Hearing people who are attracted to deaf people

As someone who just very recently went deaf, I find it really disturbing that someone would be attracted to someone else *because* of their inability to hear. It's one thing if you are attracted to someone who just happens to be deaf because of their personality, appearance, interests, whatever, but to find the deafness as a point of attraction doesn't sit well with me.

My view may be different than someone who has been born deaf, but I don't know why someone would find the deafness itself attracting. For me, going deaf has caused me a ton of emotional pain, not to mention immense communication challenges that I still haven't fully overcome -- To have someone want to go thru that (what I've gone thru and continue to go thru) for a relationship is just creepy.

-Lauren
 
glickchick said:
As someone who just very recently went deaf, I find it really disturbing that someone would be attracted to someone else *because* of their inability to hear. It's one thing if you are attracted to someone who just happens to be deaf because of their personality, appearance, interests, whatever, but to find the deafness as a point of attraction doesn't sit well with me.

My view may be different than someone who has been born deaf, but I don't know why someone would find the deafness itself attracting. For me, going deaf has caused me a ton of emotional pain, not to mention immense communication challenges that I still haven't fully overcome -- To have someone want to go thru that (what I've gone thru and continue to go thru) for a relationship is just creepy.

-Lauren
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No, us born deafies find it just as disturbing, lol
 
This is definitly more than a little creepy! I'm hearing and I agree with my best friend (who is Deaf) that her hearing aids look pretty cool (kind of like my glasses) but hot?(if that is the right term???) not at all! just cool, sort of a fashion statement (her's are blue and glittery you must admit that is pretty cool!!!)
 
I don't think it's creepy, but it definitely isn't right for someone to want to be with you solely on the basis of you being different.

All the boyfriends I've had throughout the years have been hearing, but it's because my parents unfortunately never gave me the opportunity to become part of my own community. But sometimes I think, if I would have been able to go to CSCD in high school and maybe embrace my own people instead of struggling to keep up in an impossible hearing world, maybe I would never have even tried to date anyone hearing.

But, the guy I'm with now is hearing and when he first met me, of course one of my first sentences was, "Can you talk a little louder, I'm really interested." and putting my hair behind my ear to show him my hearing aid. But he didn't ask any questions about it until later in our relationship, and most of the time when my hearing is subject to discussion, it's because I brought it up, not him.

He's very helpful. If our group of friends is hanging out and I'm having trouble keeping up, he'll repeat everybody for me a billion times and never show that he's annoyed or getting bored with having to be repetitive for me, ALL the time. He's also good about letting someone know about my problem, and asking them to speak up if he sees someone talking to me and me not noticing them at all. Saves me from looking like a bitch!

I love him, and he's been so supportive and patient and understanding, and the fact that I'm HoH never seems to bother him or make me look different in his eyes, because he loves me for everything I am- including the odd bits.

So, my point is, it shouldn't be about whether or not the person you find yourself attracted to can hear, barely hear, or not hear at all- it's all about who they are and how they make you feel as a person, right? although some are fcked up in the head--- hearing aid fetish??!! ---- not all of them care as much as we might think.

So keep an open mind *as we need others to do for us* and above all, an open heart.
 
I like d/Deaf girls, but not just because they are d/Deaf. Because I am connected to the Deaf community, it's not a stretch for me to have a relationship with a d/Deaf girl.
 
It's not a good feeling when you feel like prey : Hearing/Deaf. I really cannot describe it. If any of you ladies meet a hearing man that gives you the feeling of making you feel powerless as if they could do anything to you, control you and you know that you would be submissive, or if they seem to have some kind of power trip over being able to hear and the fact that you cannot trust your instincts. My husband has been guilty of pulling the power trip thing on me because he's hearing and I'm not but he has no sway over me which is why I ended up with him. He doesn't own me. I tend to stay away or did when I was single from the hearing men that wanted to control me and very well could.

Never let a hearing man try to own you because you're Deaf. If you feel like a hearing man is that kind of person and you're too weak to resist any kind of control run ladies!

I speak from experience.

:)

( currently listening to nine inch nails Mr.Self Destruct-look up the lyrics it inspired this post )
 
I forgot to add that my college years were the best years for meeting Hearing men who really had an honest curiosity about my Deafness. I dated a few but dumped most of them because they just didn't get the full picture of what it's like to be with a Deaf woman. I didn't appreciate this one guy asking me to not speak so loud. I cannot control the how loud my voice is sometimes, either I'm too loud or too quiet and this one particular date found it really annoying so he was dumped.

The only thing I have to complain about is again from personal experience is that because I am Deaf I've had Hearing men think I was " easy ". Ya know, to get in the sack cause I was Deaf? ha, no hunny. If anything it's impossible to get me in bed I'm asexual but do compromise with hubby although I just hate it, ( there is a thread on asexuality on here somewhere for those who do not know what that is).

Any gals here have the same experience with the hearies thinking that because you're deaf you would be an easy lay? How offensive!
 
Jaspheth said:
I speak from experience.

:)

( currently listening to nine inch nails Mr.Self Destruct-look up the lyrics it inspired this post )
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Nine Inch Nails damn near took what was left of my hearing-- and they were totally worth it. Fav-band-five!
 
Jaspheth said:
I forgot to add that my college years were the best years for meeting Hearing men who really had an honest curiosity about my Deafness. I dated a few but dumped most of them because they just didn't get the full picture of what it's like to be with a Deaf woman. I didn't appreciate this one guy asking me to not speak so loud. I cannot control the how loud my voice is sometimes, either I'm too loud or too quiet and this one particular date found it really annoying so he was dumped.

The only thing I have to complain about is again from personal experience is that because I am Deaf I've had Hearing men think I was " easy ". Ya know, to get in the sack cause I was Deaf? ha, no hunny. If anything it's impossible to get me in bed I'm asexual but do compromise with hubby although I just hate it, ( there is a thread on asexuality on here somewhere for those who do not know what that is).

Any gals here have the same experience with the hearies thinking that because you're deaf you would be an easy lay? How offensive!
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yes true. i love SEXS but i not let every man touch me. i CHOOSE, they not choose me. anyway, yes true that hearing men think girl easy sex bec she deaf. BULLSHIT IN THEIR DREAM!
 
Any time someone seeks someone else out BECAUSE of a disability or a perceived weakness, that smacks of power-over. My advice would be to run. Run fast, and run far!

Actually, come to think of it, a lot of dating is about power-over, but that would be a whole other topic...

Jen M.
 
Jens_Cats said:
Any time someone seeks someone else out BECAUSE of a disability or a perceived weakness, that smacks of power-over. My advice would be to run. Run fast, and run far!

Actually, come to think of it, a lot of dating is about power-over, but that would be a whole other topic...

Jen M.
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Very true. You can spot someone having a little pity party for YOU a mile away. I avoid these types. You learn early on growing up Deaf or at least I did based on body language mainly what to look for to spot someone who is wanting to use you. It's just amazing to me that hearing people think they can just walk all over me and think that I'm not aware of it...
oh, I am but I'm playing along. :) When I'm tired of playing YOUR game I'll start mine and then who's kissing my butt trying to save face later? Trying to be all buddy buddy after they've realized "oh, shit...she saw through it ". Well, it's a tad too late after the fact.

:giggle:
 
That is creepy

I never thought of hearing aid fetish or deaf people as a fetish. Being deaf doesn't make a person an object. It's normal to be curious and want to learn it's another to be a first class a$$. YIKES good luck and stay away from the creeps if you can.

It kinda sounds like when guys asks me out because I am fat, like because i am overweight I am desperate, easy, low self esteem or this odd thing about my rolls. you want rolls go to the store and buys some damn rolls. :giggle:

Uhm, no thanks it's better to single then a fetish. Married now, but it still happens from time to time.
 
Hearing dating Deaf

For me personally, its a language thing. I enjoy signing, alot of my friends sign and it is a regular part of my life. I would not date a Deaf man that didn't sign same way I wouldn't date a hearing man that didn't sign. It just is easier to find Deaf men that sign then hearing men. So I end up dating Deaf.
I had a girlfriend ask me this question too.... Why always date Deaf? My answer? Because they sign with me :) You are right, it is creepy if it is a fetish. I would never date someone just because of their hearing status, I look for personality and common interest, a sense of humor is a must. One of my interest is signing, so a man that couldn't sign would become bored with my everyday life and my friends. I feel lucky to live in a city with so many wonderful choices in men that sign .... haha
 
I only got as far as "hearing aid fetish. Yeah. That really exists. I googled it". I turned safe-search off and viewed the images.

Oi!
 
Is a Hearing aid fetish real? The logical person to discuss with is a psychiatrist.Consider the obvious-disconnect when sleeping etc-now what-- Fetish diminished?

Having a Cochlear Implant this idea was never discussed at Sunnybrook/Toronto Cochlear Implant section.

Is this fetish only a computer screen discussion?
 
Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

drphil said:
Is a Hearing aid fetish real? The logical person to discuss with is a psychiatrist. Consider the obvious-disconnect when sleeping etc-now what-- Fetish diminished?

Having a Cochlear Implant this idea was never discussed at Sunnybrook/Toronto Cochlear Implant section.


Is this fetish only a computer screen discussion?
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No it's not a 'hypothetical' if that's what you're asking.


Some people have a fetish (clinical definition), for shoes, leather, prosthetic limbs, wheelchair users, HAs or CI (&/or people who are hoh/deaf - apparently some people get aroused listening to those with a 'deaf accent').


It's very real and IIRC its considered a mental health issue in the DSM4 (it's also really creepy)
 
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