MY personal experience:
I went to a Deaf institute, my mom was an interpreter, everyone in my family signed, i had deaf people sleep over at my house, i slept over at theirs, etc etc etc... Even had a Deaf girlfriend in high school.
Had a Deaf daughter, with a Deaf girlfriend at the time, dated CAPTIAL Deaf girlfriends afterwards....
Before I had my daughter, I joined a Deaf softball team, went across the nation playing tournaments with other Deaf teams. This still continues to this day.
I never FOUND the "Deaf" in me till i was about 26-27, after all the things I listed above. (I am 29 now.)
You can't decide for the child their identity they choose.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and pull a GrendelQ here.
Hell, you can't even determine your child's sexual preferences at 5. You really can't go out and say ... "my kid's straight because s/he is flirting members of the opposite sex at her age." Then all of a sudden at 13 your kid goes out and tell you "Hey, I am not straight."