Enough is Enough...

[Daredevel7]

It kind of makes me wonder .... do "normal" kids ever get picked on?

What makes me wonder even more is... when a kid gets picked on, do they have different reactions based on who they are?

Bully: "You're stupid."

"Normal" white kid: "This guy is really mean!"

Black kid: "He's doing this because I'm black."

Gay kid: "He's doing this because I'm gay."

Deaf kid: "He's doing this because I'm deaf."

And so on.

I even see it in adults. Sometimes people say "I know he hates me because I'm black.". I am sure sometimes (or maybe even most of the time) it is true... but I am also sure that sometimes it is not.

 

[jillio]

WRONG!.....My Motivation was making a joke....hence the emoticon

Sure it was. You made a singular post in a serious thread, directed at a specific poster, to make a joke. Riiiight.

Now back on topic. Do you have anything of value to contribute?

 

[jillio]

I was actually just referring to my avitar(pics of my girls) it was punk rock day at school...

And they look adorable!

 

[jillio]

I don't know any... Makes it hard to ask

Good answer! I detest the word "normal". Everyone has a difference in some way that makes them unique. Normal, as sallylou said, is just a setting on a washing machine. What is normal for me may not be normal for you.

 

[jillio]

With my daughter its more about the appearance of her ears, and yes we both realize this. Her first spoken word was not mommy or daddy it was an attempt to say disgusting a word she had seen and heard over and over, I found her mimicking their facial expression in the mirror trying to say it I corrected her and signed pretty and we continued that every morning and every night in front of the mirror.

She is now the one who stands up for herself and explains to strangers about her ears and tells them she forgives them even thou they do not apologize. She's happy and I hope she will always see herself the way I do.

What I am trying to say what matters is how you feel about yourself and how a person is raised and the confidence you possess. I wouldn't dream of changing my daughter so that life would be 'easier' because its not that simple, people will always find something about someone they don't like, if anything I wish I could change the world for her but thats not going to happen. All I can do is raise her right and I know her confidence will grow as she does.

You are raising a strong and independent daughter.

 

[Beowulf]

What makes me wonder even more is... when a kid gets picked on, do they have different reactions based on who they are?

Bully: "You're stupid."

"Normal" white kid: "This guy is really mean!"

Black kid: "He's doing this because I'm black."

Gay kid: "He's doing this because I'm gay."

Deaf kid: "He's doing this because I'm deaf."

And so on.

I even see it in adults. Sometimes people say "I know he hates me because I'm black.". I am sure sometimes (or maybe even most of the time) it is true... but I am also sure that sometimes it is not.

Hardly ever. It is from low self-esteem. They see something in their victims they do not like in themselves.

 

[jillio]

Every parent wants their child to be 'perfect' and to live in a 'perfect' world. But alas, that is not the case. However, as a parent, because we do not live in a perfect world it is important that we raise and train our children to grow into adults knowing how to face the challenges of life, knowing wisdom in how to deal with diverse situations, and the strength of character to carry themselves through the hard times and make the most of the good times. To see the positive in every situation to overcome the negatives. To know how to pick themselves up when they have been pushed down etc. I have been blessed with 7 children that have no physical challenges. Each and every one of them have their own uniqueness and personality and looks. My children have everything going for them. Yet, as each are growing and are at different stages in life ranging from young adults, teenagers, in between teens, and a 7 year old. They all have their own unique challenges to face in life. Who they are as an individual, how they compare to their siblings etc. Everyone in life faces those questions. No matter what challenges we face in life, we are all unique and different in our own way or we would be all clones and robots! As blankcanvas says: It is what we do with our differences and how we are raised to meet the challenges we face.

So well said. And you have been blessed with seven children; your children, on the other hand, have been blessed with a wise and loving parent with a life view that embraces and celebrates differences.

 

[LinuxGold]

What makes me wonder even more is... when a kid gets picked on, do they have different reactions based on who they are?

Bully: "You're stupid."

"Normal" white kid: "This guy is really mean!"

Black kid: "He's doing this because I'm black."

Gay kid: "He's doing this because I'm gay."

Deaf kid: "He's doing this because I'm deaf."

And so on.

I even see it in adults. Sometimes people say "I know he hates me because I'm black.". I am sure sometimes (or maybe even most of the time) it is true... but I am also sure that sometimes it is not.

Me: (to self, "He's a imbecile fool") and walks away.

 

[jillio]

I just posted picts of myself with my 13 year old daughter. Everyone says she is beautiful and all that. I think so too but guess what? She gets made fun of cuz of the shape of her face. She got called "quarter-face" by other kids when she was growing up.

Kids will always find something to belittle others.

If it is not deafness, it will be something else. I got bullied for my deafness by being mainstreamed but what I hated was that nobody taught me that being deaf was ok. I was taught that it was a bad thing and that was what enabled my self-esttem to go down the drain after getting bullied because it just continued to reinforce those views that had been imposed on me about my deafness by the stupid adults.

So true. And to be truthful, in an all deaf school, kids will find something about each other to tease about. The difference is, the kids at an all deaf school already feel as if they have somewhere they belong, so it is just a childhood annoyance. When that same child is in school with hearing kids all day, going home to hearing parents and/or sibs at night, he/she does not have a feeling of belonging. Then the belittling becomes quite damaging because that child does not have the insulation that belonging provides.

Belonging is a very basic need that must be met for psycho-social development.

 

[jillio]

What makes me wonder even more is... when a kid gets picked on, do they have different reactions based on who they are?

Bully: "You're stupid."

"Normal" white kid: "This guy is really mean!"

Black kid: "He's doing this because I'm black."

Gay kid: "He's doing this because I'm gay."

Deaf kid: "He's doing this because I'm deaf."

And so on.

I even see it in adults. Sometimes people say "I know he hates me because I'm black.". I am sure sometimes (or maybe even most of the time) it is true... but I am also sure that sometimes it is not.

If they have been placed in a situation where the above was true, then they are likely to see any insult as being based on the same thing. It is called generalization, and everyone does it.

 

[jillio]

Hardly ever. It is from low self-esteem. They see something in their victims they do not like in themselves.

Or, something in their victims that they truly want for themselves, but feel they cannot have. Such as acceptance, popularity, etc. They then label it as something undesirable and see it as a weakness.

 

[Beowulf]

Or, something in their victims that they truly want for themselves, but feel they cannot have. Such as acceptance, popularity, etc. They then label it as something undesirable and see it as a weakness.

Hmmm, interesting. I made the remark from personal knowledge since I was a bully a couple times. The first time was to a little girl in a wheelchair when I was in kindergarten. In retrospect it was because the possibility of being in her place frightened me and I took it out on her. The other time I beat the crap out of a weird guy during high school. Obviously it was because I hated the fact that others perceived me as being a weird person, etcetera. I met the guy years later on the street and apologized to him, and he was absurdly grateful and forgave me. I wonder what happened to the girl, though, and if she was affected by my cruelty. To this day I would love to apologize to her.

 

[jillio]

Hmmm, interesting. I made the remark from personal knowledge since I was a bully a couple times. The first time was to a little girl in a wheelchair when I was in kindergarten. In retrospect it was because the possibility of being in her place frightened me and I took it out on her. The other time I beat the crap out of a weird guy during high school. Obviously it was because I hated the fact that others perceived me as being a weird person, etcetera. I met the guy years later on the street and apologized to him, and he was absurdly grateful and forgave me. I wonder what happened to the girl, though, and if she was affected by my cruelty. To this day I would love to apologize to her.

You are a kind person. And the reasons you cited are also valid reasons for bullying, too. You know, I hope you get the chance to apologize someday, just because it will make you feel better about your actions as a child. Ithink we have all had our cruel moments as kids and as adults, realize the way it could impact another person.

 

[deafdyke]

When that same child is in school with hearing kids all day, going home to hearing parents and/or sibs at night, he/she does not have a feeling of belonging. Then the belittling becomes quite damaging because that child does not have the insulation that belonging provides.

AMEN! And it's even worse if a kid ends up in a snotty school.

 

[KristinaB]

When that same child is in school with hearing kids all day, going home to hearing parents and/or sibs at night, he/she does not have a feeling of belonging. Then the belittling becomes quite damaging because that child does not have the insulation that belonging provides.

Belonging is a very basic need that must be met for psycho-social development.

This is so true. Even though I had a mostly supportive family up to a point, I still felt alone a lot. Our dog, Fritzie, was my best friend at that time.

 

[rick48]

I welcome you to view the Gallaudet Syndrome video.

Get back to me afterwards, k thx.

(Oh and all the info in that video is backed by facts.)

Sorry, but I don't "get back" to cochlear implant trolls.

 

[rick48]

Just more blah, blah, blah.

Well your childish response is at least better than your usual off-the-wall wacko responses such as calling the cochlear implant surgery for children torture.

 

[rick48]

rick you're missing something. Yes the CI is a tool. But a lot of parents are using that tool with their kids so they don't have to *gasp* learn ASL or speechreading.
A lot of parents subconciously think " My kid won't have to learn ASL. My kid can be "normal" If so, then why don't more parents opt for a full toolbox approach in educating their kids?

Having gone through the cochlear implant decision personally and knowing many other parents who have also gone through it and have discussed it many times with them, you have over simplified and sensationalized a decision that is very often made after careful deliberation and soul searching.

The overriding issue for many of these parents is not to choose the cochlear implant because they will not have to provide ASL or speechreading to their child but to give them access to sounds that may enable them to more readily and with greater facility develop speech. In our case while we ultimately did not choose ASL, we wanted our daughter to utilize her speechreading skills and for that and other reasons did not choose to pursue AVT. The reality, is that for many parents who opt for a cochlear implant for their child, they place a value upon the ability to be able to speak and to hear and that there exists a tool that may provide those opportunities to their child.

We can all argue till we're blue in the face whether the ability to hear and to speak is of value, or provides benefits to a person but the reality is that it ultimately is a parental decision that parents have the right to make on behalf of their children. You may not like that but it always has, always is and always will be the right of parents to make decisions on behalf of their children.

As far as the "full toolbox" approach, it sounds good in theory and I would never advise parents to outright disregard a method especially for a young child but there does come a point in time wherein you have to make choices for your child's education. You simply cannot utilize every single approach all the time and the reality is that if you pay attention to your child, if you monitor their growth and progress and if you keep involved in their development, then it will help you to elect the right approach or approaches for your child.
Rick

 

[GrendelQ]

Having gone through the cochlear implant decision personally and knowing many other parents who have also gone through it and have discussed it many times with them, you have over simplified and sensationalized a decision that is very often made after careful deliberation and soul searching.

The overriding issue for many of these parents is not to choose the cochlear implant because they will not have to provide ASL or speechreading to their child but to give them access to sounds that may enable them to more readily and with greater facility develop speech. In our case while we ultimately did not choose ASL, we wanted our daughter to utilize her speechreading skills and for that and other reasons did not choose to pursue AVT. The reality, is that for many parents who opt for a cochlear implant for their child, they place a value upon the ability to be able to speak and to hear and that there exists a tool that may provide those opportunities to their child.

We can all argue till we're blue in the face whether the ability to hear and to speak is of value, or provides benefits to a person but the reality is that it ultimately is a parental decision that parents have the right to make on behalf of their children. You may not like that but it always has, always is and always will be the right of parents to make decisions on behalf of their children.

As far as the "full toolbox" approach, it sounds good in theory and I would never advise parents to outright disregard a method especially for a young child but there does come a point in time wherein you have to make choices for your child's education. You simply cannot utilize every single approach all the time and the reality is that if you pay attention to your child, if you monitor their growth and progress and if you keep involved in their development, then it will help you to elect the right approach or approaches for your child.
Rick

Well said!

 

[rockin'robin]

Well said!