Does anyone else feel like their life was ruined by mainstream school

[Oceanbreeze]

Oceanbreeze, that's easy. Because my experiance in mainstream school basicly gave me PSTD. You wouldn't tell an Iraq vet to just get over their PSTD would you?
I also think telling our stories can help parents understand the negative impact of mainstreaming. So often mainstreaming is painted as some glorious utopia. It's not, and never has been. What I mean by mainstreaming is solotaire mainstreaming.
Granted some states have reconized that kids can benifit from placements like regional dhh programs and magnet programs. But still.......

My upbringing gave me PTSD, too, DD. I'm still dealing with the fallout from what happened in my childhood. But, I do it with an understanding that the past is the past. I can't change it, but, I CAN change my future.

It's a CHOICE. Once you reach adulthood, it truly becomes a choice to either live the rest of your life bitter and angry about your childhood, or to acknowledge that it happened and decide that you can change it for the better. Its up to the person to choose what they want to do. They can either live the rest of their lives as a victim, or, they can decide to live life on their own terms.

I'm not saying it's easy. It's NOT. It takes time, and sometimes, therapy to get to the place I'm talking about, but it can be done. The person HAS to want to change, though. Some do. Others don't.

 

[DeafCaroline]

Oceanbreeze, that's easy. Because my experiance in mainstream school basicly gave me PSTD. You wouldn't tell an Iraq vet to just get over their PSTD would you?
I also think telling our stories can help parents understand the negative impact of mainstreaming. So often mainstreaming is painted as some glorious utopia. It's not, and never has been. What I mean by mainstreaming is solotaire mainstreaming.
Granted some states have reconized that kids can benifit from placements like regional dhh programs and magnet programs. But still.......

Like you, I was also very traumatized by my mainstreaming experiences, especially the elementary school years. But I do get what OceanBreeze is saying which is one needs to learn how to let the anger and the trauma go so it doesn't affect the quality of the rest of their lives. I don't think she means you don't have a right to be angry about what happens but not to let that anger stop you from being a happy person despite what happened. it's not easy and like she said, it has to be a conscious choice. I made that choice at age 27 to consciously take the chip off my shoulder and put it away so I could be happy for a change. It wasn't an overnight process, it took time to learn how not to give others the power to get to me so much. It's still a work in progress that's for sure.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

Like you, I was also very traumatized by my mainstreaming experiences, especially the elementary school years. But I do get what OceanBreeze is saying which is one needs to learn how to let the anger and the trauma go so it doesn't affect the quality of the rest of their lives. I don't think she means you don't have a right to be angry about what happens but not to let that anger stop you from being a happy person despite what happened. it's not easy and like she said, it has to be a conscious choice. I made that choice at age 27 to consciously take the chip off my shoulder and put it away so I could be happy for a change. It wasn't an overnight process, it took time to learn how not to give others the power to get to me so much. It's still a work in progress that's for sure.

Thank you. That's exactly what I meant! Of course, they have a right to be angry about what they went through. I have that same right given what I went through as well, but there comes a point when you just have to acknowlege it, and then, let it go for your own sanity and happiness.

Being angry is understandable. Being BITTER is toxic. And, yes, there IS a difference between the two, and a very fine line between the two as well.

 

[ladysolitary85]

I had posted something along these lines in another thread but I don't mind rewriting

I was mainstreamed throughout my school years. I had a teacher in 3rd grade named Mrs. Joke... she wasn't funny at all. In fact when there was a PTA meeting she told the principal in front of my mom and stepdad that she REFUSED to wear the FM system. Needless to say, principal put her in check, but she made my year a living hell. I wasn't allowed to do creative projects. I was forced to sit around and do sentences every day instead of going out to recess. Absolutely the worst teacher I've ever had.

Kids were bullies left and right, I did go to IEP in elementry and junior high and in high school I was in special education... except English and my English teacher loved me so much he wanted me to go to his college prep classes. I did get special services where I would get rides to and from my school in a white van. I did try to socialize with the deaf kids in the van with me, but those kids were cruel too. Then my mom gained custody of me (long story there) and I moved away and went to yet another mainstream school. I was embarrassed to be open about my deafness and sure enough I learned quickly that it wasn't a walk in the park. The school was more advanced than my previous one. I didn't really teased like before but I didn't have a load of friends either. I was just, like my previous school mostly a loner that had selective few friends.

I was never encouraged to take ASL and it really annoyed me now, being 26 and looking back.... I wish things were done differently. But I can't change the past. I can only move forward and be the person I WANT to be now.

 

[deafskeptic]

I had posted something along these lines in another thread but I don't mind rewriting

I was mainstreamed throughout my school years. I had a teacher in 3rd grade named Mrs. Joke... she wasn't funny at all. In fact when there was a PTA meeting she told the principal in front of my mom and stepdad that she REFUSED to wear the FM system. Needless to say, principal put her in check, but she made my year a living hell. I wasn't allowed to do creative projects. I was forced to sit around and do sentences every day instead of going out to recess. Absolutely the worst teacher I've ever had.

Kids were bullies left and right, I did go to IEP in elementry and junior high and in high school I was in special education... except English and my English teacher loved me so much he wanted me to go to his college prep classes. I did get special services where I would get rides to and from my school in a white van. I did try to socialize with the deaf kids in the van with me, but those kids were cruel too. Then my mom gained custody of me (long story there) and I moved away and went to yet another mainstream school. I was embarrassed to be open about my deafness and sure enough I learned quickly that it wasn't a walk in the park. The school was more advanced than my previous one. I didn't really teased like before but I didn't have a load of friends either. I was just, like my previous school mostly a loner that had selective few friends.

I was never encouraged to take ASL and it really annoyed me now, being 26 and looking back.... I wish things were done differently. But I can't change the past. I can only move forward and be the person I WANT to be now.

Damn and i thought my sixth grade teacher in mainstream was awful.

 

[Jiro]

Does anyone else feel like their life was ruined by mainstream school

My life wasn't ruined by mainstream schools. I was in mainstream schools all my life. I've had good times. Teachers were great. My childhood life was pretty good.

Bad Part? I felt left out or felt like a third wheel even though I was involved in many activities and friend gatherings because I don't know what they were saying. I can't keep up.

Few years ago - I learned ASL and met many deaf people. Could not believe how much I was missing out in group social conversations. Now I know what people are really talking about and my life just got more interesting

 

[Frisky Feline]

I am truely sorry that you all had such terrible experience in school. I know a little how bad it was. But my experience is not the same as you. I guess I went to the deaf school. I never forget how heairng people says that to me that I have not been experience but in a shock. One of those saturday, I was chatting with my deaf friend and spotted the other three teen kids that came to us. Of course They made fun of us by their idiot signing. I was like, in my mind, "what the heck they are doing, they must be idiot to say stuff to us" It just came to my mind that I do not know why that I did it. I Actually did flip the bird to them. They looked like they did not expect from me and gave us bad words too. I said, " come on, " with my hands were fists. I wasn't afraid of fighting them. But my friend's mom came in, and the teen kids ran away. Drats! I got a bad habit of flipping the birds to them when they made fun of me with their idiot signing from time to time. I wasn't afraid of them. Guess SOme of them found out who I was that they know who my siblings are and they back off at me. Iam the last fifth baby and used to fight with my brother on a daily basis. Thanks to my brother for shaping me up who i am as confident that I don't fear of hearing people.

 

[radioman]

wow! I never knew I could totally relate to many here on Alldeaf.... looks like we all were fighting the same battle, but never felt so alone till now.

my experience is simalar. I went to pre-k deaf school for 2 years, but I don't rememeber much of it. I remember couple bits and pieces but rest seems blocked out. my mother drove me nearly 50 miles each way everyday to pre k school .
Since k-12 I was in hearing school, I wouldnt call it mainstreamed as I was the only one there and I was the only deaf many hearing kids knew. Looking back There were many instances that I regret that I wished I manned up or learned from it, but I didnt know any better till I got into a deaf college all because I couldnt hear or understand what was happening. When I went to NTID, I was in a culture shock as I didn't know a single sign and I thought was in a zoo full of monkeys. over time, my perception changed, had to go thru mental teenage growing up to do again and couldnt be happier since. It's kinda like a second chance but had to be the late bloomer. I learned to sign on my own when I met a hoh girl in band I was playing in that I really liked and she told me I had to sign if I wanted to be with her.

Looking back now, its kinda a tossup if I should have resented my folks for keeping me in hearing school and stay home or go away to deaf school. I seem to be able to have a certain perception that many dont seem to have in both worlds. :roll:

 

[deafdyke]

I think a couple of things that would really improve the experiance of a dhh kid, is: Make sure that kids and parents know about the specialized schooling option, and that it's available to ALL dhh kids. I really do think too many parents think that " oh speech is enough, and my kid will get a superb education by being solotaired." :roll: I pretty much guanrentee you that if a lot of the parents of the dhh kids who are oral and solotaire knew about deaf schools or sizable formal programs, we'd have a ton of Deborahs......I think too that we need to offer a continum of placement.....Like, I, shel, bajagirl, jiro, and radioman may not have desperately needed ASL and placement at a deaf school, but neither did that mean that we couldn't have benifited strongly from attending a Deaf program or actually having teachers who KNEW how to teach kids like us. Solotairing SUCKS!

 

[Dixie]

I hated mainstream. I wished I had been transferred to ASD. I might have grown more socially. Instead, I was often isolated and taunted by the other kids because I was the class retard. No one wanted to be my friend, except for a few along the way that my parents didn't approve of or they simply just used me for their benefit.

I wasn't allowed to go on outings, I wasn't really allowed to socialize outside of school so therefore, I became socially awkward as I didn't know how to behave in certain social situations.

When my hearing deteriorated, instead of really being helped, I was slapped with ill-fitting HAs that I didn't like and at the same time I was slapped with braces and I was going through some really tough stuff at school. To me, at that time, I felt like I no longer had control over me. This led to a lot of self-hatred and self-destructive behavior. Even to this day I still struggle with these issues on a daily basis.

My parents were fed audist crap and they never consulted with me about how I felt about school. If I was failing, I was yelled at and told that I was just being lazy, even called slow. I was made to be ashamed of being D/HH. I was mainstreamed with no support services and I admit I struggled a lot. I felt like I had to work twice as hard as the other students just to get a simple 'B' in a class. Thankfully though I fell in love with reading and books so, I was able to work my way through that class with ease. I was even given an English Award that is given to graduating Seniors in front of my entire high school. It was the first award I had been given in years and still today I am proud of that award, even if it is just simply a small pin. To me, I felt like I had accomplished something.

I felt like I was unable to communicate. Like most people have posted, I just simply nodded my head. I would day dream, or whatever, but I was afraid to admit I was really D/HH because it would have been just one more thing for the other kids to make fun of me for

As mentioned before, I didn't have many friends. I had a few friends in elementary and middle school, but my parents never approved of them, so I was never allowed to hang out with them outside of school. By grade 8, all of my friends had moved away and I was left with people who would continuously taunt me for the rest of my school years.

I preferred the company of animals - dogs mostly - because to me a dog just accepted me unconditionally, they would just greet me with a wagging tail and a doggie-smile. People thought I was a little strange when I would let a stray dog follow me around town. The dog was looking for a friend and so was I, we just understood each other, but also understood our limitations.

When it came to people, I preferred the company of older people, people that were a little dorky. At least these people weren't so blatantly cruel to me.

Even now as an adult, I'm slowly finding friends who understand, and as I've said before those who don't understand and refuse to aren't my friends for very long.

I'm just glad I found AD when I did because it made me realize that I'm not in this alone. There's someone out there that's been in my shoes that really understands. For that, I am grateful for.

 

[deafskeptic]

I hated mainstream. I wished I had been transferred to ASD. I might have grown more socially. Instead, I was often isolated and taunted by the other kids because I was the class retard. No one wanted to be my friend, except for a few along the way that my parents didn't approve of or they simply just used me for their benefit.

I wasn't allowed to go on outings, I wasn't really allowed to socialize outside of school so therefore, I became socially awkward as I didn't know how to behave in certain social situations.

When my hearing deteriorated, instead of really being helped, I was slapped with ill-fitting HAs that I didn't like and at the same time I was slapped with braces and I was going through some really tough stuff at school. To me, at that time, I felt like I no longer had control over me. This led to a lot of self-hatred and self-destructive behavior. Even to this day I still struggle with these issues on a daily basis.

My parents were fed audist crap and they never consulted with me about how I felt about school. If I was failing, I was yelled at and told that I was just being lazy, even called slow. I was made to be ashamed of being D/HH. I was mainstreamed with no support services and I admit I struggled a lot. I felt like I had to work twice as hard as the other students just to get a simple 'B' in a class. Thankfully though I fell in love with reading and books so, I was able to work my way through that class with ease. I was even given an English Award that is given to graduating Seniors in front of my entire high school. It was the first award I had been given in years and still today I am proud of that award, even if it is just simply a small pin. To me, I felt like I had accomplished something.

I felt like I was unable to communicate. Like most people have posted, I just simply nodded my head. I would day dream, or whatever, but I was afraid to admit I was really D/HH because it would have been just one more thing for the other kids to make fun of me for

As mentioned before, I didn't have many friends. I had a few friends in elementary and middle school, but my parents never approved of them, so I was never allowed to hang out with them outside of school. By grade 8, all of my friends had moved away and I was left with people who would continuously taunt me for the rest of my school years.

I preferred the company of animals - dogs mostly - because to me a dog just accepted me unconditionally, they would just greet me with a wagging tail and a doggie-smile. People thought I was a little strange when I would let a stray dog follow me around town. The dog was looking for a friend and so was I, we just understood each other, but also understood our limitations.

When it came to people, I preferred the company of older people, people that were a little dorky. At least these people weren't so blatantly cruel to me.

Even now as an adult, I'm slowly finding friends who understand, and as I've said before those who don't understand and refuse to aren't my friends for very long.

I'm just glad I found AD when I did because it made me realize that I'm not in this alone. There's someone out there that's been in my shoes that really understands. For that, I am grateful for.

Your exerience sounds quite similar to my own.

 

[Smithtr]

My teacher abused to me slap ruin my life damn it I hate because something because reason control serious!

 

[Grummer]

My life wasn't ruined by mainstream schools. I was in mainstream schools all my life. I've had good times. Teachers were great. My childhood life was pretty good.

Bad Part? I felt left out or felt like a third wheel even though I was involved in many activities and friend gatherings because I don't know what they were saying. I can't keep up.

Few years ago - I learned ASL and met many deaf people. Could not believe how much I was missing out in group social conversations. Now I know what people are really talking about and my life just got more interesting

similar like ignorance was bliss, well more to the point they made sure i was still asleep to the whole thing...

then im the same as all other respondant to the OP, even learnt to hate myself, im just getting over it, and im 42..i 'woke up' well more like yawning to awake about 22 years ago, so it what took me another 20 years to UNLEARN all the mainstream bullshit, not just about school, but about meaning of life, getting work, relationships with people, everything, i still got the 'chip on shoulder' but thats not entirely a bad thing, only difference is that im not ignoring it, im intellectualising it in other words, fighting it. I got plans and gonna go the all the way no matter what. This means not just fighting audism but also deafism.

 

[Grummer]

Mainstream should be banned, Period!

 

[Grummer]

I hated mainstream. I wished I had been transferred to ASD. I might have grown more socially. Instead, I was often isolated and taunted by the other kids because I was the class retard. No one wanted to be my friend, except for a few along the way that my parents didn't approve of or they simply just used me for their benefit.

I wasn't allowed to go on outings, I wasn't really allowed to socialize outside of school so therefore, I became socially awkward as I didn't know how to behave in certain social situations.

When my hearing deteriorated, instead of really being helped, I was slapped with ill-fitting HAs that I didn't like and at the same time I was slapped with braces and I was going through some really tough stuff at school. To me, at that time, I felt like I no longer had control over me. This led to a lot of self-hatred and self-destructive behavior. Even to this day I still struggle with these issues on a daily basis.

My parents were fed audist crap and they never consulted with me about how I felt about school. If I was failing, I was yelled at and told that I was just being lazy, even called slow. I was made to be ashamed of being D/HH. I was mainstreamed with no support services and I admit I struggled a lot. I felt like I had to work twice as hard as the other students just to get a simple 'B' in a class. Thankfully though I fell in love with reading and books so, I was able to work my way through that class with ease. I was even given an English Award that is given to graduating Seniors in front of my entire high school. It was the first award I had been given in years and still today I am proud of that award, even if it is just simply a small pin. To me, I felt like I had accomplished something.

I felt like I was unable to communicate. Like most people have posted, I just simply nodded my head. I would day dream, or whatever, but I was afraid to admit I was really D/HH because it would have been just one more thing for the other kids to make fun of me for

As mentioned before, I didn't have many friends. I had a few friends in elementary and middle school, but my parents never approved of them, so I was never allowed to hang out with them outside of school. By grade 8, all of my friends had moved away and I was left with people who would continuously taunt me for the rest of my school years.

I preferred the company of animals - dogs mostly - because to me a dog just accepted me unconditionally, they would just greet me with a wagging tail and a doggie-smile. People thought I was a little strange when I would let a stray dog follow me around town. The dog was looking for a friend and so was I, we just understood each other, but also understood our limitations.

When it came to people, I preferred the company of older people, people that were a little dorky. At least these people weren't so blatantly cruel to me.

Even now as an adult, I'm slowly finding friends who understand, and as I've said before those who don't understand and refuse to aren't my friends for very long.

I'm just glad I found AD when I did because it made me realize that I'm not in this alone. There's someone out there that's been in my shoes that really understands. For that, I am grateful for.

that's alot like me too
Very much so.
Our foot prints in life were a lot alike, you know i used to (and sometimes nto often as much now) still thinks my experience is different from other d/Deafs that i know here, mainly because two reasons, the mainstream successes are really deaf -they're hearing impaired a completely different kettle of fish, and second the rest went to deaf schools right thru so their socialising was (ironically) more normal than mine!. for the second reason i feel really hurt than i wasnt allowed a life. As for the first reason, it was hard to figure out whos fault and at which point harder to see my self out as "Deaf', glad i had a breakthrough in the last year or two... i really made an effort this time , it was painful because i actually was a bit suicidial not that i was thinking about it, it was that feeling i needed to go...horrible feeling but i knew i didnt want to die, i just had to find the right place, and well ,,,Im mixing with older deaf but thats fine, their ways of talking about life and money suits me better than the young naive ones whose interested in drugs...
so yeah been there and done that buddy!

 

[AJWSmith]

Same here. Always trying to fit in. To belong. Self destructive. All of the above.

I'm glad OP had earlier intervention and awakening than me. It wasn't until my 30s that I accept me as me and begin to embrace being Deaf.

Yea, me too..glad for the OP.

When I finally learned ASL and the Deaf community at 25 years old, it didnt solve all of my problems right away but by the time I was 30, I finally felt at peace within myself after going through all the stages of shock, grief, and anger about realizing how wasted my childhood was.

Now, I am almost 40 years old and I have learned to be very aggressive with hearing people about making ignorant comments, about meeting me halfway with communication, and telling them that I am not heairng impaired nor a broken hearing person. it has been working great so far.

My life wasn't ruined by mainstream schools. I was in mainstream schools all my life. I've had good times. Teachers were great. My childhood life was pretty good.

Bad Part? I felt left out or felt like a third wheel even though I was involved in many activities and friend gatherings because I don't know what they were saying. I can't keep up.

Few years ago - I learned ASL and met many deaf people. Could not believe how much I was missing out in group social conversations. Now I know what people are really talking about and my life just got more interesting

This thread is very relevant for me as I was mainstreamed too and had no special support either. The psychological pain of not belonging is still with me, though I survived and had one or two friends. Thanks to AD I can see that the way forward is for me to stop being a pretend-hearing person and embrace my deafness. I've started to learn BSL and when I'm good enough, I'm going to meet Deaf people and find out whether I can belong there. However I'm now in my 40s so I'm making this discovery later than the rest of you.

 

[sarahkhan]

My experience is also similar to Dixie.
I was also mainstreamed throughout school life without any special accommodation. and I will be mainstreamed in university again.(it is like I am going in circle)

Good part from my experience was that I learned to be a better person. I learned never to judge people, and never to accused people without any knowlegde. It is coming from my struggles, you always learned something from your struggles..and in future, hopefully I will be able to handle my pain better.

bad parts is....you will have to put REALLY REALLY effort to get a good grades. When my teen watch movie, I studies. when teen go to a party, I studies. when teen play game, I studies. It was not because I was a nerd( I dont have any problem to be called a nerd), it was because I was being maintream and having trouble with class lecture. All these years, I had only friend but not anymore.I was treated as being outcast by friends.

And worst part was that I had not known about deaf culture all these years. Though my parents known me as a deaf(because they have taken me to speech therapy and audiologist as such), deaf word was taboo to them. And they tell teacher and principal about my deafness as "hearing problem, but she is not totally deaf" And I was often scolded for being too quiet, and so on......they keep teaching me manners that "hearing people "dO. (BOTH teacher and parents always tell me not to move hand too much,and dont nod too much, blah blah....*

It had me psychologically effected greatly....that I am having more of a raw emotion later(empty emotion).

But thanks to AD I finally came to term with being a deaf. Whenever, during interviews for university, first thing i say to them is " my name is sarah, and I am deaf, so please dont talk too fast nor too slowly so that I may be able to understand better" despite my parents try to teach me to say it as a"hearing problem".

I guess I have many thing to learn ahead, I am still 19 years old and I am still immature. I am just glad that I have AD with me...... for me it is not a just a forum, but a family who always will be be my side and help me.

 

[dereksbicycles]

I grew up being in deaf classes, but also being mainstreamed.

I graduated from NIU(Northern Illinois University). It's a mostly mainstreamed school. There were maybe 25 deaf students when I graduated in 2000. It may change now. If I had to do it again, I would have went to RIT. That way, I would have more contacts and possibly more fun. i didn't have that many deaf people to pick from, you know. I would have more if I went to RIT.

 

[Lavender]

Hated both deaf n' hearie schools. None of 'em are good at my time that was in 1960-70's.

 

[naturelchick]

Yep, my years being mainstreamed were pretty much the same and as a result, I learned to hate myself and my deafness so much that I was engaging in self-destructive behaviors as a young adult because I felt like a big time failure for not fitting in with my hearing peers after trying so hard to be like them.

Yep, that's mainstreamed for ya. There is even a book about it. I will have to dig up the name. Very powerful.

That is what most hearing parents refuse to understand when it comes to their own deaf children. "No, my child will be different." Turns out the their children end up with the same issues.

wow.. i self -destructed too .. i still do in some ways. i need to get over my past.