Hearing women dating deaf/HoH men

[defmanbogeyman]

I wonder if this fits your theory - I'm a female and I don't typically ask men out. I mean, I wait to be asked out. I don't know why, I'm neither a feminist nor anti-feminist, but I do. I feel too shy to ask someone out - not forward enough. If most females operate the same, then it might be the deaf guys who aren't interested in asking out the hearing females. Maybe the girls would be interested if they were asked?

Sheesh, and Me, I'm waiting for women to talk to me... (slaps head), maybe I should be talking to you women? But I dont' want to be pushy, all that. Geez!

Alright, I'll that, chat to women, say, like: "Hi!" with a smile, things like that. "Nice day!" stuff like that. Who knows, one of them might deign to speak to me, oh well.

Most women only looks at me and then passes me over, maybe they thought I look stupid or maybe "too hard" who knows what kind of rubbish they thinks. They have no idea, though. I have dreams, loves, hopes, everything that a real man have, and what most of them don't know, to my ex's cost, is that I'm FAITHFUL with a F, TRUSTWORTHY with a T, for I know this is most valuable and I keeps myself for only one woman, who have the same qualities, and I also looks at women and pass them over... too slutty, too weak, too stupid, too dumb, too this or that, for I am a man, and I have my mistakes too, I'm not perfect, I'm simply waiting and watching for the right woman who demonstrates that she's trustworthy and will be worth MY time, MY LIFE, my love... my heart... otherwise, out she goes.

I never was unfaithful, it was my ex, and my ex was deaf, and five years older, and it was her DRUGS and BOOZE that messes her up. Not me, nope. I lived with her for 7 long hellish years and after being single for two years she came back and had the gall to asks me to go back, begging me four more times to go back to her... why should i? My heart BROKED from her ceaseless shenanigans and unfaithfulness even though I had all the reasons in the world to do the same but I just could not STOMACHE such things, it's WEAK. So I stood by her kids, stayed faithful even when she was not, and generally be stoic in the face of her evil deeds. I won, though. She lost. That's how it is. It's just TOO fucking bad. And her offer of having "sex" no strings attached, turned me right off, when she says yes to my offer of just friendship. Sheesh. She was dumb, a stupid highschooler who never made it to college or uni. (sighs)...

So I 'm avoiding such types as my ex. I have no interest in drunken drugged out sluttish morons like my ex, hearing or deaf. They makes me sick to my stomache, stressed me out, and worse. SO I passes these morons over. I wants the right one, and I have no idea what it is, I try to find ones that are not like my ex in any way, shape or form.

I hopes to make a family one day.. but each day that passes, I lose hope, and I come to realised, it's better to be single than be in a rotten relationship like my ex, so it's either the right one or it's a lonely, though, productive life for me. That's the way I accepts it.

And after my ex, it was hard to talk to hearing women, I hardly sees deaf women all that much, most of them was as stupid as my ex, herebouts... (sighs)... so hearing women are my only hopes of trying to find a non-drug-addict, non-booze-addict, a clean woman, a woman who walks with God, loving jesus and loving the true bible, King James Bible, and prefers to be separate from the world, for the world led many women astray, just as they did with my ex, led her astray all those years ago.

(sighs)... I still have a lot of her stuff to get rid of out of my psyche... shit. I thought I was improving.. oh well. I'm sure, when I meet the right woman I can finally move on, focused on the right woman, courting her, and forgetting the old one. Maybe, who knows.

It's ok. We're all learning something new every day. It's all good!

 

[TWA]

I don't believe in Evolution, it got full of holes.

No. It doesn't. The fossil record has gaps simply due to the erosion of time and/or our physical inability to find them all. But the biological mechanisms that control evolution? Rock solid. You should have paid better attention in science class.

 

[TWA]

I know a lot of hearing women who are interested in deaf men. They are more in tune to what the girl needs. They can read her better than a hearing man in my opinion.

I have never actually dated a deaf man, but jumping around on this site I have read a lot about the dating and such.

Let me guess: these women you speak of have very limited experience with Deaf people? And their experience with them is mainly limited to academic circles?

 

[defmanbogeyman]

I agree with you 100% but you have to understand that most people are not aware of these issues. They just know what they learned when they were kids in school and the teacher said, "Now you all be nice to Alex; he can't hear as well as us." That, unfortunately, takes precedence in the minds of many. It takes a lot to "deprogram" this type of thinking. :thanks: for being one of the few! "

I hope it isn't either, and there are always exceptions, of course.

Oh yeah, I had that all the time with my hearing little brother. I'd meet kids, they'd speak, I'd be focused on trying to figure what they're saying, and here my brother leaps to what he thinks is a rescue, he would acts as my interpreter and I'd stand there like an idiot, and he would tell them, "Oh, Alex can't hear, he's deaf, blah blah blah, blah blah blah"... fucking pisses me off. Got used to it, though, I gave up bothering to talk to anyone at all, just went back to my books and to hell with people.

 

[TWA]

It wasn't their deafness, but I think a HUGE HUGE part of it is the fact that a lot of dhh kids are mainstreamed to the max, and may never develop the social emotional development experiance it takes to reconize a crappy realtionship. They're just so nutured to expect a realtionship that, they jump into a realtionship with ANYONE no matter how crappy. And they're also so lonely (they may not even have causal friends) that they think of crappy realtionships as good. I know one hoh mainstreamed to the max girl who married a coke/pot/brake fluid abuser who was mentally abusiver to her. He even told her that if he killed her nobody would ever find the body! But she stayed with him b/c he was " just so sweet and love is blind"
Then I know another hoh mainstreamed to the max girl who is in a series of crappy realtionships. She reconizes that they're crappy...I've seen her posts on facebook a lot. I was talking to her online one time. She said she was at McDonold's with her "boyfriend". I asked her why she wasn't talking to him
She said he doesn't like to talk to her?!?! Hooboy!!!!!!!!! It boils down to the fact that they never got to develop socially or emotionally as kids or teens, so they cannot reconize good realtionships.

You may have located one of the main causes of insecurity, but you are essentially proving my point. Sure, it's not the deafness itself causing the issues. I mean, do you think I would really hold that opinion? ME? C'mon. It is the result of being deaf in a hearing world. That's what I meant. Also, notice something here about all your examples? It's hoh/deaf woman with hearing men. Proves my point further.

Oh and The WriteAlex....if I was straight............seriously try to get to know hoh girls. The social issues are pretty much universal. Not just limited to deaf guys!

I agree the social issues are universal. I disagree that they affect male and females the same way when it comes to finding a relationship, if that's what you mean to say. And I know plenty of deaf/hoh woman who were mainstreamed. They've all ended up with hearing men--except for one. My girlfriend.

 

[defmanbogeyman]

I decided to crack open one of my books from a previous ASL class. The book is called "For Hearing People Only" now before I get flamed for such a title it is written by Deaf for Hearing as a "Hey don't f**k up by doing this", cultural questions, etc. It's a nice read and it was suggested by the faculty. Anyhow... chapter 104's title, "What problems, difficulties, or challenges would a 'hearing and deaf' couple face as they relate to anoe another (i.e., dating, marriage)?"

Paraphrased (So I don't get sued for copying ) It lists the book The Feel of Silence by Bonnie Poitras Tucker in that she was in a marriage with a hearing man. She finds most deaf men benefit more from a marriage to a hearing woman than if a deaf woman were married to a hearing man for this reason: Deaf men derive support from their hearing wives and list loyalty, compassion, commitment as those qualities. While with the reverse, deaf women haven't found the same kind of support from their husbands.

Next page lists some letters written in from various people. One woman states her husband refused to be involved in the Deaf community while she doesn't feel too comfortable being around the hearing for too long due to communication barriers.


This is just from that book (no flaming ME LOL) that kind of reinforces what you've stated Alex.

This is amazing info, I hopes to find one and get it. IT's useful too. I want to be loyal and faithful to the right woman I can trust. I dont trust that easily, been hurt, broken hearted and all that.

Oh well. Thanks for the tip, I hopes to find this book. Much thanks.

 

[defmanbogeyman]

Actually, this is what I tell myself as well. If she can't love me for who I am, F--- her. Having a hearing loss is actually kinda nice in that it's an in-built scumbag/bitch detector. The people who treat you different or are rude, etc. are not worth your time, and you find this out a lot sooner than other people.'

Keep your chin up JClarke. You a balla, boooyeeee

True, this is so true. There's weak women who prefers the illusions of a man who looks okay but is weak, most of them are cheating, too, for that matter, and most of them have bucks, that's why weak women cares abotu men with bucks, that's all they cares about, money.

As if money is security, how stupid and lame brained they are!

Freedom is better, freedom IS security, you can do anything, make real money, and not be in debt to anyone. I prefers freedom, not security like these idiots are. They're weak. Like my ex, weak, weak, weak.

Better move on. Detects them, brush them off. Keep trying to find that rare gem, a strong healthy honest faithful loyal and trustworthy woman. Boy, that's one woman in a million! I want to find her, court her, marry her, and always, always, CHERISH her, every day, do things that makes her happy, for she's a rare gem, better than the rest!!!!!!

 

[defmanbogeyman]

Aight BOtt... heres an exception...
I've loved deaf culture since i was 8.. now im 20... and still oh so in love...
and not that i want to become "one of you" I just love.. deaf culture in general.
the same could happen with something else.. if i became interested in it..
But.. also as a hearing.. im not against dating a deafie.. or a hearie.. whatever comes i'll accept.
and to me its not about earnings. because whatever.. he makes ( as corny as it may sound i still stick by it) doesn't make him a bad or better person. as long as he gives his best.
i dont know why it is that.. hearing women tend to date less deafies.
I know my friend stopped dating her deaf boyfriend because he was just plain lazy and didnt want to work.. and just lived off his gov money.
but i think any woman (wise) would have an issue with that.

I'm sorry about that, but it looks like he didn't have no gaols, so he's aimless and have no idea what he really wants. Doesn't his hearing girlfriend thought to ask him that?

I know what I want, though. I want to grow my Starscapes business so it'll sell well, so it'll make vast profits, in hotels, in homes, everywhere, as well as help me learn how to be independent and get off that pension I hated all my life, so I'm struggling to learn marketing and how to heal my heart and not be nasty to people as I really do not like people all that much, but I realised they're sinners just like I am, so I accepts them and steer clear of idiots and druggies and alcohol morons and the like and just focus on my life and try to make my life better as much as I can, saving up to buy this or that off my list of goals to be done as fast as I can... (sighs).. I invests my pension into my researches into health, and anything else that I thought might improve my life, and I saved all the ebooks, etc ... along the way, ten years worth... I invested in Starscapes about four years ago, took time to pay it off, and do it with a single-minded focus, as well as do other things... Also writing and such.

My goals is still the same since ten years ago... get land, build the house I want, get better car, give good value to community with my Starscapes, and such, and one day, marry the right woman I'd respected, cherished and be loyal to for the rest of my life, and make a family, a kid or two, born out of our love for each other. That's what I want.

I never had women before I was 27, only one-night-stands that I hated. My ex was the only one. I "settles" for her then, but I realised soon after, we just could not fit well. But I stayed, I thought I could make it work. She was already into drugs and booze and I thought if she would stop all that, and be happy, maybe we can be a real family, but she arleady have three kids and mine was aborted and it all went downhill. After, I realised it was best, even though she came back two years later, and I refused to go back, for I knew well she would do it all over again, for whatever reason she knows only to herself. All I want is a peaceful life with the right woman. I do not care for games, powers, etc... A simple life is a better life, I find.

I know what I want. I get it, as soon as I can, tick, tick, tick, one by one. AS for women, I dont' know. I find them less trustworthy these days. I only knows I'll be careful of them, and watches them for the desirable qualities that I know is the right one; faithfulness, trustworhtyiness, loyal, etc... a biblical woman. A rare gem. The type of women I have never met, ever. Maybe I did, back in the childhood at the Fellowship of Jesus Christ... it's hard to remember... I miss those days... I do not know if they're still around in Fremantle or around there. Oh well.

I rather be alone and happy than be miserable with some loser women hooked on drugs and booze and unfaitfhul with other men behind my back.

(sighs)...

 

[defmanbogeyman]

I'm hearing and I didn't start to understand more about deafness and sign language until I started dating my (now) fiance. I never really thought about dating a deaf guy, it just happened that way. We talked a lot using the computer to get to know each other, then in person I adjusted to his way of speaking and learned some rudimentary signs for basic communications, though I plan to become more fluent when I finish with my degree in May.

For him, he didn't care what kind of person that he ended up with, deaf or hearing, as long as they didn't think anything of him being deaf.

Somehow we just fit each other very well, we've known each other for nearly five years now.

Thanks, you're a rare gem. Good, I'm glad there are some women like you out there who knows that deaf men are real men, too, faithful, honest, real, loyal and trustworthy. I'm glad.

 

[defmanbogeyman]

It's hard for anyone (hearing or deaf) to find the right person for a relationship. I married my husband because he has a big heart. I just knew that he was the right one for me. Once you find that person with a big heart, you won't need to worry about those other details. Don't give up. It happens when you least expect it.

Thanks, this is good. I'm glad. You're also a rare gem, as well.

It's true, we deafs DO have big hearts, it hurts sometimes, unable to show this. Your hubby is a lucky man, and from the way you sounds, it looks like you both still cherishes each other and loves each other deeply. That's good.

Makes me feel a bit hopeful for the right one, a rare gem that may or may not appear in my path. Oh well. No worries. It's all good!

 

[defmanbogeyman]

((bites nails))

Well, ahem, for some reason I seem to be drawn to hearing men. Well, my only boyfriend (will be ex husband soon) was hearing. I think it is a security issue, I was 18 when I met him (he was 25). Since I grew up without a father, I found comfort in a police officer who took the reins and literally spoke for me. I was blind to his control. I think controlling men may be drawn to deaf women for that reason, it is to have someone to take care of and dominate. I am not speaking for all the hearing men, I'm just saying it could be one of the reasons why a select handful of men may desire a woman from the deaf world.

In ten years from now, I might consider dating a HOH/Deaf man. I'm not too involved with the deaf community in real-life but I would like to change that soon.

Good thought-provoking post!

That's the problem right there. My ex tried to mould me into her deaf dead boyfriend, tried to make me this or that, and I refused. She was a manipulator and most of all, tried to make me carry her baggage and I refused! I had to learn the hard way, her own problems is HERS to fix or not, up to her. My problems are MINE to fix or not, up to me, and I prefers to solve my problems, get them out of the way, but not her, she LOVES her problems, always bloody problems day in and day out with paranoia and fears and worries and all that made from her stupid drugs and booze. Totally annoying! SHe never changed until she left me for a redneck ugly guy who was worse. Me, I'm laidback, I loves equality and I like peace of life... well, not him, he's like those arseholes alpha scumbags, thinks they know what to do with anything, he controls her life and stressed her out and ignores her kids when his kids was picking on them, bullying them all the time... she left him after two years... how's that for a laugh? I win, by seven years! She came back and asks me to go back to her, but I cannot, for she broke my heart and I'll never trust her ever again, even when she says she regretted her mistakes and unfaithfulness and all that crap years ago.

She knows I want a family and that she regretted aborting my kids, embryo and egg yolk, that she claims her doctors says her life was in danger, back in 1999 or 2000 it's so long ago. So I am waiting for the right woman and meanwhile I prefers to be single than getting mixed up with the wrong woman ever again. I will not fall for the same trick twice. A sexy body and a pretty face do not fool me.

I know what women are really like, what they're capable of, and only one criteria I'll judges women by, how faithful they are to God, to Jesus, and whether they're want a real man like me, for real men have true love, true faithfulness, true honesty, true trustworthiness, and most of all, true loyalty, that most do not get.

So I rather wait for this type of woman than be with the wrong type of women.

Just so you know, "authority" types are those of control-freaks types, they're idiots and stupid, follow-the-book beaucrats morons, no flexibilities at all. And they're not real men, they're WEAK.

Real men are freedom-lovers, free-thinkers, and follows Jesus, that's real men, and women, as well. Not follow-the-sheep types like these "authority" control-freaks are.

No worries.

 

[defmanbogeyman]

It is hard to say because I know hundreds of people in the Deaf community.

I will think of my closest friends for now..

In my circle, it seems there are more deaf women with hearing guys than hearing women with deaf guys. I know several of my deaf friends say that they refuse to date anyone who do not know ASL already so it could be the reason. One of my friends recently broke up with his deaf girlfriend who didnt know any sign language because her parents put so much pressure on her about him being so dependent on ASL even though he had oral skills too.

My eyebrows goes up at that bloke whose gf's parents pressures HER because of his reliance on ASL... even though he had oral skills too. How weak she is, she should shut them up, it's HER choice to be with him, man!!

 

[defmanbogeyman]

this is actually a really interesting topic because i am a hearing girl and i have a deaf boyfriend. umm the wierd thing is that he had an ex who was deaf and she is telling me i cant go out with him because deaf boys should be with deaf girls. sometimes i get a litlle bit jealous because i am still only learning sign language and so i only know a little bit at the moment, and so i get jealiius when he talk to deaf women coz i dont know what hes saying.
i think one of the reasons women don't go for deaf men tho is because girls talk to much like on the phone and stuff all the time and its kinda hard with the lack of communication

but i love andrew heaps and could never imagine having a hearing boyfriend

Good for you, Jessie.

LOL, that's dumb, deaf with deaf, hearing with hearing, and deaf with hearing, so what!!!

 

[defmanbogeyman]

I didn't read through all the posts. I'm going to after I put in my 2 cents but here's my opinion....

hearing men tend to care only about looks. It's the foundation for their attraction. Most men are shallow...they won't date a girl who isn't pretty to their liking

hearing women on the other hand care about status. It's the foundation for THEIR attraction. Having any form of disability is considered a negative status in the hearing world.

That's why a man would probably fuck a girl in a wheel chair if she was gorgeous but a woman wouldn't even fuck brad pitt in a wheel chair unless he was a celebrity.

Celebrity = High status hence why girls always go nuts over famous people. They're more attracted to their fame than anything. If the same guy she is CRAZY over wasn't famous and approached her at the bar with a corny pick-up line she'd turn him down in a second

So a guy isn't likely to date an ugly girl
and a girl isn't likely to date a low status guy

So the obvious statement here is that it's much harder for a deaf guy to find a relationship than it is for a deaf girl. Personally I think if a deaf girl dates outside of the community it's making it even harder because the only girls who know his position and can relate to him aren't available.

Edit: TheWrightAlex basically said the same thing on the first page. I think this is the most logical answer

Then this means WOMEN are the most SHALLOW there is, all they cares abotu is some stupid crap like STATUS!!! I hate that, status doens't feed your soul, it doesn't make you happy, it stresses them out, and so on, when they KNOWS they'll never be up there with the shallow morons they calls "celebrities"... idiots... those "celebrities" smells the same as all of us, farts the same, stinks the same when they shits out brown stuff, and all that... status!!! Idiots!

THis is why I do not trust women, they're so idiotic... it's why I am waiting for the right type, a rare gem, a real woman who do not cares abotu status, games, or celebrities losers... a real woman who only cares about God, and Jesus and wants a real biblical man like me... that's a real woman to me... to hell with status!!!!

 

[TWA]

Oh god, make it stop. Please make it stop!!!!

 

[defmanbogeyman]

I have read most of the posts by you people. I have few deaf girl friends who married hearing guys and divorced for reasons apart from being deaf. Some of them stay married and have family. Let me to be honest, I have not seen a lot of deaf guys with hearing girlfriends or a wife. Just about 1/8 the number of couples I have knew...(deaf girl with hearing guy).

I am deaf myself, never had problem dating hearing girls and all that but I do recall when being very young, I noticed few hearing girls were scared to give it a shot or did not want to adapt the language to communicate with me or other deaf boys. They want us but did not want to give it a shot. I have been asked out by two hearing girls during high school years. I believe it is just the security and the ability to adapt the culture. They said they often review the pros and cons before they give it a chance to influence their world. I was like *raspberry* what is the difference? We all are human beings!!! Hearing people can be lazy or busy as we are. But the problem I have with hearing girls is that I couldn't actually trust them because of my bad experiences being cheated on. Those two girls I dated who cheated on me didnt actually adapt the culture they just find it confusing and complicated to adapt so they went out with "normal boys" as they call it. But it didnt stop me from dating other hearing girls. I dated a hearing girl who was so crazy about me. We broke up because I did not feel she was ready and I needed time... later about three yrs later I got married to wrong deaf girl, she showed up at my wedding... I was shocked... she came to me and said, you should have proposed to me instead. I was mute for about an hour mumbling to myself.

So I believe it has to do about the worlds between deaf and hearing people who has the ability to adapt each other or not. It is similar to the idea of a person who is always on the run dating the partner who is always disabled who can not go anywhere. They both have to make it work, if not.. it wont be a success.

Thanks, that's most illuminating. Yeah, it is a problem, hearing women are not very flexible, not very adaptable. They're WEAK. It's a pity, though. They had potential, but as usual, like the girl in the third Fast and Furious, all she cares abotu is, is it interesting, is it high status, is it worth money? type of deal. Women, they're idiots at times. Sometimes, they'll mature and they're great, but other times, they're immature and acts dumb. Sheesh. (sighs).

Why don't they just gets down to the brass tacks, the simple thing... true love is being true to each other, no matter what fucking problem there is. But of course not, all they cares abotu is what other people thinks of their relationship with us deafs. So idiotic. Friends do not determines relationsihps, only a couple interested in each other. I never let friends influences my relationship with my ex, yet, tellingly, she was influenced by friends, some not so nice, and some really annoying and some bloody interferring fuckwits... (sighs)... so I know what I'm talking about, women are like sheep, easy to influences, unless you find ones that are of their own mind, and won't let no one influences them, and that's the ones I liked... rare gems, real women who follows God and Jesus and let no one crap on them. Ah, rare gems, indeed.

Pity there's like 99% of idiots and only 1% of rare gems in the entire world. (sighs)....

 

[defmanbogeyman]

I think hearing women get tired of things pretty quickly. Especially if they are one of those I am the best types, who always thinks they can find someone better. Im a CODA, and I would acutally love to find a deaf guy. Most hearing guys shy away because they don't know how to communicate with my family etc. That could also be another reason why hearing women arent often seen with deaf guys. They don't realize the "work" thats involved in such a relationship.
If I repeated everything someone else said, I'm sorry haha. I didn't read all the way down this post.

That makes sense. The NOVELTY of a deaf man would wears off for the hearing women. To me, that smacks of shallow types... I'd broomed them out quick smart. I want reality, I want a sensible woman... a rare gem, that likes me for me, not for some silly status crapola!!! sheesh. I'm sick of shallow people, male and female. They're BORING.

I'd love to date ya, but you're over there, in USA and I'm here, in Aust, so no go. Friendship online is fine, ohwell. I got plenty friends from UK and USA and a few here, and there, and everywhere... oh well. It's all good!

 

[defmanbogeyman]

I'm a student taking ASL 2, so I'm just learning. But, in my previous semester, my teacher had asked us all what would we do if we found out the person we loved was deaf. My response was the fact that I would love him regardless of if he were able to hear or not. Deaf people can do anything that hearing people can do, except hear. They love the same, they hug the same, they kiss the same, etc. I have always been interested in working and being around the deaf. If there ever came a time were I fell in love with a deaf man, I wouldn't think twice. It is a lot of hard work to make a relationship like this work, especially since I'm just now learning ASL. I don't think I would mind being with a deaf man, actually I think that's something I've always wanted.

Good.

But why make it like "hard work" when it's just meeting of minds and heart, and courtship and being happy, trusting each other, being faithful and honest with each other, it won't seems like "hard work", it'll be "light work" when you both knows you both are trusting, loyal and faithful to each other, and best of all, if this can be done without sex, so much the better, until marriage, that is, then that will be bliss, indeed, though it may seems hard to most fallen sinners out there, but it's doable as long as you both walks with God, with Jesus and knows it is true love. No worrries. It means both of you are resistant to those outside who would try to break you two up. Simple.

 

[TWA]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[defmanbogeyman]

(allright, I wrote a lot, mostly I feel that it's important for the guys to see at themselves, it may be helpful for somebody)

Beautiful thread. I am deaf guy, and was absolute a d-deaf guy, with extremely low selfconfidence and selfrespect, I was tired by my life, tired by dreaming and have nothing, tired that people always stopped me, tired by working, tired by everything. I wanted to be a D-Deaf guy , a D-Deaf Bastard with a big fat D (who still is rejecting my deafness!), it have taken a lot of pain and work. I have still much more left, but I'm beginning to feeling more comfortable with my deafness, my quirkness, my body, my nothingness, and people sees that. So far, I like that.

For the last few years I have met a lot of womens and mens, both deaf and hearing, I wanted to understand the social context, and I found out these things:

1) it's YOU (aka me) who has the responsiblity to be comfortable with other people, they feel what you feel, you (or me) have to learn them, in a short and easy way, showing them it's not a issue. You're deaf, so what?

2) It's too easy to identify with your deafness, telling people the lifestory of your deafness. you're deaf. you're not deaf. you're not yourself without the deafness. you're the space between yourself. you're only yourself. Be fully with yourself, be fully INSIDE your deafness. Or not! There is more to life than your deafness.

3) it's really painful to be deaf, much more than the hearing people can understand. That's okay.
4) On the other side the pain makes you more aware of things people cannot see, that's your strength, but it's easy to be blind of your image of yourself.
5) Deafness makes one stronger and more willful because one learned early as a kid not's not a option to give up on the first try. (it's something I like to believe!)
I have met several hearing people who gived up quickly when trying to talk with me. Their loss.
6) Deaf/HoH may have more of a awareness of communication, while the hearing are more relaxed, it's the feeling, not the word who counts, maybe more playful. Both are right, it's a fine balance between the words, both the non-understanding and the understanding of words. I am still trying to understand that balance!

Hearing people don't even hear if you're asking something, because they're always hearing "background noise", so it's phased out. In a bizarre way the hearing people are more deaf than the deaf people themselves...

7) Talking with deaf are more simpler/straigthforward (may comes from the less social interactions, and more awareness with the words) In fact, I may find it a little boring to talk with deaf girls...

On the other side the hearing/HoH/deaf girl may find the deaf guy too boring, too tiring to talk with, too slow to talk with, no or little emotions. God, I was really boring for few years ago, when I said something to one girl, she grimased just by that sentence! ( I am still boring, I try to overcome that! )
I was too focused to say things as correctly as possible and to understand what she said so I forgot the emotionally side of my words. Almost nobody likes to read a dry book.

I am trying to be more horny, impulsive, wild, cruel, playful, trying to be brave to do all of these things I've been afraid of. Deafness have really scared my ass of myself because it made me so vulnerable and helpless so I have decided to overcome my issues, learning to trust myself.

9) Eye contact are important, I try to show her/he that I'm with him/her by not looking too much at the mouth, I switch between the mouth and eyes.
Once I slowly moved my eyes up from mouth to the eyes to a clerkgirl, she smiled really big, it was a sexually teasing moment for her because I was so slow and drowning. I was too shy to look her straight or quickly in the eyes, so I forced myself to look at the eyes, walking slowly upwards because it felt less painful or scary for me!

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A deaf girl/woman does not need to do that much to meet somebody, they're usually waiting for somebody who can "overcome" their shortcomings.

Boys/men have to fix that for himself, as much he can. I have rejected some girls with normal hearing because they was either too bitchy or just too difficult to talk with, too passive, or somebody I didn't feel comfortable with. (low self esteems sucks).

Many girls have rejected me because I showed weakness or vulnerability, but I see that most people need some time to be comfortable with me, and it took me really long time to understand that some girls wasn't ready for me - for they have some issues.

It's really cruel to be deaf because it's a impending feeling of weakness and the impending feeling of vulnerability, and that's the most difficult thing a guy is forced to overcome it all by himself, building the self confidence by hard and tiresome labour. That's the fun most girls will miss!

Amazing, this is. Good on ya, self-improvement takes time, no worries. You'll get there.

I too are working on myself... oh well. It's fun, and it's all good!