Do you treat teenagers as kid or young adult?

[Liebling:-)))]

You are correct.

My 11 year old daughter did something rather shamefully today - I forced her to write a letter of apology to her friend AND her mother. I told her that she has to learn that every action comes with a piece of consquence and that she has to think ahead before doing anything of whether it would be positive or negative consquence!

What you did is not humuliate or embarrass your daughter to the public but show her what she did wrong and get her to write an apology letter to her friend & mother. What you doing is right. I would do the same.

I did the same as you. I got my 10 years old son to write an apology letter to his teacher, too. He accepted and know he did wrong and want to apology to his teacher. I told him to write an apology letter... He was like *sigh* and do what I say. Next day I got a fax from his teacher saying that she appreciated my son's apology letter. I praised my son.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Huh??? When did that happen? You PM me on Sept 21st asking for my chat because you wanted to talk about Taylor and Buckdodgers. When did you ever tell me to leave you alone and I was never mad at you. If you ignoring me then why sending PM?

Pacman did not named you here to the public. If you see what you don't like then solve with him via PM.

 

[Domino Harvey]

Pacman did not named you here to the public. If you see what you don't like then solve with him via PM.

Uh, he DID name me here in this thread and that is why I responded. Why you think its ok for people to say things about other people and them not respond? What I bolded below is exactly what he said so you tell me why I have no right to respond? I mean it was just on Sept 21st that he was PM'ing me asking for my chat and stuff.

Originally Posted by Pacman
Well, it does happen to me before.

In other thread, that where Taylor was discussed about one guy is died in bootcamp since they sent him to here after theft his grandma's car. I don't trust with Taylor because he's from Maryland and other news are happen in Florida, and don't believe him until found out since he's police. 2hot4you replied an offensive post then found out from her profile and she's 14 years old then I told her to not discuss with me because she's kid, but I thought she's adult but... it's not and ask her to leave me alone until she got mad and sent PM to me then ignore her.

I believe that any person who are 16-17 years old are considered to be pre-adult because they are drop out from high school, able to obtain an driver license, get job, move out from parent and live in somewhere, such as friend's house and live in roommate with other people. Alot of latino students (mainly are mexicans) are drop out from high school, that even higher rate than all other races. Most other states can doing different with minor and parent policies, some parent don't want them to live for some reason.

 

[Star]

Liebling,



Yes ,that is what I do to treat my son. I told my son to be responsible. He learn from wrong to right. He does make mistake and it won't happen again. He try to be adult. I told him to slow down don't try to be adult yet and take your time. I told him just to be yourself. He told me he wants to be Gothic style. My husband told him no and just being himself. I told him stop copy everyone else and just being himself. I teach him not to be make judgement to everyone and just respect everyone's lifestyle. We teach him many thing.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Uh, he DID name me here in this thread and that is why I responded. Why you think its ok for people to say things about other people and them not respond? What I bolded below is exactly what he said so you tell me why I have no right to respond? I mean it was just on Sept 21st that he was PM'ing me asking for my chat and stuff.

I´m sorry that I wasn´t realized that it´s you... I didn´t know that you change from 2hot4you to Domino Harvey.

Yes, I´m agree that your name should be remove in his post.

I´m sorry again for not pay my attention...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Liebling,



Yes ,that is what I do to treat my son. I told my son to be responsible. He learn from wrong to right. He does make mistake and it won't happen again. He try to be adult. I told him to slow down don't try to be adult yet and take your time. I told him just to be yourself. He told me he wants to be Gothic style. My husband told him no and just being himself. I told him stop copy everyone else and just being himself. I teach him not to be make judgement to everyone and just respect everyone's lifestyle. We teach him many thing.

Yes, that´s right. I do the same what you did with your son. I teach my sons 2 mainly important is respect and judgement.

Oh yeah, every teens wear fashioned clothes & have different clothes taste like that... Oh Well...

 

[Oceanbreeze]

We never do that to our boys. When I see what I don't like then I wait until my boys are alone then talk them.

It do not teach children lesson but bitter and disrespect.

I disagree. I see nothing wrong with shaming a child in public. You are teaching a child there's a consequence for the misbehavior. If a child acts like a fool in public, the parent has every right to come up to that child and correct them. Alittle public humiliation never hurt anybody.

You seem to feel that children are "little adults", and they're not. A child is a child until they reach the age of 18. It's also a parent's responsbility to instill discipline in that child until that time. How a child feels about it is irrelevant.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I disagree. I see nothing wrong with shaming a child in public. You are teaching a child there's a consequence for the misbehavior. If a child acts like a fool in public, the parent has every right to come up to that child and correct them. Alittle public humiliation never hurt anybody.

You seem to feel that children are "little adults", and they're not. A child is a child until they reach the age of 18. It's also a parent's responsbility to instill discipline in that child until that time. How a child feels about it is irrelevant.

Respectfully disagree.

If you carry on treat your teen as child then they will act irresponsible and immaturity child. Why? because they never learn how to develop into responsiblity and mature young adult. Its about preparation to help teens to be responsibly young adult before they reach fully adult at age 18.

Do you think every parents always have right and every children/teens always have wrong?

Do you think every parents expect they are right all the time and their children/teens are wrong all the time?

I as mother admit my mistake and then apology my sons because I know I´m wrong and then give my sons right. They apology the same in return when they know they make mistake and admit their mistake and give me right. It´s about learn right and wrong.

Public humiliation is not right form of parental´s discipline because it didn´t teach them right or wrong but bitter and disrespect.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

Respectfully disagree.

Do you think every parents always have right and every children/teens always have wrong?

Do you think every parents expect they are right all the time and their children/teens are wrong all the time?



Public humiliation is not right form of parental´s discipline because it didn´t teach them right or wrong but bitter and disrespect.

Yes, it does teach them right and wrong. You are using a negative consequence to correct negative behavior. Nothing wrong with that.

I also believe that adults are always right. The parent has more life experience then the child does, and therefore that makes them wiser. They know more simply, because they have lived longer than the child. It makes them right and the child wrong.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Yes, it does teach them right and wrong. You are using a negative consequence to correct negative behavior. Nothing wrong with that.

I also believe that adults are always right. The parent has more life experience then the child does, and therefore that makes them wiser. They know more simply, because they have lived longer than the child. It makes them right and the child wrong.

No, the parents often make wrong or bad decision for their children/teenagers.

No, every parents or adults including you, me or everyone are not prefect - they could make mistake sometimes... never always right.

A lot of parents thought they are right until they realized that they drive their children away, end their life, rebel, etc. etc. etc. because they don´t bother to learn to understand and postive their children/teens´s feeling and mind... Really truth, they didn´t know their children/teens well enough which they thought they are experience and know everything better than their children/teens. Yes children/teenagers often are right or know about something than their parents. My 13 years old son and I have good communication and of course discussion... until he give me right.. .sometimes I give him right. I alway positive his talk until I see what right or wrong then I agree with him or he agree with me.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

No, the parents often make wrong or bad decision for their children/teenagers.

No, every parents or adults including you, me or everyone are not prefect - they could make mistake sometimes... never always right.

A lot of parents thought they are right until they realized that they drive their children away, end their life, rebel, etc. etc. etc. because they don´t bother to learn to understand and postive their children/teens´s feeling and mind... Really truth, they didn´t know their children/teens well enough which they thought they are experience and know everything better than their children/teens. Yes children/teenagers often are right or know about something than their parents. My 13 years old son and I have good communication and of course discussion... until he give me right.. .sometimes I give him right. I alway positive his talk until I see what right or wrong then I agree with him or he agree with me.

That's not the real world. The only thing I will agree with what you said here is nobody's perfect. Nobody is, but parents SHOULD know more then their children, and if they don't, something is very wrong.

As for being driven away, I strongly disagree. You're not going to drive your child away simply by disciplining them. When parents ignore a problem, and the kid is allowed to do what he or she wants, then there is a disconnect between parent and child. But, not if you know what you're kid is into and correct them.

I just don't adhere to this philosphy that the parent is the child's FRIEND. No. The parent is the parent, and it's their responsibilty to be such. If the discipline meted out offends the child, tough. The child shouldn't have done wrong in the first place.

 

[Gemtun]

I also believe that adults are always right. The parent has more life experience then the child does, and therefore that makes them wiser. They know more simply, because they have lived longer than the child. It makes them right and the child wrong.

Can you clarify that? I know so many parents who are wrong yet wont admit that they are wrong in front of their children?

You stated "always" .....that is a pretty strong word.

So for instance, if an adult spank a 13 year old with a belt, that adult is always right?

I always admit if I make a mistake with my kids because they need to see me as a parent who is constantly learning despite years of experience or life under belt, so to speak.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

Can you clarify that? I know so many parents who are wrong yet wont admit that they are wrong in front of their children?

You stated "always" .....that is a pretty strong word.

So for instance, if an adult spank a 13 year old with a belt, that adult is always right?

I always admit if I make a mistake with my kids because they need to see me as a parent who is constantly learning despite years of experience or life under belt, so to speak.

You're right. Always is a strong word. Parents DO make mistakes. However, it's rare. I also think that the parent is going to be right alot more than the child will be.

It comes down to this... The parent shouldn't treat their child like a pal, a friend or an equal, because the child isn't. The child is a child.

PERIOD.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

That's not the real world. The only thing I will agree with what you said here is nobody's perfect. Nobody is, but parents SHOULD know more then their children, and if they don't, something is very wrong.

You think so? Look at parents who abuse/neglect their children/teenagers.. Do you want to say that they are still right?

Example: A teenager know more about computer technology than their parents... it´s normal because they are focus to know more about something than their parents.

It´s not always that the parents know more than their own children/teenagers.

As for being driven away, I strongly disagree.

Unfortunlately true, if you give your children negative discipline.

You're not going to drive your child away simply by disciplining them.

Yes, that´s right. Parental´s postive discpline will never drive children/teenagers away.

When parents ignore a problem, and the kid is allowed to do what he or she wants, then there is a disconnect between parent and child. But, not if you know what you're kid is into and correct them.

Yes of course, if I see something wrong then I correct them. My mainly task to teach my children to respect including my house rule and not judge anyone. They knows I´m the boss in the house.

I just don't adhere to this philosphy that the parent is the child's FRIEND. No. The parent is the parent, and it's their responsibilty to be such. If the discipline meted out offends the child, tough. The child shouldn't have done wrong in the first place.

My boys know they have their own friends and I´m their mother. What I made is positive discipline to develop them into right path and prepare them into responsible young adult before they reach fully adult. It´s my task as parent to show my respect on them as the same they show their respect to us in return. Mainly important for me is respect. They have no fear to come to us when they have any questions, problems, feel unsure etc because they know I´m good listener and postive/give them good advice. It´s not my task to put them down and tell them they are wrong... I´m right... and have experience than them etc. and think I know everything about them...because I know I´m not prefect. The children would and tell me that I am Mrs. Know-All and prefect.. . The children/teenagers are not stupid. I have seen one friend who had a bad experience with her teenager who thought she know everything than him. He back her up and make her feel stupid... Never never say that I know everything better than them... case they will back me up...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Can you clarify that? I know so many parents who are wrong yet wont admit that they are wrong in front of their children?

You stated "always" .....that is a pretty strong word.

So for instance, if an adult spank a 13 year old with a belt, that adult is always right?

I always admit if I make a mistake with my kids because they need to see me as a parent who is constantly learning despite years of experience or life under belt, so to speak.

*A*M*E*N*

 

[Liebling:-)))]

You're right. Always is a strong word. Parents DO make mistakes. However, it's rare. I also think that the parent is going to be right alot more than the child will be.

It comes down to this... The parent shouldn't treat their child like a pal, a friend or an equal, because the child isn't. The child is a child.

PERIOD.

rare? No, Every parents made OFTEN mistakes.... Oh yes.

Nobody says here that we treat our children/teenager as pal, a friend or an equal.

It´s our job as parents to teach our children/teenager wrong or right and develop them into right path... Its also our job as parents to listen our children/teenager´s talk and try to understand or positive their talk when we disagree with... because they are my responsible, I make sure they go right path... instead of put them down because I as mother know everything than them.

Its about good relationship and trust bond between parents and children/teenagers

 

[Gemtun]

You're right. Always is a strong word. Parents DO make mistakes. However, it's rare. I also think that the parent is going to be right alot more than the child will be.

It comes down to this... The parent shouldn't treat their child like a pal, a friend or an equal, because the child isn't. The child is a child.

PERIOD.

Rare? Wow - I guess I am too hard on myself afterall. But seriously I do make tons of mistakes and other parents too.

Even my mother admitted she made mistakes with me these days - it is never too late to admit we make mistakes.

I dont treat my daughters like pals but I dont treat them like children either. There is a FINE line there. I asked my daughters the other day if they view me as a parent or friend. Both said "BOTH", meaning they know I am a parent yet I am their friend too. They know that they can talk to me about anything without being scolded or patronized. I want open and healthy dialogue with my daughters but yes there is a fine line. But I think me and Liebling are good with boundary lines with our kids.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

My parents were very conservative when it came to raising children. Things were very black and white. The line was draw, and that was that. If you crossed it, you suffered the consequences. If I acted up in public, I was corrected in public. If that meant, I was humuliated in front of my friends, so be it. I probably deserved it, and too bad for me. I acted like a fool.

I don't see any problem with any of this. Parents are some times wrong. Nobody is perfect, but I really believe that it is NOT a parent's job to be a friend to their kid. It's a parent's job to teach their kid right from wrong. However that is done is neither right or wrong.

 

[Maria]

I am all my 4 grown up children's friend and parent. If, they need to ask me some " parental " advice for their kids ( my grandchildren ) -- I would provide some answers. If, they need to ask me for personal advice about themselves - then, I would provide them some answers as " friend " since they all are adults now.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Yes I'm with you, Gemtun and CyberRed.


Yes Oceanbreeze,

My parents & grandparents do the similar as your parents. I know what it is that's why I would not do that to my children like what my parents & grandparents did. I look up to them and can't talk anything to them or can't question them anything because I scared that they might take my freedom away or do something bad to make me feel low or punish me, etc. No wonder, why my siblings disown them... go wrong path.... because they are too scare to talk/question them... Thank God, I was at aboarding school and learn a lot of thing there than I learn from my parents/grandparents.

I look at my boys, that they can talk me anything what they feel... They know I'm their mother but I let them feel as I'm their "good listening friend" and need my advice... that they trust me more and learn to go good path.

I don't beleive to make my boys suffer for the wrong what they have done because it's not positive discipline. If I want to correct my boys then do it privately.

Oh yes my Dad admitted his mistakes to me & my siblings. My brother told me that he feel comfortable to communicate with my sons which is total different he did with my nephew & niece when they were my sons's age. They said that my both boys are very good with respect, good listen etc.