you've got bigger problems in your relationship than not wanting sex...
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It's more of like "something in return", of course that there are some people who appreaciated so much about this person and willing to give him/her in return. Or Gift in return... another way...
 
DrPepperx said:
I don't want him to go, he's great man I ever have than all of my exes. But just hate night times with him pressure me. He said same thing that other women loves sex, would do it every nights with him, it does hurt my feeling. I am not even sexual actives since broke my virgin, did with few of guys, still ain't interest in sex at all. I just do it to keep guys stay in relationship with me. That's my reason.
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girl. that saddens me when you say it like that.
 
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