Does anyone else feel like their life was ruined by mainstream school

[deafbajagal]

All I have to do is copy and paste DeafRaptor's story, tweak it just a little, and there' s my life. I used to think I was alone, too, but Alldeaf has helped me see there are others out there.

We should have a club, lol

 

[Lily7]

All I have to do is copy and paste DeafRaptor's story, tweak it just a little, and there' s my life. I used to think I was alone, too, but Alldeaf has helped me see there are others out there.

We should have a club, lol

I was just about to say the same thing! Applies to me too. If I could change one thing about my childhood but only one thing, it would without question be to go to a deaf school.

 

[rebeccalj]

All I have to do is copy and paste DeafRaptor's story, tweak it just a little, and there' s my life. I used to think I was alone, too, but Alldeaf has helped me see there are others out there.

We should have a club, lol

^^^^^^ This! Same!

 

[Lily7]

One other thing that I am curious about. I was able to read and study enough to do well in school, but I feel like I only retained some of the most basic of knowledge and not all of that (I still don't know left from right). It felt like I couldn't hold onto any of that knowledge past that semester (I had reached the capacity of my memory or something). Whatever was needed for the next course was basically taught again, so it was hard to know for sure. Has anyone else experienced this, do hearing people that are paying attention in school and in a proper setting retain more of this knowledge, or am I only thinking that I should know/remember more than I do?

No, I experienced this too, it wasn't just you. I eventually figured out that it was because having to basically teach myself and study on my own all the time was not the type of learning method I needed to be using, so it never "stuck" - I always forgot everything not too long after I learned it, as if my brain was making room for new stuff. But really it was just that I did not learn it the way I needed to be learning it so I couldn't retain it.

Reading and teaching myself doesn't work. I retain information best when I "experience" it. Like if someone tells me about it (so having a study buddy would have really helped), being able to watch other kids discussing it via sign would have helped me remember, or I watch a video on it, or use it in real life in practice (like measuring cups while cooking for fractions), that kind of thing. That is what helps me remember. The stuff I learned that way I never forgot, but not much was learned that way.

When I was growing up it was kind of a well known thing that the deaf schools, at least in Oklahoma, were way behind the hearing schools academically, and this is why my mom wouldn't let me go. But to be honest I really think that despite that I still would have LEARNED more than I ever did in a hearing school just because I would have RETAINED more. Frustrating.

 

[rebeccalj]

I was, very unfortunately, mainstreamed my whole life (from Kindergarten through college). I say this even though, at the time, I had only mild to moderate hearing loss. Some people would say I was an oral success, but I would strongly disagree. Yes, academically I did very well (salutatorian of my high school graduating class, but only because my twin sister beat me and was valedictorian, and was honored with membership with Psi Chi, the international honor society in Psychology - my major in college). I had my twin to study with, which helped, and all I did was read and read and read and read. I did all of the work.

I still have many flashbacks from each grade: Kindergarten, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grade. I NEVER paid attention to the teachers or other students participating in class (even with only having mild to moderate hearing loss that was aided by BTE hearing aids); there was no point as I could not hear/understand them even with the hearing aids supposedly fitted to my hearing loss (I had CART in college so I was able to at least follow along and not just have to rely solely on reading and studying). In fact, we had a ceremony during my 8th grade graduation. During that ceremony, the prinicipal would joking make comments about our time there. He would pretend that he was passing along the graduating class's traits to the 7th grade class. For me, he said he was passing on my abililty to "get good grades while never being on the same page as everyone else in class"! :roll: It was a joke to them!

I had NO friends in elementary or high school as no one would socialize with me other than my sister. Communication was just too important to socializing that I was, therefore, automatically excluded. I was severly depressed (I even went to the principal and cried and asked why I felt that the school wasn't for me ) and even suicidal as I reached my teenage and then college years. I was so socially withdrawn that when I went to college, I still couldn't make friends with the other deaf/hh students. My first real friend I made finally in 2010 when I was 27 years old.

Everyone tells me that my speech is perfect :roll: (thanks to years of speech therapy) and that depresses me even more, because they expect me to follow along and get frustrated when I can't and dare to ask for them to repeat. BTW, I hate the word "nevermind" !!! As a coping mechanism and trying to get some semblance of socializing with other people, I learned to just nod my head and smile.

I was very ignorant about deafness and what was out there. I thought all the rest of the world was hearing and I was the only deaf/hh person. I did not know that there was anything other than hearing aids and speech therapist to accomodate me. I did not know about deaf schools. I did not know about ASL (and interpreters) and Deaf Culture. All I knew is that I felt held back both intellectually (I did well, but I feel I could have gone so much further) and socially. Finally, in college, my eyes started to open, but by then I felt that I couldn't join that other world, as if it was too late for me. It wasn't until three months ago, when I met a deaf co-worker, that I felt that I could join that world. Now I am not going to allow anyone to stop me from being a part of that world or stop me from seeking happiness and peace with myself and my past.

If my son say to me 'Nevermind' ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO GROUND HIM FOR LIFE!!! I cannot *stand* that!! Uggh! Make you feel like you are just child and not significant to need to know what is just said!! :roll:

Speaking perfectly does not equal understanding perfectly. That is the main problem with being raised oral deaf. People think Deaf cannot speak so, if you can, you *must* hear enough to understand as well. NOT TRUE!!!

 

[rebeccalj]

Thanks deafdyke. It is very comforting knowing that, while I may have had bad experiences (that I wouldn't wish on anyone) because of how people reacted to my deafness, (even though I thought so at one time) I am not alone.

One other thing I wanted to mention. Even letting go of the frustration that mainstreaming brought me, what really frustrates me was that I was mainstreamed at a small religious elementary and high school (my graduating class in high school had 12 people and 2 of those were my sister and me). It was a small school that had never had a deaf or hoh student in its entire history and as far as I know hasn't had one since and did not have any teachers who had been trained/educated in educating children with deafness or even special ed in general, but the school was somehow going to provide me what I needed to learn. All I got was hearing aids and an occasional interruption during class for speech therapy. Even though I was at a small school with a larger teacher to student ratio than most schools, I never had any individual help/instruction from the teachers. What were they seriously thinking? Were they praying that I would learn the same as the other students and relying solely on a miracle from God rather than on the knowledge and skills God gave them and the rest of mankind so we can better ourselves (ie knowledge and skills that formed the language of ASL, deaf Ed, anything else, etc)?

One other thing that I am curious about. I was able to read and study enough to do well in school, but I feel like I only retained some of the most basic of knowledge and not all of that (I still don't know left from right). It felt like I couldn't hold onto any of that knowledge past that semester (I had reached the capacity of my memory or something). Whatever was needed for the next course was basically taught again, so it was hard to know for sure. Has anyone else experienced this, do hearing people that are paying attention in school and in a proper setting retain more of this knowledge, or am I only thinking that I should know/remember more than I do?

I always have to remind self what equal left or right just before school start back but I'm ambidextrous so that might play part.

I *do* know that the only things I remember from education were areas that I can visualize and this probably play a part? Analyzing numbers or statistics or facts come very easy to me but it is because I look at everything as puzzle that need to be put together. Not 'how' you analyze (ie: step one do this), if that make sense?

 

[moggy]

Does any else feel like their life was ruined by mainstream school

Thanks for writing this stuff it shows that we are not alone. I am new here. Looking for some answers.

Yes it was for me.

My story re school. My mother was in denial and still is today. I cannot ask her anything re me being deaf. I am severley hard of hearing and have survived somehow as we do. I was born in the 1960's. I never met anyone with deaf/hoh during my entire school years and or afterwards until i was an adult. I survived somehow but i wish to find answers to this as i have no memory about my childhood due to mental health issues. Another hurdle was that i did not get a hearing aid until i was 12. Not something i wanted then.

I do not recommend main school schooling for any deaf/hoh child without teacher aide assistance. Yes i know of people that sailed through that were deaf and some that are bitter, damaged etc about main school schooling.

I am a damaged one. I loved learning but was taught that i was not wanted. Hence that i suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from it. It has messed up my life so much, the past.

I also liked the 'not being able to retain school learning'. Thats me too. Pet hate is "Try Harder". I liked this thread too as it help me with something. That due to having to put all our energies into just being able to hear, our capacity to retain is drained to such an extent that we can only hold a little amount. Hence failure at school.

Everyone is different.

 

[rebeccalj]

Thanks for writing this stuff it shows that we are not alone. I am new here. Looking for some answers.

Yes it was for me.

My story re school. My mother was in denial and still is today. I cannot ask her anything re me being deaf. I am severley hard of hearing and have survived somehow as we do. I was born in the 1960's. I never met anyone with deaf/hoh during my entire school years and or afterwards until i was an adult. I survived somehow but i wish to find answers to this as i have no memory about my childhood due to mental health issues. Another hurdle was that i did not get a hearing aid until i was 12. Not something i wanted then.

I do not recommend main school schooling for any deaf/hoh child without teacher aide assistance. Yes i know of people that sailed through that were deaf and some that are bitter, damaged etc about main school schooling.

I am a damaged one. I loved learning but was taught that i was not wanted. Hence that i suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from it. It has messed up my life so much, the past.

I also liked the 'not being able to retain school learning'. Thats me too. Pet hate is "Try Harder". I liked this thread too as it help me with something. That due to having to put all our energies into just being able to hear, our capacity to retain is drained to such an extent that we can only hold a little amount. Hence failure at school.

Everyone is different.

True, but in Deaf community we same.

We all same here.

 

[deafbajagal]

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

Not subtitled, but to be fair, not all of our written English posts are translated into ASL either. I wonder if he is a member on AD.

 

[deafdyke]

Thanks deafdyke. It is very comforting knowing that, while I may have had bad experiences (that I wouldn't wish on anyone) because of how people reacted to my deafness, (even though I thought so at one time) I am not alone.

One other thing I wanted to mention. Even letting go of the frustration that mainstreaming brought me, what really frustrates me was that I was mainstreamed at a small religious elementary and high school (my graduating class in high school had 12 people and 2 of those were my sister and me). It was a small school that had never had a deaf or hoh student in its entire history and as far as I know hasn't had one since and did not have any teachers who had been trained/educated in educating children with deafness or even special ed in general, but the school was somehow going to provide me what I needed to learn. All I got was hearing aids and an occasional interruption during class for speech therapy. Even though I was at a small school with a larger teacher to student ratio than most schools, I never had any individual help/instruction from the teachers. What were they seriously thinking? Were they praying that I would learn the same as the other students and relying solely on a miracle from God rather than on the knowledge and skills God gave them and the rest of mankind so we can better ourselves (ie knowledge and skills that formed the language of ASL, deaf Ed, anything else, etc)?

?

Again, there's the biggest flaw in mainstreaming. Most teachers, including sped teachers really don't have the training on how to teach deaf or blind kids.....and the kids who need more intense services tend to really miss out and fall through the cracks!

 

[shel90]

One other ADer stated that because we lived such unhappy lives being mainstreamed, it doesnt mean that others lived unhappy lives as well.

However, all I can see is the influx of deaf newcomers to AD who have such eearily similiar experiences with mainstreaming as I did.

That says a LOT...

Those hearing parents just keep trying to ignore that. Whatever.

 

[deafdyke]

One other ADer stated that because we lived such unhappy lives being mainstreamed, it doesnt mean that others lived unhappy lives as well.

However, all I can see is the influx of deaf newcomers to AD who have such eearily similiar experiences with mainstreaming as I did.

That says a LOT...

Those hearing parents just keep trying to ignore that. Whatever.

Yes, and that's both deaf and HOH.......I really think that a lot of parents seem to think that their kid will have a 1940's " OMG mainstreamed dhh kids are the smart high acheivers" experiance. Sorry parents but mainstreaming hasn't been innovative since my second mom (who is in her 50's) was a freshman in high school (graduated in 77)

 

[whatdidyousay!]

Thanks deafdyke. It is very comforting knowing that, while I may have had bad experiences (that I wouldn't wish on anyone) because of how people reacted to my deafness, (even though I thought so at one time) I am not alone.

One other thing I wanted to mention. Even letting go of the frustration that mainstreaming brought me, what really frustrates me was that I was mainstreamed at a small religious elementary and high school (my graduating class in high school had 12 people and 2 of those were my sister and me). It was a small school that had never had a deaf or hoh student in its entire history and as far as I know hasn't had one since and did not have any teachers who had been trained/educated in educating children with deafness or even special ed in general, but the school was somehow going to provide me what I needed to learn. All I got was hearing aids and an occasional interruption during class for speech therapy. Even though I was at a small school with a larger teacher to student ratio than most schools, I never had any individual help/instruction from the teachers. What were they seriously thinking? Were they praying that I would learn the same as the other students and relying solely on a miracle from God rather than on the knowledge and skills God gave them and the rest of mankind so we can better ourselves (ie knowledge and skills that formed the language of ASL, deaf Ed, anything else, etc)?

One other thing that I am curious about. I was able to read and study enough to do well in school, but I feel like I only retained some of the most basic of knowledge and not all of that (I still don't know left from right). It felt like I couldn't hold onto any of that knowledge past that semester (I had reached the capacity of my memory or something). Whatever was needed for the next course was basically taught again, so it was hard to know for sure. Has anyone else experienced this, do hearing people that are paying attention in school and in a proper setting retain more of this knowledge, or am I only thinking that I should know/remember more than I do?

When I was a little and did not have a HA yet my older sister was trying to get me to say a pray before going to bed , we had to say prays in school then and we where that one. When we said "Our Father, which art in heaven"
I thought people where saying " in rotten heaven!" My sister was shocked when I said that!! I was saying that in school all the time!!! LOL!! My teachers never heard me saying "in rotten heaven!" Thanks goodness, they did not know I was HOH and would had thought I was being fresh!

 

[moggy]

Life ruin by mainstream school

Is it any different/ better in mainstream schools today for deaf/hoh children???

I was talking to someone earlier this evening about my experience and my parents ignorance at my deafness. Now we are talking 60's and 70's here. She reminded me that they did not have the professional services for people with disabilities like ours in those days and they were brought up by Victorian era parents too our parents. They may have been ignorant but there was also no help for them either to educate themeselves, society also is to blame and as my mother put it so eloquently "disability is a dirty word". (To acknowledge that something is wrong with your child.) So therfore is was better to be seen to be normal and brought up oral and mainstream school than the other way by families.

I do not know if i have worded this right but this was the best i could do.

 

[Bottesini]

Is it any different/ better in mainstream schools today for deaf/hoh children???

.

Yes, it is much different and better in mainstream schools today for deaf children than when you were a child.

Many districts have good dhh programs where deaf children
learn together with TODs and have ASL.

It's not always like the old sink or swim oral solotaire mainstreaming that you remembers.

Deaf kids today get to make deaf friends in the public schools from their own communities and keep this support system for life.

 

[Babyblue]

I went to mainstream school, and I am not traumatized by it. I later went to a Deaf school in high school.

It is what shaped me what I am today.

I did miss out on some things in mainstream school, but I am not traumatized by it.

 

[posts from hell]

Is it any different/ better in mainstream schools today for deaf/hoh children???

I was talking to someone earlier this evening about my experience and my parents ignorance at my deafness. Now we are talking 60's and 70's here. She reminded me that they did not have the professional services for people with disabilities like ours in those days and they were brought up by Victorian era parents too our parents. They may have been ignorant but there was also no help for them either to educate themeselves, society also is to blame and as my mother put it so eloquently "disability is a dirty word". (To acknowledge that something is wrong with your child.) So therfore is was better to be seen to be normal and brought up oral and mainstream school than the other way by families.

I do not know if i have worded this right but this was the best i could do.

Superficially it looks like it has improved but in reality?? no.

We still have the same problems. Kids being robbed of their true identity.

 

[deafskeptic]

I went to mainstream school, and I am not traumatized by it. I later went to a Deaf school in high school.

It is what shaped me what I am today.

I did miss out on some things in mainstream school, but I am not traumatized by it.

You're one of the fortunate ones.

 

[VacationGuy234]

I went to mainstream school and I can tell you it was rough, but you get a lot out of it that helps you in life, certainly wouldn't dismiss it.

I think you have to gauge the person being put through it, I went to school with a kid that had severe seeing issues, he was almost blind. I wouldn't have sent him to mainstream school because I think it was more harm than good. I'm sure the emotional scares haven't healed yet for him.

I think the solution is hybrid, some mainstream and some deaf school.

The problem with mainstream is it is usually not all mainstream. It's usually part SPED classes and part mainstream. Because of this, you get stigmatized my the mainstream students. In my case, my junior high SPED classes were so good that when I got to high school the special classes there were too low for me so I was total mainstream by that point.

Yes, no question, you can get damaged from it and it takes a long time to heal, but, in the end, the goal is to help you succeed in life. I don't think you'll get that through just one school. You can learn it later, but it is harder at that point.

I'd like life to be one big freakin fairy tale, but that's not reality.

 

[deafdyke]

I went to mainstream school and I can tell you it was rough, but you get a lot out of it that helps you in life, certainly wouldn't dismiss it.

I think you have to gauge the person being put through it, I went to school with a kid that had severe seeing issues, he was almost blind. I wouldn't have sent him to mainstream school because I think it was more harm than good. I'm sure the emotional scares haven't healed yet for him.

I think the solution is hybrid, some mainstream and some deaf school.

The problem with mainstream is it is usually not all mainstream. It's usually part SPED classes and part mainstream. Because of this, you get stigmatized my the mainstream students. In my case, my junior high SPED classes were so good that when I got to high school the special classes there were too low for me so I was total mainstream by that point.

Yes, no question, you can get damaged from it and it takes a long time to heal, but, in the end, the goal is to help you succeed in life. I don't think you'll get that through just one school. You can learn it later, but it is harder at that point.

I'd like life to be one big freakin fairy tale, but that's not reality.

Yeah, I think we're arguing for a hybrid for most dhh kids......Also, very very careful inclusion and mainstreaming, rather then automaticly assuming that the mainstream is always the best. I do think that even oral sucess kids can significently benifit from ASL and Deaf ed, especially around middle and high school.