Cheated and used

I

illuminator

New Member
Joined
Mar 28, 2011
Messages
31
Reaction score
0
Hi everyone,

So I have been in a relationship with a HOH girl and for the most part, it was beautiful.

I was always careful of her condition whenever we went out without actually bringing it up (so just setting up the situation so it happens to turn out convenient for her). ie. we go out to museums, or dinner at a corner table, carpeted places, cautious of opening windows in the car (wind noise), etc. It didn't take long for her to pick up on this. She appreciated this as she was brought up with a lot of jerks who made fun/were not respectful to her.

One night two weeks ago before we parted, she held my hands and in hers and with slightly watery eyes told me "you're the most considerate person I have ever met". She then kissed me. Outside I was a bit speechless...but inside I melted.

Three nights ago, I went to the mall, picked up a box of chocolates for our date scheduled yesterday. Two days ago (making a long story short), I found from a reliable source that she currently has a dysfunctional relationship with another guy who for some reason she's been obsessed about for over a year (call him Adam). I remember her introducing me to Adam once, she said he was close friend to her...I didn't know how close. He doesn't treat her too good and they have been sleeping together. I put together the pieces, added up the dots...it unfortunately makes sense. I made up an excuse and cancelled the date.

I feel sick to the stomach, like I've been hit hard in the gut...the thought of this all literally makes me want to vomit. I feel like complete garbage...there's this relentless pounding inside of me that's shattering me to pieces.

Any advice/comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.
 
Frankly, it would had been better to have a talk with her tonight instead of cancelling the date. Besides, even if it's a "reliable" source, it's not a good idea to let these so-called reliable sources get in the way of your relationship because you don't know if they are true or not. Also, trust is an important element in a relationship and it's better to not betray that. Even if it's suspected that she may have someone else, you still don't know for sure. It's better to not do the same in return.
 
Regardless of how reliable your source for information is, have a talk with her.
 
Yea no matter how reliable your source is, still have to talk to her. Communication is important.
 
I also think so...I agree with those who said I should talk to her about this...I'm not sure how to exactly bring this up though.

Thinking about the night when she had tears in her eyes....not sure if its from: i. feeling really appreciated ii. feeling guilt that I don't know about her other relationship iii. wishing that the other guy who she's crazy about treated her this way so she would be satisfied with him.
 
There are people who just like to cause trouble. Maybe that is what your source was doing.
 
Bottesini said:
There are people who just like to cause trouble. Maybe that is what your source was doing.
Click to expand...

So, so true. Talk to her. Tell her what you were told. Can you un-cancel tonight's date?

Maybe she slept with him in the past, maybe she's over him, maybe she still has some feelings for him but more for you. You don't know anything until you talk to her.
 
I strongly agree with the others, talk to her, get the words from her. Please keep in mind all your efforts to make things easy for her make you a wonderful man. You seem to know about all the dots , as you mentioned, but I would ask you this..are you looking at the possibility of her letting go of this other man and being in a committed relationship with you through the eyes of "reality" or have you been "pretending" everything was great between you, even tho you knew about this other guy and even met him. So many times in life we "pretend" things are as we want them, when in fact we are just not looking at the "reality" of the situation. Stop beating yourself up..
get in touch and get the answers to the tough questions. Look for the reality and you will see clearly if there is a future for the two of you. Btw, I know that feeling your describing feeling cheated and used, most of us have and
I am here to tell you..don't just accept this without getting some answers you deserve that much. Remember tho, you can not change the reality, so no pretending she is gonna do the right thing! ask the important questions.
People only treat you the way you allow them too. I know your hurting but it is always best to KNOW the truth and not JUST PRETEND you do. good luck my friend..you are one of the good guys it seems, remember that please.
Peace to you, your friend..Midnight♥♥
 
I like everyone's advice!
 
Totally agree with everyone's advice.

I didn't care for the part calling it "her condition" though.
 
He seems like a kind person. She can teach him the finer points of Deaf culture. :lol::wave:
 
I am quite pleased with the numerous prompt and supportive responses I received about this...this means a lot to me.

Beach girl- you raise some good points as usual. I decided to cancel the date because I need some time to myself. I'm not currently thinking straight and my emotions are a bit off the wall. I want to be calm and able to think when I talk to her about this; I also don't want my emotions to get the best of me when I'm with her.

MidnightSun- your wisdom is reflected from your well explained response. Hopefully, I will have a chance to meet her tomorrow and clear things up a little.

Shel90- I totally agree with you.

Thank you all very much, you guys have been great! I really appreciate this! Anyone is welcome to add anything else...
 
I will just add that I hope it works out the best for the both of you.
 
considerate my ass!.. You ditched her based on some thing you herd from a 3rd person, did you think maybe you're her new guy. and she's just now getting over the other guy, (witch by the way isn't easy). so cut the girl some slack.

just one more thing, .. never ever use the words " your condition" to her.
 
On the other hand......it's possible that she may not have the best social skills, due to being mainstreamed. I've noticed that a lot of mainstreamed girls and guys may not have the world's best social skills, and so thus end up in really dysfunctional realtionships. I would keep being friends with her, and who knows? Be there for her.
 
cool scary guy said:
considerate my ass!.. You ditched her based on some thing you herd from a 3rd person, did you think maybe you're her new guy. and she's just now getting over the other guy, (witch by the way isn't easy). so cut the girl some slack.

just one more thing, .. never ever use the words " your condition" to her.
Click to expand...
He canceled the date. You make it sound like he broke up with her.
 
cool scary guy said:
considerate my ass!.. You ditched her based on some thing you herd from a 3rd person, did you think maybe you're her new guy. and she's just now getting over the other guy, (witch by the way isn't easy). so cut the girl some slack.

just one more thing, .. never ever use the words " your condition" to her.
Click to expand...


You seem to be quite narrow minded and as Glenn pointed out, you did not bother to read the post carefully. Read the other responses ie.sallylou, that's how you get the message across...there's nothing "cool" about the way you responded.
 
deafdyke said:
On the other hand......it's possible that she may not have the best social skills, due to being mainstreamed. I've noticed that a lot of mainstreamed girls and guys may not have the world's best social skills, and so thus end up in really dysfunctional realtionships. I would keep being friends with her, and who knows? Be there for her.
Click to expand...

That's a really good point you made, thank you. I will certainly keep that in mind.
 
Back
Top