Confused as hell....need advice

ahhhh got a bf already qq i know that can be a pretty big surprise for u -- as for ur feelings, since u are still apparently trying to figure out if u love her in a romantic way or not, have u asked urself a few hard questions ref to ur feelings for Dani and if they are romantic/sexual or purely platonic qq perhaps asking urself some questions might help qq
 
ref to ur feelings for Dani and if they are romantic/sexual or purely platonic qq perhaps asking urself some questions might help qq
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I have asked myself if I'm attracted to Dani, and the trouble is, I just can't figure it out! That I guess is the base of the problem. I know I love Dani, and I know she knows I love her very very much. (and I think it's rather obvious seeing as my other friend commented on it) I feel close to her, and do have special feelings for her, that I don't have for Becca or Diana or OB or Nan or any of my other friends. I just can't figure out if I love her as more then a friend. I mean sometimes I think about making out with her or I guess mild sexual touching....but I don't know. Am I really attracted to her, or am I just confused? One of my friends (who's now graduated) said that at one time he felt attracted to his best (male) friend, but then realized that it wasn't real attraction. Damn....I wish I'd gone to a larger and more progressive high school so I would have had more relationship experiance, and would maybe KNOW!
I'm debating over dropping her a letter, but am terrified that would fuck things up.
 
deafdyke said:
I have asked myself if I'm attracted to Dani, and the trouble is, I just can't figure it out! That I guess is the base of the problem. I know I love Dani, and I know she knows I love her very very much. (and I think it's rather obvious seeing as my other friend commented on it) I feel close to her, and do have special feelings for her, that I don't have for Becca or Diana or OB or Nan or any of my other friends. I just can't figure out if I love her as more then a friend. I mean sometimes I think about making out with her or I guess mild sexual touching....but I don't know. Am I really attracted to her, or am I just confused? One of my friends (who's now graduated) said that at one time he felt attracted to his best (male) friend, but then realized that it wasn't real attraction. Damn....I wish I'd gone to a larger and more progressive high school so I would have had more relationship experiance, and would maybe KNOW!
I'm debating over dropping her a letter, but am terrified that would fuck things up.
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Hmmm...perhaps leave her with a rose/flower and a short note attached indicating how special she is to you without going into elaborate details...and see how it progress from there? Just a thought....
 
How can one be confused as hell where hell is luminous?

However, back to the original post: I did not read the thread.

Be honest, see where that takes you. You'd be surprised.
 
I need prayers. Dani found out that I have a crush on her and all hell has broken loose. I have realized that it was just a girlcrush. However b/c of things I told other friends (OB and another friend) they think I had a mad crazy crush on her. I now realize that it was just being confused over missing her. I am so scared that I'm going to lose Dani or have lost her forever as a friend. I do not want to lose her as a friend....please please please pray that she'll understand that it was all a misunderstanding and please pray that she still wants to be my friend!
 
deafdyke said:
I need prayers. Dani found out that I have a crush on her and all hell has broken loose. I have realized that it was just a girlcrush. However b/c of things I told other friends (OB and another friend) they think I had a mad crazy crush on her. I now realize that it was just being confused over missing her. I am so scared that I'm going to lose Dani or have lost her forever as a friend. I do not want to lose her as a friend....please please please pray that she'll understand that it was all a misunderstanding and please pray that she still wants to be my friend!
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aww Deafdyke! :(

:hug: is in order! :hug: *tightly*

Dani should calm down from the initial shock soon and u 2 should be able to talk it out at some point now that its been put out in the open -- i will put out prayers for u! i hope things works out well for u!
 
I know.....that's what my friend Liz said. I'm just really worried and confused. I went out to look for my friend Liz, b/c I want to talk to her.....and ran into Dani and the girlz!!! :( Luckily she was in a crowd so I was able to run away undetected. I don't think this thing will ever completely subsidise, and I've lost Dani for good as a friend. Dani-girl.....I'm so fucking sorry this happened. I feel so bad :( I wish I wasn't such a goddamn loser :(
 
dont run away if u saw Dani somewhere in a public location -- instead perhaps u can see if Dani approaches u first qq i imagine she would at some point -- if u feel confident enuf u can approach her and say "heya" and be neutral and let Dani say something of "Deafdyke, id like to talk to u privately if we can qq" sort of thing and u can go from there to find out what exactly Dani is feeling and how she feels towards u and all that and u can clarify ur own feelings towards Dani
 
Here is a copy of a letter that I'm going to give Dani after we come back from break.
Dear Dani,
It’s so hard to say goodbye. I thought we were going to be friends forever. I remember how when I got here last semester I was so excited when OB called your apartment up and told you I was here!!! You have always been an amazing friend to me from the very first day I met you. I am so fucking sorry this ended up this way. I didn’t realize that I was overdoing it. I am such an damn stupid idiot!!!! I am so fucking sorry....and the worst thing is, was that I was incredibly confused about this whole thing. I am bi (as you know and guessed rightly over the summer) but I think that I was just getting confused because I missed you so much. I really do miss the old days a lot. (and I wish there were more of them to remember)
I do not think I was in love with you. I DID have a crush on you, but it was mostly the type of crush that I would have gotten on my counselors at summer camp as a teen. (a girl crush in other words) I can’t believe this has wrecked our friendship. I remember how you used to flirt with me, and how we got drunk on that wine back in Courtney. I remember that time I pulled an all-nighter and you ran into me in Ely and I just burst into tears. I remember you reading my stories. I remember so much and I cannot believe that it’s all gone. I know you’re straight and not at all attracted to me. (or to any other girl) I have known that for a long time. After all, we’ve known each other for years now.
That is why I agonized so much over it. I wish I hadn’t said anything to anyone. Maybe then we’d still be friends. It’s so hard to believe that we are no longer friends. I remember how excited you used to be to see me. I remember watching I Love the ‘80’s with you....I remember posing for that picture in the Dining Commons. I can’t believe that I will have to put that picture away forever. I always thought that I’d bring that picture to your wedding as a memory of the old days. I know you feel uncomfortable around me now. I feel like if I saw you I wouldn’t know how to act. That’s a real change, isn’t it? Remember the old days when I used to practically kill you because I was so excited to see you? I know those days are over and aren’t going to come back ever again. I always thought we’d be bridesmaids in each other’s weddings. I always thought that we’d be friends forever. Even without the complication of this crush, I loved you like a sister. I know this is weird for you. It’s weird for me too. I can say that I mostly got this out of my system over the summer. I really do think it was just missing you that got me so confused. I hate myself so much for messing up yet again, and I am so beyond scared that this will affect other friendships. I feel like such a monster because something like this happened. Dani-girl....I am so sorry this happened. I wish it hadn’t. I wish I wasn’t so screwed up that I was crushing on a straight girl. I can’t believe our friendship is over. I am so sorry about that. You were truly one of my best friends, and I am going to miss you so damn much. I feel like you’ve died or something. I hope you have a wonderful sucessful happy life and I am going to miss you so much. I will miss seeing you. I can’t believe I fucked up this friendship so badly. I had something of enormous value and I lost it. It's going to take a hundred years to find another friend like you. Good-bye Dani-girl....I will never forget you, and it’s going to be hard but I know it is time to let go.
Love,
Deafdyke
 
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OMG im sowwy for being super slow in replying! :(

ur letter sounds very well written from the heart -- i dont believe Dani would actually just DUMP u as a friend (at least im saying this from my instincts altho it can be wrong at times)

if u would like to chat in IM -- PM me and i can give u my AIM sn where u can find me at

:hug: hope it goes well for u Deafdyke!
 
u can go from there to find out what exactly Dani is feeling and how she feels towards u and all that and u can clarify ur own feelings towards Dani
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Well I plan to leave my girls alone for the rest of the semester (should be easy seeing as the semester is almost over) and then maybe talk to OB or something, like after christmas. I have OB's cell phone #, or I can maybe have my friend Kerry tell her to IM me. (Kerry and OB are from the same town and they roomed together both freshman and sophmore years) I do want a meeting to clarify this. Maybe not with Dani herself, but maybe just a long talk with OB. I feel so rotten and confused and I just want Dani to know that I never felt any carnal desires towards her, and the whole thing was a huge misunderstanding.
i dont believe Dani would actually just DUMP u as a friend
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I know why she feels this way.....and I can and do understand....I'm just so scared. I loved Dani....she was an awesome lady. We do live in a very homophobic world, and I can understand why she feels uncomfortable. I wish I could tell her it's gonna be alright.
 
I'm sorry Deafdyke, really, that you're dealing with this. You're okay, it's okay to have the feelings that you do. It's okay that she's having the feelings she is. Sometimes you just have to go thru this stuff.
 
Sometimes you just have to go thru this stuff.
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I wish I didn't.....why do I get stuck in weird situtions like these? I mean I see no reason whatsoever why losing Dani as a friend would be a good thing.
Whereas when I was kicked out of my first college, it meant that I ended up here at WSC....which has been amazing. I have met some awesome professors, people and had amazing experiances......but what good comes of losing Dani? I know there's no hope for our continuing a relationship...I know she's weirded out and severely uncomfortable right now. I'm sorry Dani....I wish things had turned out differently.
 
Mini-update.....Dani is in one of my classes this semester....and it is weird. Any other semester I would have been overjoyed to have her in my class.
I haven't been able to talk to her...last semester I did some stuff that was misinterprted ....I mean I STILL have no idear what I did, but OB made it sound like I freaked out or something. We are no longer friends...it is so fucking hard especially as OB was the first friend I ever made at school. I'm so confused and depressed and stressed and down....I feel like I've been played for a fool or something....I miss my girls but I know we'll never ever be friends again. It's so fucking hard....:(
 
Some weird update.....We are no longer friends...and I am STILL very sad about that...I miss the old days so much. However, Dani DID drive me home from a field trip. I was AMAZED that she did something like that! It was weird....the past semester she would keep glancing at me all during class. Strange huh? It wasn't just me...my best friend (who was in that class) said that she noticed Dani looking at me a lot too. Then during Senoir week, I caught OB taking my picture! Still dunno what THAT was about. The OB thing...been hard. She's turned into a BITCH...like OB thinks if she can't be halfway nice to me, she'll just be a complete and utter bitch to me. I think she still cares for me, but is trying to be a complete bitch b/c she's afraid if she is even halfway nice to me, she'll fall back in love (as a friend) with me. I know her, and I've known her for four years....I mean this is the lady who kept breaking up with her boyfriend and getting back together with him...weird huh?
 
:hug: im sorry to hear of ur falling out with Dani :( altho it does sound like a weird situation -- perhaps Dani does still like u altho its secretive qq
 
From what you said, maybe Dani was giving you some clues only toward you without having anyone notice what was going on between you and her. She was just being subtle, maybe.

To be frank, I don't know.
 
Yeah, one time during one of the weird incidents I told Nancia about what Dani had done (looking at me during class) and she like flipped out....and accused me of having an overactive imagination.
 
Oucheis i m very sorry heard abt you has went throught w/out her i do uddy how ur feel deafdyke... But i m sure one day she will realize that ur didn't nothing wrong bec ur more respect her.. so give her time smile good luck!
 
yeah maybe....I'm just so scared that I'll run into them like ten years from now, and it'll come out that it was a HUGE misunderstanding/mistake...or even worse they were using me :(
 
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