Can deaf ever become Deaf?

Lily7

Lily7

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Hi, I am new to posting here, although I have lurked for a while. I have a question for those of you who might be able to answer. Can deaf become Deaf? Let me explain where I am coming from.

I started losing my hearing at age 4, due to a birth defect in both inner ears. By the time I was 11 I was profoundly deaf in both ears.

My mother chose to raise me as hearing. She did not think I would get far in life if I were to be allowed to be Deaf and sign. For what it's worth, I feel she made a mistake. Regardless, I grew up reading lips and speaking normally, and never really got to learn sign until I was in college. Even then it was just one ASL class, but since I have no d/Deaf friends or family I haven't really had the occasion to use it. Even though I am not fluent, life is still so much easier when I can use sign.

I am turning 32 this month. It has been very frustrating for me to always be stuck between both worlds all my life and never fitting in either one of them. I am very isolated and don't really have any friends in person. It just doesn't work for me with hearing people. But I can't communicate with d/Deaf all that well yet either. However at least around d/Deaf I am more comfortable, because with them my only barrier is language and that is easily remedied with time. Despite the language barrier, I still feel I am "home" around other d/Deaf.

I have a friend online that I talk to quite often via IM, and we have become close over the past several years. She is also deaf, but has been a signer her whole life and has been in both the Deaf and hearing worlds equally. When I expressed my desire to stop struggling in the hearing world and try to become part of the Deaf world, she said that it would never happen for me. She said that I would never become Deaf no matter what I did, or be accepted as Deaf by others.

If this is true, it feels so unfair. I did not choose to be raised hearing. I have been biologically deaf all my life. I do not belong with hearing, never have and never will. What is the difference between me and a Deaf person, other than I learned sign and culture later in life than they did? If I were to learn sign and culture to the point of being fluent and then move to a Deaf community in another state, I could lie about my past and no one would be the wiser and would consider me to be Deaf. So why is a past I did not choose held against me to keep me out of the one community I have a chance of belonging to?

Is my friend mistaken, or is it true that despite being deaf I will never be Deaf, no matter how much I immerse myself in the culture and language?
 
Like all labels, that depends entirely on what the labeller means! In other words, until you match up with her particular (and arbitrary) classification, you won't get that label from her.

That said, if you become a part of the deaf culture (and perhaps you already are), and especially if you use the language as your preferred language, than I believe that the majority of the "culturally deaf" community would regard you as "Deaf".

You will most likely still show your oral upbringing, however (And we can usually tell), however, many such deaf people were brought up oral at some point (again, as far as I am aware).
 
I prefer to be called "d" than "D" because that is who I am. If D does not accept me then that is their problem but I have plenty friends who are d and D. I tend to teach D to accept hearing and help them to become part of hearing society. For example one D man came to our house to do VP and he depended on me. I told him to ask my hearing husband and he knows signing. He was at loss on how to communicate with hearing who know signing. I am not D because I grew up in hearing family and I became deaf at 2 and half. I like who I am and not allow any D to belittle me because I married hearing man and prefer hearing world over D world till all D accept all d and D with their own freedom of choice.

It is battle between d and D right now all because of Deafhood.

One day we will all united as one instead of divided as two groups.
 
As I understand it, and I could be wrong, but, in my view the defining factor is whether you are for trying to regain your hearing or not. For me, having had hearing for most of my life, I would do anything to get that hearing back because I know what it is like to hear. So, I would never refer to myself with a capital D even if my hearing goes completely. I understand why people do not have my view, but I do not agree with it.

If you consider yourself not to need hearing to communicate with the world(not just deaf people), I see no reason why you would not want to use the capital D because you've made that choice.
 
Lily7 said:
Hi, I am new to posting here, although I have lurked for a while. I have a question for those of you who might be able to answer. Can deaf become Deaf? Let me explain where I am coming from.

I started losing my hearing at age 4, due to a birth defect in both inner ears. By the time I was 11 I was profoundly deaf in both ears.

My mother chose to raise me as hearing. She did not think I would get far in life if I were to be allowed to be Deaf and sign. For what it's worth, I feel she made a mistake. Regardless, I grew up reading lips and speaking normally, and never really got to learn sign until I was in college. Even then it was just one ASL class, but since I have no d/Deaf friends or family I haven't really had the occasion to use it. Even though I am not fluent, life is still so much easier when I can use sign.

I am turning 32 this month. It has been very frustrating for me to always be stuck between both worlds all my life and never fitting in either one of them. I am very isolated and don't really have any friends in person. It just doesn't work for me with hearing people. But I can't communicate with d/Deaf all that well yet either. However at least around d/Deaf I am more comfortable, because with them my only barrier is language and that is easily remedied with time. Despite the language barrier, I still feel I am "home" around other d/Deaf.

I have a friend online that I talk to quite often via IM, and we have become close over the past several years. She is also deaf, but has been a signer her whole life and has been in both the Deaf and hearing worlds equally. When I expressed my desire to stop struggling in the hearing world and try to become part of the Deaf world, she said that it would never happen for me. She said that I would never become Deaf no matter what I did, or be accepted as Deaf by others.

If this is true, it feels so unfair. I did not choose to be raised hearing. I have been biologically deaf all my life. I do not belong with hearing, never have and never will. What is the difference between me and a Deaf person, other than I learned sign and culture later in life than they did? If I were to learn sign and culture to the point of being fluent and then move to a Deaf community in another state, I could lie about my past and no one would be the wiser and would consider me to be Deaf. So why is a past I did not choose held against me to keep me out of the one community I have a chance of belonging to?

Is my friend mistaken, or is it true that despite being deaf I will never be Deaf, no matter how much I immerse myself in the culture and language?
Click to expand...

Don't listen to what these people say. It's what you identify youself as. Once you identify yourself as Deaf - like minds will see that and accept you easier.

I'll be honest, the hard part is to find people who will be patient with you as you learn sign language during this.

Sounds to me that you're well on your way.
 
You know, I really, truly do not like this categorization of us deafies.....that path just leads to nowhere good....I say we are Deaf, irregardless of who we are.
 
I am with PFH. It seems to me that you'd still be willing to learn ASL and meet more deaf or Deaf people. That's so great. of course, any deaf can become Deaf if they agree what Deaf community is alike. why not. Wonder if you have not met her in person then it can be difficult to determine you from reading you online. But agian if she is in person telling you that. dont worry. focusing on what you can enjoy with the method of communication and be relax. :)
 
I've felt this way for a long time, I think; only I didn't really know it, having wasted my time/spinning my wheels trying to solidify the distinctions......

Ooops, forgot to quote you PFH above for this response here.
 
Tousi said:
I've felt this way for a long time, I think; only I didn't really know it, having wasted my time/spinning my wheels trying to solidify the distinctions......

Ooops, forgot to quote you PFH above for this response here.
Click to expand...

Yeah, i need to make it habit too.
 
Thank you for all the responses so far. Keep 'em coming, I'm really interested in a wide variety of viewpoints on this matter. Especially from d/Deaf and HoH.

You are all so nice. :) I have to admit I was nervous posting here, because I've had more Deaf be rude to me than not in the past, maybe it is where I live but most seemed to be very elitist and hold a grudge against me because I was raised culturally hearing and could read lips and speak. Those experiences have made me hesitant to even try to insert myself into the local Deaf community. I always intend to go to the Deaf Chat Coffees at Starbucks, but I chicken out at the last minute.

VacationGuy234 said:
As I understand it, and I could be wrong, but, in my view the defining factor is whether you are for trying to regain your hearing or not. For me, having had hearing for most of my life, I would do anything to get that hearing back because I know what it is like to hear. So, I would never refer to myself with a capital D even if my hearing goes completely. I understand why people do not have my view, but I do not agree with it.

If you consider yourself not to need hearing to communicate with the world(not just deaf people), I see no reason why you would not want to use the capital D because you've made that choice.
Click to expand...

Until I was told otherwise, this is how I always thought it worked. I thought the distinction between being culturally hearing/deaf or Deaf was based on personal choice, not personal history. Then some started telling me it was based on history, and the past negative experiences I had with elitist Deaf reinforced that. It left me feeling pretty hopeless.

You would think with as much discrimination as Deaf get in a hearing world, they would understand about not being so rude and exclusive and hurting those that qualify for inclusion even if not by their personal standards. I always found it really hypocritical how a Deaf person could complain about discrimination and being left out and then turn around and discriminate and exclude someone like me. I have no place to talk about how it "should" be in Deaf culture, but it just seems to me that if you have hearing loss, that's enough to qualify you for belonging to the Deaf community, at least eventually, if you choose the culture and language of the Deaf. I feel the elitism is unnecessary and hurtful. But what do I know?
 
Lily7 said:
Thank you for all the responses so far. Keep 'em coming, I'm really interested in a wide variety of viewpoints on this matter. Especially from d/Deaf and HoH.

You are all so nice. :) I have to admit I was nervous posting here, because I've had more Deaf be rude to me than not in the past, maybe it is where I live but most seemed to be very elitist and hold a grudge against me because I was raised culturally hearing and could read lips and speak. Those experiences have made me hesitant to even try to insert myself into the local Deaf community. I always intend to go to the Deaf Chat Coffees at Starbucks, but I chicken out at the last minute.



Until I was told otherwise, this is how I always thought it worked. I thought the distinction between being culturally hearing/deaf or Deaf was based on personal choice, not personal history. Then some started telling me it was based on history, and the past negative experiences I had with elitist Deaf reinforced that. It left me feeling pretty hopeless.

You would think with as much discrimination as Deaf get in a hearing world, they would understand about not being so rude and exclusive and hurting those that qualify for inclusion even if not by their personal standards. I always found it really hypocritical how a Deaf person could complain about discrimination and being left out and then turn around and discriminate and exclude someone like me. I have no place to talk about how it "should" be in Deaf culture, but it just seems to me that if you have hearing loss, that's enough to qualify you for belonging to the Deaf community, at least eventually, if you choose the culture and language of the Deaf. I feel the elitism is unnecessary and hurtful. But what do I know?
Click to expand...

You're right.
 
Being bilateral DEAF since December 20, 2006 whether the "Militant deaf/Deaf/DEAF" agree with my classification-hardly matters.
Perhaps having a Cochlear Implant since Aug/07 does have an "impact on one's thinking".

Just continue living your life as previous using the implant(assuming one fits the criteria for implantation!)

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07
 
Lily7: Be around people who celebrate you, not tolerate you. Anything is possible for you, your friend was wrong in saying that about you. Never regret how you were raised, your parent's did what they felt was best for you at that time. Maybe you don't understand it now, but eventually you will appreciate it. Don't get hung up about being accepted by people, no one is going to accept you until you accept yourself.
 
Lily7, I am in the same boat, but I am, for the last 5 1/2 years, "total deaf". I am forced to be in the hearing word due to my family, but I am becoming more and more a past of the Deaf world. Because I am finally learning enough sign, I am participating in my local Deaf community, and I have learned so much here on AllDeaf, I now feel like I am both deaf and Deaf.
 
I think your friend was rude and mean-spirited for saying that. Reminds me of people who have lived in a certain place for ages and tell newcomers "you'll never be one of us, since you didn't grow up here."

Faahhh on them. Be yourself. You have your own history; it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of. If you want to continue learning ASL, keep on taking classes and get out and meet ASL-using people wherever you can. Don't worry about labels; labels are for canned goods, not for people.
 
The opposite direction is also possible, IMO. So the Deaf can become deaf, if so wished.
 
I was deaf and now I am Deaf.
 
I actually think that saying that you're either Deaf or deaf, is like saying you're either male or female. Our binary classfication system is rediclois. I do think that there are a lot of us who are "in between"
I know SO many hoh folks who don't identify as Deaf simply b/cthey didn't even grow up attending a dhh program or even very much exposure to other dhh kids (the way kids who got to go to Clarke/CID etc did) but yet at the same time they strongly strongly identify as almost culturally Deaf, even thou they may not even be fluent in ASL.
 
I am d/hh although I consider myself more deaf than hoh. Why? Because I feel more at ease here with people who understand me than with my hearing family that doesn't understand.

I'm learning ASL - but I am nowhere near fluent. I don't know if I will be Deaf, but I figure, what the heck? It's just a label, like Nike or Adidas.

I was raised orally, totally mainstreamed with little to no support services. I struggled in school. When I had an FM my grades were good, when it was taken away, my grades plummeted. When I got my HA, my grades improved, although I chose to not wear my HA mostly because my parents forced it on me, to the point of literally having to wear it from the time I got up until I went to bed. I wasn't allowed to use CC on the TV even. I never did like my school years. Sometimes I wish I had been sent to ASD or at least had adequate support services.

Today, if I could, I would use ASL as my preferred language. I still have enough hearing to enjoy music (at loud levels). I just wish my family would accommodate me sometimes. My mom is like the only language she speaks is English and that's it! She says she's not required to learn a new language and so she isn't going to do it.

Well at least I know now when my hearing goes completely, we will have a hard time communicating.

I have thought about starting a deaf coffee chat at our local starbucks in Rsvl, but I don't know how to go about it to get it rolling. We have deafies, we just need to get together.
 
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