feeling left out

NEWIDME said:
:hug::hug:
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Thanks. I am now home with my new Blackberry. It is red. My husband is reading the book to help me get used to it. New technology makes me panic. I was used to my MDA. But I am very happy and in a week I will be expert.:lol:
 
You know what? Don't laugh but I am 38 and had no idea what a blackberry was until about 6 months ago! I work for big corp too... I am such a geek!! Anyway, congrats
 
VamPyroX said:
I've been there a lot.

I'm the only deaf person in my family. No one really signs. My brother does try his best to keep me included in his conversations, but the rest of my family usually forget that I'm there and end up talking in a way that I can't keep up. :(
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Holy Cow!! We must have the same kind of stupid relatives!! My brother tries to, too, but I feel left out. He also forces himself into conversations, as he's got that personality that he can. I won't bother with my bird-brained relatives.

As for the conversations, I pick what I want to listen to/pay attention to and let the others go. Some of my relatives have nothing to say, which hasn't changed all these years. We're supposed to be having some relatives coming in October from Denmark, so that will be interesting. Hopefully, they'll get bored with the same relatives I get bored with over here.:blah:
 
I agree most conversations in groups aren't worth hearing to begin with. I've found it easier to go to lunch/dinner in a well lit place so I can see their faces and sit opposite of them.

Albeit I'm still at the point were I can hide it mostly.
 
I'm tired of peeps saying that most of the conversations aint even that great anyway so we aren't missing out on them much. I think these peeps miss the point when we want to be included regardless, and make our own judgment.

I usually just make my own plans during these holidays so I don't have to be stuck with family gatherings that I know I won't have fun. I am disappointed that it had to be this way, but at least I can choose where I want to be as an adult now.
 
I'm a HOH individual who was born this way and have been wearing hearing aids since the age of 5.

I feel the same way as many of you and wanted to share my story.

I can't follow conversations in groups either - even if there were two people and me in a quiet room - I can't follow - in order for me to understand - the person who is speaking has to speak to me even though the dialog is meant for the other person. I know it is awkward for people and kind of strange.. but hey.. that's me.

Growing up - I remember often at the dinner table with both of my parents and brother - I often just eat there and say nothing as I couldn't understand what was being said. On the topic of me growing up - I can't recall much of my own childhood - it was either because I was in my own world or because I didn't understand what's what (is there anyone else in the same boat as I am?)

On the topic of growing up - when I was in high school (and still am) - I was pretty much a loner - pretty much the only interactions I had with the other kids was I played sports as there's not much talk in that.

Now that I'm am a "grown-up" now - I still struggle with the same issues I did when I was younger except now I'm not a shy guy anymore. At the dinner table when I visit my parents and when my brother is there - again.. I can't understand what's being said and I don't feel included... The only way for me to feel included is to assert myself - but I'm tired of asserting myself and interrupting people - so I still hate talking in groups of people even with my own family - I feel like I'm a drag or something even though no one is hinting that I am.

I love my family - but its difficult. Aside from my family - there's work as well - I'm very lucky to have co-workers who do go out of their way in having a conversation with me - if I don't understand something - they'll write it down or type what they said on the computer. Thank god for computers and the internet - if they didn't exist - I think I would be a lot more isolated after graduating from high school.
 
cdmeggers said:
...
I came down to New Mexico with my grandparents and aunt to celebrate my dad's 50th birthday, hoping to have a grand ol' time.. but right now all I feel is just a lot of frustration from just trying to keep up.

What do you guys do when you can't keep up? I don't even know how to go around this, I don't know how the others could help, I'm completely clueless here as to what to do.
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I do not know if its any reassurance but I know how you feel, even though I'm not Deaf. My husband's family speaks Spanish and since his father is the only family near by that is who we visit more often than not. I can follow the gist of a conversation if I focus on it but usually I get lost and zone out. It has started to bother me that my husband doesn't want to translate as much as I would like him to. I always sign with Deaf friends around, even if I'm not addressing them directly. If they are nearby I try to remember to sign while I speak.

I think the best suggestion I read while skimming the posts was to seek out the person not involved in the conversation really. If they seem to just be nodding along like you are, start talking to them. They probably know what is happening and you can just start a side conversation. I find this alleviates my frustration.
 
:werd:

I was always obcession with Spanish language at young age and loved the "pure" dialect and accento of southern Spain. I wish I knew sombody who knows Spanish Sign and could have taught me.
 
hohDougRN said:
:werd:

I was always obcession with Spanish language at young age and loved the "pure" dialect and accento of southern Spain. I wish I knew sombody who knows Spanish Sign and could have taught me.
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I am learning Mexican Sign Language at the moment, its a lot of fun :)
 
hohDougRN said:
No, way! how cool :eek3:
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Yes, I met a deaf Mexican lady at church bec she came to visit and meet the deaf ministry. She's taught me a few signs and I willing to learn more when I do see her again. I speak Spanish to her and she understands me after, she will show me the signs its awesome!
 
It can be very frustrating when you are in a group and are left out. It's like you become a "non-person". I have that feeling at work a lot, especially at lunch time. There can be 20 or more in the lunch room, all chatting and having a good time and to me, it is like I am in Charlie Brown's classroom listening to his teacher (for those that don't know what I am talking about, I can tell people are speaking, just have no clue what they are saying. Volume is not my enemy with my ha, comprehension is). Add the sounds of the fan, chairs, etc. and it is a total mess. Sometimes my feelings are hurt, but most times, I just turn the ha off and think my own thoughts or play suduko. I would be lost without those special people that take the time to make sure I understand what they are saying, whether it be by looking me in the face so I can read lips or writing it down.
 
etalton said:
It can be very frustrating when you are in a group and are left out. It's like you become a "non-person". I have that feeling at work a lot, especially at lunch time. There can be 20 or more in the lunch room, all chatting and having a good time and to me, it is like I am in Charlie Brown's classroom listening to his teacher (for those that don't know what I am talking about, I can tell people are speaking, just have no clue what they are saying. Volume is not my enemy with my ha, comprehension is). Add the sounds of the fan, chairs, etc. and it is a total mess. Sometimes my feelings are hurt, but most times, I just turn the ha off and think my own thoughts or play suduko. I would be lost without those special people that take the time to make sure I understand what they are saying, whether it be by looking me in the face so I can read lips or writing it down.
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Yes, the feeling of being left out of family gatherings, work or social groups in that way, time and again is not only so exasperating but hurtful too.

The "never mind" phrase is a turn-off that it encourages deafies to withdraw from people. We deafies will always be "alone" with hearing families and partners, no matter how close we are to them. I am very fortunate to have a hoh hubby who is on the same wavelength as me.
 
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