Dating and Dining on a FIRST Date, do you....

[whatdidyousay!]

I hope you don't think Red Lobster is elegant dining.

I was thinking that too!

 

[Jiro]

Get certified and come with me to the Blue Hole.

oh I was gonna just put my arm around your shoulder and you do the rest...

 

[VacationGuy234]

I think it's kind of odd that you are going extremes. I might as well say to a woman "do you really want a guy who beats you up?" if the woman wants a "bad boy".

Also.. I think it's weird that you think a nice guy means someone who is extremely submissive, sensitive, and apparently cries whenever he has to pay for something? (I still don't understand the crying thing, why is he crying?)

By the way, I'm not sure if you realize this, but everyone has a different idea of what they want in a partner.

For example, I get irritated when a guy puts his arm around my shoulders all the time. It makes me feel like he's telling everyone that I'm his. For other women, they like being held, appreciate the affection, and it "makes them feel safe". So.. this imaginary guy may not be a "nice guy" to me, but maybe so to others.

That is totally not what I mean. Don't confuse being a real person with being someone who treats women badly. My point was, men who coddle women are not the type of men women want. I said nothing about treating them badly I only said to not treat them like breakable eggs.

Ask yourself and your friends this, when you break up with a guy and say to him, "You're a really nice guy, but I don't think it is going to work". What is it you really mean by that? Does the guy not give you emotionally what you need? I'm guessing it does.

 

[Daredevel7]

That is totally not what I mean. Don't confuse being a real person with being someone who treats women badly. My point was, men who coddle women are not the type of men women want. I said nothing about treating them badly I only said to not treat them like breakable eggs.

Ask yourself and your friends this, when you break up with a guy and say to him, "You're a really nice guy, but I don't think it is going to work". What is it you really mean by that? Does the guy not give you emotionally what you need? I'm guessing it does.

My issue is that you think "nice guys" are "men who coddle women". That's what makes me go huh???

Most women do not want "yes, dear" men.
Most women ALSO do not want "take control" men.

That doesn't mean that those women don't want men to say "yes, dear" once in a while, and to take control once in a while.

Haven't you ever heard of "Moderation is key"? No need to go extremes. "You can either be nice or be mean." Why so black and white?

As for this part: "Does the guy not give you emotionally what you need? I'm guessing it does." Let's say it does. I'm not sure what's your point...

Edit: when I said "be nice or be mean.", I'm really using VG's words. His idea of "nice" really is being submissive and fake to keep the girl happy. His idea of "mean" is being "real", whatever that means....

 

[TXgolfer]

Oooh... I like that. Especially if the last day of earth involves the world caving in itself. We can go down a double black diamond and go into the ultimate drop off into the black nothingness.

Wheeeee!

 

[VacationGuy234]

oh I was gonna just put my arm around your shoulder and you do the rest...

That's not the way to handle it!

 

[VacationGuy234]

when I said "be nice or be mean.", I'm really using VG's words. His idea of "nice" really is being submissive and fake to keep the girl happy. His idea of "mean" is being "real", whatever that means....

Almost, but you have the wording wrong. It's being real NOT mean OR submissive.

As an intelligent woman, I'm sure you can understand the difference.

 

[Reba]

Face to face after I make contact with them on the internet, I can't hear in a crowded bar that has a band playing so this way it works out better for me.

Most hearing people can't hear under those conditions either.

I would only do three dates a month max because it takes a lot of time to plan the dates, you need at least a week to learn what she likes and dislikes.

A full hearing guy can do much more than that(although it's not a good idea), but I'm not really on a level playing field here so I do the best I can.

I'm not sure it's because of your deafness.

 

[Banjo]

Dating is not a game. There is no playing field or anything. Feelings should not be played with.

 

[Jiro]

Face to face after I make contact with them on the internet, I can't hear in a crowded bar that has a band playing so this way it works out better for me.

not a big issue for me because I sign with her

I would only do three dates a month max because it takes a lot of time to plan the dates, you need at least a week to learn what she likes and dislikes.

A full hearing guy can do much more than that(although it's not a good idea), but I'm not really on a level playing field here so I do the best I can.

O_o

how about this - it took me just 1 minute to plan a date. I simply asked her - "would you like to have a pho for lunch tomorrow say.... 2pm?"

and if I want to know what she likes and dislikes..... I can simply ask her and know a lot about her from just one dinner. But it takes you about a week to learn what she likes and dislikes? Sounds like you were studying her facebook history or somewhere instead of talking to her

 

[naisho]

Face to face after I make contact with them on the internet, I can't hear in a crowded bar that has a band playing so this way it works out better for me.

I would only do three dates a month max because it takes a lot of time to plan the dates, you need at least a week to learn what she likes and dislikes.

A full hearing guy can do much more than that(although it's not a good idea), but I'm not really on a level playing field here so I do the best I can.

Vacation dude, hey, you ever thought of dating someone who wasn't plain old fashioned hearing?

A lot of deafies around here don't meet each other online, they've met in social locations such as college, work, parties and so on. Ask them.
They didn't have to go to bars, plus, some of them also know sign language. Makes communicating and getting a date really easy. Why put yourself through continual suffering of not being able to hear your date? There's a solution!

 

[VacationGuy234]

Dating is not a game. There is no playing field or anything. Feelings should not be played with.

Game is perhaps a strong word, but you can't deny you are in competition with other men, can you? Is it any different than going for a job? Would you limit yourself to just one company at a time in that case? (I know a guy who does this and has been out of work for 10 years)

I'm not advocating seeing multiple people, but until you get a serious relationship you don't know which will work out, just like a job interview.

 

[VacationGuy234]

how about this - it took me just 1 minute to plan a date. I simply asked her - "would you like to have a pho for lunch tomorrow say.... 2pm?" :

Oh, how about this, you take her to some place that serves food for which she has a food allergy and she's sick for a week. Did you figure all that out in a minute as well? Or, how about whether the place is even open at that time?

And, in that time, you should be trying to figure out if she's a psycho as well, it's not all about her.

 

[DeafCaroline]

Oh, how about this, you take her to some place that serves food for which she has a food allergy and she's sick for a week. Did you figure all that out in a minute as well? Or, how about whether the place is even open at that time?

And, in that time, you should be trying to figure out if she's a psycho as well, it's not all about her.

Anyone with a food allergy carries an epi pen and take great care to verify the ingredients in their meals before eating.

vacationguy - maybe it's time for you to meet women in real life for a change. You really sound bitter about your online dating experiences.

 

[VacationGuy234]

Vacation dude, hey, you ever thought of dating someone who wasn't plain old fashioned hearing?

A lot of deafies around here don't meet each other online, they've met in social locations such as college, work, parties and so on. Ask them.
They didn't have to go to bars, plus, some of them also know sign language. Makes communicating and getting a date really easy. Why put yourself through continual suffering of not being able to hear your date? There's a solution!

I do, 95% of the people I date are hearing. Work is not a good place to have romantic relationships as that can severely hurt your income. College was good and if I go back for a masters I'll be in that crew again. Parties are great, but deaf guys don't get asked to a lot of hearing parties so most are just close friends. So, one has to fend for one self and I think online dating is a good solution since you don't have to have an awkward conversation(due to lack of communication) when meeting someone.

I don't suffer for it. I like it. My point is that you don't have the same advantage as a hearing person.

 

[VacationGuy234]

Anyone with a food allergy carries an epi pen and take great care to verify the ingredients in their meals before eating.

vacationguy - maybe it's time for you to meet women in real life for a change. You really sound bitter about your online dating experiences.

I'd rather ask her whether she has food allergies before I decide on where I take her. I think that is easier and safer. As a firm rule, you never put your date in harms way.

I wouldn't say bitter so much as realistic. You can't date in a world of fantasy anymore than you can live in one. If some of the things I've learned helps other deaf, I think that's OK.

 

[Frisky Feline]

maybe for a new change for you, wanna hear what i think? taking ASL classes to meet other chicas.

 

[DeafCaroline]

I'd rather ask her whether she has food allergies before I decide on where I take her. I think that is easier and safer. As a firm rule, you never put your date in harms way.

I wouldn't say bitter so much as realistic. You can't date in a world of fantasy anymore than you can live in one. If some of the things I've learned helps other deaf, I think that's OK.

I don't think it's helpful at all when you talk about women being only interested in a free meal or how you resent having to foot the bill even if you invited her out.

Whatever, if you want to persist in unhappily online dating which evidently hasn't helped you find anyone meaningful, so be it.

 

[VacationGuy234]

maybe for a new change for you, wanna hear what i think? taking ASL classes to meet other chicas.

I have done that and it is a good idea. However, you'll find that most of your ASL community service classes are filled with non-single moms of deaf children and interpreters who are really just deaf groupies(nothing against that, but not for me).

I don't have a problem meeting people and I go on a lot of dates. I'm just pointing out some of the things I've encountered. It's been interesting what I have learned, but it is an uphill battle for deaf, single guys.

 

[VacationGuy234]

I don't think it's helpful at all when you talk about women being only interested in a free meal or how you resent having to foot the bill even if you invited her out.

Whatever, if you want to persist in unhappily online dating which evidently hasn't helped you find anyone meaningful, so be it.

When did I ever say that? Can you point out that post?

I only said that there are women who go out for a free meal and you have to be aware of it, otherwise, you'll be spending your money on a fool's errand.

Finding a meaningful relationship isn't that easy for a deaf guy. As an attractive woman, you can't see that because guys don't care whether you can communicate or not. To women, on the other hand, it is the most important virtue and you can't get around that easily.