Enough is Enough...

[rebeccalj]

So true, Rebecca. I am skeptical of any parent who says that they did not grieve or were not disappointed in finding that their child would not be like everyone else - it isn't as if it is wrong to feel that way, and it isn't focusing blame on the child - it is grief because you know how hard life might be for them. And of course parents don't want their children to have hard lives - what parent would be ok with that???

Bold part = *so* true

Not wrong to feel that way. I still wait for the PFH reply, that I am supposed to fear, because of my honest reply.

What parent out there would willingly want their child to have challenges and be taunted, made fun of because of challenges? We all want our kids to be accepted. This not always happen but we dream for that for our child. Always dream for our child. Always.

Two of my four kids, four that I know of, ha, were supposedly Deaf. Tested and nothing wrong. Just ignore when Mummy speak to them.

I am so, so happy that all four of my babies will not have the same challenge that I have. So happy. Relieved. Frustrated that they don't speak my language but I can handle that part. I speak to them what is in their brain, not in mine.

This is where I hope Beclak chime in with her experience. She have hearie husband and many hearie children. I wonder if her experience is same as mine.

 

[TXgolfer]

What the hell are you talking about, troll? This matter was between jennyB and myself, and she has already accepted my apology.

Check your apology post.....It was a joke.

 

[TXgolfer]

I am pretty sure it was because you spelled "apologies" wrong...and I do accept it! I just wanted to point out the possible motivation for this comment...

 

[rebeccalj]

Wirelessly posted

i know that when we found miss kat's hearing loss it wasn't heartbreaking. It made sense. My husband said very bluntly "she could be not talking because she's deaf or because she's stupid, which would you rather it be?" (of course there are other reasons, but i thought he did a good job of putting it in perspective!!!!)

Perspective? She stupid or deaf? Wow. Either or? Awesome perspective. :roll:

Not saying anything else.

 

[TXgolfer]

NP, but thanks for pointing that out. But his motivation is trolling. Has happened numerous times in the past.

WRONG!.....My Motivation was making a joke....hence the emoticon

 

[rebeccalj]

OK, Stop making offensive and ignorant posts about how ANY adoptive parents feel and what motivates them.

Why so sensitive?

 

[rebeccalj]

I understand what you are trying to say. The grief is not necessarily dependent upon deafness, but is based on a difference. It is a universal concept with birth parents whose child is found to have any kind of a functional difference. Those that want to can deny it until the cows come home, but it is a concept that has been supported time and time again across domains. Those who choose to deny that they experienced any such thing, even to a small degree, choose to live with it and allow it to influence their decisions regarding that child.

Yes, you translate me well. Not Deaf. Different. Being riduculed by young kids and, later, teenagers. Who would wish that on a child? While they are still developing their self esteem they have to deal with what I did? No way. Want confident, smart, well spoken children who can fend for selves without being seen as different. Without being seen as challenged.

I never, ever want my hearie babies to be tested Deaf. Never. Not after what I grew up with. Of course, it present challenge communicating with them but would never change a thing.

 

[blank canvas]

Yes, you translate me well. Not Deaf. Different. Being riduculed by young kids and, later, teenagers. Who would wish that on a child? While they are still developing their self esteem they have to deal with what I did? No way. Want confident, smart, well spoken children who can fend for selves without being seen as different. Without being seen as challenged.

I never, ever want my hearie babies to be tested Deaf. Never. Not after what I grew up with. Of course, it present challenge communicating with them but would never change a thing.

My daughter is ridiculed by adults every time we go to the store, the library, the doctors office, and even in public restrooms. But she is the most confident, smart little girl anyone will ever meet! And yes she is different but so is everyone else, my youngest who is hearing stands out like crazy but its her personality and shes also as strong and confident as her sister.

Yes I realize things are different for everyone but it doesn't matter if you are Deaf or hearing, black or white ect. ect. everyone is different its what you do with it and how you are raised that matters.

 

[Steinhauer]

I guess everyone has different views when it comes to wanting children who are "normal" and children who arent "normal". It is sad that society puts so much value on what is "normal" where there are so many people who are not "nomral" by their standards have so much to offer. Oh well.

Well, if I had a kid who was born a punk rocker ... well .... I'd take him/her anyways and try to raise them in a good ol fashion way. I know the other kids would taunt him/her, but, I wouldn't treat my kid any different or give him/her any special treatment.

 

[rebeccalj]

Just curious - How would the mother feel if she is a white woman that gave birth to a black child - but never had sex with any black men.....

That is a radical example of an expectation not being met -and it has happened to a friend of mine's mother.

I would love the baby anyhow.

Let me throw something back. How would you feel about wife being pregnant after you have vasectomy but never have tested?

I have such a baby. Father want me to abort. I say FY to him. Son born and is clone to daddy. Clone. We know who father is but we don't know who mother is. I keep my young boy a million times over. I would never, ever cheat on ex-husband. He too good in bed but he never understand that.

 

[blank canvas]

Well, if I had a kid who was born a punk rocker ... well .... I'd take him/her anyways and try to raise them in a good ol fashion way. I know the other kids would taunt him/her, but, I wouldn't treat my kid any different or give him/her any special treatment.

Wait... what do you have against punk rockers?

 

[BecLak]

Yes. The grief that hearing parents feel over a deaf child is exactly the same as the grief that deaf parents feel over a hearing child. It is because it is human nature to expect, without question, that your child will be like you. Hearing status is rarely mentioned, because no one, except the deaf, realize the difference it can make in relationships. Having grown up with it, they fully understand. That is why you will hear deaf parents wonder aloud what they will do if their child is hearing. You never hear a hearing parent wonder aloud if the child about to be born will be deaf. But you do hear them say things like, "I hope he has his father's curly hair, and my blue eyes." We fully expect, even to the degree that much of it is subconcious, that our children will be like us. When a hearing parent received the diagnosis, that is proof that their child is different from them.

Often times, a parent doesn't even begin to process that guilt until the child is older, and it has become evident how much deafness is a part of their identity, and how much it impacts relationships where communication is an issue. They spend the earlier years engaged in frenetic activity, trying to prove to everyone (mostly to themselves) what a wonderful and accepting parent they are, and how well they deal with this. "No big deal. My kid is deaf. I can handle this...watch me."

That is one of the fundamental reasons that I am opposed to infant implantaton. Parents have not had the time to pyshcological absorb what a diagnosis of deafness really means yet, and they are vunerable to anything that a doctor or an audi tells them will make it easier for their child.

 

[deafdyke]

Also know many who accepted their child's newly discovered deafness as a part of who their child is and moved on. I think this whole "grief" issue is exaggerated and used as yet another excuse to justify opposition to children getting cochlear implants.

The image of the grief stricken parent as the mindless zombie unable to resist the false promises of doctors and audiologists rushing to get their poor deaf children implanted may work in some small minded pockets of the Deaf community but it is so far from reality and not one embraced by the larger deaf community. That Deaf parents themselves are seeking the cochlear implant for their own children in ever increasing numbers shatters that myth.

Parents considering implants for their kids, and I have known hundreds over the last quarter of a century, are out there seeking advice, getting information and making decisions for their child after considerable time effort and deliberation. They are not paralyzed by "grief" but doing what they are supposed to be doing: acting as parents for their children.

rick you're missing something. Yes the CI is a tool. But a lot of parents are using that tool with their kids so they don't have to *gasp* learn ASL or speechreading.
A lot of parents subconciously think " My kid won't have to learn ASL. My kid can be "normal" If so, then why don't more parents opt for a full toolbox approach in educating their kids?

 

[BecLak]

Yes I realize things are different for everyone but it doesn't matter if you are Deaf or hearing, black or white ect. ect. everyone is different its what you do with it and how you are raised that matters.

So true.

 

[Steinhauer]

Wait... what do you have against punk rockers?

I have absolutely nothing against punk rockers. They see the world in a completely different way and each and every person could learn something about their perspective, even if your view is "different" from a punk rocker's view.

Its like they have a different language!


Rock On!

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bSnFgROqB8]YouTube - Rancid - Out of Control '04[/ame]

Lyrics to Out Of Control :

Let's Go!
The prophet speaks his language, reeks,
A vile dogma that schemes and sneaks,
His blood is weak, he's an oil sheik,
Information leak, operation tweek

There's no security in the battlefield,
Metal cannons shape the human shields,
A brand new country, they're gonna build,
One more riot thats selfwilled

State out of control!
It's out of control!
State out of control!
We're outta control, we're outta control,
we're outta control, we're outta control!

Inject the poison into the bloodstream
Pick up your shovel, do what you're told,
The probe is out,
the watchdog grows to incredicble lengths to incredible lows

Well off your target now you have missed,
Deliberate lying and recklessness,
Don't get crushed in the iron fist,
Resist, resist, resist, resist!

State out of control!
It's out of control!
State out of control!
We're outta control, we're outta control,
we're outta control, we're outta control!
Control!
Let's Go!
The prophet speaks his language, reeks,
A vile dogma that schemes and sneaks,
His blood is weak, he's an oil sheik,
Information leak, operation tweek

There's no security in the battlefield,
Metal cannons shape the human shields,
A brand new country, they're gonna build,
One more riot thats selfwilled

State out of control!
It's out of control!
State out of control!
We're outta control, we're outta control,
we're outta control, we're outta control!

Inject the poison into the bloodstream
Pick up your shovel, do what you're told,
The probe is out,
the watchdog grows to incredicble lengths to incredible lows

Well off your target now you have missed,
Deliberate lying and recklessness,
Don't get crushed in the iron fist,
Resist, resist, resist, resist!

State out of control!
It's out of control!
State out of control!
We're outta control, we're outta control,
we're outta control, we're outta control!
Control!

 

[blank canvas]

I have absolutely nothing against punk rockers. They see the world in a completely different way and each and every person could learn something about their perspective, even if your view is "different" from a punk rocker's view.

Its like they have a different language!


Rock On!

YouTube - Rancid - Out of Control '04

I was actually just referring to my avitar(pics of my girls) it was punk rock day at school...

 

[Steinhauer]

I was actually just referring to my avitar(pics of my girls) it was punk rock day at school...

Ah - the drummer in Rancid is one of my best friends. We have been friends since High School. I taught him some sign a loooong time ago.

(not the current drummer).

 

[ryancher]

I realize things are different for everyone but it doesn't matter if you are Deaf or hearing, black or white ect. ect. everyone is different - its what you do with it and how you are raised that matters.

I agree 100%

 

[GrendelQ]

My daughter is ridiculed by adults every time we go to the store, the library, the doctors office, and even in public restrooms. But she is the most confident, smart little girl anyone will ever meet! And yes she is different but so is everyone else, my youngest who is hearing stands out like crazy but its her personality and shes also as strong and confident as her sister.

Yes I realize things are different for everyone but it doesn't matter if you are Deaf or hearing, black or white ect. ect. everyone is different its what you do with it and how you are raised that matters.

The ridicule is so wrong. Good for her for being strong. And good for you for raising such a wonderful child!

 

[Steinhauer]

It kind of makes me wonder .... do "normal" kids ever get picked on?