Deaf/hearing dating advice

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amandaraemay

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I need some advice.

I am hearing. A few months ago, I met this really great guy online. Before meeting in person, he informed me that he was Deaf. I was immediately thrilled. How exciting! I took two years of ASL in school, but want to learn more ASL. I never had a Deaf friend before, so I was happy to meet him as friends.

As the weeks passed by, I realize I might have feelings for him. I'm not sure if he feels the same way about me, I haven't really asked. But possibly he does.

Anyways, getting to the point. I feel like our friendship is great; we constantly make each other laugh, and always teach each other new things. More importantly, he teaches me new signs often, and even encourages me by letting me know how much I am improving.

While I do feel that I might have feelings for him, I am certain that I don't want to jeopardize our friendship by "testing the waters" in dating. If things don't work out, I most certainly wouldn't want to hurt him, or have him hurt me in the same sense. I would lose a great friend if something like that were to happen.

I've asked some friends their opinion. Some are a little wary just because he is Deaf and I am hearing. Some say I should go for it and try anyways.

I've read about mixed opinions in Deaf culture. Coming from someone who is always trying to learn more about Deaf culture and mannerisms, how is it viewed when a Deaf/hearing relationship exists? What are some potential challenges it may bring about? Are there anyone currently in Deaf/hearing relationships? Do you have any advice for me? Thanks!
 
Wirelessly posted

If your focus is on the differences between you, then no relationship whether, Hearing/Hearing; Deaf/Deaf; or Hearing/Deaf is ever going to work.
 
Why all this talk about deaf/hearing relationships? Why not just get a car with turbocharged engine and you would show off to as many guys as you want to. No worry about ASL. Just drive those turbo powered engine to full maximum. Have fun!!!!
 
I've never been one to focus on differences. I'm just as curious and cautious on thoughts of others regardless of WHO I am dating. I am most interested in how the deaf/HOH cultures view hearing/Deaf relationships, and how those people who are in them experience them.
 
I am Deaf and married to a hearing guy. Did get a few disapproval from people in both worlds but eventually we learned who were our true friends and who weren't. Now, it is not an issue.
 
I've found that while friendships are great they don't usually last as long as marriages(perhaps that's not saying much today). So, if that is what you are looking for then go for it. You can always find another ASL buddy, wannabe interpreters are not hard find.

Nobody can make this choice for you....
 
amandaraemay said:
I've never been one to focus on differences. I'm just as curious and cautious on thoughts of others regardless of WHO I am dating. I am most interested in how the deaf/HOH cultures view hearing/Deaf relationships, and how those people who are in them experience them.
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I don't care if you date a deaf guy. However he may not like to be left out when you interact with your hearing friends alot. If you interpret their conversations sometimes, I am sure he will appreciate your thoughfulness.
 
I'd say go for it. Whatever it is, it is between you and him. I suggest you wait a little bit before you let him know how you feel because right now, you are not sure if he feels the same way about you...

Good luck!
 
Been there , done that , got the divorce papers. If you both can get along with both hearing and deaf together then there will only be the usual relationship problems to deal with, the sort you write to dear abby about.
 
I'd suggest stop looking towards an Internet Blog for dating advice and just go with your heart. What does it matter what people on a forum say? Take it a step at a time, whatever happens will happen.

Best wishes,

Laura
 
CrazyPaul said:
I don't care if you date a deaf guy. However he may not like to be left out when you interact with your hearing friends alot. If you interpret their conversations sometimes, I am sure he will appreciate your thoughfulness.
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I had this issue with a Deaf woman I dated. There has to be give and take here, you can't put a collar around the person you are dating. If that person has a conversation with someone else, it is their right to do so. It would be nice, if they fill you in on the conversation, but they should just do that naturally anyway otherwise it's not a good relationship.

You've got to pick your battles...
 
VacationGuy234 said:
I had this issue with a Deaf woman I dated. There has to be give and take here, you can't put a collar around the person you are dating. If that person has a conversation with someone else, it is their right to do so. It would be nice, if they fill you in on the conversation, but they should just do that naturally anyway otherwise it's not a good relationship.

You've got to pick your battles...
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I agree...but if you are hearing and know ASL when you dated a deaf woman, suppose, she took you to a deaf party and you would not feel bored or left out since you could communicate with other deaf people at the party via ASL while she talked to her friends. So it would be different from the hearing party that you took her to since your hearing friends there didn't know ASL and she couldn't speak well, how would she feel when you talked to your friends so long? She would feel bored unless one or two friends of yours knew ASL. Therefore, sharing information with her sometimes would be nice while you talked to your friends since you dated her. If you left her out often, that would not be a good relationship.
 
CrazyPaul said:
I agree...but if you are hearing and know ASL when you dated a deaf woman, suppose, she took you to a deaf party and you would not feel bored or left out since you could communicate with other deaf people at the party via ASL while she talked to her friends. So it would be different from the hearing party that you took her to since your hearing friends there didn't know ASL and she couldn't speak well, how would she feel when you talked to your friends so long? She would feel bored unless one or two friends of yours knew ASL. Therefore, sharing information with her sometimes would be nice while you talked to your friends since you dated her. If you left her out often, that would not be a good relationship.
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You're point is taken. I'm not saying people don't feel left out. I'm just saying that people don't always do it intentionally. And, if you need someone to communicates on that level you may have to make a relationship change. By all means, try to resolve it first, but 100% compliance is wishful thinking when you are dealing with actual human beings, IMO.

I've come to learn that if I'm left out of a conversation the conversation was not worth it. Growing up in a hearing family you get used to it.
 
It sounds like he does like you, especially if you make each other laugh.

I would look for signs of interest from him, if it might help. Or you could ask him about what he thinks of you?

If he is not comfortrable being in a relationship, you can mention just being friends.

If you feel happy around him, I'd take the chance when it comes, even if it takes time.
 
Hockey94 said:
It sounds like he does like you, especially if you make each other laugh.

I would look for signs of interest from him, if it might help. Or you could ask him about what he thinks of you?

If he is not comfortrable being in a relationship, you can mention just being friends.

If you feel happy around him, I'd take the chance when it comes, even if it takes time.
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You must be a great psychologist. :lol:
 
CrazyPaul said:
You must be a great psychologist. :lol:
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Thanks so much :) I'm definitely going to take a chance and go for it. It's no use wondering how he feels for me, I might as well "grow a pair" and just ask him. It's funny you mentioned that, I'm actually studying therapy/counseling in school, I should be able to follow my own advice lol
 
amandaraemay said:
Thanks so much :) I'm definitely going to take a chance and go for it. It's no use wondering how he feels for me, I might as well "grow a pair" and just ask him. It's funny you mentioned that, I'm actually studying therapy/counseling in school, I should be able to follow my own advice lol
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Uh-oh, no, I was replying to Hockey94 who gave the best advice for you.
 
I understand. I thanked the wrong post lol I am not used to quoting and replying on this message board, sorry haha
 
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