Hating to use "spoken" English?

[DeafCaroline]

I rarely have issues with people thinking I can hear, after I tell them I can not. I speak and they make sure I understand them.

That's great.

 

[kellycat]

Somewhere in AD I posted about my Co-Worker not being able to say the word 'deaf'. Just had another conversation with him and I tried again... this conversation was better and he was able to say 'deaf' but it was clear to him that i cannot be deaf because I am too intelligent. Has he no clue???? I decided getting fired because I punched him in the nose would not do either of us any good. I fumbled around and said some idiotic things just to move the conversation back to work. Sigh, why do I even bother... Why do I care... Why... why... why?????? SMH

This reply doesn't really fit the thread, probably more of a stupid hearing people thing, but totally fits with this post.
I told my friends (big mistake) about this slight crush I have on a deaf guy. I am hearing, but a pretty fluent signer. One of my friends, the next week asked how it was going with (waves her hands around). I say that no progress yet with the DEAF guy. Next time I see her she asks about my progress with the "non-hearing" guy. I tell her it is fine, and he is DEAF. That is the politically correct term. And while he may not appreciate only being identified as "the deaf guy" but that is the right word to use. A couple of weeks later and a friend who missed the crush story was there and crazy friend says "Kelly Meyer a nice young man. He signs." FACE PALM! I tell her, "No, I sign. HE is DEAF". She just wants to be so proper, but it is like she won't believe me it is the word to use. Now I don't know what worries me more, trying to get a date, or the fact that if we date he would eventually have to meet her.

 

[PrincessBetty1]

I know how you feel. I was feeling that for about a few months lately. I grew up in a family of hearing and rarely, no one signs with me or even at least try. My brother did for a short time, but he stopped.

When it comes to speaking, I always either mumble, too low, too loud, and I'm so confused half the time to know how loud I'm speaking! I'm tired of it, too much work, and I often spend my time writing stories after another. Either that or drawing, I avoid any talkative communicate and make myself comfortable.

So in a way, I'm currently learning ASL and trying to tell my parents I want to be in the deaf environment and live that way. They don't want me to be in that "world" and rather have me in this stupid world. Honestly, I'm the only deaf family member out of everyone, my grandma can count since she's deaf in one ear. However, she can hear and it's more natural to her and she lost hearing because of work.

So, in a way, it's hard to talk and use speaking language. It's too much!

 

[society's_child]

Yep. To him it's derogatory. To him, being deaf is a ticket to living in the streets. He only recently came to America so his views are deeply influenced by his upbringing. I try to be patient with him. Try to educate him. But he cannot see what is right in front of his face.

That's...odd. My dad has a difficult time saying it too. He used to call my deaf friends "hearing impaired". Yeah...i had to school the old man on that. He thought that calling them deaf was an insult.

 

[RedCoyotesRose]

I think it is human nature to be afraid to use a language or interact with people from different cultures. No one wants to feel stupid or have others "laughing" at them. I know very little ASL so would not feel very comfortable in a position where I was the only one not fluent using it to communicate. It is not being afraid of Deaf people or Deaf culture. I had the same experience when I was learning Spanish.

I completely understand that a Deaf person speaking English would be only for the benefit of those who are hearing. After all, it is true in the reverse too.

Though, I did want to mention a couple of other things as well: having learned a good bit of vocabulary from reading, I do not know how to pronounce a lot of words that I know how to use - I am much more comfortable in written English than in spoken - I often stumble in finding the word I am looking for - I am very often told that I am speaking too loudly without realizing it.

I am hearing.

 

[Arthaey]

Nitpick

I completely understand that a Deaf person speaking English would be only for the benefit of those who are hearing. After all, it is true in the reverse too.

(In case my comment below comes off as harsh, I think the spirit of what you said was just that both people are trying to communicate in the way most comfortable for the other. So my comment is more a nitpick. I'm pretty sure you're well-meaning. )

A Deaf person speaking English does it only for the benefit of the English speaker, because the Deaf person cannot use oral language for both speaking and hearing like the English speaker can. This is not true in the reverse: an English speaker who signs with a Deaf person can potentially be just as fluent in sign language as a Deaf person. A Deaf person cannot physically hear spoken language as well as a hearing person, by definition.

Also, I suspect that there are more possible motives for a Deaf person to speak English or an English speaker to sign ASL than simply for the benefit of the other.

 

[RedCoyotesRose]

Arthaey, you did not sound harsh at all (and hope that I did not and do not, as well!)

I was not thinking of the speaking and receiving sides of language. As the topic was speaking, I hyper-focused on speaking and did not even have receiving cross my mind. You are correct, of course, that a hearing person can both sign and receive sign whereas a Deaf person who can speak still can not receive the speech back (unless s/he reads lips). I was thinking more of the fact that a hearing person signing is only for the benefit of the Deaf. After all, without there being the Deaf, there would be no ASL and people would rely on spoken language and body language without having an established language (it's just my theory).

I believe that there are benefits to learning each other's language but I don't know that there are more motives for learning. Why learn any other language other than for the benefit of someone from the other culture? I am certain that it does bring satisfaction and fulfillment to the person who learns, else why would they learn? And if they did learn and it did not bring satisfaction and fulfillment, then they would stop.

I am willing to change my mind ... these are just the thoughts running around my head early in the morning after a busy evening with little sleep

 

[society's_child]

I am hearing.

So am I. Don't worry, the deafies here won't beat you up for that.

Although I'd keep my eye out for Botts...

 

[Bottesini]

So am I. Don't worry, the deafies here won't beat you up for that.

Although I'd keep my eye out for Botts...

I was thinking to myself how tolerant I was being as the new hearies answered a deaf question!!! :P

 

[Arthaey]

I was thinking to myself how tolerant I was being as the new hearies answered a deaf question!!! :P

The real question is, do our comments show we* are learning, or do we still not "get it"?

* or at least some hearies; certainly can't speak for all of 'em

 

[AlleyCat]

The real question is, do our comments show we* are learning, or do we still not "get it"?

* or at least some hearies; certainly can't speak for all of 'em

I think they are 2 entirely separate questions and not related.

I understand where Botts is coming from -- it feels very odd, even rude, when a hearing person posts an answer to a deaf question - how can a hearing person answer with a deaf perspective? It can't really be done. Not being egotistical, it's just that the experience isn't there to answer appropriately. I would not wear a blindfold for 15 minutes and walk around my house in the dark and say "oh yeah, now I understand what it's like to be blind." There's too much more to it.

 

[society's_child]

I think they are 2 entirely separate questions and not related.

I understand where Botts is coming from -- it feels very odd, even rude, when a hearing person posts an answer to a deaf question - how can a hearing person answer with a deaf perspective? It can't really be done. Not being egotistical, it's just that the experience isn't there to answer appropriately. I would not wear a blindfold for 15 minutes and walk around my house in the dark and say "oh yeah, now I understand what it's like to be blind." There's too much more to it.

I agree with the bolded part, especially. I know when to keep my big mouth shut.

 

[doglover9]

Why should I continue to struggle in a language that benefits hearing people more than it benefits me?

I dont f*** owe these hearing people sh**. I want to use the language that is the most comfortable for me....that is ASL in the spoken form and English is the written form.

Anyone ever feel that way sometimes?

This is the way I handle things if I'm alone and I need to make it unmistakably clear that my communication needs must be met. For example, if I get pulled over by a cop on the road and I'm alone, I will only write back and forth with the cop.

I, too, can speak well, but I often feel that this makes hearing people get lazy in the head and not fully understand that if they are not making an effort, I really cannot understand them. That leaves me making all the effort, and that isn't called "communication" - that's just pointless manual (and mental) labor.

Also, if I start out by speaking, and it's not going well, hearing people are often reluctant to start writing, whereas if we'd started out writing, it's less of a problem. Weird, but that's how it seems to work.

 

[Arthaey]

I feel contradictory things here.

On the one hand, it's true that you can never really know what it's like to walk in another person's shoes when their experiences are so distinct from your own.

On the other hand, this reminds me a little of the discussions going on in feminist circles, where they're calling on men to be advocates & supporters. Men are encouraged to speak out in support for women and call other men on their BS or misconceptions. The men don't claim to know what it's like to be a woman in our society, but they have been honestly listening to women's perspectives, trying to understand better, and to educate other men who haven't yet listened or understood. As a woman, I definitely appreciate when I hear men calling other men on misogyny.

So I agree that it's ridiculous for some hearie to say, "Oh, I watched this movie about Deaf people, now I know everything there is to know about being Deaf." But on the other hand, isn't it a good thing for hearies to correct other hearies' misconceptions as they see them? I guess I see it as sharing Deaf people's burden of having to educate everyone. Why should Deaf people have to explain every single time that you need a person to be facing you if you're going to lipread at all, for instance? Wouldn't it be better if the person you're talking to had already been educated by some other hearie about that? In some ideal world, wouldn't all hearies already know these things, so Deaf people don't have to teach them all the time? By a sheer numbers game, that won't happen until the hearing majority takes up spreading that message too.

And if I'm totally off base, please let me know. I'm here to learn, after all.

 

[RedCoyotesRose]

I think they are 2 entirely separate questions and not related.

I understand where Botts is coming from -- it feels very odd, even rude, when a hearing person posts an answer to a deaf question - how can a hearing person answer with a deaf perspective? It can't really be done. Not being egotistical, it's just that the experience isn't there to answer appropriately. I would not wear a blindfold for 15 minutes and walk around my house in the dark and say "oh yeah, now I understand what it's like to be blind." There's too much more to it.

I apologize. I was trying to explain that some of the answers I saw were related to human nature and not just to any one cultural. I was not attempting to answer the original question.

 

[RedCoyotesRose]

I was thinking to myself how tolerant I was being as the new hearies answered a deaf question!!! :P

Again, I apologize. I was trying to show that there were parallels between different people of different abilities. I, in no way, meant to indicate that I had any experience as being Deaf.

 

[Nicolette730]

Sorry to jump in on your threat I am a hearing person with something to day about CIs don't worry I'm not pushing them on something first off the thought of a CI is scary and i think I would rather be deaf having some item implanted in your brain not for me also I have worked with babied with CIS they get them very very very young like 3-4 months old and even then they struggle with ways to verbalize and learn speech its also confusing for them because some times they can hear some times they can't I am so not part or the CI band wagon, in my opinion if you want to go voice off go voice off the people around you will learn to communicate with you and respect your wishes if you show them that is truly what you want.

 

[Lor]

I've forgotten how to pronounce a lot of words myself (being deaf 50 years)...but I never gave up my speech completely. My family & friends understand that. If I cannot pronounce a word verbally, I spell it out, or even write it. I've even asked my sons how to pronounce a word that I've forgotten how to verbally speak it correctly and they accommodate me.

Lip reading can become so tedious at times. I can't foresee myself going voice off. Seems it would give me twice the feeling of being isolated...in isolation. If my family were all deaf, sure, I would go voice off, but they aren't.

___________________________________
Hi, Robin--this is my first time on this site and I appreciate what you wrote above. I am a CODA--first-born hearing child of 2 profoundly deaf parents--my father went deaf at age 5, and my mother at age 3. They went to an oral-only school, so I am sorry that I didn't learn ASL, but we mostly used lip-reading, alphabet and simple signs to communicate. My father died in 1976, and my mother --well, she is 96, has dementia, and is like a 3 year-old. I am working on an article/ book on my parents, and I would really appreciate your input, though I am not sure how to communicate back and forth on this website. If you would be willing, could you email me at lorcunningham@yahoo.com? Thank you--hope to connect. Lor Cunningham

 

[GrendelQ]

...I have worked with babied with CIS they get them very very very young like 3-4 months old

You've worked with babies who get CIs at 3-4 months old? In what country do you live?

 

[Frisky Feline]

3- 4 months old? I don't recall anyone got it around 3-4 months old.