Holding "Grudges"...can you forgive or forget?

I definitely believe in forgiveness... After all, we're human. We all make mistakes.
 
I generally forgive... but I don't believe forgiveness means I have to let that person be in a position to hurt me again. If someone hurts me, takes responsibility and truly seems sorry, I almost always give them another chance. If, however, the person doesn't seem sorry, doesn't take responsibility, does the same thing over and over, or does something I consider too bad for another chance (like the person who got angry and told me I'm infertile because I wasn't trying hard enough to get pregnant...) I may forgive after a lot of prayer, angry note writing, and so on... but to get close to me again? Oh hell no!!!!

I learn from my mistakes.
 
I Forgive. It is not hard for me to forgive, but sometimes it is hard to forget. We all need forgiveness for things.
 
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned."
 
rockin'robin said:
How true!....It's so hard to do when it comes down to a family member, tho' (sever the relationship)....We all have tried and tried to help...but his repetitive actions and disrespect were too much.
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Funny this thread came up today. I just severed a family relationship exactly 3 hours and 56 minutes ago. A big one too.

Like TWA....I forgive but rarely forget. This person is forgiven...but be gone.


Edit....after checking, less than 10 minutes after this thread started.
 
I'm a forgive but never forget person usually, but with my Dad's death approaching, I'm seriously re-thinking this.

For now, let's say I'm on the fence leaning towards it's better to forgive and not hold any grudges or have regrets. Forgiving and forgetting are two entirely different things and need to be handled separately and in one's own time; depending on the nature of the wrong that was done.
 
I feel like I have in me a big heart to forgive. I can go on with that person the very next day. Forget? Not as easily said and done. The mind doesn't unsee and undo. Trust is something to be rebuilt with what you are forgiving and forgetting. But if you let the unforgotten consume you, then that consumes you in the end. Choose your battles wisely.
 
saywhatkid said:
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned."
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My husband says holding on to a grudge is like you drinking poison and expecting the other guy to get sick from it.

I would like to be a forgive and forget person, but I have a good memory for some things and even when I forgive, I can't erase them from memory.
 
AlleyCat said:
I feel like I have in me a big heart to forgive. I can go on with that person the very next day. Forget? Not as easily said and done. The mind doesn't unsee and undo. Trust is something to be rebuilt with what you are forgiving and forgetting. But if you let the unforgotten consume you, then that consumes you in the end. Choose your battles wisely.
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I agree pretty much. For me I can forgive anyone.... But whether or not I continue a relationship with them depends on if they are toxic.
 
TXgolfer said:
Funny this thread came up today. I just severed a family relationship exactly 3 hours and 56 minutes ago. A big one too.

Like TWA....I forgive but rarely forget. This person is forgiven...but be gone.


Edit....after checking, less than 10 minutes after this thread started.
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Same here, except it was week ago today. I forgive, but can't forget it. It will weigh heavy on my mind for quite a while. If it was just one incidence, it wouldn't be so bad, but it was over and over. Just wish him well, but he is never to darken my door steps again.
 
TXgolfer said:
Funny this thread came up today. I just severed a family relationship exactly 3 hours and 56 minutes ago. A big one too.

Like TWA....I forgive but rarely forget. This person is forgiven...but be gone.


Edit....after checking, less than 10 minutes after this thread started.
Click to expand...

I had to do the same thing last week. My cousin and I were constantly fighting on my Facebook... she's really agressive and was angry at me about something, and would just not move on. She sent me an angry e-mail two years ago about it. I was SOOOOOOOO upset... and then we talked things out, I corrected her about one of the things I was mad about. Last week, she got mad at me again, and sent me another e-mail bringing up the same things from the past...

We resolved things (sorta) by talking them out and me making it clear to her that if we were to have peace between us, she had to stop bringing that up...

But she will probably never be allowed on my FB again. She didn't learn from her mistake, she hasn't changed her behavior... so why should I put myelf in a position to be hurt again.
 
RR, I think you can forgive without forgetting. If this person has repeatedly done damage - you only become a doormat if you let it continue. You don't seem like you make a good one, either!

Don't forget to also forgive yourself... you hoped that your love would be enough to bring about a change. It's not about you. Hugs!
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

Unfortunately, some people aren't mentally healthy enough to be in my life. Even when you love someone, you can't let him/her drag you down. You can only hope that he/she seeks professional help in the future.
 
rockin'robin said:
How true!....It's so hard to do when it comes down to a family member, tho' (sever the relationship)....We all have tried and tried to help...but his repetitive actions and disrespect were too much.
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No contact is not something to be taken lightly. I'm afraid some people are just plain impossible. :hug:
 
If you hurt me, I can forgive and MAYBE forget...

If you hurt someone I love, forget about forgiveness and I will NEVER forget...

This also applies to threatening not just hurting.
 
depends, if its something fixable ill forgive and forget, but if it isnt, ill forgive but end the relationship. i dont hold grudges because i have way too many things to worry about then someone who did me wrong.
 
mbrek said:
RR, I think you can forgive without forgetting. If this person has repeatedly done damage - you only become a doormat if you let it continue. You don't seem like you make a good one, either!

Don't forget to also forgive yourself... you hoped that your love would be enough to bring about a change. It's not about you. Hugs!
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So very well said. and Thank You....and ur right, I have never allowed myself to become a "doormat" :giggle:...Everyone needs help time to time. Unfortunately, some people wear out their welcome by causing too many problems and so much drama. Our relative has lived a life of lies, so long, that he actually believes it himself. He's bounced around and around, from relative to relative, always being a "problem." I think I was the last resort, regarding "a place to go"....since we had been through this drama several times before, and I had to ask him to leave. One family member has a lifetime Injunction on him also.....and told me the other day..."Well, I told you so.".....

So all we have left is to hope and believe that he will somehow find peace within himself, straighten up and get on to his own 2 feet. Otherwise, there's not much else we can do or hope for.
 
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