Fitting Into The Deaf Community...

[Blade Runner]

Yep..had that happened to me so many time that I lost count. Even if I could understand them and they start talking fast later on in the conversations, I would tell them to slow down cuz I am deaf. Then some of them would say " iam sorry" with this terrified look on their faces and walk away. I am like "huh? We were just conversing just fine for a short time until they started talking too fast???" oh boy

Yeah that is pretty sad that something like that has to happen to a lot of deaf people, but if they don't want to learn all about deafness, then it is our responsibility to educate them.

 

[linguistica]

How can a hearing person fit in with the Deaf comm.?

I have been wondering the same thing. I go to public Deaf events and often feel left out. If I see an interpreter I've met before and I try to chat in sign with them, sometimes they act barely tolerant of my presence. I can understand that they want to converse with Deafies, but still. When I go to these public Deaf events, I feel ignored by the Deaf people as well. I try to participate, but it's like they've known each other for years, and I'm just not all that welcome. A lot of Deaf people say that they don't like interpreters that don't socialize with Deaf, but I'm trying to and I'm not accepted. I'm an advanced interpreting student. I only moved to this area 9 months ago. I want to be involved with the Deaf community, but I don't know how much longer my self-esteem can take the unfriendliness.

It's weird, because when I was an ASL beginner living in a different town, I actually felt more accepted than I do now. Does anyone have any opinions or suggestions about this?

 

[Dixie]

Even though I can hear somewhat if I cant see the persons lips or if they are speaking too fast I cannot understand them and I have ask them to repeat what I missed and I sometimes get that "You're a dumbass" look from them. Or like yesterday I was in Sunday School class and there were many people talking at the same time and I had a hard time keeping up with the conversation, so I just sat there on the sofa looking at my Diet Dr. Pepper cup and leaning back with my eyes closed like I was trying to work off a hangover, lol.

Oh well, maybe one of these days I'll muster up the courage to tell the group my predicament and asking them to please not treat me like a dumbass and that if you are speaking to me could you place face me and talk clearly so I can read your lips. With the sign language thing coming up soon, the opportunity may present itself soon enough. I just hope they dont start treating me like a 5 year old kid because so far I like it there.

 

[shel90]

I have been wondering the same thing. I go to public Deaf events and often feel left out. If I see an interpreter I've met before and I try to chat in sign with them, sometimes they act barely tolerant of my presence. I can understand that they want to converse with Deafies, but still. When I go to these public Deaf events, I feel ignored by the Deaf people as well. I try to participate, but it's like they've known each other for years, and I'm just not all that welcome. A lot of Deaf people say that they don't like interpreters that don't socialize with Deaf, but I'm trying to and I'm not accepted. I'm an advanced interpreting student. I only moved to this area 9 months ago. I want to be involved with the Deaf community, but I don't know how much longer my self-esteem can take the unfriendliness.

It's weird, because when I was an ASL beginner living in a different town, I actually felt more accepted than I do now. Does anyone have any opinions or suggestions about this?

U are not the only one..I am deaf and fluent in sign language but I still get left out from time to time especially with my softball team. They all are Gallaudet students or all know each other from Gallaudet and I grew up mainstreamed so there are times I am left out with them. I love to play softball so I am there to play. Ha!

However, I have many friends not on the team in the deaf community so I am not worried about being close with my teammates.

It just takes time to find certain people that u will click with. Pls dont feel bad cuz it happens to many deaf people especially those who grew up orally. It took me a while and lots of frustrating times to get to where I am in the deaf community.

Maybe there are hearing people at those events and can start out with them?

 

[linguistica]

Thanks

U are not the only one..I am deaf and fluent in sign language but I still get left out from time to time especially with my softball team. They all are Gallaudet students or all know each other from Gallaudet and I grew up mainstreamed so there are times I am left out with them. I love to play softball so I am there to play. Ha!

However, I have many friends not on the team in the deaf community so I am not worried about being close with my teammates.

It just takes time to find certain people that u will click with. Pls dont feel bad cuz it happens to many deaf people especially those who grew up orally. It took me a while and lots of frustrating times to get to where I am in the deaf community.

Maybe there are hearing people at those events and can start out with them?

Thank you! You made me feel better!!

 

[Silentwolfdog]

It's not just a problem in deaf community. Society at large have this problem, people judging you because of your background without knowing who you are. It's like it doesn't matter if person is a good person or not, it's where they come from or what they have that matters. This shouldn't have happened but it does.

If those deaf people you met at silent social or whatever, doesn't treat you good then they aren't worth your time. Because there are good deaf people out there who know better and will treat you with respect.

Am I right?

That's always bothered me when I see how hearing people felt when deaf people treat them badly, it's because hearing people were trying to learn to sign or look awkward when signing. If we want more people learning to sign then we need to stop complaining about if they doesn't look good. Everyone have to start from somewhere, even deaf people too. I am sure my signing doesn't look good while I am learning it for the first time when I was a few months old. ^^

That's just my opinion.

 

[Dixie]

heck I posted my first attempt at a deaf vlog on YT and I know it looks crappy, but I want feedback from the Deaf community so I will know what I need to work on. And I know look bored in the video, mainly because I was bored at the time and looking for something to do.

But still I hope to become more fluent in ASL everyday and find ways to communicate with the deaf community. Late Deafened or born Deaf - you are still going through a similar experience, both the LD and BD are trying to navigate through a hearing world for the most part.

I know right now alot of my signs are sloppy and lopsided and I feel plain goofy at times, but how am I going to get comfortable signing if I don't sign???

I have really had only one bad experience with a Deaf person, but I didn't let that stop me because it was obvious the person was just being a typical asshole. The deaf and hearing worlds have them. And I agree there are good Deaf people out there and I have already met them here online. They are helping me and encouraging me to learn any way I can.

 

[linguistica]

Thank you all so much for your support. You really helped a lot.

 

[shel90]

It's not just a problem in deaf community. Society at large have this problem, people judging you because of your background without knowing who you are. It's like it doesn't matter if person is a good person or not, it's where they come from or what they have that matters. This shouldn't have happened but it does.

If those deaf people you met at silent social or whatever, doesn't treat you good then they aren't worth your time. Because there are good deaf people out there who know better and will treat you with respect.

Am I right?

That's always bothered me when I see how hearing people felt when deaf people treat them badly, it's because hearing people were trying to learn to sign or look awkward when signing. If we want more people learning to sign then we need to stop complaining about if they doesn't look good. Everyone have to start from somewhere, even deaf people too. I am sure my signing doesn't look good while I am learning it for the first time when I was a few months old. ^^

That's just my opinion.

I agree with u. It is time to stop with this silly nonsense but people will be people and remain stubborn with their views. I try to change my views if I feel I am being too close minded about some things. May take me a while..LOL!

 

[Blade Runner]

I agree with u. It is time to stop with this silly nonsense but people will be people and remain stubborn with their views. I try to change my views if I feel I am being too close minded about some things. May take me a while..LOL!

I may be stubborn too but that is because I had too many experiences with deaf people who do me some harm.

 

[SnAzZyStyLe2002]

.... Which is why I have 2 separate accounts on Facebook.

I don't want the deafies from my old high school and my college hearing buddies to mix and mingle. Suppose I have just one account on FB and let the deafies in with my college buddies .... it can lead to total disasters for me.

Don't ask how, ok? It's too long and complicated a story. Shel90, I believe you already know why.

 

[SJCSue]

Lou Ann Walker

In "A Loss for Words", she writes, "As my parents' child, I was part of the deaf world with its culture, even though, I could hear and was thus wired to normal society. My parents' friends felt I was "one of them", and years later, when deaf people asked me how I learned sign language, I could see them relax, I could see the relief on their faces, when I told them my were deaf."



I met Lou Ann a few weeks ago at my college.

 

[shel90]

I may be stubborn too but that is because I had too many experiences with deaf people who do me some harm.

Same here with Deaf people and same here with hearing people. I just hung out with the wrong people from time to time and learned my lessons from my experiences.

I learned that it is best not to have so many close friends in the Deaf community cuz too much gossip about my business. So, I just have 4 close girlfriends in PA and 1 close girlfriend here in MD. That's good enough for me.

I have many other friends but on a casual level.

 

[ASLGAL]

Hi. I guess I have had it easier than some being accepted in the deaf community. It's the hearing people who make me want to spit most of the time!

My acceptance by deaf and deaf/blind has been for the most part wonderful. There are always those who do not want to waste time with an ASL/hearing person, SSP, or spouse of HOH/deaf or not. I do not worry about them, they will either get to know me or not. Same for hearing people, especially those who act all superior or embarrassed because I sign.

One recent thing that made me angry.
I was standing at the hostess station waiting to be seated, a deaf friend came in and we started to chat, the hostess stepped right between us and shouted 'this way' and walked away toward a table. My friend and I said a quick goodbye and I follwed the hostess. I was angered and it caught me by surprise. Later, a teacher and mentor said I should have polietly asked the hostess to move from my signing space/sight and wait until I finished my conversation. Rudeness like this happens a lot and I'm still shocked by it when it happen.

My DH who is severly HOH is happiest when we are out with deaf friends or at silent dinners. He doesn't miss conversations then.

Just my humble 2 cents

 

[Silentwolfdog]

Same here with Deaf people and same here with hearing people. I just hung out with the wrong people from time to time and learned my lessons from my experiences.

I learned that it is best not to have so many close friends in the Deaf community cuz too much gossip about my business. So, I just have 4 close girlfriends in PA and 1 close girlfriend here in MD. That's good enough for me.

I have many other friends but on a casual level.

Yeah! I think that's one of big flaw about deaf community. Because deaf community is small, the gossip is really bad and it can reach many people really fast. That's why I tend to avoid talking about myself in places like that (such as silent social) because of what you said, and fewer is better too.

Unfortunately even though I avoided talk about myself, some gossips can come from nowhere, and sometimes it can be untrue. It can be harmful.

 

[Blade Runner]

Same here with Deaf people and same here with hearing people. I just hung out with the wrong people from time to time and learned my lessons from my experiences.

I learned that it is best not to have so many close friends in the Deaf community cuz too much gossip about my business. So, I just have 4 close girlfriends in PA and 1 close girlfriend here in MD. That's good enough for me.

I have many other friends but on a casual level.

Right, I have about 3 close friends who are deaf because I like to keep my circle of friends small in order to miminize problems from other deaf people.

 

[Blade Runner]

Yeah! I think that's one of big flaw about deaf community. Because deaf community is small, the gossip is really bad and it can reach many people really fast. That's why I tend to avoid talking about myself in places like that (such as silent social) because of what you said, and fewer is better too.

Unfortunately even though I avoided talk about myself, some gossips can come from nowhere, and sometimes it can be untrue. It can be harmful.

Right, I never talk about myself with strangers.

 

[jillio]

It's not just a problem in deaf community. Society at large have this problem, people judging you because of your background without knowing who you are. It's like it doesn't matter if person is a good person or not, it's where they come from or what they have that matters. This shouldn't have happened but it does.

If those deaf people you met at silent social or whatever, doesn't treat you good then they aren't worth your time. Because there are good deaf people out there who know better and will treat you with respect.

Am I right?

That's always bothered me when I see how hearing people felt when deaf people treat them badly, it's because hearing people were trying to learn to sign or look awkward when signing. If we want more people learning to sign then we need to stop complaining about if they doesn't look good. Everyone have to start from somewhere, even deaf people too. I am sure my signing doesn't look good while I am learning it for the first time when I was a few months old. ^^

That's just my opinion.

 

[vrsterp]

One recent thing that made me angry.
I was standing at the hostess station waiting to be seated, a deaf friend came in and we started to chat, the hostess stepped right between us and shouted 'this way' and walked away toward a table. My friend and I said a quick goodbye and I follwed the hostess. I was angered and it caught me by surprise. Later, a teacher and mentor said I should have polietly asked the hostess to move from my signing space/sight and wait until I finished my conversation. Rudeness like this happens a lot and I'm still shocked by it when it happen.

I'm not sure I find what the hostess did rude. I disagree with what your mentor/teacher said.
I think it's rude to make someone in the service industry wait. I'm trying to think of how to say that a little clearer.

I'll use VRS as an example. I hate when I take a call, and I am very polite with my deaf consumer "Thank you for calling, i'm interpreter...", and they tell me "wait" while they have a conversation with someone, or finish a text or IM on their sidekick.
They(cashiers, hostesses, Vrs interpreters :p) are working. They have to do their jobs, and quite often they have time limits and expectations that they have to fulfill, along with lines of other people who need to be served (and are READY to be served.) I'm sure you hate waiting in line. So do all the people behind you.

If you aren't ready to do business, please finish what you're doing and THEN "get in line."

Same as people who are in line at a store or coffee shop and talking on cell phones. They get to the counter and the cashier is ready to take their order or check them out, but the person on their cell phone says "wait" while they finish their conversation. That's rude.

Regarding fitting in, I do feel badly about people who are excluded from the deaf community because they aren't "Deaf enough." There are cliques everywhere, though. They're always hard to break into. It doesn't matter if you're hearing or deaf. You just gotta keep trying until you find people who are willing to let you in.

 

[shel90]

I'm not sure I find what the hostess did rude. I disagree with what your mentor/teacher said.
I think it's rude to make someone in the service industry wait. I'm trying to think of how to say that a little clearer.

I'll use VRS as an example. I hate when I take a call, and I am very polite with my deaf consumer "Thank you for calling, i'm interpreter...", and they tell me "wait" while they have a conversation with someone, or finish a text or IM on their sidekick.
They(cashiers, hostesses, Vrs interpreters :p) are working. They have to do their jobs, and quite often they have time limits and expectations that they have to fulfill, along with lines of other people who need to be served (and are READY to be served.) I'm sure you hate waiting in line. So do all the people behind you.

If you aren't ready to do business, please finish what you're doing and THEN "get in line."

Same as people who are in line at a store or coffee shop and talking on cell phones. They get to the counter and the cashier is ready to take their order or check them out, but the person on their cell phone says "wait" while they finish their conversation. That's rude.

.

U have a good point..people need to do their jobs and cant wait for the customer to be ready to get their services but I really think it was wrong of the hostess to step in between them like that. She should be more professional than that.