Conflict in relationship over deafness.

Just to add, I think he's frustrated that when both of you go out, he is expected to take up all the slack and assist you with stuff... the friends don't. He likes you but doesn't think it's fair (and it isn't) that when there's several friends around too they don't seem to be doing much (am I understanding that right?) and so he can't enjoy himself because he feels compelled to help you - both being a good bf and also to 'keep up appearances' to the other folks around.

I can sort of relate: my missus can't drive, so whenever we go anywhere I don't touch any alcohol. This is easier said than done when we visit her family, her dad is constantly offering me beer or wine and her siblings are staying over so are all loosening up and enjoying themselves. I realize it's not the same thing but I feel frustration over it, like I'm missing out on the socializing, and in turn she senses that and tries to make me feel better by asking if I mind if she partakes or not?

I don't know how to get this through to him, I don't know him or you well enough to suggest how to bring it up. You need to work out ways of handling stuff so he doesn't feel like he's stuck 'caring' for you; ways that you can work together to lift that feeling of responsiblity so he can relax and not feel frustrated and prevented from enjoying the evening too.
 
@Marie: Thanks for your comments, I'll definitely take them into account. You really have been extremely useful here. I can't thank you enough.

@metalangel: You have hit it spot on - although he doesn't so much do it to keep up appearances, because at the end of the day he doesn't really mind what others think. However he realised that I was either going to have to have the support of him, or just be alone. He did do his best and I appreciate that, but as you say, my friends should have done more. In fact, whenever I was having a rant about it, I would say "them", not him. THEY were the ones limiting the time we both had by not coming forwards and offering more support. At the end, they began to, but it was only at the end. I don't know what made them change their mind, aside from maybe the knowledge they wouldn't miss out on anything. In any case, I made a point to try and arrange "cover" and it went from a solid plan - with my friend saying: yes, absolutely! - to one where it fell apart beneath me and made me look a) unorganised and b) demanding of my boyfriend.

I wouldn't want to stop him doing anything if he's around me, and I do my best to encourage him about it now. I realise that if he gets drunk he'll be quite difficult to make aware of my problems, but then I find myself some other way of managing. Sometimes if he is drunk he becomes more affectionate, but nonetheless, it's still only ever him. I'm actually growing tired in a sense of it always being him when there are other people around... it's really not right.
 
lindtoholic said:
I'm actually growing tired in a sense of it always being him when there are other people around... it's really not right.
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However you manage to start the conversation, this is something you really need to say. Best wishes to both of you figuring something out, I'm sure you'll do fine.
 
Yeah, I agree. I don't want to do it over something like Facebook chat, but at the same time I feel more able to express myself with words through this form of conversation than in person. I guess it's another thing re. being deaf for me, but I'm torn as to how (and when) to start this conversation. But I will definitely bring that in.
 
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