Deaf and Hearing Dating experience

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dsandoval43

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Hi, My name is Dan. I am a American Sign Language student, who is doing a research paper on Hearing and deaf people dating. If anyone could let me interview them, that would be great. or feel free to post anything that would help me understand the expierence of dating a hearing person.

Thank you,
Dan
 
Can you be more specific with what information you are seeking?
 
Question 1: what is your main means of communcating? does your significant other know sign? or do you lip read, or use a piece of paper?

Question 2: when your around your significant other's friends, do his/her friends treat you differntly?

Question 3: is there really any differnce in dating a hearing person?

Question 4: do you think the movie "children of a lesser god" is a good example of a hearing a deaf person dating?

Question 5: does your significant other tend not to listen to music, because you cannot enjoy it with them? (this question comes from the movie children of a lesser god)
 
dsandoval43 said:
Question 1: what is your main means of communcating? does your significant other know sign? or do you lip read, or use a piece of paper?

Question 2: when your around your significant other's friends, do his/her friends treat you differntly?

Question 3: is there really any differnce in dating a hearing person?

Question 4: do you think the movie "children of a lesser god" is a good example of a hearing a deaf person dating?

Question 5: does your significant other tend not to listen to music, because you cannot enjoy it with them? (this question comes from the movie children of a lesser god)
Click to expand...

Question No 1: I read lips but if I cannot understand, he will fingerspell out for me. I have never dated a hearing man who became fluent in ASL. Im a lousy ASL teacher :giggle: But I have many girlfriends who were/are patient and their men became fluent. I have went out on dates with men who were too uncomfortable and kept focusing on our differences so needless to say, we never went out. If he is willing to learn ABCs and accept my unclear speech at times, then he is worth investing in.

Question No 2: It varies - some do, some dont. I have varying experiences from friends being totally jerk to very interested. I recall dating this hearing man whose friends kept telling him that he is an angel (patronizing). Others were indifferent or accepted me totally without treating me differently.

Question No 3: Yes there is a big difference between dating a hearing and deaf man. Deaf men understand my norms and values - we can communicate all we want but it doesnt mean he could really get me. We would know same people as deaf community is small but what irkes me the most is the gossip. I have no tolerance for gossip. For example if I start dating this deaf man, deaf people would come up to me and tell me what they heard or saw 20 years ago or last year. Just because he was totally drunk at this fraternity party in 1986 and was a jerk, it doesnt mean he is still a jerk in 2007. Or if he had a bad relationship with a woman. Rumors are always recycled but I do take them with a grain of salt. I will never know both sides of stories so I don't jump to conclusions as I feel I have good judgement on my side.

Question No 4: The movie did portray some insights but it doesnt reflect every single couple. It is comparable to me watching a movie on a black woman dating a white man - just because they went through some experiences, it doenst mean all of the interracial couples went through same thing. It is stereotypical so I hate it when someone takes it too literally.

Question No. 5: I never tell them to stop listening to music - in fact I encourage them to continue even though I may not relate to it. I know it is something I will never understand but it is not something I will demand to be discontinued. I have gone to concerts or bars with them so I would show my support. Why? Because if I show support to their passions, they will in return support my passions that they may not understand or relate to.
 
thank you a lot. this will help me out a lot.

by the way, whats your name, location, and age? if you dont mind me asking.
 
I've dated a few hearing people and have been at social gatherings with a few hearing people, but was never in a relationship with a hearing person. So, my answers to your questions will be from a general point of view as a person going out to dinner, seeing a movie, going to a party, etc... with a hearing person.
dsandoval43 said:
Question 1: what is your main means of communcating? does your significant other know sign? or do you lip read, or use a piece of paper?
Click to expand...
Yes, most of them know sign language. I've dated a couple girls who were interpreting students. Those that weren't fluent in sign language, we spoke orally. I'm hard-of-hearing, so it wasn't a big problem. If I had trouble understanding one thing, I'd simply ask them to repeat.
dsandoval43 said:
Question 2: when your around your significant other's friends, do his/her friends treat you differntly?
Click to expand...
It depends on where we are. Most of the time, the ones I dated that were interpreting students were friends with deaf people or other interpreting students. So, pretty much everyone signed in the conversation. There were a few instances where the hearing person would forget to sign or the other person didn't sign, but they never really looked at or treated me differently than before.
dsandoval43 said:
Question 3: is there really any differnce in dating a hearing person?
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It depends on how things go. If it's a person who communicates well, then there's not much of a difference. If it's a person who gets frustrated easily, then yes.
dsandoval43 said:
Question 4: do you think the movie "children of a lesser god" is a good example of a hearing a deaf person dating?
Click to expand...
I don't really know. The movie was made in the 80s and times have changed. We are increasing in mainstreamed schools and views on relationships have changed as well. So, it's hard to say if it's the same or not.
dsandoval43 said:
Question 5: does your significant other tend not to listen to music, because you cannot enjoy it with them? (this question comes from the movie children of a lesser god)
Click to expand...
I don't really care. If she wants to listen to music, that's fine with me. It's her pleasure. There will be movies that she doesn't want to watch with me or video games she doesn't want to play with me. That's fine. I'll do those myself.
 
thank you for your response. i can sign a little, but i am a embarssment lol. i am in sign language 1. my teacher is really good though. my final is going to be hard.
 
dsandoval43 said:
Question 1: what is your main means of communcating? does your significant other know sign? or do you lip read, or use a piece of paper?

Question 2: when your around your significant other's friends, do his/her friends treat you differntly?

Question 3: is there really any differnce in dating a hearing person?

Question 4: do you think the movie "children of a lesser god" is a good example of a hearing a deaf person dating?

Question 5: does your significant other tend not to listen to music, because you cannot enjoy it with them? (this question comes from the movie children of a lesser god)
Click to expand...

1, Main mode is ASL. When we first got together, it was paper and pen. She knew how to read lips a little, but not that much.

2, Sometimes, since I am hearing, it can get interesting to now too. Have had some swear that I am HOH or deaf myself and they will ask me which deaf school I went too.

3, Yes there is a difference in dating a deaf and hear person. I like joining the deaf culture better then the hearing world. Deaf don't care about skin colour or anything like that. They are more open to everything

4, I have never saw that movie.

5, I listen to music often, when driving and everything. I have not listen to music as much now then before, but that can also be on the lines of my job and age too.
 
With my 1st hearing hubby

dsandoval43 said:
Question 1: what is your main means of communcating? does your significant other know sign? or do you lip read, or use a piece of paper?

When I first started dating my ex hubby, I didnt know any sign language so we communicated orally..my speech was good so he was able to understand me and I read his lips.

Question 2: when your around your significant other's friends, do his/her friends treat you differntly?

At the time, my hearing friends were his friends too. I dont remember meeting his friends that werent friends with me as well.
Question 3: is there really any differnce in dating a hearing person?

I didnt know at the time cuz I had a "hearing" identity despite being profoundly deaf.

Question 4: do you think the movie "children of a lesser god" is a good example of a hearing a deaf person dating?

I cant remember the characterisitcs of their relationship..been a long time since I watched the movie.

Question 5: does your significant other tend not to listen to music, because you cannot enjoy it with them? (this question comes from the movie children of a lesser god)
Click to expand...

I was very into music when I was with my ex so we were into buying different kinds of stereo systems and surround sound systems. Also spent thousands of dollars on fancy car stereo systems. Looking back, I dont know what was wrong with me!!! :giggle:
 
with my 2nd hearing hubby.

dsandoval43 said:
Question 1: what is your main means of communcating? does your significant other know sign? or do you lip read, or use a piece of paper?

When I met my 2nd hubby, I was very much assimilated in the Deaf culture and using ASL as my primary source of language, he didnt know sign language. I went back to my old ways of lipreading and using my speech skills but we didnt date right away. 4 years later, he had become fluent in ASL so we started dating. We sign to each other all the time. Sometimes, I use spoken language if he doesnt understand some of the signs I use.

Question 2: when your around your significant other's friends, do his/her friends treat you differntly?

My hubby has no friends of his own. All of his friends are my deaf friends..LOL!

Question 3: is there really any differnce in dating a hearing person?

I dated deaf guys before dating my hubby, so I was able to make an assessment. There is no difference cuz he is fluent in ASL and understands Deaf culture.

Question 4: do you think the movie "children of a lesser god" is a good example of a hearing a deaf person dating?

again, dont remember the movie much.

Question 5: does your significant other tend not to listen to music, because you cannot enjoy it with them? (this question comes from the movie children of a lesser god)
Click to expand...


We listen to music together but I am not a fanantic about it like I was before. However, my hubby is a music lover and I enjoy hearing it with my HAs whenever he is listening to it. I would NEVER let him stop listening to it just because I dont hear it like he does.
 
Hi this is ray headlee and i love in plattsmouth in nberaska and i am single again but i am divor my exwife so i work at werner enterterprises and if you want to talk with me on rayheadlee1968@hotmail.com i am alonesome and i am looking for dateing true of love
 
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