Decision

[deafdyke]

Similar to Munchausens by Proxy. Attention seeking through their child's disability

And some of them are almost like ads for AVT or schools or whatever. Back when Hearing Exchange was active, I got the vibe that it was almost an ad for Oral Only Schools and CIs......heck I still get the vibe...look at the blog and notice that virtually all the posts are like PR releases for Coachlear or AG BAD PR.
And before someone piles on OB....need I remind you that newborn screening is NEW? You want to know what a world is like when you don't have newborn screening? We dhh adults are products of that system. I do have this to say...it does seem like the docs think that if therapy or intervention isn't started the EXACT SECOND a kid is identified as dhh, they'll be doomed to life failure.

 

[chipmunkis]

Similar to Munchausens by Proxy. Attention seeking through their child's disability.

I don't think that is always the case... in fact, i know it isn't. When my son was very young, I created a website on which I chronicled his issues, his struggles, NOT for "attention" but because I hoped that maybe another parent, who was feeling very alone as I had, would see my website, read my writings, and get some comfort in knowing that not only were they NOT alone, but that there was HOPE.

 

[Speedy Hawk]

Excellent book, but was written and published long after the father made the cultural connection. The daughter was but a toddler when she saw the deaf child that led to the claim: "Deaf like me!" Nor was the father taking credit for the journey, but gave full credit to the child for showing him, what he as a hearing person, had never considered. Additionally, books are a bit different than blogs. One has to actually actively seek out the book to read it. Blogs are open for anyone who has access to the net.

The book was bit more of parents journey raising Deaf child rather than Deaf child journey growing up with deafness, like a lot of blogs I have seen in past. So I think the book is different from the blogs I have seen.

 

[jillio]

I don't think that is always the case... in fact, i know it isn't. When my son was very young, I created a website on which I chronicled his issues, his struggles, NOT for "attention" but because I hoped that maybe another parent, who was feeling very alone as I had, would see my website, read my writings, and get some comfort in knowing that not only were they NOT alone, but that there was HOPE.

When I make a post, be assured that I never intend to even imply ALL. There are always exceptions to the rule. However, those are exceptions, and not the rule.

 

[jillio]

The book was bit more of parents journey raising Deaf child rather than Deaf child journey growing up with deafness, like a lot of blogs I have seen in past. So I think the book is different from the blogs I have seen.

You are correct. The book is about the parent's journey, and how their child guided them in the way to address her deafness.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

I don't think that is always the case... in fact, i know it isn't. When my son was very young, I created a website on which I chronicled his issues, his struggles, NOT for "attention" but because I hoped that maybe another parent, who was feeling very alone as I had, would see my website, read my writings, and get some comfort in knowing that not only were they NOT alone, but that there was HOPE.

I don't think it's always the case, either. But, there is a huge difference between what you described above and what I have seen from these parents of implanted children. These parents brag, but you can also detect an ever-present undercurrent of anxiety in their entries. They are constantly worrying if Jr is keeping up with his "typical" peers. It's sad.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

When I make a post, be assured that I never intend to even imply ALL. There are always exceptions to the rule. However, those are exceptions, and not the rule.

What jumps out at me here is motive. In showcasing the implanted child, these parents promote the idea that hearing under any circumstances is better than just letting the child grow up the way they are. Oftentimes, these parents want their kids to talk because everyone in the family is hearing, ect. You know what I'm talking about. However, while I agree with you that a couple may be trying to gain attention for themselves through their kid, I don't think all are. I really do think it's more of an audist issue. They want to scream that "Hearing/talking is better!" It still sickens me, though.

 

[Frisky Feline]

True...

I have mixed feelings. I know this is the age of blogging but I wonder what would be the long term ramifications for a child whose life has been constantly blogged especially if it is about their accomplishments as being as "normal". If a parent was blogging about his/her child's looks but nothing else, then I would be concerned for that child and for others whose parents may see that child's blog and try to apply that child's "accomplishments" to their own children.

Just my personal opinion.

It just dawn on me. When those kids get older and read their blogs that their parents wrote, and then will those kids read other kids that make them feel bad or something about accomplishment that they will never forget.

eh

 

[jillio]

What jumps out at me here is motive. In showcasing the implanted child, these parents promote the idea that hearing under any circumstances is better than just letting the child grow up the way they are. Oftentimes, these parents want their kids to talk because everyone in the family is hearing, ect. You know what I'm talking about. However, while I agree with you that a couple may be trying to gain attention for themselves through their kid, I don't think all are. I really do think it's more of an audist issue. They want to scream that "Hearing/talking is better!" It still sickens me, though.

Absolutely.Motive is the difference between support and attention seeking. And in the majority of these blogs, (not all mind you), the motive comes through loud and clear.

I think that anxiety that shines through is lack of confidence in the decisions they have made, and are making. They must, must, must, exaggerate the methods in order to justify what they want to believe is the best decision. But, they still have unrefutable evidence to the contrary that can't be fully ignored. Creates insecurity. But GAWD forbid that any of them step up and say, "You know what? I didn't have all the information, and I made a mistaken choice based on a lack of full disclosure." Oh, no! Can't admit that they were wrong! They have already publicly comitted themselves, and heaven knows they can't reverse that.

This is in direct oppopsition to those parents of deaf adults today that, once their children have gotten older and sought out the deaf/Deaf community and ASL, will say, "You know what? I did my best based on what information I had available. But I wish I had known more. I would have done some things differently."

 

[posts from hell]

Absolutely.Motive is the difference between support and attention seeking. And in the majority of these blogs, (not all mind you), the motive comes through loud and clear.

I think that anxiety that shines through is lack of confidence in the decisions they have made, and are making. They must, must, must, exaggerate the methods in order to justify what they want to believe is the best decision. But, they still have unrefutable evidence to the contrary that can't be fully ignored. Creates insecurity. But GAWD forbid that any of them step up and say, "You know what? I didn't have all the information, and I made a mistaken choice based on a lack of full disclosure." Oh, no! Can't admit that they were wrong! They have already publicly comitted themselves, and heaven knows they can't reverse that.

This is in direct oppopsition to those parents of deaf adults today that, once their children have gotten older and sought out the deaf/Deaf community and ASL, will say, "You know what? I did my best based on what information I had available. But I wish I had known more. I would have done some things differently."

Ive had a parent tell me about their kid about a friend of mine... "I don't know what it is but dang, he seems so happy with the deaf thing."

The fact the parent did not know fully what it is but recognized the power behind it was unreal for me.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

Absolutely.Motive is the difference between support and attention seeking. And in the majority of these blogs, (not all mind you), the motive comes through loud and clear.

I think that anxiety that shines through is lack of confidence in the decisions they have made, and are making. They must, must, must, exaggerate the methods in order to justify what they want to believe is the best decision. But, they still have unrefutable evidence to the contrary that can't be fully ignored. Creates insecurity. But GAWD forbid that any of them step up and say, "You know what? I didn't have all the information, and I made a mistaken choice based on a lack of full disclosure." Oh, no! Can't admit that they were wrong! They have already publicly comitted themselves, and heaven knows they can't reverse that.

This is in direct oppopsition to those parents of deaf adults today that, once their children have gotten older and sought out the deaf/Deaf community and ASL, will say, "You know what? I did my best based on what information I had available. But I wish I had known more. I would have done some things differently."

You know? There IS power in the bolded above. I've given anecdotal evidence of my experiences growing up. I will also say that my Mother and I have had conversations in the past, and, she admitted to me that she DIDN'T always make the right decisions where I was concerned. There's a steep learning curve where parenting is concerned; especially parenting a child with special needs. It was SO refreshing for her to admit to me that she made mistakes. In doing so, I can look back on my childhood and admit that parts of it sucked (It did. I won't deny it). BUT, I also don't hold any bitterness towards my Mother for the decisions she made. She did the best she could.

Now with these children today, I don't know that a parent will say that, because like you said, their stories are public. If these parents one day admit their failure in making the right decision for their kid, it makes also means they own up to being hypocrites.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

Ive had a parent tell me about their kid about a friend of mine... "I don't know what it is but dang, he seems so happy with the deaf thing."

The fact the parent did not know fully what it is but recognized the power behind it was unreal for me.

I bet!

 

[chipmunkis]

When I make a post, be assured that I never intend to even imply ALL. There are always exceptions to the rule. However, those are exceptions, and not the rule.

ok...I get that!

Absolutely.Motive is the difference between support and attention seeking. And in the majority of these blogs, (not all mind you), the motive comes through loud and clear.

I think that anxiety that shines through is lack of confidence in the decisions they have made, and are making. They must, must, must, exaggerate the methods in order to justify what they want to believe is the best decision. But, they still have irrefutable evidence to the contrary that can't be fully ignored. Creates insecurity. But GAWD forbid that any of them step up and say, "You know what? I didn't have all the information, and I made a mistaken choice based on a lack of full disclosure." Oh, no! Can't admit that they were wrong! They have already publicly committed themselves, and heaven knows they can't reverse that.

This is in direct opposition to those parents of deaf adults today that, once their children have gotten older and sought out the deaf/Deaf community and ASL, will say, "You know what? I did my best based on what information I had available. But I wish I had known more. I would have done some things differently."

I agree...I think it is SO important as a parent to be able to recognize AND acknowledge when a choice is made that it might NOT have been the best thing for the child... We make decisions based on the information we have at that time and sometimes those decisions are based on faulty information, or incomplete information....or just ignorance.

 

[deafdyke]

I think that anxiety that shines through is lack of confidence in the decisions they have made, and are making. They must, must, must, exaggerate the methods in order to justify what they want to believe is the best decision. But, they still have irrefutable evidence to the contrary that can't be fully ignored. Creates insecurity. But GAWD forbid that any of them step up and say, "You know what? I didn't have all the information, and I made a mistaken choice based on a lack of full disclosure." Oh, no! Can't admit that they were wrong! They have already publicly committed themselves, and heaven knows they can't reverse that.

This is in direct opposition to those parents of deaf adults today that, once their children have gotten older and sought out the deaf/Deaf community and ASL, will say, "You know what? I did my best based on what information I had available. But I wish I had known more. I would have done some things differently."

I KNOW.....totally and completely dead on jillo!!!! That is another reason I don't like oral only...it creates too much anxiety for the parents. And even in the cases where the kid has decent speech, they still generally have very scattered abilites whether academic or social or whatever.....and I bet a lot of the parents who are all "rah rah rah" are going to have kids who asked them why they never learned ASL or gave them the option of Deaf culture.

 

[BecLak]

Wirelessly posted

I think that anxiety that shines through is lack of confidence in the decisions they have made, and are making. They must, must, must, exaggerate the methods in order to justify what they want to believe is the best decision. But, they still have irrefutable evidence to the contrary that can't be fully ignored. Creates insecurity. But GAWD forbid that any of them step up and say, "You know what? I didn't have all the information, and I made a mistaken choice based on a lack of full disclosure." Oh, no! Can't admit that they were wrong! They have already publicly committed themselves, and heaven knows they can't reverse that.



This is in direct opposition to those parents of deaf adults today that, once their children have gotten older and sought out the deaf/Deaf community and ASL, will say, "You know what? I did my best based on what information I had available. But I wish I had known more. I would have done some things differently."

I KNOW.....totally and completely dead on jillo!!!! That is another reason I don't like oral only...it creates too much anxiety for the parents. And even in the cases where the kid has decent speech, they still generally have very scattered abilites whether academic or social or whatever.....and I bet a lot of the parents who are all "rah rah rah" are going to have kids who asked them why they never learned ASL or gave them the option of Deaf culture.

I am one of those deaf raised orally to whom you are referring. I am a success story. I have come a long way, achieved over and above what is generally is expected, I am happy, blessed and continuing to thrive. But all in all I after 40 + years wished I had access to sign language and Deaf culture since I was small, it would have saved me a lot of hardship. I am now learning AUSLAN and ASL too and incorporating as many of the accomodations available to me that I didn't know I had.

 

[jillio]

Ive had a parent tell me about their kid about a friend of mine... "I don't know what it is but dang, he seems so happy with the deaf thing."

The fact the parent did not know fully what it is but recognized the power behind it was unreal for me.

I can kind of relate to that. When I saw my son's face light up and watched him just take in and become fascinated with sign and the deaf adults he was meeting, I could see that there was a connection that he wasn't making anywhere else. At that time, I didn't understand the strength of that connection, or the way it fulfilled some very basic emotional needs for him, but I could sure as heck see the joy in his face. That is why I decided I had to learn more. I wanted to understand his experience as best I could, because I could see how powerful it was for him.

 

[jillio]

ok...I get that!

I agree...I think it is SO important as a parent to be able to recognize AND acknowledge when a choice is made that it might NOT have been the best thing for the child... We make decisions based on the information we have at that time and sometimes those decisions are based on faulty information, or incomplete information....or just ignorance.

Unfortunately, some see acknowledging a mistake as a weakness. How many times has it been implied that we think that hearing parents who choose oral only are "bad parents." It has nothing to do with their love for and dedication to their child. It is about making decisions without enough information. Many loving and dedicated parents have made such mistakes. It isn't intentional, and it comes from wanting to do what is best for their child. We have posters here that have told such stories. They don't resent their parents' decisions; they understand that the parent was intentionally doing anything to harm them; but they will also say that harm was done despite the best efforts being made. These were good and loving parents. They simply made some mistakes, and not all of it was their fault for not looking farther. We are taught from childhood to accept the word of the so called "experts"....doctors, audis, teachers. That is why it is so important to keep saying over and over and over..."The true experts on deafness are the deaf. Listen to them, for Heaven's sake. They are the best resource you will ever have for your child". I will shout it from the roof tops until the day I die. If one parent gets it, my time has been well spent. That means one less child suffering the life long consequences of an oral only environment.

 

[Beowulf]

I can kind of relate to that. When I saw my son's face light up and watched him just take in and become fascinated with sign and the deaf adults he was meeting, I could see that there was a connection that he wasn't making anywhere else. At that time, I didn't understand the strength of that connection, or the way it fulfilled some very basic emotional needs for him, but I could sure as heck see the joy in his face. That is why I decided I had to learn more. I wanted to understand his experience as best I could, because I could see how powerful it was for him.

I'm glad you said you can "kind of" relate to it. Asking you to actually feel the frustrations caused by audism would be a bit much.

 

[jillio]

I'm glad you said you can "kind of" relate to it. Asking you to actually feel the frustrations caused by audism would be a bit much.

Agreed. I have a huge amount of empathy and understanding, but I cannot emotionally experience something that I have only witnessed second hand.

 

[posts from hell]

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