lindtoholic
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- Jun 13, 2012
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Over the weekend I went to Download Festival, where the weather had brought about severe levels of mud - we're talking thick and clay-like mud which was up to ankles in some cases (if not higher), being walked on/through by over 70,000 people from Wednesday-Monday. Granted, on Saturday and Sunday the weather improved, but there were still some patches which were very difficult to manage.
In any case, I'm sure you guys are aware of the balance issues which can come from being deaf. The mud made it impossible for me to get anywhere unaccompanied, and I actually spent a lot of my time in a welfare tent (stayed there the Saturday night as I couldn't get back to the campsite). I was in standard camping, because at the time I was under the belief I would be okay [if it was dry] and was also informed it was only for physically disabled customers, and that being deaf wasn't necessarily applicable. I was meant to be camping with four of my friends and my boyfriend of four years.
So, it resulted in my boyfriend being 'assigned' to me for the first night (Friday) once they had set up camp. We were in the furthest camp, and getting through the mud was a nightmare. I was slipping a lot, and kept stopping to try and breathe because it was making me feel a bit ill with the swaying etc. We had already missed a few bands we had planned to see by this time, and in the end I stayed with some security guards whilst he took some of the things he was carrying to try and at least save a bit of time. After we (eventually) got to the camp and were planning to get back, that's where things went downhill.
For a start, we went down a very steep hill which was in the muddy conditions as mentioned above. I actually pulled a muscle from getting my leg stuck in it, and I had a panic attack at the top of the hill because of how stressed I was. He was getting annoyed by this point - in fact, in the time before this, he was calling me childish for the speed I was taking in frustration. I didn't appreciate it, but I can see his point. He was frustrated. Obviously due to pulling my knee I then had to go to the medical tent (another thing he wasn't impressed with) but I sent him off to try and catch the end of The Prodigy's set.
So, fast forward to after I got to the campsite with the help of others, and in the morning I was pretty ill, throwing up etc. A friend offered to take me to the medical tent, and I ended up sleeping there for a bit. Meanwhile, my boyfriend and our friends saw the bands they wanted to, and I was left in the welfare tent to recover. At first, not a problem, but eventually it became clear they weren't going to come back and collect me to go and see some bands with them. So, I went to the box office to sort out disabled camping passes as I was desperate, and was physically unable to walk back to the camp. They sorted this out with no problems, but with a catch: I could only take one person in with me. Now, no surprise who people suggested for this. I admit part of me did want my boyfriend to be the person, but there was another part of me who realised just how much he does for me in the first place, and how I wanted him to not be burdened with me again. But, alas, no avail there. Though I stayed in the welfare tent on Saturday night, he ended up packing all of his things (and some of mine) to bring down for the disabled camp despite being heavily set against doing so. I can't blame him.
He ended up missing another band on Sunday morning because of this. I thought it was the sole reason, but then I was told they (all) had woken up later than planned, and so hadn't had time to pack in advance and bring my things down so they could see the band. I guess it was fair play, but at the same time I shouldn't really be held accountable for that too. But, nonetheless, when he did bring the things to the welfare tent, I was already in the arena on the disabled platform about to watch Anthrax perform, and he was aiming to be there too.
Overall, he was incredibly fed up with this. He felt like he was being messed around (I guess in some ways he was, but at the same time, it wasn't all my fault either), and not being appreciated for what he was doing to help me. It didn't help that the staff who were assisting me when he wasn't there began to be very rude to him, which just further made his mood worse. When it came to going to the disabled camp for the last night on Sunday, he was in a very, very bad mood with me, and in the morning it had gotten worse - not helped by the fact that a security guard had gone to tell him to pack up his tent by kicking his feet.
On the way to the meeting point for our friends, he told me that "the thing [he is] sick of more than this relationship is the way that others speak to [him] because of me". Though I said that I presumed he wanted to break up, I also said that it wasn't the right time to do so. Everyone was stressed, everyone was fed up, and I didn't want to have the train journey home marred by the break up. We're still, technically, together but he's not really speaking to me much. I'm fine with that in a sense, and I get he needs time to just cool off and think about himself, but I also get the feeling he doesn't want to break up with me just yet either. He kept saying it was the straw that broke the camel's back, but frankly I refuse to be dumped because a) my deafness caused difficulty, and b) other people were rude to him and I had no control over it.
The point of this thread is... I don't know what to do to try and convince him that it won't be this way again. In fact, I can't guarantee it never happening again because if there is this amount of mud again, I'll be in the same situation. However, should I decide to go to Download next year I have been given the go-ahead to request disabled camping, and I can do so for 5-6 people including myself. This means no one person has to come with me, and we can stay with our group. And we have a pretty neat shortcut to the arena/village area of the site. I feel this is one potential advantage, but what other things can I mention which might help? I'm so miserable at him constantly being like my carer... I want a boyfriend, not a carer. But at the moment there's no way for it to be separate (and to be honest, in most situations I don't require a carer either).
In any case, I'm sure you guys are aware of the balance issues which can come from being deaf. The mud made it impossible for me to get anywhere unaccompanied, and I actually spent a lot of my time in a welfare tent (stayed there the Saturday night as I couldn't get back to the campsite). I was in standard camping, because at the time I was under the belief I would be okay [if it was dry] and was also informed it was only for physically disabled customers, and that being deaf wasn't necessarily applicable. I was meant to be camping with four of my friends and my boyfriend of four years.
So, it resulted in my boyfriend being 'assigned' to me for the first night (Friday) once they had set up camp. We were in the furthest camp, and getting through the mud was a nightmare. I was slipping a lot, and kept stopping to try and breathe because it was making me feel a bit ill with the swaying etc. We had already missed a few bands we had planned to see by this time, and in the end I stayed with some security guards whilst he took some of the things he was carrying to try and at least save a bit of time. After we (eventually) got to the camp and were planning to get back, that's where things went downhill.
For a start, we went down a very steep hill which was in the muddy conditions as mentioned above. I actually pulled a muscle from getting my leg stuck in it, and I had a panic attack at the top of the hill because of how stressed I was. He was getting annoyed by this point - in fact, in the time before this, he was calling me childish for the speed I was taking in frustration. I didn't appreciate it, but I can see his point. He was frustrated. Obviously due to pulling my knee I then had to go to the medical tent (another thing he wasn't impressed with) but I sent him off to try and catch the end of The Prodigy's set.
So, fast forward to after I got to the campsite with the help of others, and in the morning I was pretty ill, throwing up etc. A friend offered to take me to the medical tent, and I ended up sleeping there for a bit. Meanwhile, my boyfriend and our friends saw the bands they wanted to, and I was left in the welfare tent to recover. At first, not a problem, but eventually it became clear they weren't going to come back and collect me to go and see some bands with them. So, I went to the box office to sort out disabled camping passes as I was desperate, and was physically unable to walk back to the camp. They sorted this out with no problems, but with a catch: I could only take one person in with me. Now, no surprise who people suggested for this. I admit part of me did want my boyfriend to be the person, but there was another part of me who realised just how much he does for me in the first place, and how I wanted him to not be burdened with me again. But, alas, no avail there. Though I stayed in the welfare tent on Saturday night, he ended up packing all of his things (and some of mine) to bring down for the disabled camp despite being heavily set against doing so. I can't blame him.
He ended up missing another band on Sunday morning because of this. I thought it was the sole reason, but then I was told they (all) had woken up later than planned, and so hadn't had time to pack in advance and bring my things down so they could see the band. I guess it was fair play, but at the same time I shouldn't really be held accountable for that too. But, nonetheless, when he did bring the things to the welfare tent, I was already in the arena on the disabled platform about to watch Anthrax perform, and he was aiming to be there too.
Overall, he was incredibly fed up with this. He felt like he was being messed around (I guess in some ways he was, but at the same time, it wasn't all my fault either), and not being appreciated for what he was doing to help me. It didn't help that the staff who were assisting me when he wasn't there began to be very rude to him, which just further made his mood worse. When it came to going to the disabled camp for the last night on Sunday, he was in a very, very bad mood with me, and in the morning it had gotten worse - not helped by the fact that a security guard had gone to tell him to pack up his tent by kicking his feet.
On the way to the meeting point for our friends, he told me that "the thing [he is] sick of more than this relationship is the way that others speak to [him] because of me". Though I said that I presumed he wanted to break up, I also said that it wasn't the right time to do so. Everyone was stressed, everyone was fed up, and I didn't want to have the train journey home marred by the break up. We're still, technically, together but he's not really speaking to me much. I'm fine with that in a sense, and I get he needs time to just cool off and think about himself, but I also get the feeling he doesn't want to break up with me just yet either. He kept saying it was the straw that broke the camel's back, but frankly I refuse to be dumped because a) my deafness caused difficulty, and b) other people were rude to him and I had no control over it.
The point of this thread is... I don't know what to do to try and convince him that it won't be this way again. In fact, I can't guarantee it never happening again because if there is this amount of mud again, I'll be in the same situation. However, should I decide to go to Download next year I have been given the go-ahead to request disabled camping, and I can do so for 5-6 people including myself. This means no one person has to come with me, and we can stay with our group. And we have a pretty neat shortcut to the arena/village area of the site. I feel this is one potential advantage, but what other things can I mention which might help? I'm so miserable at him constantly being like my carer... I want a boyfriend, not a carer. But at the moment there's no way for it to be separate (and to be honest, in most situations I don't require a carer either).
fingers crossed I can take more control over other areas.
They love being the hero, making the woman feel beautiful and taken care of, at the same time want a confident woman that is strong. :fly: They are insecure creatures that the more you build up and tell them they are the one that does it for you and have the macho male stuff then you have their full attention. 
And that's it. Men may take offense at that, but it sums it up. 
There is more to each individual man, but still they're just not as complicated as women. 