Divorce process - what is it like?

[A Nihilist]

Enlighten us, please.

+1 respectyoda while you may have good intentions trying to spread your wisdom please at least try to understand there are other viewpoints besides yours. You can't reduce people to formulas and assume that "irreconcilable differences" always just means that they failed at communication. Maybe the husband got caught cheating on her or maybe the wife is a gold-digger. It wouldn't be fair to judge people without even at least trying to understand their story.

 

[saywhatkid]

+1 respectyoda while you may have good intentions trying to spread your wisdom please at least try to understand there are other viewpoints besides yours. You can't reduce people to formulas and assume that "irreconcilable differences" always just means that they failed at communication. Maybe the husband got caught cheating on her or maybe the wife is a gold-digger. It wouldn't be fair to judge people without even at least trying to understand their story.

Exactly my point. You never totally know someone until you marry them. That is when the nice paint job fades, the chrome gets rusty, and the tires go flat. Would it make sense to stay married to an abuser? I could make a list of things that would make me want to go away.

 

[shel90]

I definitely never dreamed in a million years that my ex husband would be a habitual cheater when I married him. We were together for 3 years before tying the knot and I really thought I knew who he really was. Turned out that I didn't.

 

[diehardbiker]

I definitely never dreamed in a million years that my ex husband would be a habitual cheater when I married him. We were together for 3 years before tying the knot and I really thought I knew who he really was. Turned out that I didn't.

Big fat yup! Everybody generally changes once they get married. Its mentally thing, marriage does not provide simple exit mechanism like when dating. Because its harder to exit one can take that advantage and show true color... scary... this is reason why it takes two to make this shit works.

 

[respectyoda]

Enlighten us, please. Sometimes, people make mistakes due to loneliness or whatnot. Something for JC to consider before diving back into the dating scene.

Of course, we humans do make mistakes, but some mistakes are truly inexcusable. The only circumstance I believe that gives a ground for divorce is adultery. Any other reason is invalid. For example, with irreconcilable differences, of course, there will be always differences between individuals, but that is no excuse for couples not to communicate and find the middle ground to work on things. This happens all too often when one has one vision of life/marriage and the other has a different vision. They can't claim that marriage won't go in the same direction because of that, but this is the very reason why sacrifices have to be made for the marriage to flourish and this is made possible by effective communication. Marriage is a sacred thing and people these days have destroyed the sanctity of marriage.

+1 respectyoda while you may have good intentions trying to spread your wisdom please at least try to understand there are other viewpoints besides yours. You can't reduce people to formulas and assume that "irreconcilable differences" always just means that they failed at communication. Maybe the husband got caught cheating on her or maybe the wife is a gold-digger. It wouldn't be fair to judge people without even at least trying to understand their story.

Yes, I do understand there other viewpoints besides mine. I am just showing that things can be reduced to lust and pride. It doesn't matter if the one who did the cheating has a story because people will have all kinds of reasons why they cheated. Nothing can justify the very act of cheating. Nothing good comes out of cheating. If two people are not happy in the relationship, one cannot just think, "Well, if she is not coming to me about her issues, that's her problem" and then go out and commit adultery. Who wants to be cheated on? No one. But unfortunately, it happens because of mainly lust.

Exactly my point. You never totally know someone until you marry them. That is when the nice paint job fades, the chrome gets rusty, and the tires go flat. Would it make sense to stay married to an abuser? I could make a list of things that would make me want to go away.

This is precisely why people have to take the time to know someone before marrying that person. These days young people are rushing too quickly into a marriage. Also, a relationship may seem to be great, but then when the holy matrimony is performed, one or both individuals can settle down in the marriage and think it no longer requires work. Marriage requires work which includes changing of oneself for the better of life and the marriage per se.

Big fat yup! Everybody generally changes once they get married. Its mentally thing, marriage does not provide simple exit mechanism like when dating. Because its harder to exit one can take that advantage and show true color... scary... this is reason why it takes two to make this shit works.

Yes, people can change, but is the change for the better or the worse? Of course, it always has taken two people to make marriage, let alone any type of relationship (friendship, parent-child, courtship) to make it work. I like to say, "It takes two to tango."

 

[rockin'robin]

Of course, we humans do make mistakes, but some mistakes are truly inexcusable. The only circumstance I believe that gives a ground for divorce is adultery. Any other reason is invalid. For example, with irreconcilable differences, of course, there will be always differences between individuals, but that is no excuse for couples not to communicate and find the middle ground to work on things. This happens all too often when one has one vision of life/marriage and the other has a different vision. They can't claim that marriage won't go in the same direction because of that, but this is the very reason why sacrifices have to be made for the marriage to flourish and this is made possible by effective communication. Marriage is a sacred thing and people these days have destroyed the sanctity of marriage.




Yes, I do understand there other viewpoints besides mine. I am just showing that things can be reduced to lust and pride. It doesn't matter if the one who did the cheating has a story because people will have all kinds of reasons why they cheated. Nothing can justify the very act of cheating. Nothing good comes out of cheating. If two people are not happy in the relationship, one cannot just think, "Well, if she is not coming to me about her issues, that's her problem" and then go out and commit adultery. Who wants to be cheated on? No one. But unfortunately, it happens because of mainly lust.



This is precisely why people have to take the time to know someone before marrying that person. These days young people are rushing too quickly into a marriage. Also, a relationship may seem to be great, but then when the holy matrimony is performed, one or both individuals can settle down in the marriage and think it no longer requires work. Marriage requires work which includes changing of oneself for the better of life and the marriage per se.



Yes, people can change, but is the change for the better or the worse? Of course, it always has taken two people to make marriage, let alone any type of relationship (friendship, parent-child, courtship) to make it work. I like to say, "It takes two to tango."

:roll:...you must be from another planet!...Have you ever watched InvestigativeID..."Who the F--- did I Marry?"....True stories...you would get an insight on "real" people...not the "fuzzy, wuzzy" outlook you have

 

[respectyoda]

:roll:...you must be from another planet!...Have you ever watched InvestigativeID..."Who the F--- did I Marry?"....True stories...you would get an insight on "real" people...not the "fuzzy, wuzzy" outlook you have

What I have spoken is the truth as I stated people can change for the worse or better. This is why I have reiterated that effective communication is the key to a marriage succeeding. This is why people need to take the time to know the other person and be honest to one another.

 

[ncff07]

What I have spoken is the truth as I stated people can change for the worse or better. This is why I have reiterated that effective communication is the key to a marriage succeeding. This is why people need to take the time to know the other person and be honest to one another.

People can change but sometimes that isn't the cause ... the new wears off and the old shines through and the person reverts back to their normal ways since they don't have to try to impress someone anymore ...

And there are other reasons for divorce besides adultery ... abuse, both physical and mental ... drinking ... drugs ... marital rape ... many many things can lead to a divorce and sometimes no matter how hard the other person tries the other just don't give a s**t so communication is a moot point ...

Are you married? Have you been divorced? Separated? Whats your story?

 

[Mewtilation]

Of course, we humans do make mistakes, but some mistakes are truly inexcusable. The only circumstance I believe that gives a ground for divorce is adultery. Any other reason is invalid. For example, with irreconcilable differences, of course, there will be always differences between individuals, but that is no excuse for couples not to communicate and find the middle ground to work on things. This happens all too often when one has one vision of life/marriage and the other has a different vision. They can't claim that marriage won't go in the same direction because of that, but this is the very reason why sacrifices have to be made for the marriage to flourish and this is made possible by effective communication. Marriage is a sacred thing and people these days have destroyed the sanctity of marriage.



Yes, I do understand there other viewpoints besides mine. I am just showing that things can be reduced to lust and pride. It doesn't matter if the one who did the cheating has a story because people will have all kinds of reasons why they cheated. Nothing can justify the very act of cheating. Nothing good comes out of cheating. If two people are not happy in the relationship, one cannot just think, "Well, if she is not coming to me about her issues, that's her problem" and then go out and commit adultery. Who wants to be cheated on? No one. But unfortunately, it happens because of mainly lust.



This is precisely why people have to take the time to know someone before marrying that person. These days young people are rushing too quickly into a marriage. Also, a relationship may seem to be great, but then when the holy matrimony is performed, one or both individuals can settle down in the marriage and think it no longer requires work. Marriage requires work which includes changing of oneself for the better of life and the marriage per se.



Yes, people can change, but is the change for the better or the worse? Of course, it always has taken two people to make marriage, let alone any type of relationship (friendship, parent-child, courtship) to make it work. I like to say, "It takes two to tango."

I'm sorry, adultery is not the only reason for divorce. What if you're married to someone and they go on a murder spree? They kill all your friends and loved ones... that's not adultery but you should have to stay married? :roll: NOT! There are tons of justified reasons for divorce... not to mention your spouse lying all the time or something like that and you find out they're not the person you fell in love with but someone fabricated... I could go on for days...

 

[Calvin]

There is so many reasons for the divorce, like ncff mentioned, there is also controlling by either partners. People change once you get into relationship or marry someone. You can't expect communication will help solve the problems, the problem in today's world is the selfish and people do not care.

My parents divorced after 20+ years of marriage.... and knows a friend's parents divorced after 30 years of marriage. It all came for a reason.. not necessarily bad ending.. some decided to move on to new life.

 

[shel90]

Of course, we humans do make mistakes, but some mistakes are truly inexcusable. The only circumstance I believe that gives a ground for divorce is adultery. Any other reason is invalid. For example, with irreconcilable differences, of course, there will be always differences between individuals, but that is no excuse for couples not to communicate and find the middle ground to work on things. This happens all too often when one has one vision of life/marriage and the other has a different vision. They can't claim that marriage won't go in the same direction because of that, but this is the very reason why sacrifices have to be made for the marriage to flourish and this is made possible by effective communication. Marriage is a sacred thing and people these days have destroyed the sanctity of marriage.


Only adultery? Not abuse, not neglect, or abandonment? Hmmm

Yes, I do understand there other viewpoints besides mine. I am just showing that things can be reduced to lust and pride. It doesn't matter if the one who did the cheating has a story because people will have all kinds of reasons why they cheated. Nothing can justify the very act of cheating. Nothing good comes out of cheating. If two people are not happy in the relationship, one cannot just think, "Well, if she is not coming to me about her issues, that's her problem" and then go out and commit adultery. Who wants to be cheated on? No one. But unfortunately, it happens because of mainly lust.

There will always be people who cheat. Gotta weed them out.


This is precisely why people have to take the time to know someone before marrying that person. These days young people are rushing too quickly into a marriage. Also, a relationship may seem to be great, but then when the holy matrimony is performed, one or both individuals can settle down in the marriage and think it no longer requires work. Marriage requires work which includes changing of oneself for the better of life and the marriage per se.


Did that with my ex husband and yet, it didn't work.


Yes, people can change, but is the change for the better or the worse? Of course, it always has taken two people to make marriage, let alone any type of relationship (friendship, parent-child, courtship) to make it work. I like to say, "It takes two to tango."

Of course, it takes two to make a marriage work.

 

[A Nihilist]

I give up clearly respectyoda has it all figured out and if we only had listened to him we wouldn't have any more divorce!

 

[Mewtilation]

I give up clearly respectyoda has it all figured out and if we only had listened to him we wouldn't have any more divorce!

Oh yes, he is all wise and all knowing. Allow me to bow to him as I laugh uncontrollably and set his cloak on fire mid bow...

 

[Jolie77]

Divorce is not a pretty thing for a couple to go through, especially when it involves kids.

One thing that irks me is one reason why people divorce in which they claim "there are irreconcilable differences." It is just people have to learn to communicate effectively with one another. Too many people don't communicate effectively before they get married then they discover later along the road that they were not suitable for one another.

I believe divorce should be done on just one circumstance.

I'll give you props on this one. I do agree that divorce is not pretty. Nobody wants it. It becomes into a me-you thing. Ugly laundry passes around, chaos ensuse.

You may have good intention but, every marriage are different. What works for one may not work for another. I have been married once and got divorced. Why don't you teach us how to "communicate" effectively? People communicate differently. It may take years before you know this potential one very welll. It also takes unwavering faith in a marriage unless otherwise.

 

[Grummer]

better yet, with a welder's leather gloves, it seem a nice soft idea at first....

 

[PowerON]

The communicate required a patience. It's not easy. It's like you driving to speed up and honking someone who is slow in front of you... daily.

 

[respectyoda]

People can change but sometimes that isn't the cause ... the new wears off and the old shines through and the person reverts back to their normal ways since they don't have to try to impress someone anymore ...

Yes, it is true that a person can revert back to his/her old ways and cease to impress his/her spouse just like when they were courting. This is why spouses should make each other fall in love with the other everyday!

I'm sorry, adultery is not the only reason for divorce. What if you're married to someone and they go on a murder spree? They kill all your friends and loved ones... that's not adultery but you should have to stay married? :roll: NOT! There are tons of justified reasons for divorce... not to mention your spouse lying all the time or something like that and you find out they're not the person you fell in love with but someone fabricated... I could go on for days...

Man has made up "legitimate" reasons why two people can get a divorce, but the divorce rate is 50% here in America. Why? People are not ready for marriage and rushing to get married and then not working on himself/herself and the marriage as well.

There is so many reasons for the divorce, like ncff mentioned, there is also controlling by either partners. People change once you get into relationship or marry someone. You can't expect communication will help solve the problems, the problem in today's world is the selfish and people do not care.

My parents divorced after 20+ years of marriage.... and knows a friend's parents divorced after 30 years of marriage. It all came for a reason.. not necessarily bad ending.. some decided to move on to new life.

Yes, people can change, but like I said, people can change either for the worse or the better. Effective communication will solve all problems. A man cannot expect to read what's in a woman's head or read her emotions accurately and vice versa. Communication has to be there for a couple to discuss their marriage, kids, future, and so on. Yes, like you said, people today have become selfish because they are going after their own personal agenda and not thinking of his/her spouse and even children. Many people have pierced themselves with arrows of sorrow by being selfish and going after objects like money, earthly riches, and so on and in the process destroying their life and that of others. It has been written that in the last days, people will come being people that just please themselves. Truly sad!

I give up clearly respectyoda has it all figured out and if we only had listened to him we wouldn't have any more divorce!

I didn't come up with this wisdom as there is one who did and if people followed this entity, divorce wouldn't be so rampant in this world. After all, people are trying to direct their own steps in life only to their destruction.

I'll give you props on this one. I do agree that divorce is not pretty. Nobody wants it. It becomes into a me-you thing. Ugly laundry passes around, chaos ensuse.

You may have good intention but, every marriage are different. What works for one may not work for another. I have been married once and got divorced. Why don't you teach us how to "communicate" effectively? People communicate differently. It may take years before you know this potential one very welll. It also takes unwavering faith in a marriage unless otherwise.

Jolie, you are stating the obvious! Of course, every marriage is different, but yet, they share the same underlying fundamentals. In a marriage, two people now share one life instead of two. It doesn't matter how different people communicate as they only need to find the most effective way to communicate with their spouse. Regardless of how spouses may differ in their communication and approach on issues, they must still talk about the marriage itself and children if they have children. Deep questions should be talked about in the marriage such as the following:

1. How can we improve the marriage?
2. What is lacking in the marriage?
3. How can we address this issue with our child?
4. How do you feel about this or that issue?
5. What do I need to improve on to better love you in the marriage?
6. What are your goals for our marriage?

 

[saywhatkid]

What I have spoken is the truth as I stated people can change for the worse or better. This is why I have reiterated that effective communication is the key to a marriage succeeding. This is why people need to take the time to know the other person and be honest to one another.

You still haven't answered the big question: are you married, or were you married at any time?

I'm not going to respond to your replies on anything until you answer that. Easy to tell someone else what they should do when you sit on a throne of self-righteousness.

 

[Jolie77]

Jolie, you are stating the obvious! Of course, every marriage is different, but yet, they share the same underlying fundamentals. In a marriage, two people now share one life instead of two. It doesn't matter how different people communicate as they only need to find the most effective way to communicate with their spouse. Regardless of how spouses may differ in their communication and approach on issues, they must still talk about the marriage itself and children if they have children. Deep questions should be talked about in the marriage such as the following:

1. How can we improve the marriage?
2. What is lacking in the marriage?
3. How can we address this issue with our child?
4. How do you feel about this or that issue?
5. What do I need to improve on to better love you in the marriage?
6. What are your goals for our marriage?

Um, yeah stating the obvious is what most people would know. It's a basic standard issue. You seem to know all the answers to marriage except you haven't experience the marriage itself. Experiencing the hardships (and good parts) of marriage are a whole different thing, ya know?

 

[Jiro]

...

you talk too much.