Deaf father rejected by mother's hearing family

[red2x2varoom]

wow. that s very discriminated. if you are father,dna. then get lawyer for joint custody but make sure,dont give mother full custody because of control on you what she wants it anything and give you hard time of your life. try to get lawyer for joint custody for your child for reason discriminated of deaf and not allow to visit to see your child.that s actually abuse and hurt. you have the right to visit to see your child . wish good luck by red2x2varoom.

 

[deafbajagal]

Not an answer to the problem, but wanted to say I think it's sad that she is not taking responsibility for her choice, and chooses instead to blame her parents. If she really wanted to, she would tell her parents to stuff it, and she would do the right thing with her child and with the man she claims to love.

IMO, she is taking the easy way out.

Agree. She needs to grow up.

I also agree he needs legal counsel right away. He has rights as a father. In fact, he should consider getting full custody, since the mother is so dependent on her parents at this stage that it shows she's not ready.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

I just saw this thread.

First, in regards to Dad, he needs a lawyer as everyone said above, so point him towards legal aid.

Now, as to the Mother, I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt here.

It's possible she has had an abusive background with her parents. If that's the case, it's going to take counseling for her to find her backbone and exercise her rights as an adult to get herself and that child out of the situation. Either way, the Dad has a right to see his child. That is what needs to happen. Have him get legal aid and go from there. Don't wait for the Mother to find her backbone. The kid could be in his 20s before that ever happens. If the father files a court action, it might show the parents of this woman that he's not willing to "roll over" and bend to their demands. This will also drain some of that cash flow that is going daughter's way. After all, it's likely THEY will pay for their own lawyer.

But, it also might give HER the incentive to do what SHE needs to do.

Good luck to both of these people. The parents sound like absolute control freaks.

 

[sallylou]

In some states, a father may sign a document declaring paternity. Your friend needs a lawyer in your jurisdiction. Contact legal aid. If there is a law school where you live, some law schools have legal clinics, too. Where I live, you can speak to a volunteer attorney at the family law court house on certain days. Check with your local bar for more information.

 

[jillio]

Girl: grow up. You are no longer a child; you are now a parent. Start acting like one.

Boy: get a lawyer and assert your parental rights.

 

[Steinhauer]

Girl: grow up. You are no longer a child; you are now a parent. Start acting like one.

Boy: get a lawyer and assert your parental rights.

we are working on it and thanks

(I got him to a VR counselor).

 

[jillio]

we are working on it and thanks

(I got him to a VR counselor).

That is a great first step for him. Make sure the VR counselor is familiar with deafness, if you haven't already. Most agencies have someone that deals with specific disabilities and have expertise on accommodations and jobs for that population.

 

[saywhatkid]

This might seem a bit harsh, but I like to shoot straight.

This woman (mother) is bad news. The fact that "Brian" fell for her is unfortunate. The family issue will overrule the father/child relationship. This mother is never going to escape the family cash circus as long as she is wlling to perform for her parents' peanuts. That is the real issue here, that the mother values her parents cash over her independence. She will not leave this situation. It is sort of like her career, and it pays well.

Your friend is getting the opportunity to see prejudices of these ignorant people. I have learned throughout my life that deafs have issues with non-deaf parents, both real parents and in-law parents. It is not the deafs being closedminded to the hearing; it is the opposite. It angers me that these parents, the leaders of their children, teach them this kind of judgment. This is what breeds racism, sexism, lack of respect for LEO, etc.

I think "Brian" needs legal advice, and he needs to stay firm in his pursuit. It might cost him some money and time. He needs to decide if it is worth the headaches he surely faces. He has the chance to fade out, without child support? I might begin to consider that a good thing, given the situation. This child is going to have a tough go. No acceptable father, a mother that is depending on her parents, and those parents having serious issues with recognizing anything other than the image of man they have decided on. Might be lucky for him they are willing to let him escape.

 

[Oceanbreeze]

Girl: grow up. You are no longer a child; you are now a parent. Start acting like one.

Boy: get a lawyer and assert your parental rights.

I feel you, but, unfortunately it's not that cut and dry. Wish it were. As I said in my post, there's probably serious enmeshment issues between Girl and Parents. That calls for some psychological help on the part of the girl. She needs to be willing to do that, though. So, yes, she needs to grow up and take the responsiblity for herself and for the sake of her child, and, get out from under Mom and Dad; whatever path that may take.

 

[warpedpink]

He went to a deaf advocacy center already, they need proof he is the dad - how does he go about doing this?

Two words: Maury Povich.

 

[jamwitten]

Deaf fathers can't parent?

Sounds a wee bit like the situation I know of. Sure would like to talk to Steinhauer!

Another forum member made a suggestion that I start a new thread on a topic I brought up in another thread discussion ... so here goes.


I have verbal (signed) permission to discuss "Brian's" situation. However, I cannot give his real name, Brian is not his real name.


Brian became a father almost two years ago. He and the mother are not married. He wanted to get married, he wants the resposibility of being a father and has made several attempts to pay for child support for his child. The mother's parents have rejected his payments, refused to let their daughter sign his name on the birth certificate and told him he can never be a "real" dad because he is deaf. They explained that his deafness makes him a dangerous individual around a baby.

The mother, in her 20's, has no real control over the situation. Her parents pay for everything and have permanently attached her to their purse strings.

However, from talking to Brian, I surmised (maybe in error) that the mother has no real intent on allowing Brian ever be the father. Brian explained to me that the mother of his child, and himself, had a discussion in which the mother explained to him that her parents were pressuring her into claiming he was abusive. He also explained to me that the mother knew this was BS (and I know its BS - I knew the both of them). However, the mother has also been ordered (by her parents and their cash flow) to have no contact with Brian .... ever, or she would absolutely be on her own and they would possibly take custody of the child.

I was under the original impression that the mother had used Brian's deafness against him (however, I was wrong - it was her parents).

Brian is on SSI and I am helping him find employment.

He had moved into an apartment and rented a room from a homosexual male couple for approximately 6 months (another situation). He was kicked out of his room on a moment's notice because he had asked for a signal animal and they refused to allow him to have one.


Any advice on how I can help him would be appreciated

He went to a deaf advocacy center already, they need proof he is the dad - how does he go about doing this?

He has a nice place now (I made sure of that).

 

[Steinhauer]

Sounds a wee bit like the situation I know of. Sure would like to talk to Steinhauer!

I will be able to give a thorough update on this situation after Christmas. It has progressed and a court date has been established. He has legal representation and it appears things will get sorted out legally (keeping fingers crossed).

P.S. never underestimate the power of prayer.

 

[sallylou]

Once paternity is established, the mother cannot prevent the father from having possession of the child unless the father is proven unfit. The court order for possession is pretty standard. Hope that all goes well for the father!

 

[jillio]

Once paternity is established, the mother cannot prevent the father from having possession of the child unless the father is proven unfit. The court order for possession is pretty standard. Hope that all goes well for the father!

Seems like if "Brian" had demanded a DNA back 2 years ago, this would have all been resolved by now.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

Let me tell you what the real BS is here.
Hence, the real problem "Brain" have.

The girl have no intention to have Brain in her life, in the child's life simply because she loves her parents money too much.

She is lazy irresponsible, immature adolescent who doesn't know what it takes
to be a mother and that the child comes first.

She is 20. She doesn't need her parents' permission to put the father's name
on the birth certificate.
She doesn't need her parents permission to be with the father of her child, unless she DOESN'T WANT TO.

She has no money? get off your lazy butt and go to work, or let the father
support the family.

If you want to.


I agree with others that Brian need to get a lawyer and smarten up,
although the first thing I would do is DNA test to determine if the child is truly his. You never know.


Fuzzy

 

[Abby Nicole]

True, the child might not be his, hence the mother's reluctance to build a bridge with Brian. She could be using her parent's controlling behavior as a smokescreen, to throw the scent off the trail?

 

[deafdrummer]

I am going to let Brian use my account to leave comments in this thread - what is typed below is from Brian - not me:

Where is this? Louisiana? Appalachian Trail? Smokey Mountains? The family makes this as bad as the girl bringing home her Klingon boyfriend for the first time, and he's decorated with 50 human kills in battle. Or more realistically, she bringing home someone who's her parents' ages, if not older. This is sad, really... I hope it works out for him.

"Every human being, to be mentally healthy, must have the feeling of belonging. When we have a sense of belonging we can be intimate. We can feel. We can connect. If we cannot develop this feeling of belonging, then we will feel lost of disconnected. To be disconnected from life is like walking around during the day not knowing the Sun exists. To have the feelings of intimacy is warm, glowy, joyful, loving, and connected. The feeling this Elder is talking about is available to everyone.
Great Spirit, let me be intimate - Don Coyhis"

I know how it feels to be rejected...

 

[Steinhauer]

Seems like if "Brian" had demanded a DNA back 2 years ago, this would have all been resolved by now.

2 years ago they were living as a couple.

 

[Steinhauer]

Where is this? Louisiana? Appalachian Trail? Smokey Mountains? The family makes this as bad as the girl bringing home her Klingon boyfriend for the first time, and he's decorated with 50 human kills in battle. Or more realistically, she bringing home someone who's her parents' ages, if not older. This is sad, really... I hope it works out for him.

"Every human being, to be mentally healthy, must have the feeling of belonging. When we have a sense of belonging we can be intimate. We can feel. We can connect. If we cannot develop this feeling of belonging, then we will feel lost of disconnected. To be disconnected from life is like walking around during the day not knowing the Sun exists. To have the feelings of intimacy is warm, glowy, joyful, loving, and connected. The feeling this Elder is talking about is available to everyone.
Great Spirit, let me be intimate - Don Coyhis"

I know how it feels to be rejected...

"Brian" is a decent human being. His family is another story.

 

[Steinhauer]

Brian has an attorney and she is a good one. She has represented me before and cuts straight through the BS. He is possibly going to be able to see his son for Christmas - that is why I won't be able to give full details until then.

(P.S. It will be my christmas gift for him to see his son - it's all he talks about).