Difference between being Blunt and Attacking Someone

[jillio]

I noticed with online forums, people sometimes cant distinguish when one member is being blunt or just attacking.

Can we talk about the differences and maybe help each other to become better improved at recognizing when someone is being blunt or when someone is attacking you?

My take on this...when someone makes a comment about me or an inaccurate something about they have never had personal experience with, I will be blunt with the person and sometimes it results as someone else thinking I am attacking them.

I am sure there were a few times, I probably could have changed my wording. For me, attacking would be me calling the other person insulting degrading names or threatening them. Like "You are so stupid" or "If you do this, you will regret it."

Being blunt is like "Please do not put me in the same category as this person or I dont appreciate you telling me to do this or that."

Your thoughts on how we can improve on recognizing when one is blunt or when one is attacking/threatening each other?

Just was curious to your views and how you viewed the difference between both and maybe help me better understand why some people respond as if I was attacking them when I, in my mind, wasnt.

If anyone feels this thread could start a flame war and bashing each other, let me know and I can have it locked before that happens. It wont hurt my feelings.

Being blunt is saying "This is what I think and why."

Attacking someone is saying, "You are stupid and ugly."

In other words, being blunt means presenting your case with facts and support. Attacking someone is making personal insults when you can't come up with anything else to support your position.

 

[dead money]

As I previously stated, I care how people feel, and that even goes for people I might never see in person. To me, they're still real people with real feelings, just as I am a real person with real feelings, and I prefer to be treated the same way I try to treat others.

Absolutely. I'm not a mindless, selfish, self-serving asshole looking to pick a fight. That's never been my intention. I'm just your average joe looking to express my mind and come onboard to get a daily dose of what's going on in here, nothing more, nothing less. I've made a lot of friends here and if you were to ask the people who know me on/around here they wouldn't say that I'm some rabid, vicious person here or whatever.

 

[jillio]

Shel, I honestly think that in an on-line forum it IS hard for some people to differentiate the two. The topics are typically emotionally charged, people aren't sitting face to face, alot of times not personally knowing each other...then add in the fact that when people read a message (imo) they tend to infer emotion depending on their own mood. It can make for a volatile situation.

Summed up very well!

 

[Hermes]

im sorry, if someones acting like a total retard, spewing out whatever idiotic bullshit they can dish out, i can dish it back and then some. I post on some other boards where theres no such thing as locked threads, no such thing as "i hurt your feelings im so sorry wah wah wah". Just be prepared. I know certain posters are the same way, i respect them for not being ones who get shit on, kicked to the curb and go crying to mama because some loser called them a "fucking moron" or something of that nature. Its a public forum after all, who gives a shit what someone says when chances are you're never gonna run into them.

It depends on the board though. Have you ever played Eve Online? Go to their webforum and say "Hello I am a new player" , ten minutes later ten different people will be on you. They will curse on you, make fun of you and try to scam you. But the thing is, thats the nature of the game. Forum is related to the game so it also contains the same nature.

You can reverse the example, there are some philosophical discussion forums I know that requires you to stay on topic all the time and doesnt allow personal comments about other members.

AllDeaf also reflects the nature of its users. There are deaf people, hearing people, emotionally hurt people, angry people, confused people, there are calm ones, happy ones, wise ones too of course. So this board reflects them all.

What is important to realize is this is not a gladiator arena where many should collapse and few would stand. If a web board brings deaf and hearing people together turns into a place where calling people "fucking moron" becomes a daily norm, it would be the day everybody loses.

-

 

[SimplyMints]

Absolutely. I'm not a mindless, selfish, self-serving asshole looking to pick a fight. That's never been my intention. I'm just your average joe looking to express my mind and come onboard to get a daily dose of what's going on in here, nothing more, nothing less. I've made a lot of friends here and if you were to ask the people who know me on/around here they wouldn't say that I'm some rabid, vicious person here or whatever.

That was easy, and worth the effort clearing up

I guess we're doing the best we know how to get to know each other and figure out what kinds of people each of us is so we know how to interact with each other.

Whew, that was a difficult sentense to compose! Maybe I should consider a real deaf university before I completely forget my English!

No, I'd have to move. Don't wanna do that.

 

[Sunshinelady]

Okay. I guess I did misunderstand what you and anyone said. I might not want to read the negative posts.

Several person called me stupid, idiot, BULLSHIT, and LIAR. And other person attacked on my post and criticize on my post messages. They tried to hijack my thread. I asked MOD to lock my threads.

I will tell you something. what i had experience of attack and blunt.
If someone does blunt you. I suggest you, move on. It would be easy for you. If you dont want to move on, then would stay together, barking like a tree.
I know, you don't like fight with ADers. next time if someone does it again, so you can move on. They would be shut up. PEACE!

honestly, if ADers told you that you are an idiot. I think, they doesn't have much experience of themselves, how they raise. Likewise, nothing themselves education learning around conversation with other people. the parents fault, because Parents haven't teach enough education for the children. How sad!!

Hi Shel, I am glad, you wrote your thread on here.

 

[Cheri]

It depends on your definition of blunt. I've seen some examples here, but it's not what I've been seeing on other threads. I'll show you an example of a blunt post "I will not apologize for my opinion, I say it how it is." now that might be a blunt post, but it's still disrespectful. It's very important not to cross the boundary of disrespect. I don't expect everyone to play nice, because I know nobody is perfect everyone of us has made mistakes. but it's important to use common sense and respect in replying to a post. I don't mind if someone is being direct and truthful, even if doing so requires being blunt, but that may get you in trouble, it all depends on how other members/moderators look at it in their own perspective.

That's all I gonna say on this topic.

 

[SimplyMints]

It depends on your definition of blunt. I've seen some examples here, but it's not what I've been seeing on other threads. I'll show you an example of a blunt post "I will not apologize for my opinion, I say it how it is." now that might be a blunt post, but it's still disrespectful. It's very important not to cross the boundary of disrespect. I don't expect everyone to play nice, because I know nobody is perfect everyone of us has made mistakes. but it's important to use common sense and respect in replying to a post. I don't mind if someone is being direct and truthful, even if doing so requires being blunt, but that may get you in trouble, it all depends on how other members/moderators look at it in their own perspective.

That's all I gonna say on this topic.

I agree. That's inconsiderate of other people's feelings. You can make the same point without hurting your reader's feelings. And if you feel saying it in a nice way isn't gonna get your point across, that person probably isn't gonna listen to you anyway, so it's just a waste of your time and reputation to say anything about it to that person.

But I've personally found it's worth it to make an effort to clear up missunderstandings, but both parties have to be interested. One might not even know he's hurting the other. Having a difference of opinion is no reason not to respect, even befriend a person. How boring the world would be if we all had the same opinions all the time.

 

[Cheri]

I agree. That's inconsiderate of other people's feelings. You can make the same point without hurting your reader's feelings. And if you feel saying it in a nice way isn't gonna get your point across, that person probably isn't gonna listen to you anyway, so it's just a waste of your time and reputation to say anything about it to that person.

But I've personally found it's worth it to make an effort to clear up missunderstandings, but both parties have to be interested. One might not even know he's hurting the other. Having a difference of opinion is no reason not to respect, even befriend a person. How boring the world would be if we all had the same opinions all the time.

Right, I agree.

 

[Jiro]

haha Hermes. You're so right about gaming world. You will be shit on if you announced yourself as a new player. I've played WoW and some.

 

[rockdrummer]

It depends on your definition of blunt. I've seen some examples here, but it's not what I've been seeing on other threads. I'll show you an example of a blunt post "I will not apologize for my opinion, I say it how it is." now that might be a blunt post, but it's still disrespectful. It's very important not to cross the boundary of disrespect. I don't expect everyone to play nice, because I know nobody is perfect everyone of us has made mistakes. but it's important to use common sense and respect in replying to a post. I don't mind if someone is being direct and truthful, even if doing so requires being blunt, but that may get you in trouble, it all depends on how other members/moderators look at it in their own perspective.

That's all I gonna say on this topic.

Exactly and like you said, its a matter of being direct with respect for others and not to come across as arrogant. Simply prefacing the blunt statment by saying "with all due respect, I disagree and here is why" might be all that is needed to not come across as attacking or arrogant. Being direct and to the point (blunt) is not a bad thing depending on the words you choose.

 

[Cheri]

Exactly and like you said, its a matter of being direct with respect for others and not to come across as arrogant. Simply prefacing the blunt statment by saying "with all due respect, I disagree and here is why" might be all that is needed to not come across as attacking or arrogant. Being direct and to the point (blunt) is not a bad thing depending on the words you choose.

That's right, thank you rockdrummer.

 

[Pinky]

It depends on your definition of blunt. I've seen some examples here, but it's not what I've been seeing on other threads. I'll show you an example of a blunt post "I will not apologize for my opinion, I say it how it is." now that might be a blunt post, but it's still disrespectful. It's very important not to cross the boundary of disrespect. I don't expect everyone to play nice, because I know nobody is perfect everyone of us has made mistakes. but it's important to use common sense and respect in replying to a post. I don't mind if someone is being direct and truthful, even if doing so requires being blunt, but that may get you in trouble, it all depends on how other members/moderators look at it in their own perspective.

That's all I gonna say on this topic.

I agree with you. I am feeling same as you.

 

[Pinky]

I will tell you something. what i had experience of attack and blunt.
If someone does blunt you. I suggest you, move on. It would be easy for you. If you dont want to move on, then would stay together, barking like a tree.
I know, you don't like fight with ADers. next time if someone does it again, so you can move on. They would be shut up. PEACE!

honestly, if ADers told you that you are an idiot. I think, they doesn't have much experience of themselves, how they raise. Likewise, nothing themselves education learning around conversation with other people. the parents fault, because Parents haven't teach enough education for the children. How sad!!

Hi Shel, I am glad, you wrote your thread on here.

That's true. I agree with you. That's sad of parents never discipline kids to be good. Many parents rejected to deaf child. That's how deaf people's act that way to mean, immature, disrespectful to other members.

Thank you for advice. I want to move on. I forgave them for make mistake. They need to shut up and stop pick on me.

 

[Pinky]

Hey Shel, can I asking you a question? Do you think it's okay to forgive anyone for make mistake and move on? The person won't tell apology to me what he did. If he refuse apology forever. What do you think about consequence in future?

I have another question for you. Can I talk to you on PM?

 

[Sosie]

I am SO sorry to hear that, Shel and Pinky but you are not only one. I went thru the same thing, which I have had enough. I don't want to bother giving you the details. I was thinking of leaving here. I was trying to make friends here. Well, I guess it's time for me to go and start focusing on my education, etc.

 

[Rio]

The difference between blunt and attack is blunt is being straightfoward or frank.

Attack is more on a critizism edge that may lead to hurting someone's feelings.

 

[shel90]

Hey Shel, can I asking you a question? Do you think it's okay to forgive anyone for make mistake and move on? The person won't tell apology to me what he did. If he refuse apology forever. What do you think about consequence in future?

I have another question for you. Can I talk to you on PM?

Sure you can talk to me on PM. If the person doesnt apologize then nothing wrong with not forgiving...but if it makes u feel better to forgive, then by all means forgive. Everyone is different.

 

[shel90]

Exactly and like you said, its a matter of being direct with respect for others and not to come across as arrogant. Simply prefacing the blunt statment by saying "with all due respect, I disagree and here is why" might be all that is needed to not come across as attacking or arrogant. Being direct and to the point (blunt) is not a bad thing depending on the words you choose.

What about asking someone a question and then answering the question for that person in the same post? Doesnt that show disrespect? Just curious.

 

[SimplyMints]

What about asking someone a question and then answering the question for that person in the same post? Doesnt that show disrespect? Just curious.

That's often a form of disrespect, but I'd hate to say that's a solid rule though. Well, I think I know the sense you're asking in, and in that case, I think I'd call it disrespect. I could explain it further, but I think everybody understands. (Besides, I have a head ache, and I really want little more than to just go to bed

)