Can deaf ever become Deaf?

[Tousi]

I am d/hh although I consider myself more deaf than hoh. Why? Because I feel more at ease here with people who understand me than with my hearing family that doesn't understand.

I'm learning ASL - but I am nowhere near fluent. I don't know if I will be Deaf, but I figure, what the heck? It's just a label, like Nike or Adidas.

I was raised orally, totally mainstreamed with little to no support services. I struggled in school. When I had an FM my grades were good, when it was taken away, my grades plummeted. When I got my HA, my grades improved, although I chose to not wear my HA mostly because my parents forced it on me, to the point of literally having to wear it from the time I got up until I went to bed. I wasn't allowed to use CC on the TV even. I never did like my school years. Sometimes I wish I had been sent to ASD or at least had adequate support services.

Today, if I could, I would use ASL as my preferred language. I still have enough hearing to enjoy music (at loud levels). I just wish my family would accommodate me sometimes. My mom is like the only language she speaks is English and that's it! She says she's not required to learn a new language and so she isn't going to do it.

Well at least I know now when my hearing goes completely, we will have a hard time communicating.

I have thought about starting a deaf coffee chat at our local starbucks in Rsvl, but I don't know how to go about it to get it rolling. We have deafies, we just need to get together.

What is your idea/understanding of what it is like to be Deaf?

 

[Dixie]

What is your idea/understanding of what it is like to be Deaf?

To be Deaf to me means you grew up learning ASL along side with learning English. You may or may not have been sent to a school for the deaf, but at least you have/had support services. You were raised to embrace your deafness, not be ashamed of it like I was. Or at least that is what my understanding has been thus far. Maybe being Deaf means you are accepted by other Deafs, not just deaf.

I wish I could be Deaf, but I'm just not there. I would love to be in a place where I had deaf/Deaf friends whom I could socialize with on a regular basis, go do things with them. Do all the things people with friends do. So far I have one friend whom I see on a regular basis, but I don't know how she will react when I get my HA. She said she dated a deaf girl who knew ASL, but she couldn't deal with the communication. I don't know.

So I guess I wish that deaf and Deaf was really the same thing, but clearly it's not.

 

[Bebonang]

I was deaf and now I am Deaf.

Shel, I am the same like you, too.

 

[rebeccalj]

Thank you for all the responses so far. Keep 'em coming, I'm really interested in a wide variety of viewpoints on this matter. Especially from d/Deaf and HoH.

You are all so nice. I have to admit I was nervous posting here, because I've had more Deaf be rude to me than not in the past, maybe it is where I live but most seemed to be very elitist and hold a grudge against me because I was raised culturally hearing and could read lips and speak. Those experiences have made me hesitant to even try to insert myself into the local Deaf community. I always intend to go to the Deaf Chat Coffees at Starbucks, but I chicken out at the last minute.



Until I was told otherwise, this is how I always thought it worked. I thought the distinction between being culturally hearing/deaf or Deaf was based on personal choice, not personal history. Then some started telling me it was based on history, and the past negative experiences I had with elitist Deaf reinforced that. It left me feeling pretty hopeless.

You would think with as much discrimination as Deaf get in a hearing world, they would understand about not being so rude and exclusive and hurting those that qualify for inclusion even if not by their personal standards. I always found it really hypocritical how a Deaf person could complain about discrimination and being left out and then turn around and discriminate and exclude someone like me. I have no place to talk about how it "should" be in Deaf culture, but it just seems to me that if you have hearing loss, that's enough to qualify you for belonging to the Deaf community, at least eventually, if you choose the culture and language of the Deaf. I feel the elitism is unnecessary and hurtful. But what do I know?

Deaf is an identity that you, and only you, can decide for yourself if that identity fits when you look into a mirror. Who do you see look back?

I was born deaf and for the first part of my life was labelled HoH by family; with a little whisper behind the hand to go along with it. Like it was a dirty little secret. Like I was broken but 'we don't need to let anyone else know.'

In the hopes that I might be able to, by some miracle, be hearing, my mother thought it best to strip me of my first language (ASL) and dump me into mainstream school and 'learn' how to hear. :roll: Uh, that did not work so well. But I compensated, like other deaf children, and learned to read lips and facial expressions and body language along with other visual cues.

I *always* knew I was different. I *always* felt like I did not belong.

I posted this, a few months back, but it is an example of how my *own* journey toward my identity finally came full circle.

I'm not a religious person but your post made me think of the story of Moses. Born to a culture that he never felt like he belonged to. He just felt 'different' from the Egyptians. It was only when he discovered that he was a Jew did he *finally* understand his heritage and culture and embraced it. Like a light went on for him.

For me, I was the same. Once I found *my people* I knew I was home but I didn't know I was looking for them until I found them.

Maybe the reason that you feel like you are being 'rejected' is that you still have not accepted who you are and others sense it? Or, maybe they would accept you if *YOU* accepted you.

Deaf is a journey toward a culture and an identity. 'deaf' to me is just a medical term.

I also went through what you describe. A sense of being 'rejected' because I was in-between worlds/communities. I couldn't communicate with the Deaf and I couldn't communicate with hearies. It took a lot of soul searching to figure out which community I identified with. It was as though there was a fork in the road and, depending on which road I took, my life would forever be identified with that destination.

My wish is that you are able to find the community that you identify with that makes you feel whole and, regardless if you can be fluent in ASL, or just use pen and paper, you will embrace it 100%. When you embrace your culture 100% it is easy for those in that culture to embrace you right back.

I'm Deaf and damn proud of it!

You might want to check out this thread. Very informative.
http://www.alldeaf.com/deaf-educati...like-their-life-ruined-mainstream-school.html

 

[deafbajagal]

Be yourself, and be happy with yourself. Go and jump in the water! You can't learn to swim until you get wet.

Welcome to the DEAF world.

 

[drphil]

Perhaps an interesting "cross section of various deaf/Deaf/DEAF persons" here.

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07

 

[Bottesini]

Perhaps an interesting "cross section of various deaf/Deaf/DEAF persons" here.

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07

There are. And it's about the only place you really see that. I enjoy the opportunity immensely.

 

[deafdyke]

To be Deaf to me means you grew up learning ASL along side with learning English. You may or may not have been sent to a school for the deaf, but at least you have/had support services. You were raised to embrace your deafness, not be ashamed of it like I was. Or at least that is what my understanding has been thus far. Maybe being Deaf means you are accepted by other Deafs, not just deaf.

I wish I could be Deaf, but I'm just not there. I would love to be in a place where I had deaf/Deaf friends whom I could socialize with on a regular basis, go do things with them. Do all the things people with friends do. So far I have one friend whom I see on a regular basis, but I don't know how she will react when I get my HA. She said she dated a deaf girl who knew ASL, but she couldn't deal with the communication. I don't know.

So I guess I wish that deaf and Deaf was really the same thing, but clearly it's not.

Yeah but you're not "Oh boohoohoo, it's SO horrid being deaf!" the way certain members of certain "hearing health 101" organizations are. You're Deafqueer.

 

[Dixie]

Yeah but you're not "Oh boohoohoo, it's SO horrid being deaf!" the way certain members of certain "hearing health 101" organizations are. You're Deafqueer.

Now that's a new one: Deafqueer. I will have to look this up.

 

[dogmom]

when I was in 10% Society at my university, there were several students in it who ID'd as Genderqueer or Transqueer.

 

[deafdyke]

when I was in 10% Society at my university, there were several students in it who ID'd as Genderqueer or Transqueer.

That's where I came up with the term actually. Genderqueer means you don't fit into a rigid binary gender classfication system. I'm really into gender theory, and so much of radical gender theory is VERY simlair to deaf theory.

 

[SilentRider]

Hi, I lost my hearing at age 3 from spinal meningitis .. learned both see and asl. Learned see St pre-school to middle high, learned asl from the deaf. But at home only mom knew see. But my 2 bro and dad expected me to lipread. So I grew up hopping from both worlds.. so yep I've seen the way ppl group up in both worlds. Thankfully I loved being outside and active and bonded with skateboarders, sports, snowboarders, video gamers, dirt bikers and street bikers. That I'd go zzzzzzz if I was on a room with ppl who consider themselves eliteist in asl or snobs in hearing world. Alot of times they can be arrogant and belittle the see signers or beginners. It gets on my nerves and I'd prefer to party with everyone than chat about empty things.. find a hobby and share with a friend it makes communication more real and fun!
There's stuff I hate and love about both worlds. Find yours and develop your personality ! Screw those who say otherwise.

 

[Dixie]

Ah, now that's a good way to explain it. 'Deafqueer' means I don't quite fit the criteria for hearing but I also don't fit the criteria for Deaf either. I'm in between. But I'm Ok with that.

 

[KarissaMann05]

I was deaf, later, now I am Deaf.

It should be up to you to identify yourself.

 

[DeafCaroline]

Is my friend mistaken, or is it true that despite being deaf I will never be Deaf, no matter how much I immerse myself in the culture and language?

I think everyone defines Deaf in their own way. Don't let your friend define you, for Deaf is not just how you grew up or where you went to school. Deaf is also a state of mind. And that you've got.

 

[AJWSmith]

That's where I came up with the term actually. Genderqueer means you don't fit into a rigid binary gender classfication system. I'm really into gender theory, and so much of radical gender theory is VERY simlair to deaf theory.

Paddy Ladd explicitly makes this link in his book 'Understanding Deaf Culture: In Search of Deafhood'

 

[DeafRaptor]

Lily, I feel that we are on the same journey. I was born "hard of hearing" starting with mild to moderate hearing loss. At a pediatrician's office, I failed a hearing test, but they attributed it to me being uncooperative. Later, I failed again when I had my first hearing test at school. It finally clicked and they recollected how my language development had lagged behind . Unfortunately, they didn't do much to find the cause or learn about my prognosis (over the 16 years of my education, my hearing has continued to decline and I am now partially in the moderate range before it just drops like a stone into severe/profound).

I don't blame my parents, just the doctors and school system who just decided that I was "good enough". My parents weren't told about ASL or deaf schools, so like Dixie and Rebeccalj I was given hearing aids and mainstreamed. During school, I never paid attention to the teachers or the other kids. I knew I was there to learn, so I was going to learn the only way I could, which was by reading and using my head.

They wanted so bad for me to be oral, so I also had to have speech therapy, which I hated as the therapist was always trying to put unrealistic expectations on me. So now, I may "sound" like I am perfectly hearing when speaking (according to strangers when they learn that I can't hear like them), but I clutter my words because I have to think too much about how I am speaking and about controlling the volume of my voice. Even though I had a large need to develop a skill in lip-reading if I wanted to be included in conversations, I can barely use lip-reading and only if I hear most of what is said and use lip-reading to fill in a couple blanks.

Some people looking at my audiogram over the years and my "oral success" may think that mainstreaming was the logical choice for me, but I believe that I would have excelled so much further had I had ASL as my primary language and it was used in my instruction. I also believe that I would not have been so severely socially held back (I made my first friend at age 27 and I will be 29 in February). Because my hearing was "good enough" according to the Hearing World's standards, I grew up feeling that it was my obligation to be "hard of hearing" (to always work hard at being hearing, but never being able to achieve simply "hearing"). Maybe you have felt that way too, maybe you are worried that the Deaf World will reject you because of that, and so Deaf people think any hesitancy on your part is that you are not committed to it rather than you worrying that the Deaf World won't be "committed" to you. So I can completely relate to your feelings about not fitting into the Hearing World and not (yet) fitting into the Deaf World.

I also learned about sign language for the first time in college as the university had a brand new ASL program. I met a few other deaf/hh people for the first time. I took everything (one deaf culture class, four ASL classes, and a few independent studies classes) that they offered and interacted with the Deaf Community there. It was A LOT easier to just use sign. After I graduated, it was a few years before I found other deaf or other signers again, so I sort of had to start again. It is slow, but I am committed. I mean to become fluent while I am young and be fully immersed into the Deaf Community, but that will take time.

About three months ago, I decided to give up hearing. It was a hard decision, because I know many "hearing" people would again look at my audiogram and see that I have enough usable hearing where hearing aids would help with spoken communication (not just ambiance noise). Like you, I don't want to be "hard of hearing" and just struggle for the rest of my life to try to stay in the hearing world (I've done enough already). Also, I was already living a lot of Deaf Culture, just didn't have the ASL or deaf school/community upbringing. I view myself like a wild child who has to acquire the proper language and instruction late in life, but I will get there and I will stop having to struggle. So it wasn't hard to toss out the audist views a lot of hearing people tried to ingrain in me (I was never comfortable with them and I never agreed with them to begin with).

Now I've been seeking out my local deaf community. I disagree with your friend; I believe that both you and I can get there and join the Deaf World. There may be Deaf people we come across on our journey who will look down on us because of our past, but I believe that the majority of the Deaf World is much more accepting, especially since our journey there is not a fling or a phase, but our life. We didn't choose our upbringing, deafness and Deafness choose us, we are only allowing our hearts to find our home there. No more "hearing impaired" or "hard of hearing", I now consider myself deaf and am now on my way to embracing myself as Deaf too.

 

[rebeccalj]

It never seems to surprise me at how many of us mainstreamed deafies have had the same experience.

I'm *SO* glad I came out of the closet!

 

[Lily7]

Thank you SO much for all the responses, everyone. I am feeling a lot better about things, and now I am encouraged to seek my place in the Deaf world with everything I have and see where I land. To feel this way means a lot.

It is so nice to see so many people that can identify with what I am going through, too. Well, I mean, I am sorry that other people are going through it but I am glad I am not alone, lol.

Some people looking at my audiogram over the years and my "oral success" may think that mainstreaming was the logical choice for me, but I believe that I would have excelled so much further had I had ASL as my primary language and it was used in my instruction. I also believe that I would not have been so severely socially held back (I made my first friend at age 27 and I will be 29 in February). Because my hearing was "good enough" according to the Hearing World's standards, I grew up feeling that it was my obligation to be "hard of hearing" (to always work hard at being hearing, but never being able to achieve simply "hearing"). Maybe you have felt that way too, maybe you are worried that the Deaf World will reject you because of that, and so Deaf people think any hesitancy on your part is that you are not committed to it rather than you worrying that the Deaf World won't be "committed" to you. So I can completely relate to your feelings about not fitting into the Hearing World and not (yet) fitting into the Deaf World.

I have DEFINITELY felt that way. I am changing, though. I am flat out tired, and ready to not have to try so hard to be something I will never truly be.

 

[moggy]

Big D

You know, I really, truly do not like this categorization of us deafies.....that path just leads to nowhere good....I say we are Deaf, irregardless of who we are.

Herein lies the whole problem segregation between us deaf /hard of hearing.

I felt put off by associating with big D as i am not totally deaf. Well have use of some hearing which is not much good in the hearing world. So i consider my deaf. I was born like this too.

This is so confusing. I suppose that it all depends on the persons big D's people that you associate with as to wether they let you join in with them. If you think you are a big D go for it.