Deaf/hearing dating advice

CrazyPaul said:
When you finally make love to him, will you let us know? :lol: Just kidding! BTW, good luck!
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You are too funny! You never know, I'm inviting him over to my apartment tomorrow and he insists he will cook for me (he cooks professionally) :naughty:
 
amandaraemay said:
You are too funny! You never know, I'm inviting him over to my apartment tomorrow and he insists he will cook for me (he cooks professionally) :naughty:
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Very nice! I know many women love men who can cook. They turn women on. My wife told me that I suck because I don't cook. Oh, well...

BTW, hope you will enjoy it.
 
Good luck!

Looove guys who can cook! Cooking together ia fun too. Neither my bf nor myself are amazing chefs but we make food together sometimes for fun. :)
 
I just started dating a deaf girl and I'm hearing. I don't really think we've had any problems because of that. It's just been a little different. We've both had to adjust a little bit. She slowed down signing for me and I try not to use complicated terms since her English is not the best. I don't think she's stupid by any means by the way, it's just her second language.
I think our relationship is just the same as if we were hearing.
 
I'm hearing, married to a deaf man. We've been together just shy of 8 years altogether and will be married for 2.

It is a lot of give and take, as others have mentioned. A lot of patience. When we first started dating, I knew nothing about ASL and had never met a deaf person before. Over the past 8 years I took classes at Gallaudet, made a lot of deaf friends when we moved to DC, and I sign around the house and interpret when my family is around or if we are just out and about and he wants to know something someone says. My receptive skills in signing still aren't the best, but this is due to him having a habit of talking and not signing.

He, on the other hand, doesn't want to be so dependent on me understandably, so he does his phone calls through VP on the computer or at work. He also attends doctor visits without me unless it is for something important. When he does sign to me, he does it at a speed that I am comfortable with and will often help me out when we are in a large group and I get lost in the conversation.

I help him with hearing gatherings, he helps me with deaf. He makes sure I learn new signs, and he asks me for help on making sure things sound right in English.

We plan to start having kids in a few years and are unsure what the chances are of them being deaf, but we plan on having them sign however they come out.
 
NintyFresh said:
I'm hearing, married to a deaf man. We've been together just shy of 8 years altogether and will be married for 2.

It is a lot of give and take, as others have mentioned. A lot of patience. When we first started dating, I knew nothing about ASL and had never met a deaf person before. Over the past 8 years I took classes at Gallaudet, made a lot of deaf friends when we moved to DC, and I sign around the house and interpret when my family is around or if we are just out and about and he wants to know something someone says. My receptive skills in signing still aren't the best, but this is due to him having a habit of talking and not signing.

He, on the other hand, doesn't want to be so dependent on me understandably, so he does his phone calls through VP on the computer or at work. He also attends doctor visits without me unless it is for something important. When he does sign to me, he does it at a speed that I am comfortable with and will often help me out when we are in a large group and I get lost in the conversation.

I help him with hearing gatherings, he helps me with deaf. He makes sure I learn new signs, and he asks me for help on making sure things sound right in English.

We plan to start having kids in a few years and are unsure what the chances are of them being deaf, but we plan on having them sign however they come out.
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Meaning that he can speak well (with his voice) and doesn't sign much?

Yeah, surely some deaf people need help with writing English and at the same time learning it from others like you but not too often, if you know what I mean (it would become annoying to you, wouldn't it? :lol:).
 
i didnt read all the post to your question because i did NOT want other post to influece my thoughts to what i wanted to share. i married a hearing man. we wud go to Deaf events together. i am up fellowship with my friends. he....sat in chair. did not feel comfortable because he was not part of my Deaf culture. i would go to his hearing group friends outings. i....sat alone. i did not feel apart of his hearing culture. i didnt have anyone to communicate with. my husband did not want to serve as my interpreter all night. he want enjoy his friends. we both were in our different worlds rather in our home or out in public. where did it end????? before a judge...divorce papers we both agree on. maybe some can handle it. i could not. there is a lot to consider in deaf/hearing relationship. it not for everyone. some people can handle it great. best of luck to you.
 
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deafgam said:
i didnt read all the post to your question because i did NOT want other post to influece my thoughts to what i wanted to share. i married a hearing man. we wud go to Deaf events together. i am up fellowship with my friends. he....sat in chair. did not feel comfortable because he was not part of my Deaf culture. i would go to his hearing group friends outings. i....sat alone. i did not feel apart of his hearing culture. i didnt have anyone to communicate with. my husband did not want to serve as my interpreter all night. he want enjoy his friends. we both were in our different worlds rather in our home or out in public. where did it end????? before a judge...divorce papers we both agree on. maybe some can handle it. i could not. there is a lot to consider in deaf/hearing relationship. it not for everyone. some people can handle it great. best of luck to you.
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I am sorry to hear this :hug:

I understand things didn't go well. From a friend's perspective he dated a deaf girl and friends got in th way. I can relate to similar experience when their friends turn against you bec they don't like you or accuse you of stuff.

I am much happier with my new boyfriend and NO ONE can come between us :)
 
deafgam said:
i didnt read all the post to your question because i did NOT want other post to influece my thoughts to what i wanted to share. i married a hearing man. we wud go to Deaf events together. i am up fellowship with my friends. he....sat in chair. did not feel comfortable because he was not part of my Deaf culture. i would go to his hearing group friends outings. i....sat alone. i did not feel apart of his hearing culture. i didnt have anyone to communicate with. my husband did not want to serve as my interpreter all night. he want enjoy his friends. we both were in our different worlds rather in our home or out in public. where did it end????? before a judge...divorce papers we both agree on. maybe some can handle it. i could not. there is a lot to consider in deaf/hearing relationship. it not for everyone. some people can handle it great. best of luck to you.
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My girlfriend often complained about having so much weight put on her because she had to interpret for me. Also complained that she wouldn't enjoy movies with me in theaters because they weren't CC for me even though I told her she would go to movies with her family.
 
in all relationships you take a chance and you both seem nice people willing give it a go..
 
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dereksbicycles said:
deafgam said:
i didnt read all the post to your question because i did NOT want other post to influece my thoughts to what i wanted to share. i married a hearing man. we wud go to Deaf events together. i am up fellowship with my friends. he....sat in chair. did not feel comfortable because he was not part of my Deaf culture. i would go to his hearing group friends outings. i....sat alone. i did not feel apart of his hearing culture. i didnt have anyone to communicate with. my husband did not want to serve as my interpreter all night. he want enjoy his friends. we both were in our different worlds rather in our home or out in public. where did it end????? before a judge...divorce papers we both agree on. maybe some can handle it. i could not. there is a lot to consider in deaf/hearing relationship. it not for everyone. some people can handle it great. best of luck to you.
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My girlfriend often complained about having so much weight put on her because she had to interpret for me. Also complained that she wouldn't enjoy movies with me in theaters because they weren't CC for me even though I told her she would go to movies with her family.
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It never seems to amaze when I hear these kind of stories about hearing person complain etc why do they put themselves in these situations to date a deaf person if they are going to complain.
 
Rio said:
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It never seems to amaze when I hear these kind of stories about hearing person complain etc why do they put themselves in these situations to date a deaf person if they are going to complain.
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This is a good point.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
Wishful thinking. And, I wouldn't impose that on them.
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you should. they are already imposing it on us to communicate with them with a method they want. that is morally wrong.
 
Jiro said:
you should. they are already imposing it on us to communicate with them with a method they want. that is morally wrong.
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You are saying we affect their morality? Is it then not also immoral for Deaf to impose on them a method of communication that they use as well?

I'm guessing, hoping really, you have a third option as well? Like an agreed upon mode of communication that they both share? Or, is that also immoral?
 
VacationGuy234 said:
You are saying we affect their morality? Is it then not also immoral for Deaf to impose on them a method of communication that they use as well?

I'm guessing, hoping really, you have a third option as well? Like an agreed upon mode of communication that they both share? Or, is that also immoral?
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why do you consider it as "imposing"?

is it imposing upon you to hold a door open for a person behind you? is it imposing upon you to offer an assistance for wheelchair person trying to open a door? or to allow ladies to go thru first?

deaf people can't hear and/or talk well so why do you consider it imposing for hearing family members to learn a method of communication that works best for them? there's no 3rd option. why is there a 3rd option anyway? it's either they learn it or they don't. and if they don't... I guess it means they don't love their deaf child enough to learn it.
 
Jiro said:
why do you consider it as "imposing"?

is it imposing upon you to hold a door open for a person behind you? is it imposing upon you to offer an assistance for wheelchair person trying to open a door? or to allow ladies to go thru first?

deaf people can't hear and/or talk well so why do you consider it imposing for hearing family members to learn a method of communication that works best for them? there's no 3rd option. why is there a 3rd option anyway? it's either they learn it or they don't. and if they don't... I guess it means they don't love their deaf child enough to learn it.
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I know a few hearing families who had the whole family learn ASL for their deaf family member. I find that just wonderful. Shows a lot of love and respect towards to the deaf person. Those deaf people are so lucky!
 
Jiro said:
why do you consider it as "imposing"?

is it imposing upon you to hold a door open for a person behind you? is it imposing upon you to offer an assistance for wheelchair person trying to open a door? or to allow ladies to go thru first?

deaf people can't hear and/or talk well so why do you consider it imposing for hearing family members to learn a method of communication that works best for them? there's no 3rd option. why is there a 3rd option anyway? it's either they learn it or they don't. and if they don't... I guess it means they don't love their deaf child enough to learn it.
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None of those things you mention require the learning of a new language.
Those things are not even close. Why don't you compare it to four years of college.

My culture stresses adaptation; it stresses that I adapt so I can never be in a position were I depend on someone else. Because of this, for me, it would be an imposition.

If I wish or need to interact with deaf, I'll learn ASL. If I wish or need to interact with hearing people, I'll lip read and use written language(or any other tool). If I wish or need to interact with HOH, I'll use all the available tools necessary. And, if I don't have one I'll build one.

I am not arguing that it would not be beneficial. However, in the real world, it just does not always work. It's impractical because humans are going to do the easiest thing first(write it down). And, trust me I know from studying English(and some ASL), language is anything but straightforward(just look at the syllabication rules alone). The fact is most families are not going to do it.

I'd settle for just text messages over here never mind a whole new language.

As for the love part, that is your opinion.
 
Am hard of hearing and I also have this friend, a girl and hearing. She is studying a Psychology degree at a local University and also doing part time studies in Sign Language Interpretation. I meet her last year September during the International Deaf Awareness week and we are becoming good friends, but am I have feelings for her. Am a little reluctant to express my feelings because I have not spent enough time with her and I don't know how she feels for me.

Last month before Christmas, she invited me to her home and I met the mother and her siblings. I didn't spend so much time there but she treated me so nicely. Most of the times we text a lot... Right now she has gone back for her studies and I have like six months without seeing her. We get in touch through texts and Facebook.

Am also confused here.
 
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