...For instance, someone who is deaf has the same background as me and will COMPLETELY get me... whereas a hearing person can learn everything related to deafness/ASL/deaf culture and empathize all they want, but will never FULLY, I mean 100%, understand what it's like to be deaf unless they go deaf themselves. I hope that doesn't sound elitist though...
That doesn't sound elitist to me, if anything is sounds... comfortable. Honestly, I think even going deaf doesn't let a HOH or late-deafened person fully understand what it's like to be born-d/Deaf. We learned English first, we could hear while we learned English, we can typically speak as well as hearies, we didn't go to Deaf school, we didn't experience youth without hearing; it's different.
On the flip side, I don't think born-d/Deaf or hearing understand HOH/late-deafened completely either. I wouldn't expect to ever fully understand what it's like to be early/born d/Deaf, and so I don't expect others to fully understand what it's like to lose your hearing as a young adult. They're different experiences, one you have to have first hand knowledge of to really, completely, relate to.
There is definitely more understanding when you actually do lose hearing though. And HOH and d/Deaf do have something immediately in common. My wife (hearing) does a really good job empathizing, but she doesn't completely get what it's like to be HOH. Sometimes it can be frustrating for me (for both of us), but mostly she's super supportive (we're learning ASL together), and we're both naturally happy people. I'm severe right & mild to moderate left, so I still hear well in good environments, but not so well in lousy environments, or when people speak softly, or whisper which might as well be silence... But the prognosis for the future of my hearing is a big fat question mark.
I have a good understanding of what it's like to be HOH now (still learning though), but probably not such a great understanding what it's like to be deaf even though I empathize, have read plenty in preparing myself for my possible future, and have my experiences from being HOH to help relate. I definitely understand some aspects now, but I don't think even close to completely.
Then if/when I do lose the rest of my hearing and I experience life without verbal communication, without sound, I'll still never understand what it was like to grow up and learn having never heard or having only been able to hear little, or learning ASL first, or any of the struggles in childhood.
I did learn something the hard way from my failed relationship - if I find another hearing guy to date again, he MUST learn signs BEFORE dating - I will not just believe a hearing guy's promise, or trust that he'd pick it up as the relationship goes on. But if I could find a deaf guy or a hearing guy who can already speak ASL well, that would be a lot easier for me.
I think it makes a lot of sense that you'd want someone to learn ASL as a remequirent before dating. Anyone not open to learning ASL, and then actually following through... it's probably not going to work out. It'd put too much of the communication burden on you. Having someone learning ASL divides that burden. And while the new signer will struggle at first, they have the ability to get proficient and make everything easier for both of you in the future. All-verbal keeps that burden on you forever, it's not fair.
Now all this said, I'd also say that there's something to be said about having a relationship (friends or more) with someone who is very different from you. Be it culturally, personality, language, whatever. It's very... expanding... to throw yourself into that and have those experiences. Communication needs to be able to improve over time though, or it probably won't last, but any experiences... they're worth it. You grow as a person because of them.