Childs behavior

My mother told me a told how she visited the deaf community... She found it sooo depressing because they all talked about how they were raised. She says she did not want to exposed us to that so she never went back.

But in the end, She dealed with again, from her own children. And we weren't even involve in the deaf culture. My sister and I just started wondering about how she really felt about us because her behavior such as making sure we hide our hearing aids with our hair and everything.

I hope this mother is strong enough to handle.. she can learn a thing or two.
 
And you said she was 3, is she in preschool?
Is she in a Dhh program for preschool? If not she should be! I know sometimes dhh kids are put in general Early Intervention preschools. But most of the time dhh kids really do need a program specificly for dhh kids. And Deaf Schools/Deaf Ed can have a bad rep, BUT the early intervention programs are really good! Contact the Delaware School for the Deaf! Delaware Statewide Programs for the Deaf, Hard of Hearing and Deaf-Blind
 
I meant to say she has not posted again. It is hoped she'll post in her again.

I saw posts suggesting rather than demanding that spoken language not be used. It's clear from the op's post that it's not very effective.

We are not against speech. For a lot of deaf, spoken language does not come easily to many deaf yet many of the earing is fixated on making deaf use spoken language at all costs despite the countess problems that the child has regardless of if they have CIs or HAs. A lot of hearing parents don't seem to be able to understand this and they tend to discount us when we tell them. It's as if we're unable to understand our own deafness when our advice is discounted.

The OP actually said that her daughter's receptive language is very good, but she struggles expressively. So, again, rather than focus on what has happened in the past, and the arguements on both sides, why don't we give her help and advice on what CAN help.
 
Visual communication is still vital for her at this early stage, as both the parents and child are still learning ASL. Facial expressions and gestures play a major role in communication especially for the deaf, as we all know. It is important that amidst frustrations that the appropriate visual expressions are given to portray what is needing to be communicated. She needs to see the love that you have for her very clearly - even if that is all you communicate to her at this time. Go overboard in expressing a loving and happy environment for her, with lots of hugs. smiles and quiet patience. Let your concerns for language and speech take a break. In an environment of built-up frustration it is counter-productive anyway.
 
Visual communication is still vital for her at this early stage, as both the parents and child are still learning ASL. Facial expressions and gestures play a major role in communication especially for the deaf, as we all know. It is important that amidst frustrations that the appropriate visual expressions are given to portray what is needing to be communicated. She needs to see the love that you have for her very clearly - even if that is all you communicate to her at this time. Go overboard in expressing a loving and happy environment for her, with lots of hugs. smiles and quiet patience. Let your concerns for language and speech take a break. In an environment of built-up frustration it is counter-productive.

Hmmm, this is interesting, because most people in the thread have said the very opposite. They have said that the mother must UP the language input. Hmmm....you do make a good point though, if she steps back for a week or two and just shows unconditional love and understanding, working on patience and just give the world a break, that might really help. Just everyone calm down, take a break, regroup and start afresh....
 
They have said that the mother must UP the language input
.
Yes. Now I think it might be a good idea to concentrate on Sign. I do know that there are a lot of hoh kids, (including unilateral losses) who may be on par with receptive speech understanding but still have significent spoken language issues. Look into upping her exposure to ASL!
 
Let me clarify, FJ, I don't want a vital point missed here. Visual communication includes ASL. I did not exclude ASL in my post. As they are learning ASL, they should also emphasise a loving and happy environment. Only then, will the child open up to receive other learning experiences, such as speech and reading etc.
 
I know when my daughter was little (2-7) and before she was talking, we used to make her show us what was wrong or what she wanted. She could take us to it, or show us a picture or however she could get us to know. We then worked hard to get her to learn the word, but she would not say it. We were unaware at the beginning of the specifics of her hearing problem and at that time, I still did not know about ASL.
 
Let me clarify, FJ, I don't want a vital point missed here. Visual communication includes ASL. I did not exclude ASL in my post. As they are learning ASL, they should also emphasise a loving and happy environment. Only then, will the child open up to receive other learning experiences, such as speech and reading etc.

Of course she would continue ASL, but the idea that she should back off on "teaching" (which is really hard when you have a child with a delay) but just worry about love and enjoying each other for awhile.
 
That's my point. Thank you. As mothers sometimes we need to 'step back' and let live and put our concerns aside for a while. A simple analogy - when my son was 5, we bought him a new bike, the bike was a little big for him, but with some help in getting up on it, he could still ride it. But, he was getting frustrated because he thought he couldn't ride it no matter how much I coaxed him that he could do it, he didn't go near the bike for six weeks. I let it go for a while. Suddenly out of the blue, my son, (actually in the middle of his school lessons) he said to me "So and so can ride a bike and he is 5, I am 5....can I take a break Mummy?" within minutes I witnessed him riding that bike of his own accord. He later won a bike-riding competition.
 
I meant to say she has not posted again. It is hoped she'll post in her again.

I saw posts suggesting rather than demanding that spoken language not be used. It's clear from the op's post that it's not very effective.

We are not against speech. For a lot of deaf, spoken language does not come easily to many deaf yet many of the hearing is fixated on making deaf use spoken language at all costs despite the countess problems that the child has regardless of if they have CIs or HAs. A lot of hearing parents don't seem to be able to understand this and they tend to discount us when we tell them. It's as if we're unable to understand our own deafness when our advice is discounted.

That's how I feel..thank you for putting it in words!

Why is it always the deaf people's fault for a thread going bad? Both parties are at fault.
 
That's how I feel..thank you for putting it in words!

Why is it always the deaf people's fault for a thread going bad? Both parties are at fault.

Who said it was the deaf people's fault? I didn't see that anywhere :dunno:
 
Hello, I am new to the forum and need some advice. I am the first time parent of a 3 year old who has bilateral cochlear implants. She is horriblely delayed in her speech and language, she is at about a 13 months old level. I know that this will develop in time, but its seems like most days we are going to war with each other. I know she gets frustrated that we "don't understand" each other and chooses to have complete meltdowns. I am looking for advice or tips that have helped parents in this situation.

Just want to start out by saying hi :wave:

I'm kind of in the same situation. I have a 3 year old son, with a moderate/severe bilateral hearing loss. He wears hearing aids. He is also horribly delayed in his speech & language. He's got much more cognitive language but little expressive. Meltdowns were awful!!!

About 6 months ago, we started to step up our signing. We signed, signed, and signed to him. Even though our dream is for him to be bilingual (ASL & Oral English) we have moved away a bit from the oral route and started to concentrate more on ASL. We now have a Deaf Teacher from the local Deaf school come to our home bi-weekly to work with us & Tyler. We also have a ASL instructor come to our home once a week to teach us ASL. Not to mention we immerse ourselves in signs everyday - Signing Time, books, deaf friends, etc...

I will admit since starting signs, Tyler has completely changed. He's not as frustrated and he's able to communicate with us. He understands lots of signs and he's able to sign quite a few too. We're just beginning and have a long road ahead of us... but by adding ASL and not pushing so much for oral... we have actually begun to hear more intonation and trying to speak.

If you want to chat... feel free to drop me a pm or email. ;)
 
Just want to start out by saying hi :wave:

I'm kind of in the same situation. I have a 3 year old son, with a moderate/severe bilateral hearing loss. He wears hearing aids. He is also horribly delayed in his speech & language. He's got much more cognitive language but little expressive. Meltdowns were awful!!!

About 6 months ago, we started to step up our signing. We signed, signed, and signed to him. Even though our dream is for him to be bilingual (ASL & Oral English) we have moved away a bit from the oral route and started to concentrate more on ASL. We now have a Deaf Teacher from the local Deaf school come to our home bi-weekly to work with us & Tyler. We also have a ASL instructor come to our home once a week to teach us ASL. Not to mention we immerse ourselves in signs everyday - Signing Time, books, deaf friends, etc...

I will admit since starting signs, Tyler has completely changed. He's not as frustrated and he's able to communicate with us. He understands lots of signs and he's able to sign quite a few too. We're just beginning and have a long road ahead of us... but by adding ASL and not pushing so much for oral... we have actually begun to hear more intonation and trying to speak.

If you want to chat... feel free to drop me a pm or email. ;)

:gpost: Exactly my point. Well said. :ty: :D
 
Just want to start out by saying hi :wave:

I'm kind of in the same situation. I have a 3 year old son, with a moderate/severe bilateral hearing loss. He wears hearing aids. He is also horribly delayed in his speech & language. He's got much more cognitive language but little expressive. Meltdowns were awful!!!

About 6 months ago, we started to step up our signing. We signed, signed, and signed to him. Even though our dream is for him to be bilingual (ASL & Oral English) we have moved away a bit from the oral route and started to concentrate more on ASL. We now have a Deaf Teacher from the local Deaf school come to our home bi-weekly to work with us & Tyler. We also have a ASL instructor come to our home once a week to teach us ASL. Not to mention we immerse ourselves in signs everyday - Signing Time, books, deaf friends, etc...

I will admit since starting signs, Tyler has completely changed. He's not as frustrated and he's able to communicate with us. He understands lots of signs and he's able to sign quite a few too. We're just beginning and have a long road ahead of us... but by adding ASL and not pushing so much for oral... we have actually begun to hear more intonation and trying to speak.

If you want to chat... feel free to drop me a pm or email. ;)

+1 :thumb:
 
One thing that I'd suggest that will likely be a huge benefit both to the child AND you as a parent - is getting involved in a Hoh/Deaf peer play group that has children and adults who speak, sign or both - so that they are able to benefit from BOTH languages in an "informal, fun, natural way!!

It's a fantastic NATURAL "learning, without realizing they're learning" learning environment as well as a support network for the parents - and a great "fun time" for the child.

I was born completely deaf on my right, and with constant ear infections that effectively gave me almost constant mild hearing loss on the left as well - which later became permanent mild/mod flux loss - as well as APD. I was often very frustrated - because sometimes I could hear and understand, and other times I couldn't... and the people I loved most didn't realize that I was trying as hard and as could to understand, but couldn't :(
I would fall into tears sometimes because I was working soooo hard to be "good" (ie "hear properly", respond like the hearing child they wanted" etc) ... but I just couldn't do well enough - and I could TELL everyone was "mad" at me(upset, frustrated, sure I was "playing it up" etc)! Being Hard of Hearing is VERY exhausting - as a child, teen, young adult - and even now as an adult... I ALWAYS have taken "lunch naps". By lunch time - if I've been in a hearing environment all morning (school, work etc) by lunch my brain is in desperate need of some "off time". In fact as an adult, I chose the location of my home so that during my lunch break I could rush home, set the alarm clock for 25mins and sleep for most of my lunch break (I'd make lunch in the morning, stick it in the fridge, then eat it on the way back to work !)
The need for, and importance of a "mid-day-rest" for children (and many adults) who are Hoh/Deaf who are in a mainly oral/aural (ie non-signing) environment is very underestimated. For young kids - if they won't "nap" (ie fall asleep) at least provide them with 3o-60mins of "quite time" (where there isn't anything to listen to including voices, TV, Radio etc at all ... it could be quite time in bed/laying on a couch etc with books/soft toys or for older kids reading or colouring time etc -something where their brain can "stop listening" for a bit... and even for older kids, a "nap" or at least "laying in a dark room with eyes closed" time is the best.

I grew up without any sign language (other than what I learned on my own) - and it wasn't until I was an adult that two major things happened that changed my life:
1) I finally was able to formally start learning ASL and because of it, be able to casually socialize with other people, attend university (with interpreters) etc.

2) My family finally listened to what I, and my audiologists were saying and FINALLY ACCEPTED I'm Hoh/Deaf (not "almost hearing"). The first 20years of my life they thought that I just "heard everything, but it was fuzzy" - even when I constantly told then otherwise


One thing I would suggest for the parents, is listening to some hearing loss demos - so that you are able to hear first hand what your child is dealing with. When you listen to the demos - make sure that you listen the the "Hearing loss" version FIRST (NOT the "normal hearing version) - the reason for this is because if you listen to the "normal hearing" version first, your brain will be able to easily "fill in the gaps" when you then listen to the "hearing loss version". Also - listen to the one that is where your child is UNAIDED (so if they have severe hearing loss, corrected to mild hearing loss with HA - listen to the "severe" version and turn up the volume a bit - as THIS is what your child is ACTUALLY hearing (the severe version, but louder, due to the HAs) NOT the "mild version".

Also consider getting some ear plugs (the 33db or 32db kind that are a "foam" type - often bright orange in colour) , putting them in and then going about everyday tasks. Have ONE person put the earplugs in and the other person (without anything in their ears) try chatting with them at a normal volume in the same room, in different rooms, while doing other things, while the kitchen/bathroom water tap is running and the 'earplugged person' is NOT looking at the person speaking etc.... do all these things, and see how much different it is - then switch and have the other person put the ear plugs in etc. Make sure that when you put the ear plugs in they are properly sealed - it may take a few times to get it right - and there will be a significant sound quality and volume difference if you do it properly.
Keep in mind that 33db (which is the MOST that the earplugs can do) is considered "mild hearing loss" and is often considered "not enough to require or be fitted for hearing aids" - which means that if you had 33db hearing loss (ie heard all the time like you do with the ear plugs in) that an audiologist would likely say that you "didn't need Hearing Aids yet, and should just work on listening skill etc". Think how tired you'd get listening like this all day, muddling though fuzzy words, half understood sentences etc ... and how frustrated you would get if you COULDN'T "just take the earplugs out".


Hope that helps!
 
One thing that I'd suggest that will likely be a huge benefit both to the child AND you as a parent - is getting involved in a Hoh/Deaf peer play group that has children and adults who speak, sign or both - so that they are able to benefit from BOTH languages in an "informal, fun, natural way!!

It's a fantastic NATURAL "learning, without realizing they're learning" learning environment as well as a support network for the parents - and a great "fun time" for the child.

I was born completely deaf on my right, and with constant ear infections that effectively gave me almost constant mild hearing loss on the left as well - which later became permanent mild/mod flux loss - as well as APD. I was often very frustrated - because sometimes I could hear and understand, and other times I couldn't... and the people I loved most didn't realize that I was trying as hard and as could to understand, but couldn't :(
I would fall into tears sometimes because I was working soooo hard to be "good" (ie "hear properly", respond like the hearing child they wanted" etc) ... but I just couldn't do well enough - and I could TELL everyone was "mad" at me(upset, frustrated, sure I was "playing it up" etc)! Being Hard of Hearing is VERY exhausting - as a child, teen, young adult - and even now as an adult... I ALWAYS have taken "lunch naps". By lunch time - if I've been in a hearing environment all morning (school, work etc) by lunch my brain is in desperate need of some "off time". In fact as an adult, I chose the location of my home so that during my lunch break I could rush home, set the alarm clock for 25mins and sleep for most of my lunch break (I'd make lunch in the morning, stick it in the fridge, then eat it on the way back to work !)
The need for, and importance of a "mid-day-rest" for children (and many adults) who are Hoh/Deaf who are in a mainly oral/aural (ie non-signing) environment is very underestimated. For young kids - if they won't "nap" (ie fall asleep) at least provide them with 3o-60mins of "quite time" (where there isn't anything to listen to including voices, TV, Radio etc at all ... it could be quite time in bed/laying on a couch etc with books/soft toys or for older kids reading or colouring time etc -something where their brain can "stop listening" for a bit... and even for older kids, a "nap" or at least "laying in a dark room with eyes closed" time is the best.

I grew up without any sign language (other than what I learned on my own) - and it wasn't until I was an adult that two major things happened that changed my life:
1) I finally was able to formally start learning ASL and because of it, be able to casually socialize with other people, attend university (with interpreters) etc.

2) My family finally listened to what I, and my audiologists were saying and FINALLY ACCEPTED I'm Hoh/Deaf (not "almost hearing"). The first 20years of my life they thought that I just "heard everything, but it was fuzzy" - even when I constantly told then otherwise


One thing I would suggest for the parents, is listening to some hearing loss demos - so that you are able to hear first hand what your child is dealing with. When you listen to the demos - make sure that you listen the the "Hearing loss" version FIRST (NOT the "normal hearing version) - the reason for this is because if you listen to the "normal hearing" version first, your brain will be able to easily "fill in the gaps" when you then listen to the "hearing loss version". Also - listen to the one that is where your child is UNAIDED (so if they have severe hearing loss, corrected to mild hearing loss with HA - listen to the "severe" version and turn up the volume a bit - as THIS is what your child is ACTUALLY hearing (the severe version, but louder, due to the HAs) NOT the "mild version".

Also consider getting some ear plugs (the 33db or 32db kind that are a "foam" type - often bright orange in colour) , putting them in and then going about everyday tasks. Have ONE person put the earplugs in and the other person (without anything in their ears) try chatting with them at a normal volume in the same room, in different rooms, while doing other things, while the kitchen/bathroom water tap is running and the 'earplugged person' is NOT looking at the person speaking etc.... do all these things, and see how much different it is - then switch and have the other person put the ear plugs in etc. Make sure that when you put the ear plugs in they are properly sealed - it may take a few times to get it right - and there will be a significant sound quality and volume difference if you do it properly.
Keep in mind that 33db (which is the MOST that the earplugs can do) is considered "mild hearing loss" and is often considered "not enough to require or be fitted for hearing aids" - which means that if you had 33db hearing loss (ie heard all the time like you do with the ear plugs in) that an audiologist would likely say that you "didn't need Hearing Aids yet, and should just work on listening skill etc". Think how tired you'd get listening like this all day, muddling though fuzzy words, half understood sentences etc ... and how frustrated you would get if you COULDN'T "just take the earplugs out".


Hope that helps!

Excellent post. :D I second it!
 
One thing that I'd suggest that will likely be a huge benefit both to the child AND you as a parent - is getting involved in a Hoh/Deaf peer play group that has children and adults who speak, sign or both - so that they are able to benefit from BOTH languages in an "informal, fun, natural way!!

It's a fantastic NATURAL "learning, without realizing they're learning" learning environment as well as a support network for the parents - and a great "fun time" for the child.

I was born completely deaf on my right, and with constant ear infections that effectively gave me almost constant mild hearing loss on the left as well - which later became permanent mild/mod flux loss - as well as APD. I was often very frustrated - because sometimes I could hear and understand, and other times I couldn't... and the people I loved most didn't realize that I was trying as hard and as could to understand, but couldn't :(
I would fall into tears sometimes because I was working soooo hard to be "good" (ie "hear properly", respond like the hearing child they wanted" etc) ... but I just couldn't do well enough - and I could TELL everyone was "mad" at me(upset, frustrated, sure I was "playing it up" etc)! Being Hard of Hearing is VERY exhausting - as a child, teen, young adult - and even now as an adult... I ALWAYS have taken "lunch naps". By lunch time - if I've been in a hearing environment all morning (school, work etc) by lunch my brain is in desperate need of some "off time". In fact as an adult, I chose the location of my home so that during my lunch break I could rush home, set the alarm clock for 25mins and sleep for most of my lunch break (I'd make lunch in the morning, stick it in the fridge, then eat it on the way back to work !)
The need for, and importance of a "mid-day-rest" for children (and many adults) who are Hoh/Deaf who are in a mainly oral/aural (ie non-signing) environment is very underestimated. For young kids - if they won't "nap" (ie fall asleep) at least provide them with 3o-60mins of "quite time" (where there isn't anything to listen to including voices, TV, Radio etc at all ... it could be quite time in bed/laying on a couch etc with books/soft toys or for older kids reading or colouring time etc -something where their brain can "stop listening" for a bit... and even for older kids, a "nap" or at least "laying in a dark room with eyes closed" time is the best.

I grew up without any sign language (other than what I learned on my own) - and it wasn't until I was an adult that two major things happened that changed my life:
1) I finally was able to formally start learning ASL and because of it, be able to casually socialize with other people, attend university (with interpreters) etc.

2) My family finally listened to what I, and my audiologists were saying and FINALLY ACCEPTED I'm Hoh/Deaf (not "almost hearing"). The first 20years of my life they thought that I just "heard everything, but it was fuzzy" - even when I constantly told then otherwise


One thing I would suggest for the parents, is listening to some hearing loss demos - so that you are able to hear first hand what your child is dealing with. When you listen to the demos - make sure that you listen the the "Hearing loss" version FIRST (NOT the "normal hearing version) - the reason for this is because if you listen to the "normal hearing" version first, your brain will be able to easily "fill in the gaps" when you then listen to the "hearing loss version". Also - listen to the one that is where your child is UNAIDED (so if they have severe hearing loss, corrected to mild hearing loss with HA - listen to the "severe" version and turn up the volume a bit - as THIS is what your child is ACTUALLY hearing (the severe version, but louder, due to the HAs) NOT the "mild version".

Also consider getting some ear plugs (the 33db or 32db kind that are a "foam" type - often bright orange in colour) , putting them in and then going about everyday tasks. Have ONE person put the earplugs in and the other person (without anything in their ears) try chatting with them at a normal volume in the same room, in different rooms, while doing other things, while the kitchen/bathroom water tap is running and the 'earplugged person' is NOT looking at the person speaking etc.... do all these things, and see how much different it is - then switch and have the other person put the ear plugs in etc. Make sure that when you put the ear plugs in they are properly sealed - it may take a few times to get it right - and there will be a significant sound quality and volume difference if you do it properly.
Keep in mind that 33db (which is the MOST that the earplugs can do) is considered "mild hearing loss" and is often considered "not enough to require or be fitted for hearing aids" - which means that if you had 33db hearing loss (ie heard all the time like you do with the ear plugs in) that an audiologist would likely say that you "didn't need Hearing Aids yet, and should just work on listening skill etc". Think how tired you'd get listening like this all day, muddling though fuzzy words, half understood sentences etc ... and how frustrated you would get if you COULDN'T "just take the earplugs out".


Hope that helps!

Wow, that is amazingly good. I like the last part with the ear plugs, my family should have done this years ago. :aw:
 
If that ear plug lower the db to 33... wouldn't that be like what some deaf people hear with their hearing aids as it boost their hearing to 33?
 
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