Difference between being Blunt and Attacking Someone

[shel90]

That's often a form of disrespect, but I'd hate to say that's a solid rule though. Well, I think I know the sense you're asking in, and in that case, I think I'd call it disrespect. I could explain it further, but I think everybody understands. (Besides, I have a head ache, and I really want little more than to just go to bed

)

Yep, it is very disrespectful when someone does that.

Ok have a good night's sleep!

 

[dead money]

It depends on the board though. Have you ever played Eve Online? Go to their webforum and say "Hello I am a new player" , ten minutes later ten different people will be on you. They will curse on you, make fun of you and try to scam you. But the thing is, thats the nature of the game. Forum is related to the game so it also contains the same nature.

You can reverse the example, there are some philosophical discussion forums I know that requires you to stay on topic all the time and doesnt allow personal comments about other members.

AllDeaf also reflects the nature of its users. There are deaf people, hearing people, emotionally hurt people, angry people, confused people, there are calm ones, happy ones, wise ones too of course. So this board reflects them all.

What is important to realize is this is not a gladiator arena where many should collapse and few would stand. If a web board brings deaf and hearing people together turns into a place where calling people "fucking moron" becomes a daily norm, it would be the day everybody loses.

-

haha its called a n00b initiation And yeah youre right, im not looking to be involved in a gladiator-esque atmosphere, but it does make me laugh when it happens because a good old fashioned flame war is always entertaining, even if youre part of it. *smirk* Besides that, a good natured drawn out debate is just as interesting. Hopefully people can understand that a certain argument is just passion based and not a "personal attack". Because locked threads based on pure misinterpretation? Thats mad lame. :roll:

 

[Babyblue]

Being blunt is speaking your mind telling a person exactly how you feel.

You can bluntly attack a person by how you think of them

Or you can bluntly speak of the topic without attacking a person

Depends on what you are being blunt about.

Bluntly saying something is usually abrasive and people will be offended regardless on what they are being blunt about.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Depend on our judge on the difference blunt manner between tact and tactless or attack.

Example:

“I have no interest on your opinion because you are not an American” is a tactless blunt because I didn’t ask them for their opinion. Or threads over EU news - they said that it's not american news... Those tactless blunt shows itself is an arrogance and ignorant for don’t care about superficial things.

“You are a slanderous liar etc” is an attack, insult and offensive because I expressed my POV.

I consider being blunt and being honest is not the same thing. Being blunt mean is response someone in an uncaring harsh way which is rude. I want to be honest when the people ask for my opinion, I wouldn't lie to them but I make sure that my response should be tact, not tactless. It doesn’t mean that I have to be harsh and cruel because someone asked for my opinion. I know the truth could hurt but make sure it is tact, not tactless. I know it's not easy to deal with emotional people.

The problem is that some people don’t understand the difference. Yes you can be straightforward and truthful without being tactless. Example: What should you do if your friend has a bad breath? Would you blunt them or be honest with her?

I tried to ask myself what/why I am having trouble with? or maybe I am too quick to jump to conclusions? Too straightforward and tactless could ruin the relationship that’s why we need to think more before we say. That's why I prefer to ask the people for specific to aviod jump to conclusion or misunderstand...

Straight-talking in business and private doesn’t have to be blunt or tactless, and tact definitely helps in many situations.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

What about asking someone a question and then answering the question for that person in the same post? Doesnt that show disrespect? Just curious.

To my POV, I see nothing wrong when you ask someone a question and hope to have their answer to your question. It's not disrespectful when you want to know their answer to your question.

That's why I prefer to ask the people for specific to aviod jump to conclusion or misunderstand... and want their answer to my question directly instead of misinterpretation, twist, or whatever. Yes, nobody force them for answer our questions, don't we? We would assume that they don't know how to answer our questions if they deny or ignore to answer our questions.

 

[shel90]

To my POV, I see nothing wrong when you ask someone a question and hope to have their answer to your question. It's not disrespectful when you want to know their answer to your question.

That's why I prefer to ask the people for specific to aviod jump to conclusion or misunderstand... and want their answer to my question directly instead of misinterpretation, twist, or whatever. Yes, nobody force them for answer our questions, don't we? We would assume that they don't know how to answer our questions if they deny or ignore to answer our questions.

I meant asking the question and then answering the question for that person in one post..like for example...

"Do you want all children to go to deaf schools? You wish."


without giving me a chance to answer...get it? I think that is rude. Gotta give the person a chance to answer. By answering for the person shows lack of respect and making assumptions already.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Okay. I guess I did misunderstand what you and anyone said. I might not want to read the negative posts.

Several person called me stupid, idiot, BULLSHIT, and LIAR. And other person attacked on my post and criticize on my post messages. They tried to hijack my thread. I asked MOD to lock my threads.

This is an attack and insult/bash...

It's normal to make positive and negative posts in debate threads as long as there're no attack/insult/tactless/disrespectful.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I meant asking the question and then answering the question for that person in one post..like for example...

"Do you want all children to go to deaf schools? You wish."


without giving me a chance to answer...get it? I think that is rude. Gotta give the person a chance to answer. By answering for the person shows lack of respect and making assumptions already.

Ah I get it...

Yes, it's disrespectful, tactless and rude because you deny/ignore their chance to answer your question and assume that "they wish" after question on the same time.

 

[SimplyMints]

Depend on our judge on the difference blunt manner between tact and tactless or attack.

Example:

“I have no interest on your opinion because you are not an American” is a tactless blunt because I didn’t ask them for their opinion. Or threads over EU news - they said that it's not american news... Those tactless blunt shows itself is an arrogance and ignorant for don’t care about superficial things.

“You are a slanderous liar etc” is an attack, insult and offensive because I expressed my POV.

I consider being blunt and being honest is not the same thing. Being blunt mean is response someone in an uncaring harsh way which is rude. I want to be honest when the people ask for my opinion, I wouldn't lie to them but I make sure that my response should be tact, not tactless. It doesn’t mean that I have to be harsh and cruel because someone asked for my opinion. I know the truth could hurt but make sure it is tact, not tactless. I know it's not easy to deal with emotional people.

The problem is that some people don’t understand the difference. Yes you can be straightforward and truthful without being tactless. Example: What should you do if your friend has a bad breath? Would you blunt them or be honest with her?

I tried to ask myself what/why I am having trouble with? or maybe I am too quick to jump to conclusions? Too straightforward and tactless could ruin the relationship that’s why we need to think more before we say. That's why I prefer to ask the people for specific to aviod jump to conclusion or misunderstand...

Straight-talking in business and private doesn’t have to be blunt or tactless, and tact definitely helps in many situations.

 

[InsaneMisha]

I noticed with online forums, people sometimes cant distinguish when one member is being blunt or just attacking.

Can we talk about the differences and maybe help each other to become better improved at recognizing when someone is being blunt or when someone is attacking you?

My take on this...when someone makes a comment about me or an inaccurate something about they have never had personal experience with, I will be blunt with the person and sometimes it results as someone else thinking I am attacking them.

I am sure there were a few times, I probably could have changed my wording. For me, attacking would be me calling the other person insulting degrading names or threatening them. Like "You are so stupid" or "If you do this, you will regret it."

Being blunt is like "Please do not put me in the same category as this person or I dont appreciate you telling me to do this or that."

Your thoughts on how we can improve on recognizing when one is blunt or when one is attacking/threatening each other?

Just was curious to your views and how you viewed the difference between both and maybe help me better understand why some people respond as if I was attacking them when I, in my mind, wasnt.

If anyone feels this thread could start a flame war and bashing each other, let me know and I can have it locked before that happens. It wont hurt my feelings.

Sorry if this bears some repeat since I didn't read all replies because I want to reply to this thread first before reading the replies.

First of all, rule of thumb.....

Keep in mind that I have had a plenty of experiences as a moderator and administrator in other sports forums for several years.

If anybody is attacking anybody else in personally way, report him or her without saying anything at all even if you want to defend yourself which isn't worth your time.

For bluntness and being sarcastic, they need to insert the smilies to emphasis the emotions so they can read and understand what you're trying to come across them. If they're kidding, use smilies as emphasis your jest. It's very common that sarcastic always go over some of deaf people because they couldn't tell whether they are serious or not. If you're not too sure, just PM him or her to clarify the reply. I know some of newbies don't have PM set up until they reach the certain number of posts.

 

[Cheri]

For bluntness and being sarcastic, they need to insert the smilies to emphasis the emotions so they can read and understand what you're trying to come across them. If they're kidding, use smilies as emphasis your jest. It's very common that sarcastic always go over some of deaf people because they couldn't tell whether they are serious or not. If you're not too sure, just PM him or her to clarify the reply. I know some of newbies don't have PM set up until they reach the certain number of posts.

Exactly!! I did that twice in two different threads, and two members thought I was doing a name calling, insults, personal attack. When I informed them both to noticed the smiley of giggle "" that means I was being sarcastic. But, no they just want to start a war.

 

[InsaneMisha]

Exactly!! I did that twice in two different threads, and two members thought I was doing a name calling, insults, personal attack. When I informed them both to noticed the smiley of giggle "" that means I was being sarcastic. But, no they just want to start a war.

Well, you did the right thing. They obviously misunderstood you and kept going on and on. Therefore they're not worth to argue or explain to anyway.

 

[Liza]

I think it is very, very important to be willing to agree to disagree ultimately.

It also makes a big difference in the language of how we address one another. I think people just know when we are nitpicking on them, and we probably don't mean to do that but just need to re-examine our language or something. It is so, so, so easy to get self defensive at this point!

If you are feeling anxiety or angry, definitely sit on your hands for a day or two! You might be surprised how differently you would address topics and people when you are not in a place of anger anymore. This makes all the difference between being simply straightforwarded and using 'truth' as a weapon. I never really liked it when people used their opinions or 'truth' as a weapon against others. I'm not always certain if I have done that, but I probably did and I do try to watch myself. After all, I don't know most of you personally.