For ORALISTS: Do people ever take you seriously?

[VacationGuy234]

Nope, it is not being defensive. That kind of questioning is very rude. ..."THAT school..." like it is low class. It shows me how they view ASL clear as a bell. I wont accept it. Maybe you will, but not me.

Well, taking it personally isn't going to help the situation. It's not rude to ask questions. If we decide to answer only the questions we like nothing will every get resolved.

 

[shel90]

Well, taking it personally isn't going to help the situation. It's not rude to ask questions. If we decide to answer only the questions we like nothing will every get resolved.

I tell them that they were rude with that kind of questioning. I don't have to accept rudeness in the first place. Why should I?

 

[VacationGuy234]

It was not their place to question me about it. It is my life and I don't need to justify it.

Then stop asking for justification by telling them about it, if you don't need it.

 

[shel90]

Then stop asking for justification by telling them about it, if you don't need it.

Asking for justification? I just tell them that they are rude and leave it at that.

 

[VacationGuy234]

Asking for justification? I just tell them that they are rude and leave it at that.

If you know someone is going to give you a response you don't like, don't bring it up with that person at all. Seriously, it doesn't matter if it is a stranger or someone close. If you don't need justification, there is no reason to talk to that person about it. Enroll in the class, school or whatever and talk to people who care.

The older people get the more they realize there are somethings you can talk about with certain people and some you cannot. I wish it were different, but it isn't.

 

[BecLak]

Wirelessly posted

Sometimes it is not that simple when you also need to consider others when planning something. Not telling them would be inconsiderate. Its not asking for justification.

 

[VacationGuy234]

Wirelessly posted

Sometimes it is not that simple when you also need to consider others when planning something. Not telling them would be inconsiderate.

Well, if they are being inconsiderate to you, I see no reason to not return the favor.

 

[Bebonang]

Their opinion is that you don't need it. You disagree with that opinion. Is it because the opinion is formed with malice or that you just don't like the opinion?

Having grown up deaf, I know it's easy to think that everyone is against you. Most deaf have more trust issues than readers digest, but the truth is NOT everyone is against you because they have a different opinion(close or not).

So you favor the hearing person to ask the rude question like looking down on deafness and don't give a shit about their lifestyle like going to Deaf school or Deaf college (Gallaudet University).

Why the hell do they look down on them by telling her or him what to do with d/Deaf person's life? If they can not say something nice to bring positive attitude to the Deaf person's achievement or talent. That is why it is rude if giving the negative question to ask when it is right way and proper to give out positive remark by saying congratulation or good luck that a d/Deaf person is going to Deaf college. Never underestimate or look down on us like that rude remark. You are no better than what you are doing to us d/Deafies if you don't show considerate of how d/Deaf person's lifestyle. Being in the hearing world has been very negative to us trying to struggle what we are trying to do for our everyday life. You should know better after you have posted over 3,000 posts.

 

[Frisky Feline]

So you favor the hearing person to ask the rude question like looking down on deafness and don't give a shit about their lifestyle like going to Deaf school or Deaf college (Gallaudet University).

Why the hell do they look down on them by telling her or him what to do with d/Deaf person's life? If they can not say something nice to bring positive attitude to the Deaf person's achievement or talent. That is why it is rude if giving the negative question to ask when it is right way and proper to give out positive remark by saying congratulation or good luck that a d/Deaf person is going to Deaf college. Never underestimate or look down on us like that rude remark. You are no better than what you are doing to us d/Deafies if you don't show considerate of how d/Deaf person's lifestyle. Being in the hearing world has been very negative to us trying to struggle what we are trying to do for our everyday life. You should know better after you have posted over 3,000 posts.

DOnt worry about him. LOL

 

[Jiro]

Their opinion is that you don't need it. You disagree with that opinion. Is it because the opinion is formed with malice or that you just don't like the opinion?

Having grown up deaf, I know it's easy to think that everyone is against you. Most deaf have more trust issues than readers digest, but the truth is NOT everyone is against you because they have a different opinion(close or not).

so you feel that everybody is against you?

 

[Frisky Feline]

so you feel that everybody is against you?

oh yes. he is good at LOW tolerence around hearing people.

 

[kokonut]

For those of you who can speak despite your deafness, how do people generally treat you?

Do you often feel you are not being taken seriously because of how you communicate with them? Assuming you can lipread, do you find it difficult to listen to them speak as well?

Say, even if your speaking and lipreading skills are top notch, do you still feel you aren't getting enough respect simply because of the fact you are deaf? How do you deal with this? Do you feel compelled to do something about this ignorance in general?

Do they not take you seriously because of your personality as well?

Being raised oral and never having learnt sign language myself, the hearing world has no doubt been full of trials and tribulations. Most of it is to blame on my personality - I am rather introverted and hence I'm not one for small talk, and it doesn't help that I lose interest easily when I have to lipread all the time - I'm successful only half of the time. While I can speak fairly well enough, it still leaves a lot to be desired if I really want to express myself properly without coming off as awkward because of my deafness, which people probably take that as socially inept on my part, hence they do not treat me as seriously.

Of course, I still have much room to improve in terms of skills and confidence. But it is also disheartening to think how there is still not enough awareness about deafness, and how it impacts communication especially with hearing peers. Most people have yet to realise that communication is something they seem to take for granted - not everyone has the privileged sense of hearing for such an vital aspect, just as not everyone can not see the beauty. Nevertheless, we try to make with our limited sense and can come a long way if only with a little more understanding and appreciation for what we are all given.

Yes, they do take me seriously even when they know I have a hearing loss. Though not a lip-reader per se (terrible at it without hearing the voice) I listen to them whenever I communicate.

 

[kokonut]

It's all in how you present yourself. I give speeches now (political) and people show up and even listen. I also host events with pretty large crowds. There are occasions when I work with someone new where they are apprehensive (?) at first.....that changes by the end of the first day. It's all about attitude.... Don't go into a room hoping to fit in, go into the room and own it. Make others adjust to you.

Exactly. One of the first step is to let them know you have a hearing loss and the communication limitations.

 

[shel90]

If you know someone is going to give you a response you don't like, don't bring it up with that person at all. Seriously, it doesn't matter if it is a stranger or someone close. If you don't need justification, there is no reason to talk to that person about it. Enroll in the class, school or whatever and talk to people who care.

The older people get the more they realize there are somethings you can talk about with certain people and some you cannot. I wish it were different, but it isn't.

Oh ok like I cant share my good news about going to Gallaudet University when I got accepted into their grad program or tell people that I am moving across the country? Yea, easy to do that.

 

[VacationGuy234]

So you favor the hearing person to ask the rude question like looking down on deafness and don't give a shit about their lifestyle like going to Deaf school or Deaf college (Gallaudet University).

No, I favor not talking to people who would not care or understand.

Why would hearing people even give a thought to going to a Deaf school? Think about it for a minute? Why would that ever pass through their mind? You think hearing people stay awake at night thinking about Deaf? They have other things to think about. News-flash deaf are not the first thing on their mind.

So, why would expect a congrats or good job? The only people who know about deaf schools and Deaf culture are deaf people.

Is it also rude for deaf people to not know what it is like to hear?

 

[VacationGuy234]

Oh ok like I cant share my good news about going to Gallaudet University when I got accepted into their grad program or tell people that I am moving across the country? Yea, easy to do that.

Personally, I think it's a great accomplishment(congrats), but not everyone is going to care.

If you want a compliment, ask for a compliment. If you want a debate about Deaf Culture, talk about Deaf Culture. However, sadly, you can't expect a compliment when you might, in fact, be getting into a debate.
It's no different than gay people wanting to be congratulated by christians over gay marriage, neither side agrees.

If you are going to get mad at the answer, tell them you are going to grad school and leave it at that. No sense in getting upset about it.

P.S. You can share anything you want, but it doesn't mean you are going to get the answer you want.

 

[shel90]

Personally, I think it's a great accomplishment(congrats), but not everyone is going to care.

If you want a compliment, ask for a compliment. If you want a debate about Deaf Culture, talk about Deaf Culture. However, sadly, you can't expect a compliment when you might, in fact, be getting into a debate.
It's no different than gay people wanting to be congratulated by christians over gay marriage, neither side agrees.

If you are going to get mad at the answer, tell them you are going to grad school and leave it at that. No sense in getting upset about it.

P.S. You can share anything you want, but it doesn't mean you are going to get the answer you want.

I shared the news and some hearing people replied with that question so I told them it was rude. That was it.

 

[VacationGuy234]

I shared the news and some hearing people replied with that question so I told them it was rude. That was it.

I'm sorry you got that response.

 

[appleeater]

I'd say I'm an oralist. I learnt sign language and was so happy when I could understand my lessons without headaches, etc.

Ever since I left primary school (age 11) I've been almost entirely oral. Audiologists think I've been HoH since birth but say I have almost unheard of speech without therapy. I have some trouble with soft sounds but people just think I'm bad at pronouncing things rather than deaf.

In fact, many hearing people (without knowing I'm deaf) have said that they wish they sounded like me/I have a nice voice. I like my voice the way I hear it but I've realised it's actually slightly nasily in recordings.

Anyway, because of this I don't have the same problems many others here have. However, I do have a problem with people refusing to believe I'm deaf, refusing to put on subtitles or change the film if no subtitles are available because "it would ruin it for everyone else" and even when they know they're playing it quieter than usual "don't worry, we're finding it hard to hear too" (no, you're still following the film, I can't make out a single word).

Loads of people have joked about how the help I get in school wasn't needed and "yeah, but it's better that the kids who actually have problems get it" when I've complained that the school hasn't been doing what they're supposed to because they've given another kid the hours I'm funded for. My school told me that unless I failed my exams I wouldn't get any help. Then the refused to give me a note taker in my lessons so I was constantly copying other people's notes and really struggled with seminar style lessons and catching up with what was said.

Or they claim that I'm "using [my deafness] as an excuse." It really gets to me.

Edit: I should say I'm technically HoH but I've been around people who prefer to use deaf for all.

 

[HisShadowX]

For those of you who can speak despite your deafness, how do people generally treat you?

Do you often feel you are not being taken seriously because of how you communicate with them? Assuming you can lipread, do you find it difficult to listen to them speak as well?

Say, even if your speaking and lipreading skills are top notch, do you still feel you aren't getting enough respect simply because of the fact you are deaf? How do you deal with this? Do you feel compelled to do something about this ignorance in general?

Do they not take you seriously because of your personality as well?

Being raised oral and never having learnt sign language myself, the hearing world has no doubt been full of trials and tribulations. Most of it is to blame on my personality - I am rather introverted and hence I'm not one for small talk, and it doesn't help that I lose interest easily when I have to lipread all the time - I'm successful only half of the time. While I can speak fairly well enough, it still leaves a lot to be desired if I really want to express myself properly without coming off as awkward because of my deafness, which people probably take that as socially inept on my part, hence they do not treat me as seriously.

Of course, I still have much room to improve in terms of skills and confidence. But it is also disheartening to think how there is still not enough awareness about deafness, and how it impacts communication especially with hearing peers. Most people have yet to realise that communication is something they seem to take for granted - not everyone has the privileged sense of hearing for such an vital aspect, just as not everyone can not see the beauty. Nevertheless, we try to make with our limited sense and can come a long way if only with a little more understanding and appreciation for what we are all given.

It's not that they are not aware it's more or less think your slow. Problem with those who are deaf and speak the words that come out of your mouth make you sound like you have a problem mentally.

Think is we as hearing people don't realize this unless we put on headsets that block out all sound but if you cannot hear yourself speak the tone of your voice is to loud and some of the words might not come out right.

It's often something we don't think about cause the way you are speaking or how loud you are or if your slurring your words can come across as offensive to people or makes it seem like you are mentally impaired.

It's like using an interpreted call and a call center hangs up on you. It's not because they think your a Nigerian scammer but for many other reasons.

There are people who are not going to take deaf seriously and that is never going to change. I've always felt we need to be twice as good as other people in the real world to get the same out of it.

I wouldn't lose any sleep over it though, it's not like those people really matter or anything.

It's not that they don't take you seriously for being deaf it's another form of ignorance. They most likely are being ignorant because they think your slow. Most deaf people can't hear themselves so they don't know the tones they are making.

Most deaf people don't realize that a person who hears its rare to come in contact with someone who is deaf. So most people you run into might not even know your deaf.

My feelings?...no mater how smart you are...how many degrees/how much schooling you have....and a fluent lip-reader or a good oralist.....people are always gonna think....that they are smarter than you (hearing people)....

Has nothing to do with you being fluent. Even if a person hears and let's say you put a sound blocking device in his ears that person is going to sound like he is slow, angry, mad or just loud because he cannot hear himself talk to control his or her tone or speaking voice.

Most hearing people don't even know that hearing has a lot to do with how we talk.