Hating to use "spoken" English?

shel90

shel90

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I grew up with English as my first language both in written and spoken form. I was always more comfortable using it in the written form and was always full of anxiety whenever I had to use it in the spoken form due to many reason that many of you (who have known me as a long time ADer) know why.

Whenever I had to use English in the spoken form, I withdrew.

Whenever, I had to write English in the written form, I wrote and wrote and wrote to the point where I got bad grades for writing too much.

I learned and became fluent in ASL from 1995 to 2000. Since then, I have always preferred to use ASL when I needed to communicate in the air even though my language fluency was much higher with English.

I have come to really HATE using spoken English with a passion that I am starting to use pen and paper to communciate via English instead of the spoken form even though I have great speech skills.

The reason...

I am tired...tired of struggling when using spoken English when ASL is so natural for me.

Why should I continue to struggle in a language that benefits hearing people more than it benefits me?

I dont f*** owe these hearing people sh**. I want to use the language that is the most comfortable for me....that is ASL in the spoken form and English is the written form.

And no...the fact that I dont have a CI doesnt f***cking matter so dont try that CI bulls***t on me. I have met many many CI users who feel the same or who have no speech skills so trying the old CI trick would be a waste of your time.

Anyone ever feel that way sometimes?
 
I often have when I was failing to make someone understand what I was saying.
 
Bottesini said:
I often have when I was failing to make someone understand what I was saying.
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Yea, and these hearing idiots who come here and try to push CIs on us need to understand that having speech skills is not as cracked up as it is.

they nevr had that problem so they should s&&&& the f*** up. lol
 
Even though I don't know enough ASL to have a decent conversation, I am learning more and more. I have been finding myself to using less and less "spoken" English. Mainly with my family, but other than that, I will use pen & paper, or if I have my netbook, I will use the notepad on it.

More people that I deal with are getting used to it.
 
KristinaB said:
Even though I don't know enough ASL to have a decent conversation, I am learning more and more. I have been finding myself to using less and less "spoken" English. Mainly with my family, but other than that, I will use pen & paper, or if I have my netbook, I will use the notepad on it.

More people that I deal with are getting used to it.
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I love using written English and I feel that it comes as naturally as using ASL but spoken English is still just as awkward as it was for me growing up no matter how much I master English fluency. That is what the medical community, AVT users, and many hearing (not all) parents DO NOT understand.
 
I d understand. I get the same comment over and over "But, your speech is so good and your diction is just perfect, why would you want to stop?" I tell them it's just so hard. I find that I am forgetting how to pronounce some words (I mentioned this before somewhere) and the docs and ENT's and Audiologists all say it's because I can't hear them anymore. Some people have no problem, but with my need to lipread so much, it's just too tiring.
 
I've forgotten how to pronounce a lot of words myself (being deaf 50 years)...but I never gave up my speech completely. My family & friends understand that. If I cannot pronounce a word verbally, I spell it out, or even write it. I've even asked my sons how to pronounce a word that I've forgotten how to verbally speak it correctly and they accommodate me.

Lip reading can become so tedious at times. I can't foresee myself going voice off. Seems it would give me twice the feeling of being isolated...in isolation. If my family were all deaf, sure, I would go voice off, but they aren't.
 
rockin'robin said:
I've forgotten how to pronounce a lot of words myself (being deaf 50 years)...but I never gave up my speech completely. My family & friends understand that. If I cannot pronounce a word verbally, I spell it out, or even write it. I've even asked my sons how to pronounce a word that I've forgotten how to verbally speak it correctly and they accommodate me.

Lip reading can become so tedious at times. I can't foresee myself going voice off. Seems it would give me twice the feeling of being isolated...in isolation. If my family were all deaf, sure, I would go voice off, but they aren't.
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I never have problems with my family as they are used to me and understand me.

I have more problems understanding them, and sign does come in handy there.
 
Same here Botti...my sons know my voice and speech, along with my friends and other family. And we do use ASL if need be. But I also converse with other people and they understand me also. I've met a lot of people who listen to me speaking...and they sign back to me...knowing that I'm deaf....gives me a thrill!...Even had a doctor while I was in the hospital, his last name started with a "C"....very long name...so I asked him how to pronounce his name and he wrote it out in syllables...and I got it on the 2nd try.....he looked at me kind of funny and said....*teasingly*...you pronounced it better than a hearing person could.
 
Lip reading, straining to understand, what a pain in the ... brain. I love using ASL when I can and though I am not perfect and not fluent, it's much easier and more natural.

I too wish that hearing folks would meet me even half way. It's always about them and their needs. I too am quite tired of folks telling me "why don't you just get that surgery?" or "Why don't you get that fixed?" Well the CI is not for everyone, not everyone is eligible, and I am NOT broken and don't need to be fixed - thank you!
 
Interesting to see most of you, and it seems too common for me to see it. I hang out with many deaf kids who were born deaf or later become deaf. They do speak very well. However they tend to feel awkward when it comes to the spoken english. I had no idea how they feel about it until i joined here in alldeaf. i start to remember a lot from my past who i hang out with friends who can speak who tend to say, " can you go to talk to hearing people such as buying or asking question or lost direction etc" I was like , " but you can speak i dont speak but i will do it no worries." I went to see hearing people and had paper and pen to communication while my friends stood behind me or they walked to the other spot waiting for me while i am done talking to these people if questions or etc. i got furious with them becuase i always thought they can speak and can do the lipreads because i saw them talking to their own FAMILY but not strangers. One time my hub and i went to the petsmart. It was unexpectedly that we wanted to adopt a kitty from there. I asked him and he said, " why don't you becuase you seems not to feel awkward asking them". He had an good excuse to walk around the lanes. it left me some puzzles without asking him why did he do that to me but saw his anxietiness feelings around people so i decided not to ask him about it. Until i joined alldeaf and opened all of my past memories and understand why. they keep saying to me, "you seem dont feel afraid of hearing people." i didnt understand at first. now i got it. thats so ironic they can speak and i dont but it does affect them with putting pressures of using voices and listen very careful all the time. i feel bad for them. if my post is not related with this but i understand.
 
Totally understand, Shel! Sometimes I feel anxiety when speaking. And while it doesnt happen too often, stupid when someone doesn't understand me. We did learn our speech skills to accommodate the hearing. I think for as much as I hated my school years, I would have hated it even more if I hadn't known ASL. That was a lifesaver in so many ways.
 
Lately, I have been using spoken English as a tool out in the hearing world like ordering stuff, asking for directions, and so forth but to carry on conversations...almost never. It is amazing how much has changed for me..from using it 100% of the time to using it like 1% of the time.

I use written English just as much I use ASL. I am very very comfortable with expressing myself through written English.
 
Supposedly shifting to "voice off" is one's choice interacting with "hearies".
I understand from Thomas Merton, done by Trappist monks for "religious reasons". How this "plays out" in one's actual circumstances-other family/friends et al one must "deal" with "their reactions". Is this an understanding of "deaf oppression"? Another study in Sociology to consider.

In the end- one's choice- not to speak-assuming one can.
 
drphil said:
Supposedly shifting to "voice off" is one's choice interacting with "hearies".
I understand from Thomas Merton, done by Trappist monks for "religious reasons". How this "plays out" in one's actual circumstances-other family/friends et al one must "deal" with "their reactions". Is this an understanding of "deaf oppression"? Another study in Sociology to consider.

In the end- one's choice- not to speak-assuming one can.
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Sorry, dont understand how monks are in revelance to this thread. A totally different experience.
 
I take my CI off at work sometimes, but I always have it ready to put back on sice I work in a world of phones and drop ins. I've moved some people over to using IM with me and it's been great... But I work with folks that are very computer illiterate and it's easier sometimes to figure out what they don't understand by their voice.

I fanticize daily about going voice off. I might do that once I no longer care if I get fired just to see how long I can pull it off!!! :)
 
Using spoken english does frustrate me most of the time, but I don't have a choice, me or my family aren't fluent in BSL, plus I don't think they'd start now. I suppose it would be so much easier communicating in sign, no misunderstandings etc. But weirdly, I can express myself better in written English, even when I struggle expressing myself in spoken.
 
Lissa said:
Using spoken english does frustrate me most of the time, but I don't have a choice, me or my family aren't fluent in BSL, plus I don't think they'd start now. I suppose it would be so much easier communicating in sign, no misunderstandings etc. But weirdly, I can express myself better in written English, even when I struggle expressing myself in spoken.
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Interesting. I too find it easier to express myself in written form. Even when it's a live chat with someone. Only problem is I am so used to using all of my brain cells to understand someone speaking that I don't have time to think of an answer... Then when chatting on line I find I'm not used to paying attention in this way and easily get distracted. It's like my brain suddenly finds itself with extra time to spare and goes off on its own and I have to pull it back to the conversation so I can put in an intelligent response.
 
I don't mind speaking. The problem is that when I speak, people assume I can hear as well.

completely different experience when I choose to sign instead. Suddenly hearing people are much more accommodating. I don't get that confused/annoyed look if I didn't hear what they said.

There's a saying that you teach people how to treat you by how you act. If you speak like a hearing person, they will treat you like you can hear like one too.
 
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